I Got Scammed By My Dad

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today Cassie's in Denver hi Cassie how are you doing well how are you better than I deserve what's up um so my husband and I are on baby step two um in the process of paying off our debts and um we discovered before we got married that um my husband had about $177,000 in student debt um to kind of explain the situation his parents agreed in when they got divorced to pay for their kids college tuition um so at the start of each semester my husband's mom would send him cash and his dad would ask that he take out a loan in my husband's name that his dad um verbally agreed to pay back at the end of um College basically so um my husband also worked full-time 40 hours he ended up getting all of his tuition reimbursed that at the end of each semester he would send his mom the cash back and his dad the other half and he thought he was paying those loans off but come to find out he spent that money instead and now my husband still has $177,000 in student loans in his name with his dad's verbal agreement to pay it back well I think we see why they got a divorce yes one of the many reasons um that he's poor with money but we are not that he borrows money that he steals money from his kids I mean what kind of guy is this yeah and it's kind of to the point where we really we're in the we have a four-month-old we want to purchase a house soon um the question is you know is that debt fall on us or it's in your husband's name yeah exact and so do we delay buying the house to pay that off yes okay I'm sorry I'm guess I'm guessing your father-in-law I mean this guy sounds like a real upstanding twerp um I'm guessing he doesn't have $177,000 to honor his word and pay this off right uh he lives pay check to paycheck and probably will for the rest of his life yeah and for some reason we just trusted that he was going to go through with this whole deal but your husband did all this when he was a kid he gave your dad I mean he's a he's a college kid right yeah mean you're 17 18 your parents finances are your finances yeah he well he so he sent him the he sent him the money back then he has sent him money since you all been married correct he sent him the money at the end of each semester being paid off yeah yeah so what's your household income uh about 116 how much money do you have um right now we have you mean like in savings mhm um so we have our thousand emergency fund and then we're just paying off our other debts including oh so you have you're working a debt snowball yes I'm sorry Cassie how much other debt have you guys got um so I have about 12,000 students and then I have 23,000 on a car I'm actively trying to sell it and get a lesser car and he has about10 th000 on his truck that we've been snowballing so okay well I'm guessing that this pattern of lack of integrity and irresponsibility has already put a strain on your husband's relationship with his dad not counting not counting this here if you just took this out it was already a strain no they haven't my husband was pretty clueless until I got in the picture he didn't you know he he's he's of the mindset it's his dad's responsibility it was written no no no no no you misunderstand me your your your husband's dad is a twerp okay the student loan not the first time he was a twerp correct yes so I'm guessing that his dad your dad your husband is already strained just because his dad doesn't do the stuff he says he's going to do in general correct yes he's and you're right he has done this before he off he says going to be there for Christmas he doesn't come or he says he's going to be there at 6:00 he comes at 10:00 cuz he just doesn't the world revolves around him it doesn't occur to him that he's supposed to keep his word on anything Y and that's why they're not married anymore I mean that's you know so what what I'm pointing out is is the student loan is just a one more Brick in the Wall o of this guy's life it's because it's very seldom that you'd have this as a standalone issue in his life in in the father-in-law's life so my point is yeah put it in you you you owe it legally you're going to have to pay it it's not going to go away until y'all pay it so put it in your debt snowball I'm so sorry you're having to do that but then what youall need to do is step back and if I'm in your shoes this pisses me off a lot because it delays when you get your house a little and I would require that um if I'm you I don't require is not the right word I would want uh my spouse to say out loud how bad this is and not just act like this is okay if your husband act like this is okay it's going to make you really angry this is not okay this is not okay does he still trust that his dad's gonna pay this I don't understand yes yes he does and he did it for his sister as well and she he's actually miss payments on her plan so her credit got really messed up from it there's nothing in the entire story that indicates he's ever going to pay this yeah and so your husband owning that is going to help you relationally with your husband and help you emotionally if I'm in your shoes this is me anyway it's going to help me if my wife if this is my wife and she came in she goes look this is awful I'm so sorry we got to pay this and it's wrong and he's not going to do it I wish he would do it I just He's Just Not That guy he's the guy that doesn't do what he says he's going to do he's that guy and so it it that's for you and your husband cuz there's nothing either one of y'all are going is going to change the twerp the twerp's just a twerp he just is I mean he's just over there and you're not going to change him and no amount of angry is going to make there's no justice in this story Justice will not be done in this story this side of heaven right because Justice would be the old man paid the bill right but that's nobody in this within the earshot of our microphones right now 30 million people listening to this call none of them think he's going to pay the bill your husband's the only one so he needs to own that for the sake of your all's relationships you what I'm saying does that make sense to you yes it does in know I'm not asking him to disown his father or never speak to him again I'm not suggesting that there's not molestation or something that's occurred here there's nothing like that this is just the old man didn't keep his word well yeah that happens a lot I'm I'm afraid the old lady didn't keep her word that happens a lot I'm afraid so but you can love him where you know he's just that guy over there and it's just I just love him in his but I'm certainly not going to do any business with this guy ever again right not going to trust him with any money not going to send any money to him you know you're $117,000 in the hole to me let's just start the conversation there yeah so the reality is you guys earn 62,000 of debt your debt you make 116 and is a solvable problem it's but it's going to delay your home purchase by a few years well not even but maybe 18 months is what it's going to take to get rid of all this debt unless you sell the car it will happen even sooner so yeah yeah it's um you're going to get there you're going to get there it's just but it's like you got scammed is what it feels like scammed I'm out the money and I still I just get scammed I got scammed by my dad yeah oh my God the person who supposed to love me that's supposed to not it's like these parents that steal their kidss identity it's a certain level of scum it's a whole another level of scum when you steal your own kid's identity and you go open accounts in your kid's name oh my God that's just this guy didn't do that but he he's just he's in the same bucket you know and it's just awful oh I'm so sorry but the the the problem is when we get into these things you get right down to the facts the facts are Cassie that your husband has a student loan in his name and no one's going to pay it if y'all don't so you're in debt so you got to clean it up that's the facts but the emotion around the facts is just nasty well the whole situation from the beginning just sounded complicated and sketchy they was like well you take the down your name and I'll I'll get you you make the yeah once you say that right there you you can see what's coming if Dad's not willing to take out the loan for himself he wasn't willing to take on the risk and he was not willing to pay well yeah he didn't have the money and he doesn't now he blew it somehow and Mom's over here handing cash and he's handing her cash back oh my gosh and yeah you could tell what happened tell what happened to that marriage that's just a yeah yeah Integrity shows up in everything and it shows up it always shows up as a pattern not a singular event and that's what you're looking for that's why I was saying that about it wasn't the first time and it won't be the last no no it's not going to be the last time he doesn't keep his word on something create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life