Diary of the Deprived Asian Child

Hey guys, what's up? So you know growing up in America with Asian parents? I kind of missed out on a lot of fun things. I don't know if any of you guys went through that. Sweet! Pizza! What are you having, Dan? Tea eggs and rice. Smells like fart. Don't you get money for school lunches? You get money? Uh, yeah. For doing chores at home. You get paid to do chores? Uh, yeah. It's called an allowance. Hey mom, can I have an allowance? What's allowance? Okay, that's where you pay me to do my chores. For what? For my chores. You're joking. No, all my friends get it. If your friend don't jump off a cliff, you jump off a cliff too, huh? I'm not going to do any more chores. No more washing dishes, no more taking out the trash, cleaning... Pay $10 for a haircut when you can do it at home? Mom, I want to change my hairstyle. You boy, who care? I care. Girls care. Girlfriend? You too young for girlfriend. Hey mom, can I go on a sleepover? All we're going to do is play games and watch movies. Okay. Really? Come back before... What? That's not a sleepover. Doesn't even start until six. Three hour long... Mom, why can't I go trick-or-treating? You want to look like demon? I don't have to look like a demon. I could look like a Power Ranger. Ah, costumes so expensive. Here, go buy some candy. I still want to go trick-or-treating. No, not for you. I don't get candy either. For the other kids, so they don't toilet paper our house like last year. That's because you try to give them dried squid. That's the good stuff. Mom, can I go on a field trip? No, so dangerous. But why? It's just camping. All the other kids are going and all their parents signed the permission slip. No. Yeah, marshmallows, they're so dangerous. Merry Christmas! Oh my God! Mom, I'm ten. Chinese New Year! Thanks so much, Mom! Now I can finally go to the arcade! For college. No crying for Chinese New Year. Hey Mom, hey Dad, um... Can I go to the school dance? Okay, okay, you can go. Really? She your girlfriend? Who your girlfriend? Honey, let's go boogie. Okay, okay. Hey guys, so those were some of the things that I think I missed out on when I was a kid. But my parents were probably just wanting the best for me. And now that I think about it, it really made me who I am. And there are some things that aren't so bad. Dude, can I crash at your place for a while? Would your parents kick you out or something? Yeah, and I have to pay loans. Where are you getting all your money from? Red pocket money. Plus my mom already paid for all my college. She pretty much just gives me money whenever I need it. Mom, can I get some money? Oh my god, you're already 18! Get a job, Seth!