Can True Love Be Found Online?

Today might be the worst time in our history to be single. Precipitous decline in marriage. These dating apps keep people locked in an endless cycle of matches and rejections and many end up feeling more disconnected and lonely than before. We are constantly being bombarded by notifications from our devices. We're getting used to talking to people from afar and when it comes to dating, most young adults are too afraid to shoot their shot in person. So we're heading online to find love. It is so easy to just download an app, swipe left and right, message an unmatched and pick only the most perfect option out there. But at what cost? Are we missing out on real love by being too scared to approach strangers in real life? How can you take the right steps to find your special someone? And finally, can true love really be found online? Well, at least for me, that answer has been a huge yes. What's your relationship status? It's complicated. I am in a relationship. I'm single. Single. I'm single. Have you ever used a dating app in your life? I've used Hinge. I have in the past, but I don't currently. Once and I used Tinder. I was like, oh, this is kind of fun. And then when people would match with you and then they text you, I'd freak out. And I thought they'd be like some serial killer. And I never went through on a date. Never went on a date? No, never. Why did you decide to get on dating apps? To be honest, it's just like putting yourself out there just to see what you get back. Because I just wanted to meet people and get to know other personalities, see what else is out there. And it's really difficult to meet people organically, whether that's a fault of my own shyness. But it was just a quick and easy way to get a lot of people talking to you really fast. Maybe because nowadays it's a bit hard to find the right places to meet people and online dating. Now it's become more normal and common. So it's easy to join and not feel like it's a weird thing. And what are your thoughts on them so far? I hate it. That's just me personally. I'm more someone that prefers things to happen organically. Honestly, I just feel like every time I go on a dating app, I just read the profile of a guy and I just know too much about him already. Like the way he presents himself, I'm like, no, that's not for me. I think I would be happier if they didn't exist. It was just more a smash or pass game. The conversations have been dry and dull because everyone's attention span is like a goldfish now. So you talk to someone for five seconds and they're over you, they ghost you and you haven't done anything wrong, but they're just bored. If dating apps didn't exist, we'd see somebody that we find attractive and we'd say, OK, if not now, when? Like, when am I ever going to run into this person? It didn't seem so much to be about getting in a relationship as much as like the act of swiping through. It seemed more like it's more of a game than anything. It's not really about finding a relationship. OK, so this is Sharon. Sharon is my girlfriend. The reason why I have Sharon on this episode is because Sharon and I actually met online, on Instagram. When he first started Outspout and he wanted to gain more followers, he was commenting on a bunch of people's posts. And one of the profiles I came across was Sharon's health page. And one day there, I decided to try to message this guy. So I messaged one night. We spoke that whole night until very late and then we never stopped speaking after that. We just started liking each other more and more, but we had never met. I decided I should take a trip essentially to meet William. Sharon basically decided without ever having FaceTimed me, called me, spoken to me, but only having really seen my YouTube videos that she was going to fly across the country and come spend the weekend to meet me. In hindsight, it sounds crazy. I'm very aware of that. And then I was planning to take a one-month trip in Western Canada for the first time in my life. And one month turned into four months. And we lived together for the entirety of those four months. We've clearly both done crazy things during the pandemic. Yeah, all stemming from online dating. What's your worst dating experience? I went on this one date. He seemed like a great guy, PhD candidate, really intelligent, older than me. He asked me what I do for a living and I told him that I'm a science writer. And he said, oh, come on now, you're a woman. You can't be smarter than me. By the end of dinner, I had spent about two hours listening to him call women fat, ugly, stupid, this and that as I'm sitting there insulting me. This was from a dating app? Yes, this was from Hinge. I dated this guy for a little bit and it was my birthday. And we went out to the club and we like ordered a bunch of stuff. And then he gave me the bill. No way. Yeah, on my birthday. I thought he paid for like my drink or something, but he didn't. And he gave me the bill and it was like $300 and everybody else felt so bad. So they all pitched in. What is the problem with today's dating world? It's so hard to find like your person. Everyone has all these like barriers and it's hard to be open. We hide behind screens and it's hard to be vulnerable with someone. They always want to be on the right side of things. And so they're scared to get hurt. And I think that psychs them out a lot. I know a bunch of people who will get discouraged after one, two, three not so great dates. I feel like people now, they have too much choice. So they don't settle down because they know they can find something else easily. And I feel like today's dating generation is more just about like hookup culture and stuff. It's not really my thing. And you think the online apps, you think that caused it? Yeah, it did because it just created some patterns that everybody followed. And right now it's so anchored in our society that it's very hard to like get out of it. Yeah, it's kind of a weird validation thing. I'm not getting matches with certain people that I maybe would like to get matches with. And then I take that into the real world. And I'm like, she would never be into me because I've never seen that type of person like me on Tinder. Yeah. Well, the interesting thing is Sharon and I didn't try to meet online. We just so happened to have done that. I think from me having created my profile, I show people a little bit about who I am and what I'm interested in. That's the same thing with your health profile. So when Sharon and I met, for me to have reached out to her on her Instagram, it means I already was interested in some parts of her. And when Sharon messaged me, that's because she was able to see the same thing. Just because I think the connection was so important that we didn't care how we were meeting or the fact that it was online. Sometimes it just works. And like you shouldn't be so closed off to it because you never know what will happen. Have you ever been in love? I guess I've been in love for what I knew love was at the time when I was here. Yes, so many times. What is love? Oh, what is love? Oh my God. Like you're spinning round and around on a Ferris wheel and the operator has disappeared and you're just stuck going round and around. And you like it when it's low and you get scared when it's high, but then you always come back low and then you always end up going high because there's no one there to manage the wheel. Someone that you feel like fully comfortable with. Love is really just like finding that person that will have your back no matter what. Do you think you can find that love online? I think it's possible. I think it's easier to tell though when you've known a person for a bit. I think it could, but I also think that in person would have a bit more exciting nerves. This is a story of the most improbable thing that Sharon and I did a few months ago when we went from complete strangers to living together for three months. And I'm about to fly to Vancouver. I'm so nervous right now. It's not even funny. That's a big bag. Should we go on a date now? I come pick him up at the airport and that's all I get. Hi, I'm Sharon. So after this whole day, what is your takeaways or whatever just from this whole experience? I would say, first of all, great decision to do so. Taking risks, I'd say. Turning out very well for us. I'm wondering why I'm not taking this with your camera. We've just been doing this for like five minutes. It's been like two. You gotta get the... You're cute. This is Southern California. Naturally, as someone who loves to hike, I know where I'm going. And that's Runyon Canyon. Naturally, with someone who doesn't like to hike. Hi, Will. Should we leave him down there? I think so. Here you go. Now you're a real California girl. So the second day that we met was a Sunday and I religiously watched the NFL during its season on Sundays. Even though I had just met Sharon, I was not going to break that religion. So I suggested to Sharon on that day before the football game that we would go to the market and just get a bunch of different foods because I knew that was something that she would be interested in. Little did I know that we ended up picking a bunch of different ingredients up and Sharon made me a charcuterie board from scratch with very minimal tools in the hotel room while I was watching the football game. And when I saw that board... I think that's the moment that he knew he loved me. He saw the charcuterie board and he's like, that's it. I want her. So here we are in Paris and this is what Sharon has been dreaming of doing for such a long time since we met, since she first came to Montreal and discovered she loves French culture. And so we're trying to bring it full circle here and have a little picnic with all the same ingredients that we got on that first day, but in Paris. What's the most genuine way to meet someone? Meeting someone on a project at work or like more organic and then you get to know the person and then you go ahead. I think it's more comfortable to meet someone online actually, because if it's online, it feels more like you've chosen me or I've chosen you based on what your profile says about you. I always think it's interesting when you have a solid friendship as a foundation and then you build on that. I think as a student, it's probably easy to meet people through other friends or through work. I mean, I've been with other people in the past that I've met organically. And I think like once you get to know someone, you get to know somebody. So whether it happens online initially or organically, like either way, you're going to get to know the person and decide if you want to be with them and the rest is history. If you could give one piece of advice to anybody to make meaningful connections in the world, find true love. I never listen to my own advice, but just be yourself and also put up your boundaries, because otherwise you're not going to end up with someone who's going to respect them and it's not going to work. Don't be afraid to get hurt. The worst case scenario is that you never try at all. My approach is to look at the older generations and to pull a lot of wisdom from them as much as I can, because they are more grounded in the way that they approach love and they fight through it and they work hard for it. It's not the Disney fairy tale. It's not, oh, boom, soulmate done. It's constant effort and choice that that's okay. You're my person and I'm going to commit my life to you, no matter what. Just put yourself out there. You can find things that you really appreciate about somebody else that might be totally dissimilar to what you do and who you are. And whether you meet on an app or organically, out there somewhere is someone who will just be head over heels for you. Go through life slowly, maybe. Appreciate the little things and if that translates into love, maybe as well. How do you appreciate someone? I guess you appreciate someone just for everything they have to offer and understanding them. We always want instant gratification and we're so impatient. We live in this culture that's instant. If we give people more of a chance, I think it won't be like that. I think we will be able to form connections. Where are we going? Going to Paris. So you believe that you can find love online? Yeah, I do. Because in our case, we get along great. We have similar interests. We have a very similar lifestyle in mind for the rest of our lives and we have this really big obstacle, which is the fact that we're long distance. But it's like if it's worth having, then it's worth working for. So to everyone who thinks they just want to date someone just in their vicinity, what are the chances you really are supposed to be with that person if you don't even have to work for it? That's just easy. So maybe the lesson is not looking at online dating as a bad or a good thing, but more so as a tool that can allow you to meet more people who come from different parts of the world that might make your life a lot more rich. And I have to say, it makes it a little more exciting. If true love can really be found online and you want to give yourself the best shot of finding it, first impressions are everything. There was like some spillage. I was like, I can't touch you anymore. I'm done. I prefer trim personally. I like the clean cut. Not overgrown bush. 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If you haven't already, we've got two channels, this one and a second one where we share our full live interviews. And number two, head to the link in the description and download our journal prompts. We've summed up every single question that we've asked each stranger in this video and made a whole document for you to be able to answer those questions yourself. Thanks for watching. And as always, it's a mindset. See you next week.