3 Tipps wie deine Beziehung wieder besser wird (Partner akzeptieren)

Are you frustrated, unhappy or really sad in your relationship because it's not going well? Do you get stuck with each other and can't solve the problem? Then I have three tips for you in this video on how to make your relationship better again. I'm Susanne Kirschner-Bruns. I'm a doctor, medical journalist and author. For many decades, women's health has been my expertise. On this channel, I talk about all the topics that are important to us women on the physical, mental and spiritual level. In relationships, we tend to make our partner responsible for everything, both in good and bad. We make him responsible for our satisfaction, our happiness, that we feel safe and secure, that he or she gives us the most satisfying orgasms. If everything goes well, we are happy and our partner is our dream partner. We did everything right with each other. You can tell by my reaction that I find these attitudes in a relationship very skeptical. Because when things don't go so well at work or in life, this expectation that the other person is responsible for my feelings often turns the other way around. Because then the other person is also responsible for my unhappiness and my dissatisfaction. Just as if you weren't part of the team yourself. Then the thought arises, if I were together with another partner or another partner, I wouldn't have these problems. Then I would feel better. Then I would be happier and happier. And in general, my life would be as I have always imagined it to be. So the purest paradise. You will notice that we are already in the middle of the topic. The result of a current study is that problems in a relationship often have nothing to do with the actual relationship, i.e. the love for each other. But as the cause of the relationship problems, the big topic of stress was identified. And not primarily the topic of stress in the relationship, but the stress that is brought into the relationship from the outside. Stress at work, financial problems, the world situation. But this also includes the stress that we have as individuals. So I have my topic that stresses me. And you may have your topic that stresses you. For us women in their 40s, it is the hormonal fluctuations that can lead to very stressful physical discomfort. Whether heat waves, brain fog or sleepless nights, they also burden the working days. And that is a big stress factor. I take up this topic in my new change of year course. Your journey to health, energy and radiant beauty. Feel free to click on the link. There you will learn everything about this course, which is really unique in its kind, to support you extensively in the changing years. Back to the relationship. The one who comes home stressed either expects the partner to have an open ear for their own problems, i.e. provide stress relief, by creating a relaxed atmosphere, for example. Because when I come home stressed, I long for a, let's say, wellness atmosphere or a covered table. So in any case, I don't want any more problems and no complaints at all. And in the best case, the partner or the partner even has a solution for their own stress. Phew, that's quite a lot. The other option is that the person who comes home stressed simply wants to be left alone, and therefore withdraws from the relationship. If this goes on for weeks, months or years, then it's no wonder that the relationship is in a stalemate. Because at some point, both are stressed, including the partner, who was primarily not stressed at all. But if permanent stress is relieved in the relationship, then it is brought in. You might say, but that's only natural. That's what a relationship is for, to help the other person, both in good and bad times. Of course, that's not a question. But we are a stressed society. And as I said, in the current study, stress is identified as the cause of unhappy relationships. If you look at the numbers, the stress level is at a record level of 44% worldwide. After three years of Corona, the never-ending conflicts in the world and inflation. No wonder. But the problem is not so new. It's not a problem of the last three years. Since 2011, there has been an annual survey commissioned by the German Academy of Health. Since then, every year, around 60% of respondents answer the question of what resolutions they have for the new year, to avoid or reduce stress. And for this year, 2023, even 67% wish to do so. So if we assume that for many, many years we have been on a very high stress level with each other, and as it is said in this study, stress is mainly responsible for an unhappy relationship, then it's time to change that. That's why I come to my first point, A happy relationship has a lot to do with fairness. That means that you talk to each other and see how you can support the other person in the stress he or she has. Of course, stress also has to be taken into account. Many people feel independent in the things they do and take on an incredible amount of burden. They may also enjoy being in this role, that they get everything right, in their job, in their free time, in their family, take on another task, and another one. This has to do with your own self-esteem, with the attention needed to be loved. Permanent, voluntary overload can lead the partner to the conclusion, well, if he or she stops doing all this and doesn't even say no to the others they take on, then he or she is to blame for it. This is where misunderstanding, helplessness, distancing, and possibly anger or sadness come into play for those for whom everything outside of the relationship is more important. Because in fact, he or she doesn't protect the relationship. Sit down at a table with your partner and talk about the stress your relationship is under. I call it the inventory analysis of your stress factors. Everyone should first identify their own stress. Agree that each of you then takes responsibility for this own stress level. This can mean that the stress level in the job has to change due to a different time management, due to a different structure of work, possibly even due to a reduction in working hours. Or it can mean that there is less leisure stress. As I said, please first go at it separately. And then look at the stress factors that affect you both, such as everyday life and household, a burdening house loan, the care of family members to be taken care of, the worries about the children. Organize advice and help from the outside. Every stress point that essentially burdens the burden should be addressed. There are always arguments why you can't leave something, maybe even financial arguments. And what is perceived as stress is of course individual in every relationship. And, of course, how you resolve the issue. But if you are seriously interested in making your relationship better again, and at best even happier again, then this is the basis, also in view of the background of point 2. The relationship has to get back to where it started. It has to be in focus now, so that you can get rid of the misfortune. Certainly, something else is currently in focus, or everything else. The job, the house, the friends, the sport, and so on. But it is not beneficial for the relationship if, for example, both partners are willing to pay for a material wealth that promises happiness at some point. But for years it has been the case that both of them come home every evening completely exhausted and stressed, and are too tired, too annoyed, too distracted from the relationship. Or even if only one partner takes on this responsibility and is therefore completely exhausted over the years, while the other one does not wish for more than a partner who still has energy, attention and love left when he comes home. It can therefore be immensely useful to rethink the common idea of ​​life. Maybe it worked for years, but as I said, the relationship seems to have suffered from it, because it is no longer happy. What was perhaps irrevocably important for both of them does not seem to work for the relationship. There is always the possibility to say stop and change the priorities. The relationship is more important to us than the new car or something we want to afford, because we have found that it is satisfying and distracting in the short term, but in the core it hurts our love, because we have to rub ourselves too hard for it and our relationship breaks down because of it. If you can agree on this, your relationship is back on track. Be honest, maybe tell your partner or your partner for the first time that everything is simply too much for you. Because if you are always in the deficit of having to afford something, and that is the basic feeling of stress, then feelings arise. The feeling that is seen by psychologists as the pinnacle of the relationship is the anger or the accumulated anger in the relationship with the other person. And with that we come to my number three. Accumulated anger pushes away your own feelings, but they are still there. And they always transfer to the other person, whether active or passive-aggressive. The other person notices this and feels hurt by this anger or the basic feeling of anger. And this vulnerability makes you helpless and steals a lot of energy. Anger and anger are like petrol that is constantly being poured into the fire and keeps the unhappy relationship going. You are permanently in a damaged communication and in a damaged relationship. And that explodes at some point. If you are angry or angry at the other person, ask yourself first if my feeling actually has something to do with the partner or does it have something to do with me? Because I am not able to limit myself against the stress I have at work, in the office, in front of my circle of friends, my parents or my children. Be sure to find out what feelings you have. Is it anger, anger, sadness, injury? And then clarify these feelings with yourself first. And then, when you have clarified the feelings for yourself, talk to your partner about it. Stay with yourself. I was angry because ... I was angry because my colleague said this and that to me at work. And so on. What I am telling you today also applies to your partner. So please watch this video together. This should motivate you both to deal with your feelings and not to let them infiltrate the relationship. When your partner is stressed, and this is the short-term way out of the trap, because you can't change some things overnight, then it is important that you take a deep breath. If you have a deficit, then don't jump on top of it. Don't jump on the train, but make a different decision. Take a deep breath. Studies show that in the best working and happiest relationships, only at the same time, one partner is stressed and in a bad mood. Cultivate this communication. Today I can let everything out, tomorrow it's your turn. And change or practice to better communicate the stress. That's what I'm really annoyed about. And as a listener, to feel and react. So don't say, well, it's your own fault. Or, why didn't you defend yourself? And leave me alone with your crap, with your problems, I don't care. Instead, tell me, that would be the most constructive way. And if this happens in different roles, that means, one or the other can come home with his stress, which he can let out, then it's fair. If it's too much, then you can say, I'm not the right person for you anymore. Your permanent stress level or your problem, that you can't solve, that's annoying me too. So your problem is annoying me. Please find a neutral help. Find a neutral conversation partner. Whether it's a colleague, a good friend or a therapist. That's absolutely legitimate. And then a big problem, as I said at the beginning, which in most cases has nothing to do with the relationship, is given up. And for the relationship itself, there's room again. The sentence is always powerful. I wish, that you don't discuss the problem That's what my communication suggestion at the end of this video is about. That you say more often, I wish. However, wishing should not refer to the past. Because that's also a problem in unhappy relationships, that something happened in the past, you felt betrayed or outdone and the anger or anger continues. If something in the past still needs to be worked out, by getting professional help from a therapist. I hope that you support my insights so that your relationship will be happy again. I wish you that from the bottom of my heart. If you liked the video, then I'm happy about a thumbs up, about a subscription and activate the bell so that you don't miss a new video. Warmly, your Susanne Kirschner-Bruns