Raising Kids With Purpose: Teaching Them The Value of Work

One thing as parents we need to understand or learn is being able to openly and intentionally allowing our kids to be bored, to be bored because naturally that will ignite their creativity. I'm ready to keep on filming in a minute. Because they know you give them the screen, it's like a drug, I'll put it that way, in the open it's like a drug, it's what makes their bodies, you know, a boiler. I love it. I'm starting to miss you guys. Oh my God. I'm starting to miss you guys. I'm starting to miss you guys. This is the last Wednesday of August. I know the kids have gone back to school. Parents, mothers, come back, come back. At least I can learn to sit on the bed. That's the only way I have someone to send me. But the kids are back to school. You can breathe, you know. It is not bad to say it. You can breathe. Because last week, the last couple of weeks, we were there. But, you know. Good times, good memories, good moments. Yeah, so today I am back. And I'm back with someone new. In short, someone new. The person I have with me today, the guest I have today on set, is someone who is a, she's a children's, she's a children's author. So she has come to help us parents. As we all agree, and we always say, kulea haina manioli. Mimi na jaribu, tuna bambanya, bambanya, bambanya, some mistakes my mom did, I'm also doing them, learning on the way we are, and learning and learning new things. I hope today, hopefully we are going to learn a lot of new things. Especially to us parents, na pia mewe auntie na uncle, usika embali, usika embali, karibia apa, tufunze one or two things. So to our guests, karibu sana. Thank you for reaching out. This is so timely. They have returned to school. Now we want to learn. They will come next holiday. When is the next holiday? The rush has started. Yes, May 3rd. So introduce yourself. Okay, my name is Cheryl Nyakio. I'll say I'm an author. I do not want to lead with titles. So I hopefully by the end of this show, you probably will give a title to what you have gotten from me. So I'll say I'm a parent being forged or my present is being forged from different situations. Of course, we go through life. And at this point of my life, this is what I'm making a light from. From the dark to the light, creating a strong foundation forged from being a parent, from life experiences, and everything else in between. So I won't give a title so that you won't have a checklist. Let us set in. You listen to what you have to talk about, and then you probably can give me a title. CEO, whatever. I'll be okay with it. So, Karine. I love that. Thank you. What made you decide to go this route? Thank Is it something you went to school or did you want to do as a child? It was, I'll say in my adulthood, it was triggered by parenting. Yeah, it is interesting that when you're coming into life as parents, we feel like we already you. know, we see our parents bring us up and we think it's easy, it's downhill, you know, and then you get to becoming a parent and then your own child becomes your mirror. Like they are showing you, mom, here you're not okay, mom, you're here, you're not okay. And then they remind you of your maybe childhood, how you grew up, and then you are challenged to do something about it so that you probably can be better for that child. And especially if you have been going through maybe life traumas or you don't understand your identity and all that. So it is something you decided to do once you were big. Like, but I don't want to choose this career. It's not something I went to school for. Well, for me, it is, I'll say it's one of the talents that we have. I've been a very good artist in a couple of things, in events planning and management, I've run a company on that, I've been a super baker for years, yeah, and a lot of people know that I've done that, and those are businesses I felt I had built in survival, and a lot of us, I think at this point, especially if you're a millennial, you understand what it means to be in survival. And so at some point in life, you take a change, you have to put that down and then do also writing because back in high school, if I remember. I used to write a lot like in my journal. I didn't know whether it was poetry. I wouldn't even call it a journal. But you used to write down your feelings. Yeah, let me put it that way. In having not people to be also be open to or explain to people how you feel, we don't have that platform. And I think we have experienced that in a lot of our families. So, you find the only very close person or friend you can talk to is a book or a journal or something. So, I found myself writing a lot. Let me ask you something, and maybe if you don't want to answer, you can say it. How was your upbringing? Like, you talk like the trauma, those are the millennials, the middle-aged, or you as well? Those are the millennials, the middle-aged. And I think all of us can relate to these stories. Because mine, personally, I'll say I'm the typical firstborn daughter from a background of a single parent. I'm surrounded by a society which will treat you in every other way we have seen in society. You are from single mom, you don't have dad, you are the first daughter. And you know, as a first daughter, you kind of, by default, take up the position of being the co-parent, or you're the big sibling in that home. So you cannot do nothing wrong. Okay, thank you. So I remember what made you reach out is, you told me, You don't have anything to say, man. What is, by the way, Celeste is asking our notes, but what is hard work? What is working hard and what is working hard? Or what is, as millennials, working hard, maybe it's not the thing we're supposed to be thinking it is. Because me working hard for me is waking up at 5. Is that working hard? That is working hard, like physically hard. You can work smart and it still be hard because you can put your smartness in all the time that you have, in your flexibility. You know, in working smart, actually, you should have a lot of flexibility with your time and then put in all the time you want in it. As long as it is giving you fulfillment, you are happy doing it. You're not doing it because you feel you need to pay bills or to survive. Then, as long as you're living in purpose. So now that I'm raising my son. The kind of work that I'm supposed to be showing him to do, like, is it to wake up, do, I don't want to, I'll say, I think that would be a bit unfortunate if we do that for our kids. Personally, what I believe in is We are going to let our children be, not do. We are going to let our children be human beings, not human doings. Because by being, you become the best version of yourself. As a parent, you need to learn that, yes, you say 2G is US, but remember, you are just a channel. From spiritual world to the physical, nobody else would have given birth to Tugi except you. So Tugi and Toria, they are your kids, yes, but you are the custodian. And you will come to understand that when they leave your house and they go to live their life. And you will feel, yeah, I think they were not always 100% mine. Okay, so mine is to guide them as a parent. You are the custodian. Guide them and let them be. Where are you guiding them? To the best of what they were created to be. Not what you're creating. Not wake up, go learn because you need to be so and so like your dad. No, wake up, go and you have to be a lawyer. Wake up, you have to go and... No, it is not what you want them to become. You're not going to mold them. You cannot be able to do that. They were already created by the Creator. So I'm not molding them. Okay, I'm guiding them. So if I'm letting them be, it means I'm letting them express themselves. I'm letting them do what they want. Thank you. Expression is the work. Right here, you're expressing yourself, I'm hoping so, you're expressing yourself by doing what you love, and not feeling like you're being pushed to do it. And by expressing yourself, you cover your livelihood, you find fulfillment, no, not numbers in the account, you find fulfillment, because wealth is not papers, wealth is not money. Most of us, I agree, say, we are working to... Parents, pay bills, pay school fees. Like, I don't like what I'm doing. And I'm happy we've talked about this so many times on this channel. I'm just doing it because I must make a living. With survival. And I think I'm a little depressed because I'm surviving. I'm just surviving. Yeah, because survival is you're performing for society. And you're waking up every day to go to a set to wear a mask to be something you're not. Because society told you. Well, if we are going to respect you, if we are going to have a name in this place, then be this or be that. So you cannot express yourself. And when, if I may mention, Njugush, for example, when he expresses himself, that is his work now, just by expression. You leave everything else, you've been to schools to study, because he and all of us maybe left sciences, left everything else, and we are here talking to the mic. you know we are expressing what is in us authentically so what are some of the things that you need to be doing for these kids for them to live in purpose for them to not feel like i'm just working to be a human being i'm a human being If you're not at home, I'll cut your hair. I'll cut your hair, your hair, your hair and whatnot. like this Of course, we can't erase that, because my mom taught me pure home's idea was as, now I want to unlearn and learn something. So some of the things we need to do, because that is a huge pandemic, like a huge, I'll call it a problem we have with a lot of our kids, and especially if you have to go work in the morning and come back to the house. It's not like we are not actually going to get them away from the screen, because life, you know, times have changed also. So where we were getting our education and learning and all that has also changed. So we are not going to stop them completely from watching what they do. But what are the other options that they have? One thing as parents we need to understand or learn is being able to openly and intentionally allowing our kids to be bored. What is this? To be bored, because naturally that will ignite their creativity. And then they keep on saying, no, maybe I'm bored. I say, no, because they know you give them the screen. I'm It's like a drug. I'll put it that way. In the open, it's like a drug. starting It's what makes their bodies, you know, a boiler. You will have to learn as a parent. to let them be bored so that naturally they can create what do i mean by creating they can bring to out their talents speak. and that is where a child goes to play with mud with everything else papers when they are bored. Thank you. So, he starts dismantling it. He starts dismantling it. That is where he will become an engineer, an architect. Why? Because he will try to figure out how did this real get here? How was it placed? Can I put it back? Can I remove it? So, now internally, he has started doing things with a bomb. I'm back because I'm going to be back. And that is why that child in future can be able to also be able to, what is it called? To innovate something. And that is where we have to understand that our education system is not created to make our kids innovate. It is created to make them look outside, to always benchmark our reality with other people, not us. I want to go to the longest, maybe... Like the biggest play park, and it is in Dubai, you'll hear that on your kid, because they saw it on TV. You never see one in Kenya. Yes, and if there is one in Kenya, do they know it? Do they know where it is? Yeah, because that is how the system is created, to keep us blind to our own reality. When will that kid wake up and learn and decide, okay, if we don't have this in Kenya, then I can't do it. I don't have to go out there and do it. That's when they innovate. I love this, because most of us parents, when your kid tells you, Mom, I'm upset, and you give them the phone, and you don't give them the tablet. You tell them, I'm upset, and you don't give them the phone. Mom, I'm upset. You're upset, and it's good. I didn't know. It's from our trauma. You know, that is a trauma response. Feeling like you're hitting your child because they're bored is a trauma response. You're responding to how you grew up. You're responding to, maybe you didn't have a TV and you had a neighbor who had a TV, but they couldn't let you watch that TV. So there's a way to make you feel, okay. So this thing that you keep on saying, I want to give my kids the best that I can get, is it a trauma response as well? Yes, because a lot of things we are repeating the same thing. Actually, psychology says that the person like you resent most, why is it that the parents, a lot of people resent most, are the parents you then become? You continue the trauma, the same trauma you had from your parents to your child. Oh, yes. The people you resent most, without self-awareness, without knowing that what you're doing is because something is triggered in your subconscious, is a trauma response. Okay, so here I am, thinking, let me just say, the one thing that I've seen that really affected me growing up is going to a boarding school. I swear, if you ask me right now, so what do you mean? So what is that? There is a reason. There is something that you have attached to what the experience you had in high school. My experience was very good. I wouldn't say it was bad. Did it make you feel abandoned or fearful or scared? Did it give you anxiety? Okay, maybe some, maybe to some point. But I think the one thing the high school, boarding school did to me was harden me so badly. I don't care where my mother is for 90 days. You know, like, I must... Hardcore. It is desensitization. It made you lose touch with reality. Yes, with the real one. And that really hurts you. I'm very sure at some point you woke up and you're like, this is not who I want to be. You just want to be soft. You want to feel. You want to be vulnerable. You want to feel the pain. Hardcore. So, you're desensitized. It's trauma. Guys, but at least you know what I'm saying? I'm strong with something. At least for one closet. I'm a great man. Yeah, I'm so happy for a lot of us because that is your self-awareness now in play. Your understanding is the lesson so that you can be able to understand it. So, most of the, some of these things might be you're resenting, but they are Moving to the good, working for the good of our children. Like that is something nice, for sure. It is yourself, you are being awakened to who you are at the core. Like what do you want as a human? Before everything else, as a human being, what do you want? How do you want to feel? That is what all this is taking you back to, to understanding Celestine so that you can be something or two in Toria. So as parents, and this education system, and this system that you're saying, we've been blinded. All we are seeing are white cartoons, and crocodiles, and what not. Like, I know we've been blinded, because tell me why we're coming from January, and all of a sudden every household, and you're not talking about Masinga Dam, or something that we have back in Kenya, which is, you know, helping us as Kenyans. What are some of the things you can do as parents? There's a story, let's just go through it in the deep end. There is a story, I don't know if parents will agree with me, international schools, they are good, they are good, but growing up, I didn't know international schools. Mira, you have heard me, I am a good person, but right now, all of a sudden, we want international schools. A problem I have seen a lot in us, middle class people, the middle class people now, big time. And now we are stuck with, because we can see the reality, what we thought we were going to take our kids to get there, they're actually not getting it. And now we are stuck with, do I take my kids home for homeschooling or what do I do? Because middle class still maybe cannot afford the very expensive schools where at least they have a platform and opportunities for a lot of things that connect them to the globe. So a lot of middle class parents or those who have their kids in the international schools are just there hoping that the kids will also be able to see through the loopholes of the system so that they can take advantage of it. Like, Kabayi's system is not a favour on this end. How can I use the weak points I can see in the system? And it's okay because not all of us will be able to get our children home to homeschool. Yeah. But let us teach them to think for themselves. What do I mean? Let us teach them to question everything. Let us teach them that the moment you go to school and you're put in the same basket as every other child, and what you love is writing, what I love is singing, the other person, what they love is soccer, And then we are being told to learn literature. Some of us will be lost. So how will you deal with that later in life? It is we have to push them into their being so that they can also find identity. To know who they are within all those skills. Within being taught you have to learn, you must learn this, this and that to become this. You know you lose your identity. The child starts to ask, so you mean me being creative in so and so is a waste? So, who is this person I'm being told to become? To become. Yeah. And I have to become this person because why? I'm told that is the only thing that can help. So, they are being forced into survival. Which is what we were made to do. Right? This is what we were forced to do. Unknowingly, yes. Yeah. Like, talent was a waste of time. Yeah. Why are you outside playing football? Yeah. But look, I revised it. No one was looking even into the business aspect of it. Like, you don't have to play soccer. You can open a club. You can open a shop that sells soccer stuff. You can do business that does such merchandise and all that. No one looked at it like from the business perspective. And that is where you have to let the child be creative so that they can come up with something outside the normal concept of being some other people's employees. I want to be like so-and-so. Thank Because back in the day, let me just say, the reason why I think I do what I do, I love what I do. I'm happy I love what I do. Of course, I'm making a living out of it and blah, blah, blah. But back in the day, you're in drama, you're in debate, you're in CU, you're in I don't know where. you. Then on Saturday, you're in a live. Then on the next Saturday, you don't know which school you went to, you're in a live. You're termed as a, I don't know who she is, I don't know who she is, this lady, this girl is spoiled. She likes us to share, share, share. You can become a DJ with that sharing, sharing, you know? So I think the reason why most parents like it. Me, right now, we are forcing issues. Okay, I'm not forcing, but the reason why most of us want international is because we have heard that there are opportunities that we will not do what we have done. We went to 844 and all the other things. We feel, whatever I went through in this school, if I will do anything for my son not to go through it, then let him go to international. Unfortunately, I don't know what happened to international schools. have never been there but we have been in this other school that we don't want our kids to go through it. A lot of kids actually a lot of parents I actually felt at some point yes my kids could be in a good school but if you ask me what she's being taught there I haven't seen any results I can't tell you what what they learned because yes because as in but to understand the I'm going to turn the curriculum from A to Z, and then I'm comparing, like, Well, luckily, my daughter, when she was going to school, she went, I think, at three years and eight months. She's now in grade four in September. Year four. International year. Yes. Year four. She already knew how to read. She's very good in numbers. She's very good in literacy and languages. She is really good. Before she went to school, after she went to school. By the time she was going to school, the teachers were like, where did she learn how to read? Like, read a full book, word for word and understand it. Okay. And she knew she loved coloring and all that. And then I look at it like three, four years later, she's still being asked to color inside shapes in an international school. Were you doing the homeschooling? So she did it by herself in the cartoons? Yeah, just the interaction between me and the parents. It was me being the millennial of wanting better for my child. So I did, I think I did as much as, but I think also naturally she's just a bright kid. So now you're wondering all this time, what do you see coloring? I think I understand you. As a parent, I understand that very, very well. Yeah, so I think we are learning and learning some of these things. But then the society peer and expectations and the peer pressure when you take him. It's a good thing. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, parents, but we also need to understand that system. No, it's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. You know, we had the fear of, you also want to take a kid to a better school, because, first of all, if there's one frustration we went through, especially in secondary school, was, you know, the food we used to say it had weevils. Githeri. and then you're imagining your child eating that and then of course you take them to a school where they are eating a egg and a sausage and you're like okay we are forgetting that it's processed food it's not actually what you used to eat could be way better i'm giving him the best I'm let's redefine the best let us redefine work let us redefine starting the best let us redefine all those Have you redefined the best about school? Have you tried? Have you tried now that you've interacted with children? to Exactly. You know, we started to think speak the best is probably having our kids eat. First of all, eat and they are full. Because that is one of the problems we now. also struggle with in a lot of public high schools. Eating food that you're not getting enough of. Like every time you go to the table and you know there are those fellow students who come, for example, emptying or stealing your plate or something like that. We had that a lot, I think, back in the day. As long as I was in a provincial school, we had those times. You're going to the hall and never having enough food to eat. As in, maybe it's kidogo, it's bad food, it's little. And you haven't eaten anything much, you know, for the day. It was all trauma. So for them, eating until they are full is not the best. Could be. We thought it was the best until now you learn also what they are eating. Because once you see chips, once you see sausages, once you see a neck here and there, you're thinking, wow, then I think we got it right. But then let us look at what are they getting from that system. Because we're also running on an economy that has made everything about money, yet you're not being taught money language in school. But yeah, about money. Because again, okay, but yeah, about money, continue. Let's leave it at that. Where do I continue from? Oh, yeah. It's because you're saying, our society, like you feel that if I'm paying more money, then I'm getting a good thing. You might be paying money and you're not getting the best. That's what I wanted to say. You might feel like, even in school, I'm doing well. You should let me pour. But you're paying a lot of money. You get my point now. You're not getting value for it. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. You're acting. You want to show society that, yeah, I made it, but back behind the, whatever, closed doors. And we are not, we are not even, we are not even blaming anyone because we also, I'm also a parent. These things have to do with, as you're saying, some of them, it's because of the traumas we went through. Yeah. We are trying to, exactly. So it's not like you're doing it knowingly. That's why we are here to maybe unlearn and learn a few things about it. Oh, she's coming here, walk. I really want to know how my kids can Iyo kujekwes, iyo kubweka Nitaacha wakule ndoma, wachoke na kitheri Like those things are good to some extent That's where we've been successfully Ama what do you think? As a parent right now, why are you going back to them? Because interestingly back in the days Again, we were made to think our reality has everything wrong about it, okay? Yet not everything was wrong. A lot of it is not wrong. Thank you. You want to wake up. I think the best of times a lot of people have is, why, for example, do you see a lot of people rush to homes like for Christmas or even Easter? Because the kind of calm and fulfillment, and you feel like you have everything you ever wanted in life when you go back home. That whole thing of saying that home is best, home is not a house. Home is where you felt fulfilled, you felt seen, you felt appreciated, you felt connected even with nature. And that is where we always will be rushing back home. We have to go back to a lot of our... At least pick up on our old things or ways which were made. You know, it was associated again also with poverty. You guys don't have blue band and blue band is plastic. Fantastic. Imagine. You guys don't have blue band and blue band is plastic. How do you eat it? How often? How often? So are there some of these mindsets that you would like to change? Like some of them that you've seen now that you've interacted with parents, children, they're just a few things that we do unknowingly. Even I know there's something I'm doing unknowingly. But when I sit down now, maybe when you mention it, I'm why do I do that? Thank starting Yeah, we have to let our children know that being bold is natural. At some point, well, it's crazy this thought, you but at some point you may look at it like God was just bored to and then decided to create what there is. very speak Create, express, express themselves. So you have to let a child be themselves much. and get bored so that they can create. now. Also by understanding that a child is a divine being. By divine, I mean we are all fragmented. The fragments of God means, if God is the creator and then you are creation, it's like you and Tubi. How are you both different? You are one and the same thing. Only that you have the authority because you are the creator and the child is the creation. So you cannot separate those two things. And that is the way you also understand that the God you keep looking for outside of yourself is within you. Tugi cannot go finding who he is or his roots outside somewhere else. It's you and the dad. That is what we need to understand. So let us let our kids get bored so that they can create. And another thing, let us teach our kids to be so self-honoring. Self-respecting, because why we are looking or we look at our culture or we look at our culture or even our ancestral knowledge as something that is outdated, it is because we were taught to associate it with being dumb. Being poor, we associate what our earlier parents did with poverty, with not knowing, with lack of education. So we were made to feel like there's nothing good in that first. Yes, now, once you're a parent, you're like, how did my dad do this? I was like wait, I only have two. He had four, five, six. How did he do it? So clearly he was not dumb. He knew what he was doing. It's in nature. The first time you have a child, you don't know how to take care of a child. But somehow you do it. Why? Because it's in your nature. You are the creator. So you know how to take care of your creation. So when kids come, they are divine. They are fragments of God. You cannot assume they know nothing. Yes, they do know a lot. What they need to know is to make sense of it. And that is where we lose them. Because they already come being divine. And being divine you can create anything. They come being divine and then there's conditioning and society tells them no. No, no, no, that's not what you are. This is what you need to do. This is what you need to do. We are going to mold you to become this. Instead of letting them do it. But what do you feel, what do you want is not a question that is ever asked. Okay, I know it's a hard question to answer, but it's something we are trying to do. Oh, they will always give you answers. Yeah. Even if they want to tell you what they want. I write stories. Sometimes I'll read a story to my daughter. She'll ask me, Mom, is that story about me? Yes. And is it about her? No. It's parenting. You see, like watching even your show. We are a collective. You know why we relate to what you do? We are a collective. So the same things you go through are the same things that our parents will go through. But like I said, we have been taught to abstract our own reality. Just forget about your story. It is better if I I've become a silly. So instead of asking you about your parents, where you grew up from and see what you are made of, I will ask you how are your papers, who do you relate to most, how would you like your figure to be, is it like in Kardashians? It's always about other people, not about what Celestine wants, not about what I want. A couple of weeks ago we did an episode where we were telling guys to do a challenge of not comparing because i feel like the society is full of comparison i want to be like that one i want to be yet could you your home dream i may grow up how do we eat romagani So that makes a lot of sense when you say that. Yes. so we we need to like sit and allow ourselves to feel even when you're allowing the kids to boycott even us when we boycott we get creative that's true most of Most of the time when I'm I'm running. I think that's when you get. a lot of clarity on things when you're not watching and scrolling and that's when you start I'm starting when you are alone that's when you get so much clarity on so many things and alone being means being within you yes yes it means it's like your eyes are totally blocked from the world yeah to speak So, you're looking within you. Energy self. Yeah, you're looking within you. So there's a book you've written. now. Tell us a little bit about the book. The book I've written, it's my first, it just launched a month ago. Again, like we're talking about creating, it was a decision to even bring it to life. And the second one is coming up in a month. Now, the second book, in a month, yes. Now, how did that happen? It's like we're saying, when you're bored or when you're in that very deep place in life, You know, when the people call it the rock bottom, what we don't know is the rock bottom, I think, is the firmest place you can place your feet. you're not floating you're not doing guess what you're stable you're very stable you know from here the only way cannot be anywhere else up it has from up or i'm crashing right here and that is where like i'll say most of those creations um or stories come to being it is like alchemizing it's becoming a gold from the ore into the real thing yeah from pain you build something beautiful from crashing businesses built of survival to something very Fresh and fulfills you where you don't have to feel like you're you're doing it to make people happy like you're on a stage. You have to act to make people happy. So that is what that is about and highly inspired by parenting and the things I looked at. self-awareness and didn't want to pass through to my child because especially my firstborn daughter at some point she she became the mirror I never thought I'd ever have in life like she's challenging you so much then I saw my whole miserable life rolling out right in front of me through my daughter like she was repeating the same cycles because the same thing I'm running away from is the same thing I'm being to her. We repeat these things because we are running away Our reality ourselves. So I wrote stories to teach children to be able to express themselves emotionally intelligent a lot and also to find ground in their identity. Like don't get confused. Even if you're going to school, like I said, question everything. They're telling me I have to learn this to become that. What about what I feel inside? I love creating toys. I love even, we've seen boys even make electricity out of nothingness in this country. But no one will support them because the system is not about supporting innovation. It's about creating workers. We have systems that are still running. To produce workers, not people who can innovate. So the book is about emotional intelligence, identity. The system is really failing us. Oh, it's great. Yeah, but... It's failing us, but that is where as a parent you have to look through, see what you can take advantage of, and involve your child, because that is something we still don't know how to do. Like having a convo with your child about, again, what you feel, what you do best. Let us lean into that. Because that is where they will shine, that is where they will shine. The reason why we also have very few people we can look up to in society is because a lot of the fields and natural things that we do as humankind are ignored. Again, they are attached to failures, you know, like that is what you do. You're not, yes, so and so, like who do you know? That is what we attach a lot of success to. We don't go to work every Monday, we only go to work at night. But we forget the person who does this kind, for example, of furniture in this country is a professor by their own right. You cannot do it. What are you telling me? Can you create the same account? No. But we are not going to give them a field to shine. Why? I'm starting Yet at home you cannot sit on the floor, you need the couches. The real thing, what happens when I ask my kid, what do you like, what do you want to to do, what do you feel like, and then they are just there. speak They feel seen. If you ask them, actually, let me talk to every parent and tell them, the moment you now. ask your child what they are feeling about something, they feel seen, finally. Oh, she thinks I feel something. But if they don't answer that question and I'm expecting something, they will. It doesn't have to be immediate, but they are going to, you know, kids believe in magic. Why do they believe in magic? Because like I've told you, they are divine beings. It's the way God did it. Let there be. It's a thought. You know, our thoughts are energy. They believe in magic. They are going to tell you something. This is what I'm thinking. Thank you. Some things they tell us, they feel like stories are java. Let me put it that way. Like, what is this child talking about? Yes, because they see greater. They are pure in their divinity. So they see great things. Before you tell them, ah, where, where, Ondoka, what are you talking about? There's nothing like that in this country. So they are pure as they are. Yes, they will tell you what they feel. Just ask. You haven't asked. A lot of us haven't asked. You don't care because you feel your job is to mold them, to become what you want in your head. Like you want a version of that kid. What is this age that I'm asking from? What age? Five and six. So just stay a little bit longer, so they can ask you more. I have a two-year-old. That two-year-old sits outside talking to ants and plants. You cannot assume that he doesn't know. And how do they learn language if we, if we, he's two and at two, you know, they say words and they speak things up. So how do they learn it if you think they don't understand anything? How will you tell him, go and bring that cup and he will. And yet you still want to say he doesn't understand anything. Like in terms of expressing themselves, can they have feelings? Their language is always action. And a lot of them, I think, when they feel not hard and frustrated, they react. Those are the tantrums, the anger, the crushing things, throwing things, biting, all that. Every language, every behavior is a kid's language. As a parent, that's where you should be self-aware enough to interpret it. What about you, Chris? This thing is difficult. I'm This thing is... I can imagine that he tantrums and communicates. starting That's a language. The first thing I'll do, I'll get smart. Like, what communication is this? You know, you whip him one good one. You tell him, you know, can you hear now? So that child feels to rejected, feels speak unseen, unheard, and they don't care. Then you wonder where the rebellion comes from. Like, everything we do now. has happened to me. Yeah, it's stemming from somewhere. It has to be coming from somewhere. So about the book, where can we get the book? There are kids' books. There's so much to talk about. It's the same book you'll keep for 2D and Toria. It restores to them. The book is called... Oh wow, it's very colourful. Colours of Me. And you'd ask why the title. Let me ask myself the question, why the title? Because a kid is not one thing. It's the same thing we've been talking about. A child is not one thing. A child is everything. It's their feelings, it is their language, it is their environment. They are everything. The things you feel within yourself, their ideas, the voices in their head, and all that, they need to feel that every single color within them, whether it's a feeling, an emotion, or whatever, every single color within them. is beautiful and it is acceptable even anger all those feelings all those are colors of me it needs to be acceptable and that somebody can somebody relates to all these colors of mine if i may ask you um you have kids for example yeah and have you ever maybe seen them um really fascinated with the rainbows yes yes that's how they see the world the big one actually yeah they see the world as very colorful before you tell them it's all brown I'm happy that someone is finally talking on behalf of the kid, because both the kid and the parent, especially the parent, I think us, we have the biggest role. We don't know. Like, we really want to learn, and that's why we have people like you, but we don't know how to do it. So when, it's like I'm talking to my kid right now. So when you tell me something, I'm like, okay, so this is what you normally want me to do. You know? So it's... We learn, we get to learn, we get to understand it, then we go implement where we can. Of course, once or twice, we will go back to normal. Because these are trauma, these are millennial things. But now that we know, for sure, there are days I shout. Gentle parenting is not easy. I shout so many times in my house. But when I sit alone, I'm like, I did wrong. You know why gentle parenting is not easy? Why? Because, first of all, The way you react at that point, when you get angry, you are triggered. That child does something and you are triggered. And you know, maybe back in the days, if it was your parent or the people around you, to shut you down from doing that behavior, it was easier to punish you. Shout at you, turn you off or hit you. Yeah, or any kind of punishment. But the difficult part is now teaching them. It's easier to punish than to teach them. Teaching requires you to remove bandages of that wound you're trying to cover, and it's not easy. Yep. It's requiring you to look back into yourself, the parts of you that are hurt, so that you can sort that out. I'll say it again. I'm starting to speak now. We don't want them to have the trauma, the traumas that we have to carry the baggages that we have, but we are trying at a time. So maybe Nyakio to that parent who is watching, and he is just saying the truth, when my mother gave birth to me, I will also give birth to her. Manake, here I am. Am I not doing okay? Of course, I have so many traumas. I have so many baggages with me, but am I not okay? Because unlearning is difficult. And learning is, I'll hear everything that you have said. I will listen to it, but it will be time to implement. I'll just do the same, the same, the same. Unless you're super intentional. Like, you know, you need to swallow a lot of pride, ego, to go and sit down a seven-year-old and tell her, I'm not going to discuss. I'm not going to go to work, I'm just going to wait and see how you feel. Super intentional. It's healing back those layers. It's like it's trying to heal that wound. You know, it's painful. It's a reality of life. Trying to heal back those things you've been hiding. And you're like, I'm supposed to sit down with a kid and discuss with them good manners. No, let me just sort it out with a slap. And then in future, you'll see them on the social media saying how they hate their mom and dad because it may cause them trauma. Why? Because you passed the same thing. You passed the same thing. Yeah, so if I may look at that parent and talk to them, I'll tell them it's possible. To undo and unlearn is possible. Why you're holding back is simply because of fear. We were taught fear. I think we have been taught our conditions to be more fearful than be more self-respecting. If you respect your boundaries, if you respect how you feel, if you respect your emotions, then fear has no place in whatever you need to do. If you get away from fear, then everything else on the other side of fear is love, is peace, is fulfillment. There is nothing you need to fear as a parent. You can unlearn. It's very easy. It's like what we are going through is. Let me use this example. If somebody like who's been using substances or drugs that harm them, to come out of that situation, it needs willpower. No, it doesn't need prayers. It needs your willpower. It needs deconstruction. By that, I mean the house you've been building in the air, on that palace you're building, thinking it's going to balance. Yet, you really know it has a very shaky foundation. You know it's not going to stand. Just peel off those layers, feel the pain. And one other thing away from fear I'll teach you or tell you is learn how to be shameless about situations. Why do I say being shameless is we are afraid of getting away from the familiar ground and trying new things because we are afraid of what will everybody else say. But that is your mind being attached to a result that has not happened. You have not tried it yet you already feel like it has happened so you are holding on to a result that has not happened. So being shameless will force you one day wake up and decide whatever burns, let it burn. Whatever ship is sinking, let it sink. I got this. Be fearless, be shameless by understanding that the thing you speak about that has been eating you back in the dark, once you speak about it in the light, it has no place in this life anymore. You have exposed it. So be shameless enough not to care about what everybody else will think or do. Because again, you are only attached to a result that has not happened. So let it happen so that you can be set free. It is very possible to undo what we have learned and the conditions that have made us so stuck in limited and scarcity situations. It's a powerful thing because a very good example, I know you are ending the show, but you see these people who quit very superior jobs. This is where I get my fulfillment from. I don't care how you call senior the CEO or a boss or a who. This is where I feel. I belong to and somehow they end up thriving in that other field thank you so that's that's being shameless like I swear I'm scared of leaving this job that I earn I get good money from but I'm not living my purpose. I'm always surviving. I'm not happy. I'm just going to do my reports. That's powerful. You're not in your own mind. That's it. You finished the show well. I'm going to close the show. Hey, I'm back. I should have just let you talk from the start to the end. Like I should just, Aki, for sure. I should just let you talk to them. Because you're talking to them. I also felt like you're talking to me. So thank you so much. Thank you. And we are going to be shameless. We are going to do. things no matter we've never been on that side in the two months yeah i'm scared of something that i don't know yeah i'm comfortable with what i know and that's why we choose not to change yeah and try so many new things but i think after your closing remark we are going to change and do things We ought to have done long time ago, guys. And that's... Being shameless. Yeah. Yeah, let's be shameless, guys. Thank you so much for hosting. Thank you so much, Nyakio. And you're such a nice... I think you're just perfect for children. I love kids. You love kids. The other reason I started writing books is because if I show up in a place with kids, I find them gravitating to me. I don't know why. But initially, what's your career like before you started writing? I will even call it a career because I've always again been that creator because I was in events planning and management. I actually ran my own company for years and in cake making. Well, you learn the basics, but we used to do home science, remember? And then I was a very good home science student. When it comes to sewing, I was a really good... I was a very good person in sewing. I was a very good person in the kitchen and that built or strengthened my love for that. So I've been doing quite a marvellous thing in that field and then I got to a point where various things in life also make you sometimes go... make different changes or difficult changes. So. Thank you so much. Thank you for your time. Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate it. Thank you even for watching the show. We love it when you host our viewers. You are zoomed in. It was a good time having you on set. And for sure, we are going to do things changing. We are going to try. We are not going to allow fear to stop us from thriving or from trying out new things. Until next time, it was amazing to have you here. Until next time. Bye-bye. They have one thing as parents we need to understand or learn is being able to openly and intentionally allowing our kids to be bored. To be bored. Because naturally that will ignite there. And then they keep on saying, let me mean in my book. Yes, I know, because they know you'll give them the screen. Really? But let us teach them to think for themselves. What do I mean? Let us teach them to question everything. Let us teach them that the moment you go to school and you're put in the same basket as every other child, and what you love is writing, what I love is singing, the other person, what they love is soccer, and then we are being told to learn literature, some of us will be lost. So how will you deal with that later in life? It is we have to push them into their being so that they can also find identity.