Dennis Prager on Confronting Personal Tragedy | PragerU

Hello, Dennis. Hello, everybody, especially Prager United members who make this segment possible. I just want to thank you again for everything that you do for us. And for those of you who are part of the Prager United membership, thank you for all the questions. Please keep sending in the questions. Frankly, I think your questions are better than mine, so I love reading them out. And also wanted to let you know that if you're part of the Prager United community, you will be receiving this month a special gift from us. So if you're thinking about joining Prager United, now is the time so you can get your fall gift, as well as ask Dennis any question you'd like, and I will be sure to read many of them. So Dennis, we started chatting before the recording about your incredible piece for the Jewish Journal, and I told you that it touched my heart deeply. It is going viral right now. Maybe you can make some comments about your Jewish Journal piece. It's the most honest piece about myself I've ever written. Not that I've written anything about myself in the past, but it's the elephant in the room, my paralysis. And so I'm a big believer in confronting the elephant in the room. And I describe what I've done not to get depressed. Half the American people, if not more, think that they would be in depression, and many think that they would prefer to die rather than quadriplegic. I can't move my arms or legs. By the way, there is hope, and I'm getting special therapy. And there is a peptide that one day the FDA will approve that's had great results. But nevertheless, that's how people regard it. Marissa, you will find this amazing. I find it amazing. On my national radio show of 40 years, 30 years, I discussed everything. I have no idea how this topic came up, but I give you my word. I remember a caller mentioning to me that he'd rather be dead than quadriplegic. And everybody knows I never yelled at callers. I've always been respectful, but I practically yelled at this guy. And I remember what I said. You mean if you could speak and your brain is perfectly functioning, and you can relate to everyone you love, and you can read, and you can listen to music, and you can write, you'd rather be dead because you can't move your arms and legs? I found that incredible. And it never obviously dawned on me that I would confront that situation. You said right before we went on that my ability to do this weekly podcast and other speeches, I spoke to my synagogue via Zoom, 300 people, and all live for 40 minutes. And you said that that was a tribute to miracles and to my will to live. And by that, I mean live fully. And I agree with you. Every doctor has described my ability to speak and breathe without a ventilator as miraculous, and all of them were secular. At the same time, I want to live as full a life as possible. That is correct. And I describe it in this piece, Confronting Personal Tragedy. People could find it at jewishjournal.com, and you're putting it up at PragerU. It's completely nonpolitical. People who have no use for me, politically or philosophically, will love the piece. It's real. Again, Confronting Personal Tragedy. Dennis, I was thinking a lot about your situation over the weekend, as it was the Rosh Hashanah. And in the liturgy for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish holiday, it talks about hardship. And one of the ways to make hardship easier is through repentance, prayer, and doing good deeds. And as I think about you and the hardship that you've been going through over the last almost two years, here you are doing good deeds. I'm sure it's not easy to give speeches in your condition. It is not easy to show up for the broadcasts, but you are doing good deeds. Is this part of what's been inculcated in you through your upbringing and your philosophy to continue to serve others, even when you feel like you're dealing with your own hardship? All I've ever wanted to do is touch people's lives. My brother, my older brother, sent me a photo of a letter I wrote to him when I was 17. And in the letter to my own brother in my handwriting, I wrote, all I want to do is touch people's lives and influence people for the good. So this has nothing to do with my accident. Why would I not want to do that, being in my condition? Why would that drive end in me? So yeah, I knew I had a gift of touching people's lives at a very early age. But even if one doesn't have that gift, everybody can touch people's lives. It is not only available to those who speak well or have some form of charisma. It doesn't work like that. Everybody can be a force for good. You know, I'll tell you another thing, Marissa, this is a very powerful thing. I have said for decades, the famous are rarely significant and the significant are rarely famous. And everybody understands the first part. There are famous people who are not significant. But the second part, I'm specifically referring, I was specifically referring to people who do incredible work for others who were sick or invalid. And they're the most significant person in that person's life. That's pretty significant to be the most important person in somebody's life. And that's what I was referring to. And in my condition now, I speak to every nurse and every aid who works with me. I find that fascinating. Are you ready for a story? In the last hospital that I was in, in Atlanta, Georgia, there was a nurse who was married to a quadriplegic. Now everybody thinks she was married and her husband got into an accident and got paralyzed. No, she fell in love with him while he was a quadriplegic and married him. These stories are so incredible and the desire of a lot of people to touch the lives of others. Nothing brings a person as much satisfaction as doing good for others. It's a selfish person. It's not just an altruistic one. Dennis, Aaron Prager was on my program recently and he and I talked about young men in America. I'm sure you've heard terms like disaffected men, men feeling like they're not getting jobs, they're not making it into colleges, women don't want to date them. There are a lot of reasons now why men also on the right are feeling victimized. We had an almost hour conversation. It's very, very fascinating. I encourage everybody to watch my conversation with Aaron Prager. As we were chatting about the comments on YouTube from this program, we were pretty surprised to hear that there is almost this victim mentality that is developing amongst young conservatives. You have warned us for so long that conservatives have lost the tune and they don't remember what it is that they're conserving. I said to Aaron that I think young men are struggling with maturing because they have not been pushed to mature. Aaron may have had to mature because of his personal experience in life with combating addiction, but I would love to get some of your comments on this issue. Why is it that even on the right we are seeing this struggle amongst young men? Well, let me begin with the victim issue. As you read in my piece, I quoted from a book I wrote on happiness 30 years ago. I have a chapter on if you see yourself as a victim, you cannot be happy. And I wrote the following line, even if you really are a victim, I really am a victim. There's no question, but that's not how I see myself. If I did, it would be over. I would lose the will to go on. So there is some truth that young white males in America are victims. There is truth to it. But if that's how you see yourself, you're doomed. That's what I'm saying. I mean, they're blamed for everything, you know, and I get it. And so what they do though, they sort of internalize it and they drop out. Where was I reading one college, some prominent college this year, 60% of the students are female, 40% are male. That's unbelievable. And it's awful for both sexes because women overwhelmingly want to marry a man who achieves at least as much as she does. And by the way, it doesn't necessarily mean earns money, the same amount of money, but she has to believe that she married an achieving man and they've opted out these men. What do they do? This is very dear to me. I believe in marriage deeply. I grew up, I was preteen, I was a child, but I remember the song, love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. Isn't that amazing that in the span of one, American's life, we have gone from love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage to who the hell wants to get married? Both sexes. I have been watching video after video on YouTube about women opting out and men opting out. Women opt out of marriage in order to pursue career. They think, which is mind boggling, they think career will fulfill them. Now, of course, career is fulfilling, but to go home to an empty home the rest of your life, that's not fulfilling for most human beings. They've opted for career and animals and men have opted for video games and porn. Apparently, I looked this up on AI, they're not even having sex anymore. The number of sexless men and women is higher than ever before recorded since they record these data. They're not dating, so I told you, I speak to every nurse and aid who take care of me. That's been a lot of people. The vast majority are female and I asked them about this. When I say, are you married? They go, no. I always follow up, do you want to get married? They almost rehearsed it. It sounds like they read from the same script and they say almost word for word, well, if the right man comes along, it's almost like they would have more passion about a lottery ticket. Well, if the right number comes up, that's not how you find somebody. If the right man comes along or the right woman comes along, that's why there are dating sites. I'll offer one more really important, what I think is important, a line here. Almost every article on the subject, Washington Post, New York Times, wherever it is, mentioned economic reasons like houses are not affordable. Why do much poorer religious people, Jews and Christians, how come they get married? They want a house as much as secular people do. I don't buy that for a minute. If a house is not affordable where you want to live, then you buy an affordable house where you don't want to live. I don't understand that. Why should society give everybody an affordable house where they want to live? I find that argument unbelievable. I didn't live where I wanted to live with my first house. Absolutely not. You get a house where you can afford a house. That's how communities are made. That is exactly how cities are built up. People start making houses in a certain area, then schools, and then playgrounds, and then community centers, and churches, hopefully, and synagogues, and then you have a community. That's how every community was built. Even many on the right have bought the Marxist view of life. That materialism explains everything. That's a very, very bad sign. Well, and then social media adds to it something that you didn't have growing up when young people are watching videos and pictures on social media, comparing to what they're seeing. Much of what's being posted on social media isn't even real, but if you're young and you're looking at these social media posts, you make the assumption that that is what is normal and that's what should be expected. It makes it even more difficult, I think, to find a spouse or settle down or settle for a lifestyle that you can afford. If you're comparing it to what you're seeing on social media, it's just, it's not possible. Well, I don't want to beat a dead horse here because so many people correctly speak about the ill effects of social media, but if that's your vision of the world, you're doomed. I'll give you what I learned about. I was introduced through YouTube videos to the existence of a site called OnlyFans. I'm sure you've heard of it, and it's where women pose in various states of dress and undress, and why do they do it? They see that a young woman has made $10 million just posing in her own home, so they think, wow, what an easy way to get a million bucks, but the average OnlyFans participant or presenter makes a few hundred dollars. That's it. Either they don't know that or they think they will be the exception, and it's a bad rabbit hole. Yeah, well, technology certainly brings good things, and it certainly brings bad things too. Well, thank you, Dennis. I'd love to read some of the questions from our Prager United members. This one is coming in from Tyler, an 18-year-old in the UK. Dear Mr. Prager, as an English-American growing up in a society with an obsession with the flaws of others and not the self, from the UK, what's the one most important thing we can do as individuals to not only improve our lives but also those around us? Well, that's a huge, huge question. Let me answer the first part, because it will inevitably lead to the second. If you don't fight your nature, you can't develop as a good and deep human being. I've often mentioned that I think the big difference between a religious education and a secular education, or at least a good religious education, is that in secular America, you learn that your biggest problem in life is society. If you're a woman, your biggest problem is sexism. If you're a racial minority, it's racism, and so on and so forth. But I learned in my religious Jewish school that the biggest problem, and I'm talking about by sixth grade, the biggest problem in Dennis Prager's life is Dennis Prager, and that's what we all learn. You better fight the bad parts of your nature, and if you don't think you have any, then you're really screwed, or shall I say, everybody around you is screwed. Yeah, well, it really comes down to repentance, prayer, and good deeds, right? Okay, this one is from Nick in North Carolina. Hello, Mr. Prager. I recently had a thought that I wanted to get your view on. Do you believe that God is incapable of hatred, or is that a naive idea? That's fascinating. I think it's naive. My favorite verse in the whole Bible is from Psalms, said it many times, those of you who love God must hate evil. Now, if God wants us to hate evil, we wouldn't want God to hate evil. What do we want him to think about evil? Does he have a middle-of-the-road approach? No. By the way, I want God to hate evil. I don't want a God who doesn't hate evil. So, that's how I would respond. David, 60-year-old from Woodland Hills, California. I had some unresolved issues with my late father. These were areas in which I think he was unnecessarily harsh and unfair to me. As Yom Kippur approaches, I want to get past this breach. I guess I want to forgive him. Obviously, I can no longer talk to my father. What do you think I should do? Forgive him without talking to him. Posthumous forgiveness is very common. Where a parent dies and the child figures out, I forgive my parent. You have to do what will work out for you. If your father was truly wrong or even abusive, you have to do what will work. If forgiving him will deburden you, forgive him. If not forgiving him because it was too great a hurt, if that works, I don't believe that not forgiving leaves you burdened the rest of your life with this heavy weight. I mean, I don't forgive Stalin. I don't forgive Hitler. I don't forgive Opod. But I don't walk around depressed. So, I've never truly bought that. You right now owe you the best answer and only you know what that is. Dennis, this is a really good one, especially for the parents out there. It comes in from West Palm Beach, Florida. Holly, 34 years old. It's funny that we say their ages. I'm not sure it always matters. I like knowing it. I do. Well, Holly seems to be okay with it. Dennis, did you have an allowance growing up? Did your children have an allowance growing up? I had an allowance growing up. It was $10 a week, which was pretty generous. But what really moved me, and I had my own issues with my own father, but I was very grateful to him. I was into classical music already in high school. I loved it. My father every month gave me $20 to spend on records. I couldn't believe how generous he was. And whenever he hesitated, I would say, you know, dad, there are kids who are asking their parents for money for drugs. And he forked it over. Obviously, it was a joke, but it was my way of ensuring that I got the $20. I don't remember about giving my kids an allowance. I'm going to have to ask them. You didn't get one, Aaron? Aaron didn't get one. Poor thing. Maybe you should have asked. Yeah, exactly. You should have asked. I'll have to ask David. All right. This question is from Barb, 74 years old, Hamilton, Ohio. When there is great division between yourself and your adult children, how do you handle it? Sometimes I want to move far away from them all, not to be reminded of what is happening. Well, I will say, I have dwelled on this subject longer, I think, than anybody in talk radio, pre-podcast world, the alienation of so many parents and children in America. It's, I call it an epidemic or pandemic, if you will. That's how terrible it is. And so often for reasons that are not significant. I have a video up at PragerU when adults do not speak to their parents. It's five minutes. Everybody should watch it. I make the case for why in the overwhelming majority of cases, that's the wrong thing to do. Everybody has issues with parents. Everybody that I've ever met has had an issue with a parent. It's part of life. And that's not an excuse. I did. But I remember I decided already in college, I will call my parents every week of my life because of the law and the 10 commandments. Honor your father and mother. And as I teach the 10 commandments, I note that the Bible says, love God, love your neighbor, love the stranger, but it never says, love your mother and father. Honor your mother and father. And they and God are the only beings we are commanded to honor. I take that very seriously. But as a general rule, don't compromise your values in order to reconcile with your child. You stand for why you stand and do not allow emotional blackmail to change your opinion on some social subject. Just so your kid will talk to you. You are no longer their parent. You are a doormat. Well, Dennis, thank you for all your wisdom. We cannot wait to see you on October 15th in Miami in person for those of you who are able to attend. And if you'd like to get tickets, you can go to prayer.com and find out. I think we have a few more seats, but I would hurry up if this is something that's important to you because the tickets are definitely running out. Dennis, wishing you a Shana Tova, G'mar Chatima Tova for those of you who observed the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. And for all of you, our extended Prager United community and Prager U community, wishing you a peaceful weekend. And thank you for all that you do for us.