사춘기 자녀를 대할 때 부모가 반드시 알아야 할 핵심 포인

The fastest education is the fastest education. Hello, I'm bean sprout. Today, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my mother who had a good puberty. People go through a lot of stages until they die. When you're in your mother's womb, you're out. And when you come out into the world, you're a newborn, a baby, a baby, a baby, a baby. Children, teenagers, teenagers, elders, middle-aged, elderly. This is how you end your life. A person's life goes on like this. Even though it doesn't stop. According to academic, medical, and social needs. It's divided into several stages. Today, we're going to talk about puberty, the transition from a child to a teenager. Puberty is the time when children become sexually mature. There's not much physical difference between men and women before puberty. If you change your hairstyle, it's a little confusing whether you're a man or a woman. Yes, it is. But as the sex hormone secretion is complete, physical changes occur. You'll have a body that fits your sex. In general, girls are 10 to 14 years old. In the case of men, they experience puberty between the ages of 12 and 16. The changes that occur in puberty are not limited to the body. It also causes a lot of psychological changes. Even before puberty, children who listened to their parents well rebelled against their parents. If it's too much, it turns aggressive. So these changes cause conflict between parents and children almost without exception. Conflict is uncomfortable for everyone. In fact, these conflicts through puberty are inevitable. When parents raise their children in their own way, they usually follow their parents' opinions. But as puberty comes, they try to put their shoulders side by side. In that process, conflict occurs. If you want your child to be independent and independent, you have to be equal to everyone in the world, including your parents. If you can't get out of the influence of others during puberty and if you can't get the psychological space to live as a leader, you can live with the wound of leadership for the rest of your life. In addition, conflict is a natural phenomenon. Our life is a series of human relationships. Human relationships solve conflicts that have no choice but to exist between people. In that respect, conflicts with children, especially with children in puberty, can be seen as a very natural thing that cannot be without. It's natural, but you can't leave it alone or make it worse. It is important to recognize the conflict and solve it as flexibly as possible. If you can solve the conflict with your child in puberty flexibly, it will be very meaningful for everyone in the family. As children experience solving conflicts with others in a healthy way, it will be a great lesson and merit in interpersonal relationships. If parents overcome these conflicts that they have no choice but to experience in most families, they will feel much more stable and comfortable psychologically. So in today's video, I'm going to talk about how to minimize the conflict with puberty children and manage them constructively. If you watch today's video carefully, you will see that the frustration caused by puberty children will be greatly reduced. Just as it is natural for a child to go through puberty, it is also natural for parents to be angry at their puberty child's behavior. But it is natural to feel angry psychologically. However, it is not desirable to express it as it is. When we live in society, we do not express our feelings as they are. I want to talk, but I don't talk. I want to get angry, but I don't get angry. In a way, it is the basis of social life. I think it would be necessary to apply such efforts to control your emotions outside the house in the relationship with puberty children. First of all, think about your puberty and your youth. What kind of experience did you have at that time and how did you feel at that time? Everyone has a hard time controlling themselves. If you think about the time when it was difficult to control yourself, you can get help to understand children who have changed aggressively due to puberty. Second, if you are angry despite your efforts to think so, you need to let go of that moment. At the moment of anger, we cannot judge, speak, and act rationally. If parents do not act rationally in front of a child who cannot act rationally, this can lead to very negative results. The appearance of parents who cannot act rationally is the same as giving an exemption to the child's aggressive behavior. If the parents express their anger to the child, will the child have a chance to look back on his or her behavior? Third, when talking to a puberty child, please be prepared to say what you want to say in advance. When we talk to a person with a sharp mind, our nerves also become sharper. At this moment, it is difficult to judge rationally. Therefore, in order for us or our parents to be rational, the purpose and method of the conversation must be decided before we start the conversation. Even if the child repeats a sharp speech, the child will continue to follow the purpose and method of the conversation that has been decided in advance. Of course, this is not as easy as it sounds, but it is much easier to follow a clear purpose than to decide what to say at that moment and how to say it. Fourth, you need to be as concise and simple as possible. If you are not concise, you will not be able to convey the message. Then you will feel tired and annoyed during the communication process. If you communicate with a puberty child for a long time, there is a high possibility that the conflict will grow. So please prepare what you need to say and express it in a short and concise way. Fifth, please express your feelings in a sincere way. It is not good for a parent to change emotionally and act emotionally in a conflict with a puberty child. However, this does not mean that you should hide your feelings and not reveal them. Don't shout, cry, or swear at the child's words and actions. However, it is okay to say that you were hurt and upset by the child's words and actions. If a parent expresses their feelings honestly, the child can learn from the adult side of a parent who treats emotions. In addition, I think it is wonderful to see a parent who deals with emotions healthily. You can also feel respect. Sixth, you should not attack your child's unique characteristics or personality only by bringing your child's problematic behavior. For example, it is good to say that you are not doing what you need to do sincerely. You are lazy and that's the problem. You don't keep your promise. You shouldn't say this. If you want to solve the problem, please describe your child's behavior as it is without exaggeration. And you need to ask for improvement. If you don't do that, you will hurt your child's personality. Seventh, even if you didn't prepare in advance or prepared in advance, you may not be able to control yourself and say inappropriate things to your child. In this case, it is better to apologize to your child about your words and actions even after a while. You can say, I said bad things because I couldn't control my emotions because I was a human being. But I didn't mean it. I won't say that again. If you apologize like this, you can prevent your child from getting emotional. The important thing is that when you apologize, never say, But you said this, so you should apologize, too. But when you apologize like this, never say, But you said this, so you should apologize, too. If you apologize and ask for the other person's apology, your child will not accept your parents' apology as an apology. Rather, you can accept it as a disguised apology to get your own apology. It may take some time for the parents to show the effect of apology. However, even if you make a mistake sometimes, if you show your parents apologizing consistently, your child can get a big lesson from it. Eighth. It is better to discuss with your spouse in advance what to do in a conflict with your child. The important thing is that the couple does not argue with the child at the same time. If a couple becomes a team and keeps talking to their child, the child will think that it is very disadvantageous to be attacked two-on-one. If the child thinks that it is disadvantageous to be attacked two-on-one, the child will speak a little more aggressively to break the situation, or avoid the situation by refusing to talk at all and going into the room. So if one of the parents is having a conflict with the child and talking, if one of the parents is having a conflict with the child and talking, the other parent should never intervene and talk with the child. You need to play a neutral role so that the story can run well neutrally while listening a little from the side. Ninth. It is also good to decide the role of the couple in advance. When one person argues with the child, the other must play a neutral role. Of course, you can get angry together, but you need to think about it as much as possible from the child's point of view. For example, if the child says he didn't do his homework, it's not just scolding him for not doing his homework, but thinking a little more about the situation of the child who didn't do his homework, it helps to neutralize it from the standpoint of understanding. If the spouse is too excited, you need to play a role of stopping the spouse. If one parent plays a neutral role, the child will feel less cornered, and you can accept that your parents are trying to understand you. Tenth. You need to give your child plenty of opportunities to speak. When a person thinks that he is right, he will not try to listen to the other person. Sometimes the child knows what he's going to say, but he just cuts off the child's words and only says what he wants to say. In this case, the child will not be able to speak, so the child's anger and aggression will increase. Even if the child's words are wrong, you need to listen to the child's words to the end. Eleventh. You need to listen to your child and read his intentions and feelings. There are parents who are too strong in their intentions and lack the attitude to acknowledge others. These parents can't read the child's words, and they can't listen to the child's true feelings. They just distort their intentions and turn them into preconceived notions, and often distort and interpret them in their own way. When there is more conflict with the child, the fatigue becomes worse. It was the same last time, and it was the same the last time, and the child just says what he wants to say. In this case, the conflict can only get worse. You need to think about what the child really wants to say from the child's point of view. Twelfth. You need to be able to accept your child's strong emotions as they are. There are many cases in adolescence where you can't control your emotions. As the hormone secretion increases, the emotions are running wild, but the frontal lobe of the brain that can control it has not developed. It's a situation where there's a beast, but there's no trainer who can control it. That's why it's hard for the child to control himself. You need to be able to accept it. Thirteenth. You need to find out if there is a way to meet the needs of your child, your duty, or the needs of your family. If the child's needs are not necessarily necessary, there are many cases where they are overwhelmed by the needs of their duty or family. If you have to do it, you have to do it, but I want you to think about whether there is a way to meet the needs of your child. For example, in a situation where you have to go see your great-grandparents, what can you do if you have to go see your friend? Don't say, You're not good enough. First, say hello to your great-grandparents, and then suggest a new solution to meet your friend a little later. Then the child can understand that his parents respect his needs and think for him from his own point of view. Fourteenth. When you refuse a child's request, you have to say it in a calm and respectful way. When a person is refused, they are hurt in two main aspects. One is the fact that they were refused, and the other is the attitude of refusal. So be careful of the attitude of refusal, and help to minimize the harm to the child. Don't be indifferent or ignorant. First, express your desire to understand and listen to your child's needs, and then explain why you can't listen to your child's needs. Even if you can't do all the things I've told you today, even if you do some of them, the conflict with your child will be greatly reduced. All parents in Korea who always think of their child first, I, Dr. Bean Sprout, support you.