당신을 이유없이 싫어하는 사람, 간단히 대처하는 방법 (권진숙 교수)

Hello What I'm curious about today is If there is a type of people who look down on me and look down on me, what type is it? When someone treats me rudely, there can be many reasons First of all, it's not that I did something wrong My characteristics can be very negative to the other person But this doesn't mean that I have to go because I did everything wrong When the chemistry between me and that person is not right, my relationship with that person may not be right But the fact that I think alone and think that person is a bad person for no reason I can't solve the problem So it would be great if I could find a reasonable and logical reason why it doesn't fit If you can try a little harder, it would be good to talk to that person Why are you doing this? If someone doesn't like me for no reason, you need to think about why that person doesn't like me for no reason Yes, that's right So the second thing I'm trying to say is that Why do I hate that person for no reason? There are times when I don't like it There are times when I get hit There must be someone I treat rudely There may be someone I don't like There is a scholar named Kyle Jung in the field of analytical psychology He talked about shadow personality It's hidden in our subconscious It's hidden in our basement Obviously, my luggage is my luggage, but there are things I don't want to show Like that, our personality is definitely my personality I don't want to show it I have a personality hidden in my subconscious basement storage That's called shadow personality But when can you feel shadow personality? It's a personality I've hidden When someone who has the same personality as that shadow personality walks around me It's very emotionally stimulating Then I can't explain it, but I can really hate it so much that I want to kill it But people don't know if it's because of shadow personality So what do you say? Hey, it's because I can't work So I find a reasonable reason and find a reason to hate that person But among the scholars, the person who says this more seriously says When a person with a shadow personality walks around with a colleague or family around him The degree to which he hates that person is the degree to which he hates the devil Oh, that much? To that extent I really want that person to disappear for no reason enough to hate me like a devil in my life There may be people who hate me to this extent That's why you can hate me like that So, for example, while living life Oh, I really hate it There was such a person Of course, I didn't want to kill it There was someone I hated so much But while studying psychology Is this a shadow personality? I thought that person was having a hard time because it was a shadow personality I picked people who I really hate emotionally But there was something in common People who pretend to be too good People who express themselves too much And so-called They were people who said what they wanted to say without hesitation So when I think about A, B, and C in common How can those people live like that? I thought about it Is that connected to my shadow personality? I analyzed it carefully I'm the kind of person who notices a lot when I talk I'm the kind of person who notices a lot about what other people think What kind of luck did that person have to be born to talk like that? In the end, that was my shadow personality So after I realized that Am I the kind of person who can't say what I want to say? And I was brave enough to say what I wanted to say So I tried a lot to raise my shadow personality to sleep It's so amazing I practice little by little I hate those people less So I hate someone so much There may not be a way to solve human relationships for someone who really hates someone When the other person hates or dislikes me because of my shadow personality Or someone hates me so much But there's no way I can solve it Then just Ah, I guess I look like a devil to that person But it's not because of my fault I guess it's because that person and I don't have an unconscious chemistry If you think about it, you can keep a little distance And if the person I really hate focuses on someone I can be more mature I can grow more But now the third The third is This is a case of a personality problem For example, in the case of editing Editing is a personality that can't trust anyone So people who have an editing personality I believe in conspiracy theories Someone has an editing personality Or you hate me because you have an editing personality There is no way You can think of that person as conquering a country with a conspiracy You can think of it as a person who showed up to ruin his life You can think of it as a person who showed up to destroy this community Because I see it like a bad spy who has such a mission No matter how you explain it They can't be a good person Then what should I do? The first is No matter what that person does I Ah, that person has a mental illness It's because of a personality problem Can I get less hurt? And you don't have to hate that person It's just that his mind is hurt We don't hate sick people Instead, we need to build a safety net that can protect me We need to build a relationship net So these days, narcissism or borderline personality disorder When people with such a personality disorder harm me Anyway, I have no choice but to be affected That's right In this situation, we are that person How can I find out in advance if I have such a problem? I can't know at first At first, we don't know if this is type 1, type 2, or type 3 But type 1 and type 2 just have to survive You have to overcome the human relationship in life In the case of type 3, you can know What characteristics are there? I was hit by that person I think I'm weird I think I'm the only one who is unfair But after a month or two Other people were also hit by that person Other people are having a hard time because of that person I'm starting to hear the news So in that case, for example For example, at work There is a system that prevents scabies When you cause physical harm In that case, you really call the police In a situation where you are harming yourself A social system that protects yourself It should be adopted But now, as I said What's the problem You can't access it at all Or you can put me in the hospital It's not that serious Most people are on the borderline of personality In many cases Because there are many cases to endure At work We secure the safest distance Uh, he makes me feel bad I don't know about this I crossed the line For example, this person called me I cursed Or legally If you've crossed the line What can be done in that organization You have to take legal action So I think those two things should be clearly distinguished This is a relationship We keep our distance Is this where I have to build muscle in my heart? Or this is some kind of abuse To what extent Are you doing harm? You have to find that boundary clearly Here, many people can be mistaken The third type That person is weird I think my heart muscle is weak I blame myself If you just try to solve it yourself Rather, many things around that person As it is cut off With one dot It feels like a frozen island I think there will be such a case Yes Especially now People who are stronger than you It's a very destructive situation I'm keeping this legal boundary In this case, it's too difficult There are cases where you can work In that case, as we said before You can take legal action You can strengthen your inner muscles I personally I want to make a healthy support group For example, like this When I think alone Am I too weak? I don't have the ability to work I can suffer alone If that case is A, B, C A person I really trust I personally call it a bamboo forest I'm telling you to make your own bamboo forest Go to the bamboo forest The king is the king who took off his clothes The bamboo forest where you can say everything you want It could be a family It could be a counselor It could be a friend group It could be my support group I have to make a bamboo forest Keep doing it there Then those people tell me Oh, there are a lot of people like that at work Just endure Or But when I hear it, it's too much You crossed the line So something I keep falling into a swamp by myself I can't work Is it a person without ability? In order not to fall into such a vicious circle Objectively judge what I did I really love me Like my bamboo forest Talk to a support group And when such a problem really occurs Whether it's an office worker or a national human rights committee I call and get consulting I'm going through this Is this a problem I have to endure now? Or legally Is it something I can do? Is there an organization that concerts such things? If you contact an office worker You can consult anonymously And if you call a national human rights committee It's a situation like this Is it an area where I can get help? If you ask, you can do it again And just go to a general psychological counseling center I'm suffering from this problem Is this because I'm weak? Or this is something I'm being very unfair I can't solve this Are you being abused? If you ask Experts will tell you But in most cases I often suffer alone I'm incompetent So you should never be isolated alone Now, through social input You talked about how to solve the problem Then, on a personal level When you go through such a problem How can I deal with it? First, I think so When I say what kind of perspective I'm looking at I can't live in an organization like this I'm not good at human relations I was hit again today It's easy to get buried like this But first of all, I get hurt To someone Emotional or related I want you to comfort yourself who was abused Hey, you had a hard time today You had a hard time with your work today I've been through a really hard day today I want you to comfort yourself I was wrong I didn't do anything wrong I'm being abused for no reason At least the way I look at myself It's not the same as the perpetrator With an eye that comforts me So I'm not a victim Even in such a difficult situation I'm really doing a good job at work I'm surviving here I want you to look at yourself as a survivor Second, I told you earlier Make a bamboo forest group There are so many people who don't have that kind of person And then the third one is I remember this story for the rest of my life When I was ignored by someone in my life When I was hurt I went to my psychotherapist and cried One day, my psychotherapist told me everything Oh, that person is so bad Why did that person do that to a precious person like you? You've been on my side As you comfort me What do you say to me Do not give them too much power That's what he said Don't give them too much power They may have stabbed me in the shoulder with a knife It hurts I have to take this out and heal the wound So many people With this wound Why did I get this? I was sitting here now Didn't I get this? I have to pull this out and heal the wound I've been holding on to this wound It hurts more So what did the teacher say to me? The perpetrators who hurt you are bad But the perpetrator who hurt you Don't give them more power than they've hurt you So pull this out Help me heal What did you say Imagine an elementary school student passing by on the street I just yelled at you Are you in a bad mood? Or cute? Well, I can understand that much But a big man passing by on the street I just yelled at him That's scary Think about it In your mind What kind of existence does that person live in? And in the house of your heart Do you come in when you open the door? Or is that person always in your heart? Are you living in the living room? Why are you giving all your heart to that person? It's true that you were hurt If you give all your heart to that person Where do you live? So don't give them too much power In your daily work life And in your daily relationship Or in a violent relationship Legally and justly Solve what needs to be solved But in the process of treating psychological trauma In the house of my heart In the living room of my heart In the master bedroom of my heart The inner power that can be released I'm telling you to grow When there's someone bullying me That person is in the house of my heart Even if I tell you not to stay in the living room I don't think I'll go out How can I keep my house of my heart? That's right. That's the problem The point I was talking about earlier is Some external stimuli Someone who is rude to me Because of someone who ignores me I'm not living my life I'm living a life that reacts to that person But you don't know that So what I want to emphasize is I'm very hurt by someone else When I was violently harmed by someone else That damage How much does it affect me? Realizing that is the first process In other words Think about it once Because of the things that happen at work every day I'm cursing someone Every day in a marital relationship I'm cursing my spouse Every day in a parent-child relationship Because of that child When I say I ruined my life At that time, in your mind The owner lives with the illusion that it is you But in reality The owner of your heart is not you The owner of your heart is already The object you are cursing Most of your heart It's taking up energy You guys are going to take it I'm living my life to get rid of it I'm telling you to look at it I was very hurt by someone Nevertheless I have to be able to live my life In most cases People who have been damaged a lot People who have been abused a lot To get revenge on that person Or not to be beaten I'm not living my life I'm not going to lose this war If you say you live a life of defense I think it's a very sad life So how do I want to live You can find someone You can look at it You can survive it Find a way to recover energy I'm leaving my community I'm going on a long trip But some people You can write a diary You can cook If there's a place that's bothering you right now If that's the aquarium Experience getting out of the aquarium once So what kind of existence am I Where do I have to live Where is the direction of my life Do something you can find If you have any last words What would it be Today's topic It's a very important topic I think it's a very difficult topic But what I think For no reason In a violent situation Being abused You can't be forced into a relationship And those relationships We are really righteous I think it should be solved well But the parts I talked about today A little bit of a relationship In a psychological aspect How to overcome general relationships Can you overcome it well I think we talked about that So we really respect each other We're so peaceful I hope it can be such a society Thank you for letting me have this time with you today Today, with Professor Kwon Jin-sook How to deal with someone who treats me rudely We talked about Then today's psychology will end here Thank you for your kind words Thank you