6 signs you're a "nice girl" in relationships

Sometimes we rationalize the fact that we're doormats, pushovers, or just horrendously insecure. Behind the facade that we are nice, we self-sacrifice to the extreme, we insist that our self-inflicted pain is martyrdom, and we silence ourselves when literally no one asked us to. Because we are being nice. So six signs you're a nice girl in your relationships are, one, you don't feel safe expressing your true feelings. Babe, did you have a chance to read my screenplay? Oh, I didn't get to it yet. Oh, okay. Sorry, is that okay? Yeah, no, it's fine. It's okay. Don't worry about it, babe. It's okay. Okay. Babe, it's okay. It's fine. Don't worry about it, babe. Just stop worrying about it. It's totally fine. It doesn't seem like it's okay. It's okay. It's fine. Babe. Stop worrying. Don't worry about it. It's okay that you didn't get to it yet. Babe! Two. You don't speak up for what you want. Madam President, it's up to you. Should we engage in nuclear war? Hmm. Ma'am, the enemy has breached the shore. They're here. Huh. Madam President, we need an answer now. They're invading. I repeat, they're invading. Yeah. What do you think? War? Yeah, war. War. Two. Yeah. One, one, two, three. Three. You believe that being feminine means being passive, so you never actively pursue or say what you actually want to do. Babe, what do you want to eat? What about this restaurant, babe? What do you want? Do you want a potato? Do you want bread? You want both? Babe, you're crazy. Okay, I'll put it in that order. Do you want to watch our shows? What show do you want to watch, babe? Babe, what show do you want to watch? That's a great suggestion, babe. We'll just watch what I want to watch. Okay, babe. I'm going to lift you up, babe. Okay, babe. Let's go to the couch, babe. I got you, babe. Now, we cuddle. Four. You're prone to obsessive thoughts, romanticizing, and fantasizing about new partners or relationships that will save you. Hello, fair maid. Let true love's kiss awaken thee. Halt, thee scoundrel, for true love is I. Step back, tiny peasant. This princess is mine. Oh, my God, fair princess. Which one of you will put me on your horse and lead me back to my castle, introduce me to thee mother, impregnate me with 15 children, and love me till the day I die? Wait, what? I think this one right here is going to do that. No, I didn't mean what I said about you. I'm just a scoundrel. No, he's very handsome. No, no. He's your prince. He loves moms. Five. You self-abandon to make others happy. What's that, Congress? There's someone stuck in the well. Well, we can't leave them alone. And finally, you try to control other people's experiences so that you can feel secure. So, being a nice girl doesn't mean that you're actually being nice. It means you're trying to control the perception that other people have of you. It means that you're conforming to an identity that you think is expected of you. It's also projecting a false image of yourself. And if it helps you really want to shed this compulsive need to be nice, guess what? It's pretty manipulative. Ooh! It does not feel very nice being a manipulative liar about who you are, does it? There you go. Go to therapy. I'm Anna Akana. Thank you to the patrons who supported today's video. And thank you, as always, to my father, Squarespace, for sponsoring today's episode. So, my biological father, Squarespace, makes it easy for creators to monetize their content and expertise in a way that fits their brand. With Member Areas, you can unlock a new revenue stream for your business and free up time in your schedule by selling access to gated content like videos, online courses, or newsletters. Plus, online booking and scheduling is available, making it easier than ever for clients to schedule classes or sessions. And they have easy access to your availability and can reschedule online, taking all the hassle out of coordinating calendars. If you're a content creator like myself using video, they have Video Studio, where you can create pro-level videos effortlessly. And their Video Studio app helps you make and share engaging videos so that you can tell your story, grow your audience, and most importantly, drive sales. Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and whenever you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com slash Anna to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Adios.