Am I Wrong for Not Wanting To See My Husband’s Family?

[Music] brought to you by chm a biblically based alternative to health insurance learn more at chministries.org budget my question is am I in the wrong because I don't want to go on a spring break trip with my husband and daughter to visit their sck Grandma O wow okay what's the heart behind it yes you're wrong I don't is there more context cont is that it the context is we're in baby step two um and we had already invested about $800 to get a plane ticket for just my daughter to go out and visit grandma and Grandma has been battling cancer for years and um she's probably on her last year um and so we definitely wanted her to spend time with her but that's what the we had discussed and then today my husband says why don't we all go and I'm just not sure that's the right thing to do so he he's going with or without you to see his mom sounds like it the other um it's so it's his grandma so my daughter's great grandma okay and um the stipulation I guess that's important is Grandma's willing to foot the bill to pay for our tickets okay can she afford that my other she can my she's got a paid off house you know she's invested well she's ready to spend her money at the end of her life but you know my thing is I'm missing out on um an opportunity to earn money when it's spring break I'm a school teacher and so um when when I'm on break that's a great time for me to pick up extra jobs and make more money um and my son can still go to daycare um but I am going to miss out on that opportunity to make money and pay off our debt if we go on this trip how much are you talk I mean how much can you earn in a week $500 $600 how much debt are you guys in um we've got um 11,000 in a car that should be paid off by March um due to cashing out a whole life plan and then we have my husband's student onths how much is that um 60,000 okay so the current trajectory when is all this Deb going to be paid off all 71,000 with your household income it if I continue working um then in 18 months okay and if you skip this extra week of work that would have amounted to $500 it would slow it down to 17.7 months yeah okay well N I just want to make sure we like that's really what we're talking about no this has nothing to do with that you're mad at your husband yes because you want to stay at home and you're having to work to pay off his student loans yes yes yes you have to get to the root of this thing because on its face let me just say you can feel however you want to feel your feelings are yours and you get to do them and there's lots of of spouses that go visit family members that don't want to but they do it and if it's Grandma's last year of her life and she's offering to pay to fly everybody to say goodbye one more time then if you can do that I would say do that but you've got to address your anger and maybe it's not holy at your husband maybe it's at just life and you love him and you're glad you married him and all this stuff but it just what it is what it is you need you need need to address that because you're creating a life that you are resentful of does that make sense that sounds that sounds true am like okay so okay I was G make sure I'm not crazy like so have that conversation with yourself and with him CU right now for him he thinks he just figured it out oh we can all go and it's going to be free for us got it I mean and and and if you don't want to go and you need to work and you've already committed spring break's just a few weeks from now if you've already committed then say I got to commute my commitment and if this is the last year we're all going to be going back anyway for the funeral you know the next year so if that's the case that's the case but I'd much rather you deal with what's really going on here which is you're stuck in a situation having to work when you want to be home with your baby and it's real frustrating yeah I mean tell tell me I'm bananas you're not I think you were able to justify tension in my body yeah I can hear it through the phone man you're you've been trying to justify it by going well we're in debt I could make more money it will speed it up and we just prove with math that it's point three months of you know it's really not about that but I I do think relationships are not convenient family is not convenient Health crises are not convenient and that's a part of life on the baby steps and so we would tell you hey this is really important to your family you might need to just pause and take the trip and let it slow it down by a few weeks and we'll make it up on the back end but right now I think you might need to be there for your husband or the other side if being around grandma and her family aunts and uncles are going to be there make you sick to your stomach there's been they've said ugly things about you whatever then have that honest conversation because it's going to be bewildering to your husband who doesn't know that you were this against going or you're this frustrated with the life that you're leading and he's not going to be able to figure out over $400 that you're or 500 bucks that you may earn over a spring break week you know what I mean yes I know what you mean I think I need to be honest with myself about where the anger is coming from and have that conversation there you go and if you get to the end and you still still don't want to go don't go but just be honest about why you're not going and if every um George this is kind of epidemic levels of people opting out of family because they're annoying or they're man sometimes you just go sometimes you go and you sit by your husband you sit by your wife and you hold their hand and make sure they're not alone when they're going through a really hard moment right and again you and I don't know if this scrim all meant to him if if it's hard for her husband to share this that hey here's really why I want you to go yeah yeah yeah yeah what I'm guessing is happening is he sees how stressed she gets and how frustrated she gets when she has to work this extra week and he thinks he just solved it he's like oh dude trip expenses play trip and I get to see Grandma but we get to go to Texas and she's like I hate all of my life and you and not really hate but you know what I mean so yeah sometimes getting to the root of the root of the root of the issue is where we got to go absolutely chm isn't health insurance it's a health cost sharing Ministry check it out for yourself at chministries.org budget