She Stopped Responding… What To Do When You Get Ghosted

Hi everyone, welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, I'm Courtney Ryan, and today we're talking all about being ghosted. So you've been ghosted, or at least I'm guessing so if you clicked on this video. Don't worry, I've been there too. And I'm gonna say that, and a lot of you are probably not going to believe me, so if you wanna hear the story of how I got ghosted and what happened to me, stick around because I'm gonna tell the story at the very end of the video. So maybe things were going really well, you had a date or two, and then out of nowhere, all of a sudden, communication totally shut off, poof, they're gone out of nowhere. You're probably sitting there wondering what the heck happened, and I'm gonna talk about that today. You're probably feeling a little bit confused, and I think it's incredibly normal to feel that way. This is a lot more common these days with the rise of dating apps and the wide array of options that most people have available at their fingertips, especially women, let's be honest. I think men experience ghosting a little bit more than women do, so just throwing that out there. So today I'm gonna be going over some advice I have for all of you guys that have experienced this, or maybe you're going through it. As well as some what to do and what not to do's in response to the ghosting. So point number one I want you guys to understand so that you feel a little less bad about it is to understand that it says more about them than it says about you. And it often has much more to do with the other person than it does about you. It's not always personal. Maybe they met someone else. Maybe they weren't feeling it with you and didn't wanna be mean, which I don't agree with. I think that we should all be honest. So the reason people do this is often not to be malicious or hurtful, but to really just avoid a tough conversation and conflict on their end. To put it simply, this person just really lacks the skills to be honest and upfront, which is not a good sign and says more about them than it says about you. While I think we can all agree that the world would be a much better place if we could all just be honest, understand that this is very normal and it happens a lot. And I have a feeling it's going to continue to do so with the rise of dating apps and social media in general. So understand that it's really not about you and it's just more about that person and their inability to have a tough conversation. So for someone watching this that ghosts people, understand that when you ghost someone, it actually ends up hurting a lot more typically than if you were to just have that honest conversation. And I think people do this for the exact opposite. They think that by just avoiding it or running away, that they're making things better when in reality, it just makes that other person more confused and it's just a worse way to handle it in general. So keep that in mind. Number two, it's a huge red flag. This is one of the number one red flags in the beginning of a relationship that are going to signal later on in the relationship that this person is emotionally unavailable or can't have tough conversations or always acts like everything's fine even though it's not. Red flags, all relationships require healthy communication and your partner's not a mind reader, right? So you have to be able to effectively communicate what you want, what you need from that person and then also how you're feeling. So if this person from the get-go cannot do this, that's normally a pretty big red flag that you're dodging. Honestly guys, I think that ghosting is pretty immature and really just signals that this person can't handle these conflicts or tough situations that come up in their lives. It's kind of a little window into what dating them might look like. Not all the time of course, this is not 100% of the time that this is a red flag but I do think a lot of the times it's people that really lack that confidence or lack the ability to have tough conversations, to address their problems, to face things head on and to get a little bit uncomfortable sometimes. It can also show low emotional intelligence, confidence and integrity. Not good. Tip number three that I have is that you don't need closure. I know in the moment it might feel like you do but I promise you, you don't and I'm gonna tell you why. If someone ghosted you, it says all you need to know about where you stand with them. There is no reason to beg them for closure. There is no reason to show up at their house asking them what went wrong because in the end it doesn't really matter. Overthinking it and overanalyzing it is only going to cause a headache for you and honestly it's just a waste of time because if they ghosted you, there's really nothing else to know. They didn't want to talk to you anymore and they weren't even honest enough with you to tell you that. So it's a red flag, it's a bullet dodged and you really don't need to sit there and overthink it. And it doesn't really matter why they ghosted you, right? Because in the end they still ghosted you and that really is just the reality of it. So begging for answers or trying to get answers out of someone that ghosted you is really just a waste of your time and I promise you, I know in that moment it really feels like you need answers as to why but really it doesn't matter why because they still ghosted you. And next here I have a couple little do's and don'ts for you guys just to make your experience a little bit less awful. Number one, do feel your feelings. I know that sounds silly but understand that it's okay to be sad about it. If you really liked someone and they ghosted you, it's okay to feel sad but let yourself feel those things so that you can move on from it. And it's very normal to be upset when something ends that you were excited about. So when I got ghosted, I'm pretty sure I sat in my room and cried for like a couple minutes. It's all right, we need a little cry session and then we get over it. So don't feel like you need to act like a jerk or be all high and mighty and say things like, well I didn't even like them anyway. It doesn't matter if you're sad, just accept the fact that you're a little bit sad, let yourself heal from it and then get over it. The biggest don't of all time that I have for you when it comes to ghosting is to not freak out and blow up their phone. If communication has slowed down with this person and they haven't necessarily ghosted you yet, I think it's okay to ask them what's up or maybe have a conversation about that and bring it up. If they ghosted and you absolutely insist on sending a message, I think you can send one and then be done. Say what you need to say. I don't recommend this actually. I would recommend just not saying anything. If they ghosted you, again like I mentioned earlier in the video, it says everything you need to know about where they stand with you. So there really is no need to send one last message. I guarantee you're not going to change their mind and at this point, why would you want to? Blowing up their phone or acting really angry and crazy about it is not going to do anything but justify their decision to ghost you. They're gonna be like, wow, really dodged a bullet with this one, look how he reacted to this or whatever it might be. So understand that by blowing up their phone or going crazy, it really just makes you look bad. And look, I also get it. Ghosting is not the right thing to do. I don't recommend people ghost. The world would be a much better place without ghosting if everyone could just be honest. But unfortunately, that's not the reality. So you don't want to make yourself look bad too. So handle it as a gentleman, handle it with grace. If you're a woman watching this, I would say the same thing to you. I have been guilty of doing this in the past and it made me look stupid. So I'm trying to save you all and do you a favor. So now the moment I'm sure some of you have been waiting for the story of how I got ghosted. So here we go. My sophomore year of college, I was talking to this guy for probably two to three months, I would say. I think I saw him a couple times a week for a few months. So we were not like official or anything but I definitely felt like his girlfriend at this point. We were hanging out all the time. He was taking me out to eat. I mean, we were pretty much hanging out on a weekly basis, a couple times a week. So this one night in particular, I was getting ready to go over to his apartment. We were gonna hang out, maybe go out to dinner. And out of nowhere, he just stopped texting me back. We had plans to hang out and then he just didn't text me. So I'm like, okay, maybe he fell asleep or something. I sent him like one more message. And then the next day comes and I don't hear from him but he watched my Snapchat story. And I was like, all right, well, this sucks. So he ended up ghosting me, obviously. And I think I sent him another message just saying like, hey, I really wish you could have just had a conversation with me and we could have talked about it if you weren't feeling it or something was off. I would have rather you just told me. I was just very honest about how I was feeling. And looking back, I wouldn't even send that message because it wasn't worth it, it didn't change anything. And I didn't get any closure out of anything. So he ended up giving a bunch of dumb reasons as to why he ghosted me. But in the end, it would have just been better if he could have just been honest about that. So I was going abroad the next year and he was talking about how he didn't wanna get serious because I was leaving and whatever, which made total sense. And if he would have just sat down and had that conversation with me, I would have 100% understood. Of course, I probably would have been disappointed but I would have been okay and I would have gotten over it. So it actually hurt a lot worse that he ghosted me. So yeah, for all of you that say I haven't been ghosted, I have, by someone that I was legitimately dating for probably two and a half, three months. So that one stung a little bit more because it was someone that I trusted and had been seeing. So it wasn't just some random guy that I met online that didn't text me back. This was a person that I had been hanging out with every single week for up to three months. And then after I got back from being abroad, of course, then he wanted to text me all the time and talk to me and whatever it was. So just don't ghost people. It says all you need to know about where you stand with them. And if I could go back to the situation that I was in, I would tell myself, Courtney, you don't need closure. You don't need to send a text telling him you wish you would have done this and this and whatever it is because in the end, it really does not matter the reason why they ghosted you. That's all it is. All you can do is be a gentleman or just handle it with grace and move on and understand that the right person for you will not ghost you. All right, guys, that is all I have for my deep dive into being ghosted. I hope you all found this video helpful. If you did, be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to be in the loop for when I release new content. If you haven't already, be sure to follow me on Instagram at CourtneyChristineRyan. I love connecting with all of you guys on there as well. Let me know down in the comments below if you've ever been ghosted, if you've ghosted someone. I would just love to hear your stories and get a conversation going to help out some of the other people watching down below. So as always, thank you all so much for watching and I will see you all next time.