A Narcissist's crutch is to accuse you of slander and defamation of character

Hi there everyone, I'm Petra. Good to be back again and welcome back to the channel. It's good to have you tuned in again. It was just something I wanted to make a short video on. Well, I always say it's gonna be short, but it usually ends up being long. But, you know, there's a lot that I've heard from clients and it's something that I myself have been through, is that a police report will be filed against you. You may even be taken to court. You may even have terrible consequences attached to this when you have been discarded by the narcissist or when you yourself have implemented no contact. And it's the very fact that the narcissist will use this crutch, I call it a crutch. It's a crutch to accuse you of slander and defamation of character. Now I just, just for the hell of it, I looked up the definition of crutch on Google and I found this very interesting definition and it states, a crutch is a long stick with a cross piece at the top, used as a support under the armpit by a lame person. Now you can take the word lame any which way you want to, but it is in fact, if you look at that word and you look at the personality of a narcissist, then lame, I would say, is a very correct definition. They are lame in their mental state, lame in their emotional state, lame in their state of responsibility, which is really non-existent. And so it's a very lame way of protecting themselves. And usually this is something you will be confronted with, with the police report or with them taking you to court, when they know, when they see that you have uncovered that smoke screen. So when you start telling the truth, speaking your truth, this is when they will turn things around, use projection, that's what it really is. Use the projection to make you look like the bad person, make you look like the one who has psychological issues, make you look like the abuser, and they come out looking like the victim. So a narcissist has a lot of self-awareness. They know, and I'm sure many of you may argue this, I know from speaking to many survivors, from speaking to other coaches or experts on, and I say experts this way, because I think we are all experts. You know, there's not a certain study that you have to follow to become an expert. It is really about going through the experiences with a narcissistic person. But I digress, I'm sorry. You know, just from speaking to so many people, there has been this doubt where the question is raised, is the narcissist really self-aware? And I believe they are. They are very self-aware. They know that their behavior is toxic. They know that they manipulate, that they intimidate. They are very aware of their very bad actions. But the thing that they do lack is self-reflection. So even though they are aware, they do not have that reflection to correct their behavior. They do not believe anything is wrong with them. They do not ever believe that they are in the wrong. And even if they do, if they do know that truth and acknowledge it to themselves, they will still not take the steps to correct their behavior, to apologize, to do whatever is necessary to repair a healthy relationship. And that is the key word there. If the relationship is healthy, then someone who is very self-aware and also practices self-reflection will apologize, will mend the relationship with you, will apologize for their bad behavior. They will try to repair things. And this, of course, as we know, is something that the narcissist will never do. So it scares a narcissist shitless. I'm in Holland. I can say shitless. It's allowed over here. It scares them shitless when you voice the truth. When you go on YouTube, as I have done, as many other survivors have done, when you write a blog, when you share your story, whether that is in a very private setting with family and friends, or whether it is out in the open, in public, this is you telling your truth. This is you telling of your experiences. And this is something that absolutely terrifies the narcissist. They cannot deal with this. You know, as I had said in a video about two years ago, is that they are like energy vampires, and they suck the life out of you. And whenever light is shone onto their bad behavior, this is what they are very afraid of. They're terrified of this. So they will do everything in their power to flip things around on you, to blame shift you. They will make you look like the abuser again, and make themselves look like the victim. Now, this is something that I myself have been personally dealing with in the last, I would say, just over a year. And it has just now recently been closed. A police report was filed against me for defamation of character, for slander. And reading through those reports, I was allowed to look into them and read them. Everything that was stated in that report was absolute projection. The truth had been twisted to fit their sick minds. Stuff was said about me that had a small grain of truth, and then it was blown up out of proportion so that it really made me look like the one who was abusing, when, of course, that was not the case. You know, that is, I think, a very interesting point is when you are, when a police report is filed against you, or when you were taken to court, the thing that kept me going is that I knew my truth, and I stood by my truth. And, of course, it was very hurtful. It was very frustrating to read what had been said about me. But on the other side of that, I kept on pulling my focus back to the truth. I knew I was telling the truth. I knew what I had experienced. I was very aware of what had gone on. And I was not about to be swayed from my truth. So this is what really kept me going through the whole process, because the police were involved, lawyers were involved, a judge was involved. But at the end of the day, things worked out in my favor. I cannot go into detail. And I want to put this behind me. It has come, you know, it has had a very favorable outcome for me. And I have put that behind me now. But I think it is very important to share some part of my story with you, for those of you who are going through this right now, who have been taken to court, who are facing charges, you know, false allegations. And it is very important to know that you are not alone in this. And this is what a narcissist will do every single time. They will twist it. They will do everything in their sick minds, everything that they believe is putting them into a good light. They will do in order to free themselves from your truth. They do not want the truth. They want the lies. They want the misconceptions. They want the lack of integrity. This is what they're after. This is part of who they are. And the problem with being sued or being charged with certain things is that very often the police are manipulated. The judges are manipulated. Everyone who is involved in your case at that time is manipulated by the narcissist. And so oftentimes it is an absolute fight to get your truth out there. And most of the time your truth will not be believed. And why is this? It is because, as I said, the police, the judges, everyone involved will be manipulated. And the narcissist has a very convincing way of telling their side of the story, which makes you look like the true villain. So there is no, you know, there is no, I cannot offer you the way to deal with that. I can only offer you how I dealt with it. And that was to, as I just said, refocus my energy, my time on my truth and to stand by myself, to support myself in that truth. And the thing, of course, that helped is that I had all my family members behind me, my partner, my daughter, my friends, everyone supported me through this. It was a very trying time, but a very exhilarating time as well, because when you stand in your truth, you know, that is what is going to prevail. The truth will always prevail. And even though to some part of the outside world, to the judges, to the police, to lawyers, where you may still look like the villain, that at the end of the day did not matter to me because I stood by my truth. And that is all that was really important. That was all that mattered. So I don't have a very clear-cut solution to how to deal with this. And I know that very many of you are going through the same thing. All I can offer is follow your truth and present your evidence for your truth, if you have it. That is really the only way to go about it. And if at the end of the day you are taken down, you are served a punishment in whatever form for the untruths told by the narcissist, then that is something you have to deal with at that moment. And, you know, if there were any extra successful stories that, you know, of people coming out of this on the top, then of course I will share them with you. And I'm very excited to know about your story and how you came up on top, you know, on top of the whole situation that the outcome was in your favor. So please, if you have those stories, please do share them with us down below or by way of email. There was something very interesting that I just, I think in the past six months, which really came to light when I sat back and really reviewed for myself what had been going on in the relationship with this person who accused me of slander and defamation of character, is that there was a pattern going on throughout that relationship. And it was only afterwards when I stepped away from it, when I went no contact and when these false allegations were put onto me, that's when I realized that what this person was doing at this very moment to me was stuff that they had told me throughout our relationship. How they had sued ex-lovers, how they had sued ex-business partners, how they had accused ex-business partners of being pathological liars, of stealing their work, of stealing the work of others. So there was this whole pattern of them really placing defamation of character onto these other people from their past. And now, in hindsight, I can see that that was all, it was a whole setup. So everything that this person had been telling me about these people in her life whom she had taken to court, whom she had accused, and she said it with a very, to her it was very funny the way she told about all these situations in her life. All these people who had been taken to court by her, who had been sued by her, who had police reports filed against them by her. That was her pattern. And that is a huge red flag when you are in relationship with a narcissist and they tell you these things. I was not aware of it when she was telling me this. All I felt was compassion for her and I felt sorry. And I thought, oh goodness, what a terrible trying time you have been through in all these years. Little knowing that I would be the target, excuse me, of that form of abuse very many years later. So just be aware, if you are still in the middle of these relationships with narcissists, be aware that they will tell you who they are by telling you about situations from their past, by making fun of people from their past, and telling you with great joy, really, how they took these people down, how the court system helped them to take these people down. Just be aware because that is a huge red flag. So see that flag, acknowledge that flag, and then do everything that you can do to liberate yourself from that relationship. So again, you know, a narcissist's crutch is to accuse you of slander and defamation of character. And it is not to say there is something wrong with you because this is what often happens to victims. When we get these false allegations against us, we start to doubt ourselves, we start to doubt our own truth, we start to rattle our minds for the experiences that we have been through and doubt that perception as well. We start thinking, well, maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I need to go and see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Maybe there were certain things I did that are really toxic. But just know that this is their whole intention. When a narcissist accuses you, when they file police reports against you, this is their whole intention, is to rock your boat, is to make you doubt your own reality, make you doubt your perception. It is abuse from a distance. That's what it really is. So just be aware of this, hold on to yourself, hold on to your truth, join support groups who are going to help you through this because you need to share your story when you are in the midst of going through court, fighting for your truth, you need that support. And if you don't have it by way of family or friends, then it's very important to get that from outer sources, for example, through a support group. And having said that, I have a support group on Facebook, it's called Truth, and I will place the link down below the video, but please feel free to join. It's a closed group. If you would like to join us and share your stories and just support each other through your journey of healing. Thanks again for watching and see you all again next time. Take good care of yourself and always back yourself up in your truth. Bye for now.