I’m Sick Of My Parents Enabling My Siblings

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today so my husband and I have been married for uh almost 11 years we have one son and we're debt free besides a little bit of mortgage left nice congratulations thank you a little bit of a relationship question I'm the oldest of three I have a sister who is single and a brother who's married with three kids and my mom and dad are fairly wealthy and I found out a few years ago that on accident that my parents actually purchased the home for my brother and his wife and um ever since I found that out little things just keep happening that are bugging me um and I just keep thinking to myself why are they they're essentially financing my siblings life and their lifestyle and just have had this feeling I'm not jealous of their lives but I'm just like in my head I'm like when when will they when will they take responsibility for their own lives and so I was just calling to see if you had any advice for me on these feelings I'm having I've got some questions first um sure is this the youngest I am the oldest yeah but you're the The Sibling that they're supporting is it the youngest or the middle oh both of them oh I've found out things along the way I don't know if anyone planned on me ever finding these things out but I have but I have are they are they uh brothers or sister brother what is it I have one brother and he's married with three kids and then I have a sister who's single and lives on her own and and uh and so so they're supporting them in every way essentially they they finance their homes for them I mean are they giving them a spending account what are we talking about I do know that they both have a credit card link to my parents account and I know that we were at a Bengals game the other day and my sister said I'll pay for it and I said no it's okay I'll get um this one and she said no I have Mom's credit card and it's just like little like my brother and sister-in-law will show up they'll eat all the food that we all brought drink our drinks but they don't provide anything and I'm just why are you living let me ask you this I I think I know where this is going are are you your husband successful financially yes and throughout we have about we're hoping to pay off the mortgage next year yeah and and and and I'm guessing that growing up you are also probably uh the maybe if not the best behave but certainly less drama with you is this true very much so yes so this is a pattern it's just it's it iten happened when you were in the home when they were younger now that they're adults it's continuing is that what I'm getting yeah yeah exactly so the reason I'm digging into this Rachel I'm going somewhere with this um I'm I'm goingon to take a guess and I'm not Defending Your mom and dad Meg um I'm I'm actually very much team Meg here I I think that's irresponsible it's irresponsible in that it's stunting the growth of your siblings number one and it's irresponsible for this very reason that if you can't cover it up and you can never cover this stuff up and it gets to you it is deeply hurtful to you and I'm going to challenge you to own that that it is very hurtful because I think it is it is all right so here's the deal I have like a strong anger I think I feel like it's anger but I don't always know how to describe it oh I think it's a good mix of anger and hurt and usually yeah I was going to say the hurt usually anger I'm not a psychologist but I've read and therapy is that anger it's usually a secondary emotion so it's usually always tied to something else fear sadness hurt like there's usually a deeper emotion there and it may come out as anger but usually there's a there's a Primary Emotion mag and yeah and hurt and I want to touch on that I think it is why would they do that for them and not do it for me and I'm gonna and I'm not trying to defend your mom and dad I'm going to take an angle here Rachel you just smack me smack Meg for you don't worry come at mag you come at me too but I give me 20 seconds on this I believe that they actually your parents don't worry about you at all and it is in their lack of worry about you in the fact that they did good with you they look at you and they go did good with Meg and I think they are overcome with guilt Meg's fine and I think they're overcome with guilt about the other two and so they're trying to fix what they feel they messed up this is a take this this is a hot take and as a result they don't see how this could come across to you they're not even thinking and I don't think they it is not that they love you less than the other two I actually think it's what I just said I think that's what's going on and so I say all that to say this I think if you can get to a place of understanding that Mom and Dad are dealing with their own guilt and trying to fix some stuff that they can't fix and actually make it worse um that they they they are they are weak they they have a they have a deficit here on how they're supposed to handle these other two siblings and I hope it'll allow you to forgive them a little quicker and to understand that your mom and dad are operating from a place of pain and and a and a place of deficit and I think they're trying to fix it that's my take yeah I think there's a level of them that probably feels still a level of responsibility that if their kids aren't okay we're going to still step in and help and that comes out of a really unhealthy place right they're doing it in with unhealthy patterns that's not good for their adult children but that's the that's the route they've chosen to live right and and yeah not to like psychoanalyze you Meg but I have the same birth order sister sister brother my my family and my current kids and I just even know about the yeah the the textbook oldest daughter there's like kind of that whole like you know just the the family AR archetype right the the idea that you know they're they're probably seen the least and I mean that's how mine is I mean my Amelia she's just quiet kind of off to the side my Middle's insane like I was and then we have little Charles the idea is that you're not but but I think Megan kind of goes back to all of this and we could be off on this but truly it's like you were responsible even from a kid right a kid you know an age of a child taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do and and now you're like does anyone see me right and there's probably a feeling of that when you were a kid does anyone see me and now you're like are you kidding me like does anyone see me and it's not that you probably just want all this money you don't want your mom's credit card even if she gave it to you Meg you're probably like no thank you but it's just the idea you just feel neglected in a sense like you're like oh my godage and everyone else is in a secret that you're not so I don't like that Meg so if I were you I would communicate that to your parents I would sit down and say hey I'm hearing this and just out of communication that I know that there isn't secrets and things being swept under the rug as a family will you just tell me what all you've done I and I don't I want you to not say but just hey I want to know about all of this because that's that's fair from your family Dynamic I think I like that and and let me encourage your heart Meg time they Meg listen here because we're going to break so here I just want to tell you sorry sorry Meg but listen they do see you Rachel's calling this out I think she's spoton but I want to tell you they do see you they actually hold you in a level of high esteem they're trying to help the other two get where you are I'm praying for healing for you this is the Ramsey Show create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life