“D-I-V-O-R-C-E”

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today today's question of the day comes from Denise in Ohio she says my husband refuses to sit down and talk about a budget he doesn't want limitations on how he can spend our money I never know when I'm when I'm going to come home and find a new vehicle in our driveway jeez he has two muscle cars a truck several allterrain Vehicles motorcycles and plans on always having a car or motorcycle payment this has forced me to separate our to separate our finances because I have no doubt that he would find a way to spend my money along with his we both contribute a portion of our income to pay bills he wants to he wants to be in charge of that but is regularly late on payments lately he's been telling me not to put money in my 401k or I'll lose everything he doesn't have any retirement savings except what he invests in silver I don't know what to do but make sure that I have a r i secure retirements I don't know what to do d i v o r CE that's the only way you're going to be secure in retirement this guy's he's out of control no you're you're not married to him man you're married to a child I want to buy me a big truck and you can't tell me I can't buy a big truck mama you can't tell me nothing and the world's going to come to an end anyway so I'm going to put my money in silver it's a freaking four-year-old this guy's disgusting he's disgusting I don't know what you're still doing there I mean you're you're married to the equivalent of an alcoholic who does cocaine I mean this is so out of control such self-centered Behavior such immature Behavior it's hard to measure so I you know the only hope you've got is to sit down and see a marriage counselor and let them give you the words to guide him into the marriage counseling office uh with your pastor or with a good marriage counselor that's trained or however I don't care but um someone needs to be giving you words other than me because I'm just so pissed at this guy right now he's useless um but so I mean unless he changes if you stay married to him you're going to be broke your whole life and frustrated CU there the anger is dripping out of this well and just the the selfishness in it all not only does he not want to talk about it he's making decisions without you all of this and that's not just with the money side that's probably happening in every part of your marriage he does whatever this guy does whatever he wants to do whenever he wants to do it he has no limitations on him whatsoever by anyone he likes one person on the planet himself selfish is what we call that it's the opposite of selfless yeah I can't even imagine what Winston Cruz would do if you came in and started acting the way this guy's acting or if he Winston Cruz came home acting the way he's acting I mean like either way anybody it's just a SP well it's just a spouse and and that's the thing that's so hard you know not only is the financial decisions that he's literally making in in reality of buying very expensive things not saving all of that but let alone the spouse that's like disrespect well and it's just the spouse too that just says that first line he refuses to even talk about the budget like even that in of itself I do what I want to do is showing yes this level that you're it's you're not seeing marriage as a team at that point and and She's suffering Denise suffers because of that so so Denise if if you were um my little sister and I loved you which I do I would say I don't want your marriage to end but I think your husband has chosen to end it so um what I would tell you to do is to go see a marriage counselor and he won't go cuz he won't do anything that it's not about him and the marriage counselor is going to guide you in a proper not a radio answer or a podcast answer in a proper series of steps to confront and ultimately lead to what we call an ultimatum which is either Bubba you're going to get in marriage counseling with me and we're going to start handling in our stuff together and we're going to both have a say in this and you're going to start respecting my viewpoint not just yours and either those things are going to happen and we're going to start handling money together and we're going to start being wiser or I'm not going to be here so you are going to choose to be divorced sir if you don't agree to make some changes that's what you're telling him the result of you continuing to do this is going to be I'm gone and you need someone to guide you in that process not me not just me getting fired up at this guy that's not I don't want to transfer that to you but you need to sit down with a coach a counselor a marriage counselor that can guide you in much better much better than I can Rachel can but we'll guide you in a series of conversations with your husband that lead to finally saying either you stop this behavior and we get on the same page and we go to marriage counseling where you start respecting me and loving me as much as you love you um or we're going to call this I'm done because you're going to this is a you can't fast forward this in your mind Denise 20 years and see where y'all are you have a lot of Rusty trucks in the yard that's where you are 20 years from now and it's sad he's CH I mean he chooses that over you I mean is what what it ends up being and it's really sad yeah this guy's got issues his mommy and daddy never told him no and how dare his wife be a grown-up yeah that's what's going on we when I was growing up they don't say this anymore it's not it's a saying people don't use anymore that that if you never tell your child no and you buy them everything they do not learn the ability to have selfis because they've never had discipline and when I was growing up we called that so and so was a spoiled child people say that like spoiled mayonnaise have you ever spelled spoiled mayonnaise it stinks to high heaven spoiled children stink worse because they become Denise's spouse later and that that's what this is this is a spoiled brat little boy that you chose poorly when you married or he well no really I mean you Ser you never know I no I'm not saying that cuz I don't know I don't know their story of that but he sucks now so there's no question about that create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life