'The Care & Keeping of You' with Valorie Lee Schaefer

This episode of What Happens With Sid, I am super excited about the guest that I am getting ready to welcome because she played a major role in my childhood, and I'm pretty sure a lot of you ladies' childhood as well, Valerie Lee Schaefer. Valerie, welcome to the show. You are the mastermind behind the care and keeping of you, which was like the Holy Grail Bible for any young woman coming of age teaching us about our bodies and just Even on TikTok, it's still trending for us adults that are like, okay, wait a minute. This hasn't happened to me yet. This isn't going on. What's happening? Valerie, before we get into the story behind that book, tell us a little bit about who you are and what really made you want to create something that's so monumental for so many of us. First of all, I want to dispel the notion that I I had any kind of major genius brainstorm around this book. The idea for this book did not come, if we're talking about The Care and Keeping of You, that book did not come from me. That idea initially did not come from me. I worked at American Girl, which if you're, you know, any kind of kid who liked to read historical fiction or liked to do, to collect or play with dolls, you probably know the American Girl's collection from your youth. I worked at American Girl for almost five years. Wow. And I did a lot of different things there. I started out developing and merchandising doll product. And over the years, I worked through the creative services department. And at one point, I became the writer of the catalogs after Pleasant Rowland, the founder of the company, was no longer able to do everything. And so I had been writing at the company for a while, and I'd been part of sort of the Early brain trust of American Girl magazine. And so we had a lot of discussions internally about all the time about what how best to serve an audience of girls seven and up. And one of the things we knew because we had a lot of mail from girls into American Girl magazine was that they were very concerned, excited, worried, anxious about puberty. Yeah. And they said they would write us letters and they would tell us. You know, all the things that they wanted to know or that they were scared about. And so we knew that this was something that was very much on the minds of girls in our reading audience. Along with that is that Pleasant Rowland, the creator of the American Girls Collection, had seen a news article talking about the fact that girls were entering puberty at younger and younger ages, just historically. And there were a lot of theories about why that might be, but she was really concerned that girls were arriving at this milestone, this very important threshold of change, and they were not prepared. They were not prepared. They were embarrassed to to talk about it, even with the people that they trusted the most. Family members, their older siblings, whatever. And so she decided we, as people who created products for girls of this age range, were uniquely qualified to talk to this audience of girls. So she had the idea that we should write the first nonfiction book of advice ever published by American Girl and asked me to write it. So I think my initial reaction to that was, why me? I've never written a book. I've never written anything beyond a catalog. But she had some kind of sense that I would have a good voice for it, that I had a feel for the audience, that I had a passion for. Um, providing valuable services to girls at that age. And I certainly had a very clear idea of what it felt like to be a girl that age because I remember it indelibly. So that's how I came to write that book. So it wasn't something that I sat and cogitated about. It was something that was brought to me as an idea that I was able to jump. Onto a team that was already creating and I had an absolute brilliant editor at American Girl And just it was a very collaborative process. I want to say And it's so amazing how, you know, even to this day, you know, talked about like how it's still talked about. And I feel like even back then, you know, it's growing up. That was kind of like the start of girl empowerment, you know, where girls were getting together. And have you gone through this part of puberty yet? Have you gone through this part? And I saw a video on TikTok and I think she's around my age was like, you guys remember this book? And I think you commented on the video, which is how I tracked you down. And I was like, oh, stop. And like, you're just so cool. The vibe, the tattoos, your style. And I was like, it's very fitting that she's, you know, the one behind this book. And so what is like, you probably didn't imagine that I was, did you have any idea in your head who was talking to you in this book? And what could you imagine? I don't even know. I was just like, oh, it's probably a mom. You know, when I was younger, I was probably a mom who had a daughter, you know, so she kind of figured, like, we're all kind of going through this. I had no idea who was telling me the story, and now I kind of want to go back and read it, because now I know who it is. Well, at the point that I was reading, at the point that I was writing the book, I didn't have children yet, but I had one in the oven. I literally wrote The Care and Keeping of You while I was incubating my first daughter, And I was on bed rest. flat out on my back in a hospital on bed rest for the third trimester of a tricky pregnancy writing this book. So I always think, I wonder what girls, you know, I mean, I don't think they even thought a lot about who the person was talking to them. And maybe that's good. Maybe it could be whoever, whoever you wanted that voice to be in your life, you know, and I, when we were talking about what was the right tone for the book. You know, the thought was, it needs to be someone who's like your favorite auntie, you know, she's somebody that you really love. You trust her. She's not your mom, but she is somebody whose advice you value. And so I think that was very much the voice that I wanted to bring to Girls in that Book. And so if you imagined that I look like Mary Poppins, if you imagine that I look like your, you know, your auntie, if you, you know. You imagine I look like a really nice librarian at your school, whatever. I'm grateful for it. And I think maybe in some ways, maybe a little bit the magic is broken once you know who the person actually is. I'm not sure. I don't think so. Like I said, I still want to go back and read it now. And like now when I'm reading, I was like, OK, it's Valerie. She's reading to me. You know, she's telling me about the things I need to know. And so what are some of the, you know, positive feedback that, you know, you've gotten over the years from this book? Well, we got, you know, in the early days of the book, all the feedback came in the form of mail. I mean, like actual mail, because social media wasn't really a thing. And so we had lots and lots and lots of cards and letters from girls letting us know that they really appreciated the book, that it was really helpful to them in a moment that felt overwhelming and frightening. And I think we also got a lot of mail from parents, which was really... you know, heartening, I think. Some of the letters that really stood out for me a lot over the years were ones that we got from dads, like single dads who were like, you know, I have this daughter, you know, and I know that she has a lot of concerns. I don't know how to talk to her about it. So I just was able to slide this book, you know, under the door for her and feel like I'd given her something of value. So that really was very gratifying. I think that it was That the book could be a trusted source of information for your child, your dear child. I mean, that's very, very satisfying to know. I think there were also a lot of girls who wrote to us who didn't have... Ready access to resources, either because their family was financially in a position where they weren't buying their child books, or because they lived in an unsafe parental environment where they couldn't have a discussion that felt sensitive with the adults in their lives. We had a lot of letters from girls who had grown up in maybe very... Faith-based households that would have thought a book like that was not appropriate for their child. But nonetheless, you're a seven, eight-year-old girl. You know you're going to have these physical and emotional, mental. Changes and challenges ahead, and you're hungry for information about how you're going to navigate that. And I feel like I'm so glad that there are public libraries. I'm so glad there are school libraries where a book like that could sit on a shelf and a girl who might not have access to it could have access to that information at a really critical time in her life. So that, you know, getting that kind of feedback, super sweet. I think now reading... messages on social media from women who grew up with the book, of course, their recollections are really, really funny to read. I mean, as many people say that the book was really comforting and supportive for them. There are equally, I think, a number of people who say that it was very traumatizing to them. You know, it wasn't, they'd gone looking for information, but they hadn't really quite prepared for all that, you know, kind of a beautiful thing about a book. I mean, you can just enter it wherever you are. And if it's not right for you, you can just slam it shut until you feel ready to take in that particular chapter. Maybe I really only wanted to know about pimples. I don't really know. I want to know about periods, you know, so you can consume it sort of at your own rate. Yeah. And so what's next for you on this literary journey? Oh, I didn't know I had a literary journey, but let's just say I did. I've written a new book, which you probably know about. Oh, you don't know about it. No, I don't. So in April of next year, there will be a new book that you can read called You Part Two. And it is a book intended for women in their early to middle 30s to help prepare them for perimenopause. That'll be right before my 30th birthday. You know, I think women in their 30s, especially their early 30s, maybe even into their middle 30s, think. You know, perimenopause is this thing that's way out there. You know, it's way out in the future. You're really busy. You have a lot of other things you're thinking about. But truly, by your mid-30s, perimenopause, the gears are already in motion. And in the same way that the care and keeping of you was intended to prepare you for the changes ahead, You Part 2 is designed to prepare you for the changes ahead in your middle to late 30s into your 40s, into your middle 40s. You know, perimenopause is a period of your life that can last maybe up to 10 years. So I think that will come out next in April. Really excited about that. And it's really, it's, the timing just seems exactly right. I mean, most of the girls who originally came into The Care and Keeping of You as an eight-year-old when the book first came out are ready for You Part Two. I know I am. I'm going to put that on my birthday list. Like, mom, you need to go back to the store and give me another book. And so Valerie, before I reluctantly let you go, is there anything else that you would like to say to fellow book lovers out there? To fellow book lovers. First of all, I'm glad to know there are still book lovers because so much of the narrative we hear anymore is that people don't read. And I know that for myself, even long-form reading takes a lot of focus because we're so used to getting our information shoveled to us in little tiny bite-sized bits. So what I want to say to my fellow readers out there, and I'm saying this as a mantra to myself, is reading a book is a completely different experience than any other way of consuming knowledge. And we need to keep pushing against our reluctance to engage with it. Shut our laptops. We need to turn off our phones. We need to read books. And I've been really working at it hard myself the last five years. And sometimes it is a real struggle, but it's worthwhile. And so I think that even though there are a million podcasts you can go to, there are lots of YouTube videos you can watch to prepare yourself for perimenopause or any other thing in life. There's something unique about getting that information at your own pace through a book. And I really hope that. All of my fellow readers, just continue to read and consume, content from a wide variety of sources. Well, Valerie, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for being an integral part in not just my life, but so many young women's lives, you know, at the time, even now continuing. And I cannot wait to read the next phase in the work of art that you have going on. And hopefully I'll have you back so you can talk me through my perimenopausal time. But thank you so much. I truly appreciate it. Thank you for having me. Bye.