THE CURIOUS DISNEY SECURITY GUARD

You know those weird people that are like super into Disney Parks and they buy an annual pass every year and they have all of the theme park collectibles and... yeah that's me. My family's actually part of the Disney Vacation Club so that's even worse. Point is, I have spent a lot of time in Disney Parks. In fact, my family just came back from a vacation there in October of 2016. We were there for the Food and Wine Festival and if you haven't done that, you really should. I highly recommend so much fun and delicious food. But anyways, my family and I were headed over to Epcot and at the entrance of every single Disney Park is a security bag check. And what that basically means is there's a row of tables and at the end of each table is a security guard and the security guard opens your bag, they look inside and then they send you on your way. That's it. It's pretty straightforward and they have been doing it for years. I'm gonna reiterate that I'm an old Disney pro. If I'm gonna carry a bag, it is small and I only carry the essentials. But that particular day, one of the essentials was a, well, an item of delicate nature. Secured by a small drawstring bag. Now I'm not going into details because I can't really gauge the sensitivity of my audience. I know a lot of you are dudes so that makes this worse. But if you really want to know more about what was in that bag, just pause the video and Google search menstrual cup. Shorthand explanation, it's a period thing. You're big boys, you can handle it. So I got up to the front of this security line and the security guard checking bags is a young fella, my age, maybe younger. He took my bag, opened it up and reached for the front pocket. Let me remind you, for years I have watched Disney security guards open my bag, look inside and that's it. But to my dismay, this young security guard reached into the front pocket of my bag and pulled out my hairbrush. My first thought was, hmm, that's a little strange. Well, maybe he just couldn't tell what it was. He put it back, reached into the second pocket and pulled out my wallet. Wait, what is he doing? Is he actually going to pull out and show everybody in this line everything in my bag? Wait, but before I could stop him or say anything, he had put back my wallet and reached into the third pocket. The pocket that contained my little drawstring bag. Within a moment, this young, unknowing security guard had a very sensitive item in his hand. And since he had already proven himself the curious type, one could hardly blame me for what I did. In my shock, I blurted out without really thinking, you don't want to open that bag. Tell me something. In a high-stress security check situation, say, like at the airport, do you ever think it's a good thing for a security guard to hear the words, you don't want to open that bag? This young security guard gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look like I have never seen before in my life. I mean, for all he knew, this young woman standing across from him was trying to harbor in a small explosive device. For goodness sake, she's giving him a look of terror like she had been caught. He looked at the bag in his hand and very subtly squeezed it. I could see the color drain from his cheeks. He looked to me, and after a moment, he said, I don't think I want to open this bag. He put it back and pushed the purse towards me. Have a magical day, ma'am. Yeah, you too, buddy. Jerk. I'd wash that hand if I were you. Moral of the story, keep your grimy mitts out of my purse. Oh, and subscribe. Hey, Explainers and Entertainers, one last thing before I go. If you want to listen to me ramble on about two of my most favorite things in this world, animation and YouTube, then go ahead and click the video on the left. I was interviewed by the very kind Mike Mixtape, so go on over to his channel and send him some love. It's actually kind of ironic that I'm uploading this video because I am going back to Disney World very, very soon to spend some time with one of my best friends in the world. I just really hope nobody at Disney World sees this video and decides to blacklist me from the parks. Anyways, my Explainers and Entertainers, thank you so much for tuning in, but now I gotta tune out. Bye.