My Dad Was The Victim Of A Romance Scam

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today my father uh he 75 and has lived alone for a couple decades uh fell victim to a romance Scamp uh oh and he funneled every dollar he had into it oh um and my brother and I we ultimately did an intervention with him and you know cut off that hemorrhaging um but now he's just in a rough Place uh he barely has a couple dollars to his name just living pension check to pension check barely taking care of oh my just the bills how much did he funnel into it um about 150 can I tell you something this is the second call that we've taken on this in the last two weeks I was on the last time John with when when a lady called in It Happened uh to her mother oh gosh this is the catfishing it's just it's unbelievable such an awful scam so how can we help what what do you think is the biggest challenge or where do you think we can can try to give you some uh practical wisdom here so um it's super difficult at least for me um I I get super wound up in my own head because one I'm I'm involved you know and it's it's very difficult for me to separate you know logic from emotion and and everything um I think problem number one is the enormous amount of distrust and tension in the family presently and that goes both directions oh um this has taken place over the period of about a year um and you know he it started out hey I met somebody I'm and you know you know the question was well where you know I'm I'm happy for you congratulations and then it's like Instagram and you know from moment number one I'm like okay slow your old you know this this is a little bit cautionary and then that was immediately met with like well why aren't you happy for me so that's the kind of distrust that has been from moment number one U for the entire year my attitude was please slow down don't do this so he didn't trust that you had his best interest at heart no he did not at all and for an entire year I was basically yelling at him please please stop this isn't good does he acknowledge now that he has actually been scammed because the call we got last week the mom was still believing that oh no it was yeah it was like it was it was bad is he in a place of realization now that he in fact did get scammed I don't think it's 100% I think he's majority there but for example um he still communicates with these people and has not shut them off exactly what the last call was like so is it can I get clarity is it a person that he thought he was maybe dating has he ever met these people in in person no no never and from all the details and I have plenty of details on an open book so uh you know I'll provide whatever and also keep me on track because go but um uh this was a very very organized thing uh all the transfers were non trable through gift cards or cryptocurrency I don't believe these people are US based at all um they use encrypted Chinese chat programs oh my gosh I think it was called and this doesn't ring any bells here's the thing you're and I'm not I'm not trying to be ugly but you've got to be really lonely I think to get to this point where it's this glaringly obvious and you're still clinging on to it so I you know I think that have you notified law enforcement um I have done everything in my power um the only the only organization that would take a report from me was the FBI and I did indeed uh Lodge that but in terms of any local or State uh law enforcement they they've told me straight up that they cannot accept anything from me on behalf of another person got it so and so this is so he has to be the one that says something and tries to because these guys are so organized you can almost kiss that money goodbye and if I'm in your situation um you've got to get to a point where you're going to need some support and help to have an intervention here yeah because he he still thinks he's going to get a return on this money is that right yeah I so the original scam I think that ship has sailed in in his own mind I think he believes that it's all gone so I don't think he's clinging to the original idea but now we're in this weird Zone where he's avoiding me and he he's not straightforward to me I'll ask him you know you still talking to yeah he's probably ashamed but I can understand that the question is uh going forward you said he's you know spent 150,000 on this all he has is his pension how much is that by the way what does he get every month I think it's maybe on the side of 3K a month are you concerned that he's not going to be able to sustain himself I I think that that should be enough to continue his quality of life okay um so this is really just how do I repair the relationship is that it's not a financial question at this point yeah well it it is financial as well um again he's not straightforward with me about what does he do with his money and John hello John listen yes it's not a financial thing that's why Jay's asking that you can't do anything about this the only hope you have of giving him some uh Financial advice is to restore the relationship that's why Jade's asking that I mean I hate to tell you this there's very little you can do I think you have two options I think it's either a super tough love I don't know if you've got any siblings if you did it's a all hands on deck come to Jesus we are having a living room fall out and we're going to take a stand and say you need to know the facts and then wash our hands and walk away does not by the way the come to Jesus me doesn't have to be ugly there's no yelling or Screaming but it has to be a confrontational situation the other option is is you're get you're you're on your knees praying and you are just trying to restore the relationship with the hopes that he sees that you um respect him still and love him and then he maybe allows some type of help I don't know what else to say I'll add a third option I you know I I'm a letter I I would write a letter maybe because sometimes when you talk in person things get lost or people are filtering it through tone or whatever um but maybe sitting down and just writing a heartfelt letter and just saying how you feel saying what you hope and that way it's something he can go back to and read again and keep a copy for yourself put a copy for him and that way even if you start to feel some type of way you can go back and say I've already said it I wrote the letter you know and it's just kind of that it'll help keep you steady to know I've already said this and I've already let him know it's on paper he won't forget you know that sort of thing that's the only I want to gift you with two books I believe we have them here uh Christian I believe we have them necessary Endings by Henry cloud and boundaries and these books I I think you've got to grasp this you're an adult he's an adult there's so much broken trust here and all kinds of wacky stuff going on and I think you need to be okay walking away not from your dad but walking away from trying to fix this mess it's not your mess you didn't create it and it's not yours to fix and I don't think you can fix it I agree so hang on the line I'll get you some help this is we're rooting for you John I hate that this is happening I can't imagine Jade anything more sad than this and again second time that this is happened I'm I'm profoundly sad just thinking about an older parent who get scammed because their heart is lonely yeah this is the ramsy show create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life