I Dumped My Girlfriend After I Found Out She Was Pregnant

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today so I was just calling because I've recently gotten some good news um I'm having a baby on the way um very very excited for it um but I just moved back up north uh I was live in Louisiana for a while and I just got a job up here uh I I just do sales and she is talking about moving to Louisiana that's where her family lives and obviously you know I'm not going to this is weird what you what do you mean she's moving to Louisiana and you're in Chicago or not to Louisiana to Tennessee I apologize why is she moving and you're not I don't understand what's going on so we are we were a little longer together oh and yeah yeah so lead with that next time dude that's a big part of the story for for a minute I thought we were a happy little family with a picket fence okay no not not quite yet not even no not even you hooked up with your ex she's pregnant so who minute your ex-wife or girlfriend a a girlfriend girlfriend how long ago did you break up in quot uh about a month ago almost three weeks to a month uh we still talk every day we're on you know we're on good terms and all that sort of good stuff which is what I you know which is what I want you know if we are going to be separated i' still want to you know be you know all that good jazz so I just had a lot of questions as far as moving down to Tennessee CU they did she did ask me uh or she was interested in me doing that so I can be closer to them and I just had a lot of questions about you know budgeting with the baby and doing just like just you know trying to find a house down there and how would you how would you how would you go through that I don't I don't have very much debt I have like $500 on my credit card that and that's pretty much it um so and that's getting paid off uh so luckily I'm about to be out of debt which is a very good feeling but how long have you known about this what was that how long have you known about this uh we found out um we found out we didn't she did and then when did she tell you you're not together yeah December when we were living in Louisiana and then we moved back up we were together still uh and then we just recently we just recently separated so we you're confusing me because I think you're you're so jumbled up so are you telling me you knew she was pregnant before you broke up yes yeah yeah it's been a it's been a mutual breakup so it's not been like any any sort of so you didn't recently find out you were pregnant and get this good news that's what you led with that wasn't the truth uh you knew she was pregnant and you broke up with her that way why did you break up with her um we just we just argued a lot it was a lot of just back and forth and so here here's here's the deal this woman is going to be in your life for for um the rest of your life yes and so whether you get back with her or not um it sounds like there's a lot of YOLO and well we just argue dude you're you got to be past that now you brought you're bringing a human into the world yeah I would get with a relationship counselor ASAP because y'all going to have to learn to talk to communicate to you think you think being together and raising this kids hard you're going to try to do it in separate houses it's going to be chaos it's hard hard hard hard and the fact that you haven't already moved I don't even know what we're talking about here my daughter has been gone for four days five days and I'm having trouble breathing I don't I I can't wrap my head around your thought process no so that that's where I was so I am going to I am going to move down there with them um that they're going to that's going to be doing that not with him y'all broke up you made a big boy decision you broke up you're going to move your butt down here by this child and then you're going to work to learn how to communicate with her them there's not a wh I'm gonna live yeah I'm gonna live near them that way we can we can you know raise the baby together actually it's not even near them it's near the baby near the baby you broke up yeah and y'all are playing dating still on the phone that's why I don't think y'all are done I think y'all acted immaturely and things got stressful and you just split up yeah pretty much everything you've done has been a impulse decision all of these decision have been impulse the moves the pregnancies the the shacking up the breaking up the moving to Nashville or Tennessee you guys make decisions about every 30 seconds and uh and that that's not good for your finances but it's fine until you decide to bring a human into the world it's not good period you never make good decisions this way yall need to slow it down slow your roll slow down these are Big Boy big girl deals you can't you know breaking up with someone that you have a baby with is a big deal well we're arguing oh well give me a break I've been married 43 years we're arguing is an ongoing I was G to say I wasn't going to say it but I've been in the room with several of those yeah um we're arguing means she told me what to do and I didn't do it wait a minute that was today but this idea that um we're just going to break up cuz we're arguing you're going to argue the rest of your life cuz you and a human together and so figuring out how we're going to communicate even if yall go in the room and say hey we're done romantically but we're going to figure out how to do this um at least give it a shot for the sake of this kid all the data suggests yall have to be working together for this kid to be to have a shot yeah yeah so yes we're with you to move into Tennessee but I want you guys both of you to make slower huge decisions the good decision-making Paradigm is this the more important the decision the more information you need about the decision and the longer time you should take making the decision you've done that the opposite on all of these fronts that's what's killing me here so you can impulse a pack of gum if you're going to buy a car you need to slow down and take your time it's a lot of money okay uh if you're going to choose to you can impulse uh walking across the room and talking to a girl you you you don't impulse breaking up with a girl who's got your child inside of her or think it this way because of some arguments you have decided I want my child to have a single mom I'm going to be very careful about that decision very careful yeah so I'm picking up picking on you but the dude we love you and we want you to win and we're observing the patterns there if you don't break those patterns you're going to replicate them and that's what I want for you and I want that for your baby as well uh the most positive thing you said in the entire conversation is how excited you are about the baby as you should be and that's wonderful that's good news for the baby and good news for you it means you're a good man so work through these um slowing down on big decisions and so you know before you decide to move to Tennessee and chase her um You probably ought to go meet with her and a good relationship counselor talk about what it looks like if you made the move here here's the deal I'm going to give you three months of free better help with the licensed marriage therapist license relationship therapist that'll talk to you guys so hang on the line here we'll get you hooked up with that there we go and then y'all can talk from different states even if you need to I I think you probably do need to go to Tennessee but I think you should do it in a different context in in the sense of you ought to have made the decision I've got a good job move when I make the move I'm not just going to go down there and Hope hope it works out I got a place already I got a place figured out I've got a a set of relational boundaries and rules involved with this ex-girlfriend um and how we're going to work on the child what are what are the financial implic how much are you going to child support what of those kinds of things all of this ought to be you ought to have all that figured out before you move and it might take you a month to figure that out and you got a month so slow down on big decisions get more information and more information and more information when you've got all your information stacked up and you go slowly we call that wisdom it's the opposite of impulsing create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life