Signs You're Being Desperate & Clingy (You Need To STOP)

Hi everyone. Welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, I'm Courtney Ryan. And today we're going over some signs that you might be acting clingy and desperate and more importantly, how to put an end to this behavior so that we don't do that going forward. I think sometimes we don't realize that we're doing things until someone points it out to us. So I'm here to hold your hand crossing a little rainbow bridge today and we're going to get over being clingy and desperate because I don't want any of you acting like that. All right, so getting straight into it. Number one, you're blowing up her phone. Not literally, I hope, but you're texting her too much. You are checking to see if she texted you back 24 seven. Maybe she's busy at work and you've sent her 20 messages. Okay. I really want you to take a step back, take a chill pill and understand that you should not have to talk to someone 24 seven. Maybe you're getting on Instagram every 10 seconds to see if she opened your message or if she got the meme that you sent her. I mean, really, I think this is becoming a lot more common as you know, we're on our phones more with the rise of social media. There's always something to be checking or doing. Are you checking to see if she's active on Facebook? I mean, there are really so many different situations that could be present here, but I think you can come across really obsessive if you're sending like a million messages to her and she hasn't even opened them or responded to you. So you really want to be cautious of doing this. Again, I'm not saying you need to be overanalyzing everything that you're doing, but I think sometimes I've seen a lot of guys do this and not even realize that it's a problem and you just come across really desperate and obsessive, which is never a good look. Say you were busy at work and your girlfriend expected you to text her 24 seven, even though you don't have your phone or you're trying to get work done or your boss is looking at all the work you're doing. It would be pretty annoying right for your girlfriend to be acting like this. Now put yourself in her situation. You don't want to be acting like that to her either. If someone's at work or someone is busy or whatever, they shouldn't have to text you 24 seven. And if you need to text someone 24 seven all day, every day to feel secure about where you stand with them, that's a big issue. And I think this is really a big issue when you're in the beginning stages of a relationship, right? Say you're messaging her on dating apps or you just got her number and you started texting and you show this behavior immediately. So say you were messaging back and forth on a dating app and she didn't text you back. And then you send a message saying something about how she's horrible because she didn't reply. You can't make this up. I've seen so many cringy videos of guys doing this. They get really upset. They get really offended that the girl doesn't reply. And look, I get it. Rejection sucks. It stinks when someone goes to you or doesn't let you know how they feel about you. But really in the very beginning stages of talking to someone, they do not owe you that, right? Sometimes they're just talking to a bunch of people on dating app and they just totally miss your message or they're talking to someone else. If you've only exchanged two messages, they don't owe you an explanation as to why they're not messaging you back. Unfortunately, that's just the way that life is. When you accept that and you can just be comfortable in your own skin, regardless, I think it will do you a lot of favors. And a pro tip here. If you have time to be obsessively talking to someone all day, every day, you need to find something to do. And my last point leads me into my next point here is that you're always worried about what she's doing. Maybe the second you guys aren't together anymore. Maybe after a date, you're paranoid about what she's doing. You're worried about what she's doing. You're overthinking how she feels about you. I mean, really, you're just a little overthinking machine if you're acting like this, you really need to learn to trust yourself enough to know that regardless of what happens, regardless of if she texts you back or she wants to go on a second date with you, you will be totally fine. I think when you take a step back and you gain that confidence in yourself, you become a lot more comfortable and secure in who you are. You don't care if she's going to text you back. Really. You don't care if she doesn't like you because you have a million other options, right? You're not being so focused and obsessed on this girl. It's okay if it doesn't work out. And I understand that the beginning of a relationship is exciting. Things are new. Things are fun. You're going to want to talk to them. You should want to hang out with them. But if it's becoming obsessive, I think that's when you need to take a step back and think, okay, I'm being a little bit clingy. I'm acting a little bit desperate and I need to get myself together here. So being worried or paranoid about what someone is doing often makes you come across really insecure and jealous, which obviously we want to avoid at all costs and can actually end up pushing you apart even further. And the truth is that if you can't trust her because of something she did, if that's the reason you're feeling this way, chances are you probably just shouldn't be with her. And that's something you need to think about a little bit further. But generally speaking here, if you're just overly paranoid because you have that scarcity mindset and you think that you have to get this girl like you or things have to work out with her because you're never going to have anything going with anyone else, that's a you thing that you need to really work on and gain confidence in yourself. The key here is being confident and being secure in who you are enough to know that regardless of what happens, you'll be fine. Number three, you're rushing things. If it's only been two dates and you already asked her to be your girlfriend, slow down partner. Rushing things doesn't do you or the other person involved any favors. You really don't want to force things. And the best thing you can do is to take it slow. So putting these time constraints on things or feeling like you need to rush it only causes unnecessary pressure, stress, and anxiety. It's going to reflect in the way you interact with this girl. You're probably going to come across a lot more nervous and anxious than you would if you just took a chill pill and took a step back and trying to move really fast or rush things can actually do the opposite of what you're going for and scare that other person off. Because to be completely honest with you, it's a huge red flag. I would be concerned if I went on a date with a guy and after the first date he was already asking me to be his girlfriend or telling me that he was in love with me. That's a little bit crazy. Okay. So make sure you're not doing that. Number four is your life revolves around her and this is an issue because having things you'd like to do on your own, having your own interests, hobbies, passions, whatever it is that make you feel fulfilled and secure on your own instead of relying on someone else are incredibly important. And the truth is that your life should not revolve around another person, right? When your life revolves around her, when you're putting her up on a pedestal, it's going to make you come across very clingy and desperate and needy and your actions towards her are going to reflect that. And more often than not probably push her in the opposite direction away from you. The person that you're with should enhance your life, not be your life. And I think this is an important thing to keep in mind, especially when you're dating. So in order to fix this phenomenon of making her your entire world or making your life revolve around her, I would say develop some hobbies and passions and things that you enjoy to do on your own that don't necessarily involve her. So learn to play an instrument, learn a new language, go to a cooking class, go to a fitness class, just find things that you like to enjoy outside of your relationship or outside of this girl that are going to give you a fulfilling, happy life. And you're not going to be necessarily relying on her to be your happiness or be your life. I think a lot of guys that are dating don't necessarily have a purpose or passions or a life of their own. And they kind of cling to people in order to feel that fulfillment and happiness. I think this is a huge mistake and often ends up being really disappointing for everyone involved. So really the biggest takeaway I want you guys to understand from this one is to have your own purpose, have a life and you'll feel more confident inviting someone into yours and you won't be clinging to someone else's. And lastly at number five, which kind of ties into the last point I made is that your mood is dependent on her. So if you find that your mood or how you're feeling is dependent on another person, you've really got some work to do here. So you really want to work on building up your self esteem and creating those secure attachments in your life. So I'll give you guys an example here. So say you met someone new, you just met on a dating app, you got her number and this morning you texted her good morning and you haven't heard back from her. You're sitting at work, you're sitting at your desk trying to get your work done and you're constantly looking at your phone, constantly worried about what she's doing. You can't focus on getting your work done or you know, get anything done that you're supposed to be doing during the day because you're so focused on does this girl like me? Is she going to text me back? What's going to happen? And the way you're feeling and your productivity is totally dependent on this girl that you literally just met. So if this girl already has this much control over your emotions and your mood, this is a huge red flag and something that you seriously need to work on. And then taking the example even further, she replies and you feel totally fine. You're able to get your work done. Things are going well now because she replied to you. This is seriously something that I see so many people do that have anxious attachment. I'm going to do an entire video actually about attachment styles because I just read this incredible book called attached. I'll put a little picture of it here so you guys can see, but look out for a video in the future from me on this because I think it's really important and I see so many people struggle with anxious attachment. So again, my fix for this one would be to have your own life going on, be able to feel comfortable and confident in who you are enough to know that regardless of if she texts you back or not, you're fine. Your day is going to be okay. You have to get your work done. Your mood should not be entirely dependent on this girl that you literally just met yesterday. Really focus on yourself. You don't want to be clingy or desperate or have one itis or be obsessed with a girl that you just met online. I know these things can look a little bit different depending on the stage you're at in the relationship with someone. But really I think where this is going to land for a lot of you is the very beginning stages of just meeting people or just starting to talk to them. So really take a look on where you stand with all of these. Do a little bit of self reflection, be a little bit more self aware. And if you're doing these things, try to do the things that I recommend doing instead and see how that helps you because doing any of the things on this list are going to be a huge turnoff to women and they're not beneficial for you. They're going to make you anxious, stressed, and not the best version of yourself. So again, these are just things to keep in mind when you're dating. I think they're all really important. All right guys, if you liked this video or found it helpful, be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to be in the loop for when I release new content. If you haven't already, be sure to follow me over on Instagram at Courtney Christine Ryan. I love connecting with all of you guys on there as well. As always, thank you all so much for watching and I will see you all next time.