"You Can't Trust Your Dad With Your Money"

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. I initially attempted to enter into an agreement with my father to purchase a house that he had inherited from my great-aunt. And I sort of had to compromise on the purchase price by giving him an upfront $5,000 to remove the lien that was on the house. That lien was a Medicaid lien. He could not sell the house unless that lien was removed. And so I did that with the understanding that we were good with the agreement and the purchase going forward. But he ended up using that money to remove the lien and then decided that he's going to sell the house for more money than our agreement because that's what's best for him. You know, I told him that I expected to be paid back if that was his decision. But I feel like this is just another way that he has sort of been dishonest and hurtful, I think, financially in our relationship. And it makes it complicated that he's also my dad. And I know that I'm called to honor this relationship. But I do feel like there's some financial issues between us that I'm having a difficult time navigating and just would like some advice on how to go forward. All right. So you said another. So this is not the first time he's done something underhanded or dishonest to you? I feel like this is the worst where it's not the first time. There's a pattern. And you know that this guy is a crocodile. The pattern is we're very generous with him and he loves our generosity. You know, we've purchased transmission that has happened. No, that is not true. You're putting sugar. You're putting sugar on top of a crocodile. He loves that he can take advantage of you. You have felt taken advantage of as a pattern and yet you gave him five thousand dollars, which you should not have done, because, by the way, you can have a lien removed from the house at the closing. You don't have to do it before the closing so that you could have given the title company the purchase price and they could have removed the lien and then given him the net proceeds, which is the way a normal human does a transaction if you're not a crocodile. OK, so here's the thing. When the Bible says to honor your parents, it does not say to honor your parents misbehavior. It's honoring the office of father, the office of mother. Summer gets busy fast between vacations, camps and travel plans. The last thing you need is another thing to manage. That is why I love Delete Me. Delete Me removes your personal information from hundreds of data broker sites that can leave you vulnerable to spammers and scammers, and they keep monitoring it all year long. And honestly, it feels good knowing that someone is handling it for me. And you can get 20 percent off an annual plan at JoinDeleteMe.com slash Ramsey. That's JoinDeleteMe.com slash Ramsey. For instance, I agreed with almost nothing that Joe Biden did or said when he was the president of the United States. Some of you loved him. I didn't. But the Bible calls for me to honor those that are in power and pray for them. So I'm going to honor the presidency, but not the things that Joe did as president. So I can honor my father, but I don't have to honor his cocaine use. I'm not saying my father does cocaine. That's not what I'm saying. But the point being, OK, that your dad, you can honor the position of father and say, I honor you as my dad, but I cannot do financial transactions with you anymore because I can't trust you. That's not dishonoring. It's just observation. I think I know how this is going to turn out. I do, too. He's going to be pissed next time. Next time he can't take money from you. Well, I think he's going to sell this house and he's going to feel real rich for three years. And he's basically selling the inheritance that could have gone, you know, to my grandkids that I was even willing to purchase and take on, you know, that responsibility to give something, you know, to a generation. I'm sorry, but there was no generational wealth for the crocodile. That was an illusion. You know, you need to let me let that go. That's gone. He owns the house and he decided not to sell it to you. And once he's out of money, I know he's going to depend on me. No, he's not, because I'm not going to give him any more money. You can't depend on me if I say no. When he steps out that door, there's going to be no doormat named Julie waiting to fund his misbehavior again. So you get to set the boundary. There's no depending on you anymore. You're not going to enable him. I'm not required to care for him and his old age. No, absolutely not. He's a grown adult. He has nothing. He has no 401k. He has no savings. That's his problem. Here's the hard part, Julie. Nothing you could do could change that. Because you just showed him, if you give him 10 grand, it's gone. It doesn't matter. It's an endless pit. You do not owe him. You're a classic enabler. Okay. I mean, you're just, you're just handing out money thinking it's going to make everything. Okay. It never makes everything. Okay. It just makes it more of what it already is. You're not helping him when you participate in his crocodile tears, you're harming him. And so you just stand back and go, you know, I love you. You got issues and I hope it all works out for you. And you know, if you need, if you need, if you're out of food and you're hungry, I'll buy you a Kroger card, which does not allow alcohol, does not allow alcohol or cigarettes on it. So it only allows food. So there you go. What's he going to do with the proceeds from the house? He's going to take them and use them and blow them. That's what he's done his whole life. He's going to pay off his debt. He's going to pay off his debt. And then it's going to be gone. And my thought was, well, if he ever needed anything, at least we'd have an asset where we could pull out an equity line of credit or something. You know, if there was ever an emergency, we would have, we would have a source of wealth to help him. And instead of trying to he's not the problem, he's not the problem you are. Cause I can't get you in this conversation to recognize the crocodiles do one thing and that's bite. And every time I talk about it, don't feed the crocodile. All you do is figure out a way to get the food out. Well, I don't know how to navigate family holidays. Like how do you even have relationships? If you would like to come over and eat, that's fine. But I don't give you money. If, if the only way you want to come to Christmas is for me to give you $5,000, I guess we're not going to see you at Christmas. And if he chooses not to come, that's on him. I think you're trying to save this relationship that is money with money. You're trying to grow this guy's character. Julie, I can't help you. This is the 14th time you've argued with me and you called and ask us what to do. What you have is a boundary problem. You are a classic enabler. Go see a therapist. Somebody needs to walk you through how to say no. You've gotten this so tangled up that somehow it's all going to be okay someday. It's not going to be okay. The guy's a freaking crook. I'm sorry. He's your father, but he's a crook. He's a bad dude. Don't participate with him in his delusional crap. You're not helping him. You're not helping your family. You're not helping you get some help, girl. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.