New Mass. group provides support to people whose loved ones died in murder-suicides

This is WBUR's All Things Considered. I'm Lynn Jolicoeur. We want to let you know this next segment deals with both violence and suicide. There have been high-profile cases involving murder-suicides in Massachusetts recently. They include the killing of a Worcester police officer by his wife, who then killed herself. For loved ones left behind, the grief is complex. That was the case for Jenna Howe. Her brother killed their mother in Truro four years ago, then died by suicide in jail. Howe recently helped start a support group for survivors of murder-suicide loss. She told us her story and why a dedicated group for people like her is an important part of the healing journey. The two days in between my mother and brother dying, I was angry. I was so angry with my brother for taking our mother. I was shocked and heartsick. I found personally for me that after my brother died, that anger for him went away. Instead, I was sad. I always knew that there was a possibility that he could hurt himself, but I did not have any idea that he would hurt our mother as well. You've felt the need to connect with other people and both get support and offer support. What kind of support did you get first, I guess, in the days and weeks that followed your mother and brother's deaths? My mother had a fantastic community of friends. They called me and they texted me. I was working as a doula, so I had a community of caretaking women. That starts to dwindle down as everyday life goes on for everyone else. For people who have lost someone in this shocking, tragic, very quick way, time almost feels like it's stopped. I believe you've mentioned you got to a point where people weren't asking about it anymore. A lot of people don't know what to say, so they just don't say anything? That's how I found it to be. Even now, almost four years later, people don't know what to say to me, so they don't say anything at all. They act as if it never happened. What does it mean to you to be around other people who have experienced loss through murder-suicide? What kind of support are you giving through this group? The first time I was in a virtual room for murder-suicide loss support was amazing. It was about a month after my losses. I was in a room with about 15 people on my computer. This is a national group? This is a national group that I'm the president of. It was relieving to be in a space with people who understood what I went through and can really empathize with the complex emotions. Just to jump in there, complex emotions, because you're talking about losing a loved one at the hands of another loved one in your situation, not in all murder-suicide situations. Tell me about that. I had 34 years on the planet with my brother where he was not a murder. He was a person, and he was loved. He had a family. He had a wife and a daughter. When we're in the support group, we understand what it's like to love someone and have them taken away shockingly in this situation and have those complex emotions where we can be mad and we can love them. It doesn't take away from our feelings of loss about the other person. But I can still love and grieve my brother, and I think that's the hard part for people who haven't been through this. Jenna Howe facilitates an in-person support group for people impacted by murder-suicide loss. It happens at Call to Talk in Framingham. If you or a loved one are in mental health crisis, you can call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.