If you think this is Infantilising Autism, you're WRONG.

I posted a video about a month ago now about how autistic Advocate and actress beloved autistic Advocate and actress Khloe Hayden was basically bullied off social media because she posted a video of herself stemming expressing her autistic Joy because she saw a part of whales and the comments just became really nasty people started making horrible Duets that were really mocking a lovely viewer you'll know who you are alerted me to the fact that this has basically happened again on New Year's Eve another autistic content creator on Tik Tok called Sienna posted a video of them watching an episode of Bluey which is an Australian animated TV show which is typically aimed at children and they were stemming in this video the intention of posting this video was to kind of show that not everyone celebrates in the same way on New Year's Eve and that's okay like some of us just stay home in our cozy clothes and we watch Bluey and that's very relatable to me my family and I we stayed at home I watched Spirited Away for the first time and I absolutely loved it and had a Papa John's because I've been listening to a lot of Chapel R music recently and feminine omon had me craving Papa John's if you don't want to Crave Papa John's don't listen to that song but yeah anyway basically this content was not supposed to be controversial unfortunately the negative comments that Sienna received seem to be even worse than what I saw in Khloe's video but as I said in the video about Khloe I wasn't sure whether things had been removed by the time I got to the comment section there this time it's definitely all hanging out for us to see I'll through some of the comments but don't worry this video isn't just going to be a big of negativity hopefully there is a larger Point here first we have faking autism is so wild we probably should expect this one is pretty standard at this point it's this this lovely problem where autistic content creators can't win either you mask on camera and you present yourself like a non-autistic person and you get told by people in the comments that your autism is not valid you clearly have no support needs Sienna themselves states that they are high support needs autistic individual or you stem freely over an episode of Bluey and you're told that you're faking it so I'm not really sure what people want either way if people want to tell you that you're faking autism or you're self- diagnosed or all these things people like to say they're going to say it anyway regardless of how you behave people who know nothing about autism are constantly pretending to be Scholars of the autistic experience there's another comment that says the 2020 self- diagnosed autism and yeah probably a lot of people did discover their neurod Divergence in 2020 and it probably was a direct result of more people being at home due to the pandemic and then spending more time consuming content online and maybe the algorithm kind of fed people the right things and they had the time to self-reflect and put two and two together the fact is there has been kind of a massive underdiagnosis of autism over the years so there are a lot of undiagnosed autistic people and of course if we're going to play cat up one day as we learn more and more about the different ways in which autism can present it is going to seem like a lot more people are being diagnosed all of a sudden what's that thing about like left-handedness you used to be really stigmatized and then once that changed all of a sudden there were loads of people coming out saying I'm left-handed you know the autistic people have always been there it's just that more of us have a name for who we are now the comment on the bluey video with the most thumbs up is thank you for making adults with autism look like children with a kiss on the end hey at least they put a Kiss Kiss It All Better with another 1,000 likes we have stop making autism seem childish so yeah as you may have gathered here a lot of the hate is coming from within the autism Community this time which didn't seem to be the case on Khloe's video I'm not sure if that's because she's been such a big part of the community for such a long time I don't know I half expected the comments from the non-autistic or the aristic individuals the ones calling me Sol telling me to unal Alive myself telling me that they wish Eugenics were back in actions and frankly I have such low expectations from those faceless accounts that while they were a concern they didn't phase me that much but what was more of a concern was the excessive lateral ableism and elateral violence from other autistic people they talk about how the autistic Community says stem freely and then when somebody does stem freely they face this sort of backlash I think there's probably a high chance here that the backlash is not coming from exactly the same people who say stem freely you know cuz not every autistic person is necessarily involved in the autistic Community but still it's upsetting to see the conclusion that sieno draws from this is that these individuals don't want to be associated with higher support needs autistic people stimming is something that many lower support needs autistic people will suppress particularly if they're out in public or in another situation where they don't feel particularly comfortable to be themselves which is a lot of the time for autistic people they may replace stems like hand flapping with things that are less effective for them but then also more socially acceptable like nail biting therefore the more kind of stereotypically autistic stems like hand flapping and rocking are more associated iated with autistic people who don't or can't suppress their stems which is more likely to be higher support means autistic people autistic people who perhaps need full-time care and this is likely why stemming is viewed negatively particularly when it's performed by an adult because Society acts as if disability is something that should be hidden away and most people are pretty uneducated if not afraid of disability but I think this assumption that stemming is not something that low or lower support needs autistic people do is actually really harmful and kind of needs to go so I thought I would include a few clips of me simming this is how I STM on a daily basis I tried my best to forget that my phone was there recording me obviously I might be a little bit subdued because it's kind of impossible for me to actually forget that my phone is there it's kind of weird for me to see it back I know what the internal experience is but I don't know how it looks on the outside really because I've never recorded it before but yeah this is how I've always stemmed as a child I would flap my hands around the age of five or six I switched over to flapping objects instead my favorite thing at the moment that I'm using here is my paying in book from my bank I'm pretty sure I only ordered that from the bank to use it for stemming because I'd had one previously when they asked me on the application would you like one I was like yeah I'll have another one of those please I also love a like kind of thin notebook it has to be the right thickness and then thin magazines like little magazines they were some of my favorites throughout my life I'll shake them until they absolutely fall apart and all the ink starts come off from where I've been holding it I revised for my exams by doing this basically pacing around on my toes flapping an object and I'd get into this kind of Trans State and I'd start repeating the facts that I needed to learn to myself over and over again and it really helped me to memorize things to me it's like the best feeling in the world and it's how I'm creative and how I come up with all of my ideas for these videos it's one of my favorite things about being alive and had I never found the autistic Community online I probably never would have even told told my husband about it anyway I have a whole video about how not simming is more dangerous than you think I think we need to continue posting content like Chloe's like Sienna's because simming is extremely important for the mental well-being of autistic people I'm sorry that someone has made you feel like you can't express yourself whether that was a parent whether it was a teacher whether it was peers at school I'm sorry that you feel like you can't express yourself I'm sorry that you can't experience that release that utter flood of joy that sing brings I feel a lot of empathy for those people because they're just scared they're scared of how the world treats people who behave like this a lot of the push back from the autistic Community is also coming from the fact that bluee is marketed as a children's TV show it's an Australian cartoon which they say is aimed at 5 to 7year olds people were attacking me for watching Bluey again telling me that it makes me a child people told me I'm the reason that autistic people aren't taken seriously people told me that I'm the reason they're embarrassed to be autistic let's kind of unu back this idea that you're doing autism and autism advocacy a disservice that you're encouraging the infantilization of autistic people by displaying yourself enjoying something that could be viewed as childish firstly I really want to argue that blue is not just aimed at children it shares quite a lot of similarities with the British TV show Peppa Pig but maybe aimed at like slightly older children I have a young child so I have watched a decent chunk of both programs and I can tell you they deliberately make it appealing to adults they add in a lot of jokes that only adults will understand they add in deeper meanings that are going to go whoosh over most 5 to seven year olds heads for the adults because they know most of the time if you have a young child you know the adult is the one who gets to choose whether or not that TV program goes on they choose what they present to their children they know if a program is more palatable for an adult audience as well as a child audience it's going to be on in the home a lot more and it's going to be more successful and that's certainly what they've done with blue and I must also say that blue has the cutest theme song in the world try and listen to that and not want to stay more dance which is basically just another type of socially acceptable stemming and wiggle your bomb it's a great theme song and the Australian accents are extremely cute it's lovely and it's certainly not just autistic adults who love a bit of Bluey I found this article on Upworthy people kept telling me to watch blue I still was not prepared some adults say it's healing their in a child but there's something in the popular Australian kid show for everyone now I doubt this article was written by a 7-year-old I have a confession to make I'm 48 years old my youngest child is in high school and I can't stop watching bluee when people kept telling me I should watch bluee my reaction was basically yeah I've already done my kitty Showtime thank you very much then my almost 15-year-old started watching it just to see what the fuss was about and as I started tuning in I saw why people love it so much as I got sucked deeper and deeper down the bluey hole I also saw why so many adults say the show is healing their inner child now I'm hooked along with the rest of my family of 40s somethings and young adults we even have favorite episodes that we rewatch for goodness sake yeah and in my house there's an episode called takeaway and my husband recommended it to me and he put it on for me just for me to watch the author also states that many therapists are recommending Bluey to their clients for folks with positive childhoods the show is nostalgic and comforting for those with tough childhoods the show can feel healing and for people who are raising their own kids it can be a resource to help them be better parents many autistic people have had difficult upbringings for various reasons feeling misunderstood and we may have more of a reason to seek comfort as adults in a chaotic World it makes sense that we'd want to watch a bit of Bluey maybe and if you don't want to watch Bluey that's fine but if you do it's also fine there are loads of hilarious self-aware slightly self-deprecating Tik toks from from autistic adults who love Bluey there's lots of people showing off their incredible Bluey Collections and bed spreads I can't like things in a chill way no I haven't figured out how to do that when I like something that's all I think about someone even made these lovely communication cards with Bluey characters there are countless Tik toks of people trying to diagnose characters as Autistic or ADHD there is a reason why Bluey has connected with autistic adults blue has a n .4 imgb rating for goodness sake who's rating that who's leaving these ratings is it 5 to 7 year olds I don't think so the episode sleepy time is rated a 9.8 clearly a lot of people are loving it and I'm sure it's not just autistic people sometimes you need these things to make you feel cozy and to make you feel like everything's going to be okay cuz this world can be a harsh place the last few years have been pretty brutal for various reasons and if you're an autistic person the volume on L may be turned up even more if you stick on something that's aimed at children the chances are the themes are going to be lighter it's going to be easier to watch if you're not in a great emotional state unless it's Disney where everyone dies all the time I don't know man purple Ella who is an artistic Creator they post shorts showing off some of their Collections and they like to collect Lego and jelly cats but my sister who is turning 18 this month she loves a good Jelly Cat she's not autistic my stepdad absolutely loves Lego he still loves many of the things he used to love when he was much younger so what I'm saying is I don't think like things that can sometimes be perceived as like not aimed at your age range is necessarily something that's exclusive to autism I do think obviously autistic people can be more intense about their interests more focused on their interest so maybe it's you know more obvious like a lot of these people who like Bluey they turn their whole bedroom into a shrine to Bluey you know it's very obvious that they're very into it and also a lot of autistic people you know if we're not masking or maybe sometimes if we are masking we can kind of not really care about social Norm Norms in the same way I find that there's certain things that I just don't feel embarrassed about and other people do and I feel like it's something I'm supposed to feel embarrassed about and it's supposed to be not socially acceptable but I'm just like but I just don't I can't I can't help it and so we may be more willing to be open about having these interest whereas other people you know might keep their comfort shows to themselves on my most recent am I the video I reacted to a post where a 19-year-old girl had been bullied by family members because she received a doll for Christmas and quite a lot of people in the comments left a snippet from this CS Lewis quote which I really love I think is so appropriate here when I was 10 I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so now that I am 50 I read them openly when I became a man I put away childish things including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grownup this rings so true for my life as well the vegan shoe brand koi brought out these telet topby boots which I really wanted and I really really regret not getting it's okay cuz I'm wearing a Winnie the Poo shirt now it's made up for it but if I had worn that now age 27 nobody would have cared nobody would have fatted an eyelid at all but if I had worn that when I was aged 12 ooh I would have been destroyed by my peers I would have been bullied telling people that they need to grow up because of their interests or their soft toys that is a sign of immaturity part of being an adult is freedom and autonomy to make your own decisions and your own choices about what you like and what you want to engage with so if liking childish things is not something that's inherent to autism why are autistic people infantilized and what the hell is infantilization anyway so infantilization is treating somebody who isn't a child as if they are a child often because you see them as less that less intelligent less human the Wikipedia page for infantilization is quite short but it actually mentions autism directly in one of the paragraphs as well as mentioning racism and sexism another specific dis ability often infantilized is autism which is viewed as a children's disorder with many autism organizations being run by neurotypical parents of autistic children and most Charities dedicated to autism focused on children the extreme focus on children essentially denies the existence of autistic adults within public Consciousness leading to many people unknowingly discriminating against autistic adults and I read a paper from 2011 that came to a very similar conclusion autistic people are infantilized because we don't see autistic adult representation in the media autistic adults are everywhere but conspicuously missing from the rhetoric of autism support group and charity websites the personas of popular books movies and television and the events chronicled in contemporary news articles too often autistic adults are also missing from the productive workplace so Jack who is a person they've used as an example throughout the paper maybe denied the accommodations afforded to other adults with disabilities because businesses are unaware of the existence of autistic adults much less how to support them Jill another person who was using an example May fear disclosing Her diagnosis to potential employers because of the harmful stereotypes they hold stereotypes caused at least in part by society's infantilization of autism Jack and Jill deserve better as do all autistic adults and it also States adults are not seen as cute or innocent or as beacons of Hope for the future adults are less easily manipulated and have legal rights regarding the use of their images in contrast children are rarely compensated for the use of their images and are unlikely to bring lawsuits for defamation should they find their image oring ideals they disparage children therefore present the face of choice for virtually all autism support societies and most autism Charities this was obviously 2011 but nowadays you search autism on Tik Tok even if you look on YouTube or YouTube channels you're going to see a lot of parents who plaster their autistic children all over social media a lot of that stuff continues to come up despite the fact that we do have more autistic self- Advocates these dat and then unfortunately when autistic Advocates who are able to consent to uploading themselves you know like yna and Chloe uploading clips of themselves sty they end up facing backlash like this and being told they're faking because unfortunately it just doesn't fit this narrative that people see about autism of puzzle pieces and crying children I will say I have seen even on clips of autistic children though people kind of saying things like oh they're not autistic they're just naughty so in general there just is a lack of public education about autism and all the different varied ways that autistic people can present but one thing that I think is clear is I don't think the infantilization of autism has anything to do with autistic people picking the wrong interests for themselves that's ridiculous and it's probably worth noting here that many autistic people will pick interests that are more associated with people much older than them for example autistic teenagers who are really fascinated with one like obscure period of time or they love knitting or they're doing College maths when they're like 13 I think the thing is with autistic people we're often kind of just on our own track doing our own thing we're not necessarily listening to the noise around us about what's trendy and what's the most socially acceptable band to listen to the most socially acceptable things to be interested in sometimes if we're masking we might be and you get autistic people who have special interests in things that are you know within popular culture one of my special interests is Taylor Swift I mean to be honest she wasn't always as cool as she is now though when I was 13 there's a clip of me talking about a lot of people say they don't like Taylor Swift online but I really love her I think she's really great and I was like oh that's funny to look back on how times have changed but yes childishness is not a trait listed in the DSM 5 and of course watching a children's TV show enjoying watching children's TV shows sometimes does not mean you are a childish person then it does not mean that you are a child and it does not mean that you should be denied any sort of Rights or respect the characters in the show may be children but you are not you are an adult another reason maybe that autistic people can be infantilized as well and that I've maybe felt in my own life is because we often have these spiky profiles so we can be like really good at something and then not so so good at something else and often we can be not so good at things that are considered to be really basic parts of you know human functioning I suppose and so people can then see you struggling in that area and assume you need support in all these other areas or alternatively people may see you like you know doing super well and Performing above average in a particular area and then assume that you need no help at all like when people assume if you do well academically then you can't possibly struggle with anything and you must be really really happy and content in all other areas of your life and you can't possibly be drowning you can very much still be drowning I don't believe autistic people are to blame for their infantilization and asking autistic people to mask in order to prevent people from behaving poorly towards them does not seem like the pathway towards autism acceptance to me we shouldn't have to suppress our true selves in order to be taken seriously as a full human being even if people can't relate to the things that we're interested in that doesn't matter that's irrelevant we shouldn't have to smother the things we love autistic Advocates online shouldn't have to dress up in a suit and sit down politely with quiet hands just so they can be more palatable to other people I don't think that's the point of what we're trying to do here at all even if you can hide your traits and suppress your steems it is actually exhausting and you have just fed into the rhetoric that stemming or watching a kid show or whatever else automatically makes you a child and then in turn you're feeding into the you should mask in order to be accepted meaning that you too will have to continue masking by attempting to shame people into complying with societ IAL Norms you have perpetuated the idea that because we stem we cannot be taken seriously I also just want to remind you that somebody treating you badly because of your diagnosis or because of harmless behaviors that you display such as watching Bluey in your cozy clothes is never your fault don't let anybody make you think you're the one in the wrong can anyone explain to me why there are autistic creators on this app accused of being childish being accused of infantilizing autism for sharing their special interest in Bluey which yes is a children's show but this is the exact same app that has platformed nanalan which is another show aimed at children to the extent that it has gone viral the creators of the show have ended up being interviewed about 20 years after they stopped making the show is it because Society loves quirky people and loves allowing people to indulge their inner child actually just hates autistic people I reminded that this is probably a small section of loudmouth people on Tik Tok which is not always a particularly nice place so while of course ableism does exist out in the real world and people don't understand what autism is I think it is important to remember that this comment section still is not necessarily a good reflection of how people may behave towards autistic people out in the real world there are a lot of non-judgmental kind open-minded people out there I managed to marry one of them and I'm hopefully raising one of them as well anyway watch some Bluey if you want to I'd recommend it or do whatever else you love doing Life's too short to care about what other people think I know it's a cliche but are you really going to be lying there on your deathbed one day and be like I really wish I'd masked more I really wish I'd done less of the things I love I wish I presented myself as more of an upstanding member of society at the expense of my own mental health that would have been really great and personally when I see somebody completely owning the things that they love and who they are it makes me so happy and even if I can't relate even if my interests are very different to theirs it makes me feel like it's okay for me to love whatever I love and to be open about that I can live unselfconsciously too and that's lovely with our lack of embarrassment maybe we could even help the alistic people a bit too maybe they could learn from the autistic people they could there's loads of things that nonautistic people could learn from autistic people if you want something a little bit lighter and happier that's connected to autism I recently did a video reacting to Instagram reels that were posted by actually autistic people and you seem to love them as much as I did it was so much fun if You' like to support my content if you want me to post more videos of myself flopping objects then feel free to join my patreon it starts at just $4 a month to join so basically a dollar a week you get two exclusive videos every month and access to the amazing Discord server Community the antisocial club and there's also a podcast I also post outtakes on there there are three tiers to choose from so you can have a look at what I offer on there if you're interested thank you so much bye [Music] [Music] he [Music] n