Skinhead interview-Psycho

All right, Psycho. Yes. Psycho, where'd you grow up? Where are you from originally? I'm Reseda, San Fernando Valley. Tell me about your family growing up. I don't remember much. I left home when I was 14. My mom, she ran around with a lot of Hells Angels and bikers. So I was raised up around a lot of drug dealers, you know, a lot of bikers, different boyfriends my mom had every day. I didn't know my dad. No, I want, huh? Your mom was a biker chick. Yeah, yeah. The lush at a bar, no ran around with different bikers. You know how that goes. How would you describe your childhood? Very rebellious, very, just a lot of hatred, a lot of anger, a lot of hostility. You finished high school? Huh? You finished high school? No, I got a GD in California Youth Authority in juvenile hall. I left home when I was 13. So you stopped going to school at what age? No, I stopped going to school about 10. No, I was at home most of the time by myself. My mom worked. I mean, she got home from work and different boyfriends beating on her. That's all I list. Her arguing with dudes, her getting beat on. No, it's a lot of hostility, a lot of anger, a lot of hatreds. What I grew up around, you know? And drugs started for you at some point? Huh? Yeah, yeah. Crystal meth. I ended up going to prison for manufacturing and making crystal meth. Interstate drug trafficking. I did 20 years straight. I did four years in juvenile hall in California Youth Authority for drug dealing. I was gonna prospect for HAs, but I went to prison. Good thing I did it. I would end up with life, you know? I don't remember a lot. Most of my bringing up when I was a kid was just a lot of madness, you know? A lot of chaos. And I grew up real fast. No, I thought drug dealing and all that was a thing to do, you know? I ended up with a lot of time. I ended up, you know, getting into the skinhead thing. You know, I paroled, validated gang member. I just got off the gang file about a month ago. You know, I'm 53 now. I'll be 54 in March. So you were in a Mexican gang? Huh? You were in a Mexican gang? No, a skinhead gang, white gang. Oh, a skinhead gang. Yeah, you know, it's a lot of gangs, a lot of gangs. So how is a skinhead gang different than the black gangs or the Mexican gangs? Just for your race, you know? They're all for the race, you know? The kids make it a little more, a little more racial, you know? Yeah, and in prison, it kind of- The thing now, yeah, yeah. Becomes a very- Very- Race oriented, right? Everybody's out of their shoe and out of the hole. So prison's going to change, you know? Not going to be as peaceful. I'm glad I got out. I got my prison number in the end of 88. I've been off parole for almost 10 years now. Month. I'm on probation, but- You have kids? Yeah, I got a 24 year old daughter. The money I got busted with, I put in for a school and almost, almost 800,000. I paid for her school and she's now, she's like a year away from being an assistant RN, registered nurse at UCLA Medical Center. You still have contact with her? Yeah. You do? Yeah. I talk to her like once or twice a week. She's with my sister over in Reno, Las Vegas. I gave her up to my sister, gave my sister custody. I couldn't take care of her, you know? So the meth background, the mom- She messed my whole life up, you know? You must have some interesting stories. Yeah. A lot of drug dealing, a lot of money. What kind of stuff have you seen? Huh? Tell me a story. I mean, I started, I was dealing drugs for about five years. When I got out of YA, I was out for like, maybe close to five years. I mean, I started off with $10 and I ended up getting busted with 52 pounds of crystal meth and I taught myself how to cook, how to make it, thousands and thousands of dollars. I didn't even talk to people unless it was about money, you know? Women, fast cars, motorcycles. They took, when I got busted, they took my house, my motorcycle, everything. I paroled homeless, you know? And I got busted again. When I got out, I was fighting this case. My mom and dad died. My uncle died. Grandparents died. So I was on the borderline of being suicidal, you know? I ended up going into a pill mausoleum in the county. I ended up with an apartment. I pay $33 a month in an apartment right now, you know? It's like a Section 8 over by 6th and Alvarado. You know, I was homeless for about five years when I got out. Where were you staying? Over by Beverly and Fairfax. You know where the Goodwill is over there? In Hollywood? Yeah, in the alley behind it. I was in a tent, you know? I'm glad I ain't homeless out here in downtown or MacArthur Park. Oh my God. Fentanyl's killing them, you know? Do you have any friends? Huh? Do you have any friends? Not really, man. You know, I pick and choose people I talk to. I got a lot older. I don't want to catch time, you know? Everybody's on the fentanyl thing. People don't really, I believe in loyalty and integrity still, you know? There's a lot of people I don't even want to talk to. Good luck finding those things. Huh? Good luck finding those things down here. Yeah, yeah. You ain't gonna, this doesn't exist, I don't think, anymore. It does, but a lot of us don't come out. I don't come out much, you know? I go from point A to point B, you know? Do you have any regrets? Yeah, I regret, you know. Wish I could have did it a different way, you know? So I wouldn't have went to school or did something with my life besides. At least I got an apartment, but. If you had a dad, maybe that might have helped you. Huh? If you had a dad, that might have helped you. It might have helped. I had to raise myself. I was like, I didn't really believe in a dad, you know? All the people that were supposed to be a dad were just beating on my mom, you know? I don't believe in hitting women, but I wish I would have had a dad, you know? You been in love before? Huh? Have you been in love before? In love? Yeah. You know, my mother and my child ended up taking a witness stand against me. She ended up being an informant for the police. I was with her for almost four years. She had my kid, got high with me, everything. They called the last witness for the prosecution and she took the stand. She ended up being a snitch, an informant, CI. No, so, I've tried here and there, but women are with games now, you know? A lot of these women been through a lot, so. Love's a hard word for me. Yeah, for a lot of people. I mean, my mom told me she loved me, but she loved heroin more than me, so. I don't know why I love you, son, but you gotta find somewhere else to go. So, I left when I was almost 14. So, a month away from being 14. So, your mom was a heroin addict? Yeah. Are you still using today? Huh? Are you still using today? I've used crystal, you know? Crystal. Not gonna lie, you know? Right. What does crystal do for you at this point? You've been using it for a long time, I take it. Keeps my mind stable, you know? Keeps me from having to feel my own, you know, my own emotions and stuff, you know? Keeps me from having nightmares of stuff I've done in prison, and a lot of stabbings. You know, it's just how it is in there, you know? You don't really have a choice. You got two choices in there, you know? I try to talk to these kids out here, you know? Don't choose the way I went, you know? What do you worry about now, at this point in your life? What are you afraid of? Losing my apartment, you know? Going back to prison. I won't lose my apartment for nothing, you know? I told anybody, you make me lose my apartment, I'm going to go after them, you know? So you're walking a very straight line now. I'm trying to, you know? I get high, you know? Ideal crystal here and there, but you know? When I have to, you know? But I'm not doing the stuff I used to do. Nah. Nickel and dime shit. Off and on. Very seldom, you know? Other than that, I don't really try not to do shit, you know? Yeah. Are you self-destructive, you think? Not as much. A little bit, but not the way I used to be. I've learned how to control it, you know? Not a time bomb anymore, you know? That's basically what it is. What emotions do you deal with? You get angry or depressed or anxious? Stress, anxious, angry. I see all the money people get and I want it again, but I live right in 18th Street hood, you know? My roommates, his brother and all of them, his brother runs 18th Street out there in MacArthur Park. I could do whatever I want out there, but I see the money that they get. A white person can't, you know how it is over there. We ain't got nothing coming over there, so I'm not stupid, you know? Like this money I'm gonna take and get food and clothes, you know? Do some laundry. No. What's been the hardest part of your life? The lowest point. The lowest part of my life? When I went to prison and lost, when the courts took everything I had and gave it all to her because I put the shit in my name. I should have put it in somebody else's name, so mine and her name. She got everything. She's under protective custody, you know? I'm not gonna do anything to her, you know? Do you have any good memories? Having a kid, you know? I did something. At least my money went to something, you know? She still answers my call. She don't really talk. She don't say anything, but she'll answer my call. She'll say hi and bye and that's it, but at least she answers my call, you know? I paid for her schooling, so I did something right, you know? Other than that, I really didn't do anything right, you know? Whatever right is, you know? I wish I could have did it better, you know? Wish I would have had better role models for myself, you know? Yeah, you had no role models. None. They were all criminals. They'd all been to prison. Gangsters, you know? I thought that was a way of life and it ended up being. Even my own uncle told me, he was in the shoe. He's Aryan Brotherhood. He told me, you guys are just chesmies. It's never been about loyalty or integrity or none of that shit. It's been about money. You guys are money signs. If you ain't making money, you ain't shit. You gotta go. I pretty much was stripped, man. I had a Hells Angels patch and all that shit, you know? They put me on a shelf. I can't even call them anymore. When I went to prison, you can't. They don't put no money on your books. I didn't have no TV in my cell. I did my last nine years of single cell status in a shoe. No book, no TV, no nothing. I just worked out and meditated. You was isolated. Yeah. I lived like that. Like in my apartment, I stayed in my room like it's my cell. Even my roommate, he knows better. When I go in there, he'll say, you busy? He'll knock on the door, you know? Even though it's open, he'll fucking make himself known, you know? I just, I don't like a lot of people, crowds. It's really crowded over there, you know? I got a teardrop. That's for killing one of the Mexicans, you know? So a lot of them know what it is, but. What would you say is the most important lesson you've learned in your life? Not to make the mistakes I did, you know? To think before I act. To think. I used to just act without thinking. No more jumping to conclusions or assuming anything or stepping on toes and taking every second as a blessing, you know? Instead of thinking I was God, you know? Because I had the money. The money is the root of all evil, man, you know? A lot of these people ain't even seen money or the amount of drugs I did or had. I had garbage. I got busted. I had 52 pounds of crystals, a lot of crystals. A lot. I had almost $4 million cash on the courtroom table. They took it all. All but the money I had, they let me put, send that money, give that money to my sister to pay for my daughter's schooling, $740,000. Paid for all her schooling. I paid it all at once. Lot of books. She's about a year away, 10 months away. If you could have changed one thing about the way you grew up, what would you change? Being a better man, you know? Better dad or better father. I wish I would have been there for my kid. Even she said, I can't tell her anything. She said, I mean, you're my father, but you're not my dad, you know? There's a difference. I'm her father because she came from me, but I'm not her dad, you know? She thought I was in the military. Baby's mama told her, showed her videos of me torturing people and all that shit, you know? I thought all that was cool or the thing to do. Now people tell and all that. I don't even care anymore at all. You feel like a lot of your life was spent in the wrong direction? Yeah, pretty much. It was all just a fucking fantasy. Something that, something to control me. And I thought it was right. Kill the child molester, stab a rapist, if somebody snitch, kill them. I'm not gonna do life no more. I'm not giving them no more. I mean, they took everything. They ain't took my mind, you know? I just adapt. I've learned to take every second as a blessing, you know? Used to be into Satanism and all that shit, you know? I give God a chance, you know? I don't know if you believe in God, but. All right, Psycho. So we, we, we spoke since that last, that first talk we did. And you told me you'd be willing to tell me about some of the crazy things you've been through and some of the stories you've got to tell. What, what do you want to share with me? You know, some of the stupid fights I've been in for the dumbest reasons, you know? Arguments about a dollar short or, or a day late. It's just a lot of, I look back, a lot of nonsense, you know, a lot of chaos that I caused on myself, you know? Because I went and stepped my way and it never was my world, you know? But, you know, I just lived like that. And that's the wrong path I took, you know? I look back, a lot of money. I had to have more and more money. I never had enough money, you know? And I would do whatever. I'd step on toes and I just created thousands of enemies. People just not want to even think about me. As I was just, I was trying to rake in money like, like Wall Street, you know? I was on the torture thing for a while, you know? On people, especially like bullies and people that thought they were tough. I was like, I had like a thing for them, you know? I just hate bullies, you know? I mean, I was when I was young and I, my uncle, he almost broke my nose in three places and I never did it again. I hate bullies, you know? And, you know, I, I zip tied my homeboy, his old lady, his sister for getting in, getting her nose into it, her husband and my cousin because it was all, they had their nose and all. I zip tied the whole family. I said, now you can watch me be on this dude for 72 hours. I had his eyelids. I got it out of a book that Hitler used to use. You know, dental floss, he'd hold their eyelids open and shine a light directly in their eyesight. And from the lack of sleep in their eyes, they'd go delirious. When you say zip tie them, you mean? Yeah, zip tie like. Oh, so? Like this, like this. And I mean, the more you move your arms, the tighter they get, you know, to where they were cutting into this, you know, I give them, they were cutting into his wrist, you know? And I seen all his blood. I was like, oh man, I had to cut him off. And they were already, they were stuck in his flesh, you know? And my baby's mom ended up showing my daughter this video. I forgot I videoed it. And I forgot that it was in my storage and she had a key to my storage. I forgot all about that. She showed my daughter, this is your real dad, you know? And I just looked at it last night, the video. I burnt it, you know? And I'm sitting there laughing. I'm looking, this wasn't, it wasn't funny, you know? You also told me your face used to be fully tattooed. I had a lot of political shit, lightning bolts, swazzies. My family crest back here. Viking warship. You had them removed. Yeah, I promised my grandparents and, you know, I did it for my daughter too. I don't want her to see my face like that, you know? It's a lot of regrets on that face, you know? I earned them all, it's a, you know, I stabbed people for all of them. Child molesters, rapists, for what, you know? I didn't get nothing out of it. I got a whole, I got extra time. I turned seven years into 20 years with 85% because of raising my hand. A lot of, they don't even answer my calls. They said, we're just taking your colors from you too much. My answer is, I mean, if a person's a problem, get rid of the problem. I just get rid of it. I guess what I'm doing after three days, the person wants to leave the planet to get away from it. I make them stop, you know? Scared straight program. When the judge took everything from me, when he seized all my stuff and I almost got RICO-acted, that's what they do to like mafia dons, you know? I'm like, I'm a recording and a video away from being RICO-acted. You know, my roommate got me back on the validation book for another seven years, yesterday, because he's in 18th Street and all that, for participating in other races for money and doing too much, racketeering and all this shit, you know? Because people talk, you know? I forget about that. You know, this, I'm in a Mexican area. I'm in a whole nother world. This ain't Cycle's world. This is their world. And that's what it got me when I let my roommate trap the house up for money. I'd rather do that than rob people, you know? Or rip people off of bullshit, you know? Like this kid, he's like, trying to make me sick watching him smoke this shit, you know? I look back on the shit I've done, I laugh at how stupid it was. Now that I'm, I mean, I'm just snorting crystal. I used to slam a whole gram. I had to see spots. I'd do like a hundred unit shots of crystal. I learned, I taught myself. I got it off of YouTube. They teach you how to make dope right on YouTube. Tell you where to get the shit, tell you how to get it sent to you. It ain't the same as it used to be, you know? I'm not trying to do life, but, you know, taught me a lot, you know? A lot of them, I have nightmares every night. I wake myself up. The thoughts are gonna run through my head when I look at some of these dudes when they make me mad, cause I flash quick. And it's the real petty stuff that gets me the maddest. Cause they, people think they're running a game. A lot of the, you know how the females do it. If I had to play your, push your buttons, a lot of them are into that shit. It irritates you. I tell them, you don't want to irritate me cause I'm thinking, I'm gonna tell you what you, and I tell them what they're going to do. And they think, oh, you were right. Yeah, I was right. The man was right, you know? I was doing this before a lot of these people were born. That shit ain't shit. It's watered down, you know? I ain't trying to go back to prison, no. Cause I got, I'm institutionalized. They don't even want to arrest me cause they know I'm gonna live better in there. I get shit for free, you know? I could sit in a cell and stare at a wall for 24 hours for, for years. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't. My mind adapts like that, you know? All right, Psycho. Well, thank you so much for sharing your story. Yeah. I wish you the best of luck. Yeah. With your new direction. Yeah. Thank you.