My Wife Wants To Leave Me Over Money

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. My wife is having serious thoughts about divorcing me because of my bad financial habits. Oh no. Okay. Gosh. Yeah. How long have you been married? Two years. Okay. Two years? Two years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two years. So tell us about your bad financial habits. Um, well, I don't really initiate when it comes to financial meetings with each other. We don't really, I don't really talk about finance too much. That's really on her side of things. Like, I'll make the money or, you know, my half or my share and I'll just like, you share account and I'll just like leave it there and whatever the gist of it, I'll kind of, you know, do here and there. Like, if there's something needs to be paid out, I'll do it, but I don't really know too much about our finances. And then the, our most recent situation that caused the divorce talks is that there was, um, like, um, again, like she'll, she'll process most of the payments and three months ago. What is she asking for from you? What is it that she wants you to do that you, you have been unable to do in her eyes? Um, like I said, initiate, uh, process certain payments, stay on top of certain payments. Uh, I just got my car repoed and, um, there are three months of late fees and I just paid off all those to get it got repoed. Did it get repoed because you simply were not, yeah, you're just didn't pay the payment or you didn't have the money to pay the payment? Which one? I didn't pay the payment. That's it. We have the money. And can I ask why? Just, you forgot or you thought she was going to do like, what, what was the reasoning behind that? Um, it was more just not to get too negri. I just, I just avoided it. Um. Okay. Do you, how old are you, Terry? 29. 29. And how old's your wife? Uh, she's 27. 27. Okay. Before you guys got married, did you pay your own bills or what was the, how did things get done before you got married or was it just a state of mess? I was a teenager. Not before you got married. You're 29. You've only been married two years. We've been together for almost eight years, 10. So she's always, what you're saying is she's always taking care of that? Is that what you're saying? Not always. I'll do it here and there, but for the most part, yes. Okay. And I screwed up and I avoided it and that's the part what I'm trying to change. Uh-huh. Okay. And do you, do you know yourself well enough to know why? What, what, what, what fear comes up in you that you're like, I have to push this thought aside to even pay a car payment. I don't even want to, that's, I don't want to engage that at all. Where does that come from? I would just, um, I don't think it's fear. Well, maybe fear in some ways I don't understand, but I would just say laziness. Is it just pure lazy? I'm very comfortable. Yeah, just laziness. I think, I think there's something else there. I need to, um, because you go to work. If you were a lazy person, you wouldn't get up and go to work. If you were all that lazy, you probably wouldn't be calling the show. I feel like there's clearly in certain areas, a level of intentionality that you have the ability to have. And so that's why I have a hard time just with, nope, you're just a lazy guy. You can't do it. How did you grow up with money, Terry? What was your home situation like with money? I came from a Caribbean family and it like, that's already a story in itself. You came from what? A Caribbean family. Oh, okay. Yeah. And like, I didn't really, they're like, think of it like this. You have support, but you don't at the same time. And it really is like, if you mess up, it's strictly on you. And that's kind of how I've been. And well, and I say lazy to chalk it up because, okay. Because I just, I mean, I only have accountability to take and like, hey, I didn't miss those three months of car payments and it didn't mess this up. Do y'all have a baby, Terry? Really much. Yes, I do. You do. Okay. He just had a baby. How old is the baby? He is officially two months. Two months. Okay. Sweet thing. Okay. Can you tell me, because I'm trying to get a sense, because don't get me wrong. This is a big deal and it's a frustrating thing. I want to know if there's some other things that are pushing harder on the divorce conversation than just who pays the car payment. Are you working regularly? Does the laziness show itself in other areas of life? Like, are you not working regularly? Are you not helping out around the house? Are there other things that are going on? That's not money related, that this is really just one of the many things, or is this the only thing? And you're like, okay, I got to get this one thing right. Just be honest. I mean, to keep it straight, I would say, yeah, we have, like, you know what, maybe she does have multiple things, but I would say it shows itself up in other ways of factors. Like she said, it's accumulation of these thoughts, bad financial habits, and I have been trying to change, but it just keeps, every time there's a mistake, like the repo, she'll bring up divorce. Like the last time my car got reposed, she brought up divorce. So I don't think this is, I'm going to be honest with you, I don't think this is a money issue. I think this is, I think you have some marriage issues, and I think you have some personal issues. And I think she wants you to step up, Terri. I'm going to be honest. I think I'd be pissed if I just had a baby, and my husband can't even pay his own car payment. Like, I mean, a little bit of me, Terri, is like. Got to be able to do the minimums and basics. Yes, you have to step up. And so there's, and I know you know that, or you wouldn't have called. So you know what you have to do, but something is blocking you to go and do it. And I think that that is, that's work you've got to do, Terri. You've got to figure out what is going on. And in the meantime, you just have to have action. And you're going to have to rebuild some trust with her, because I think she's just pissed. I think she's been doing this on her own, and she's been taking care of the money, because you even said, I made the money, and I put it in the account, and that's her thing. She's tired. She wants a partner. Yeah. She wants a teammate with her. And to be a husband that loves her, serves her. And what Jade is pointing out is exactly right. When you actually start fixing some of these issues, and we'll use money as the main one, because that's why you called. And you actually start being so selfless, and you're like literally saying, this is what I want to do, but I know that's probably not the right thing. So I'm going to engage in this process that makes me so uncomfortable, but I'm going to choose to do it for the betterment of my marriage. And you do that. It's going to trickle through all the other areas of your marriage when you start to change in one area, because it changes you, Terry. And I think part of it is you figuring out what is that mental block for you. And if I were you, I would spend a couple hundred bucks a month and go find a counselor or a therapist. And I would. I do think money can be such an embarrassment, shameful, guilt-ridden topic, and you're not feeling much relief at home because your wife's threatening to leave. But to build that confidence. Yeah, you've got to work some of this stuff out of what is holding you back, because there's something there. And in the meantime, I do want to be clear in my opinion, you still have to make some steps moving forward to take care of this baby. And as that baby cried in the phone, I was like, oh my gosh, they got a new baby in the home. Like you have a lot of responsibility, and it's doable, Terry, because the money's sitting there. It's not like you can't hold a job and you don't have money. It's just following through with a couple of things. If you have to make a checklist or have reminders on your phone. Put a reminder, it's due today, pay it. Whatever it is to put into place some actions. That's why I think it's got to be deeper than that, because those things, the logistics of it is quite easy. I set the alarm, it rings, or I put it on auto draft. What about that? That's right. Then you're not even thinking about it at all, Terry. Actually, the thing is, when it came to the car payment, I really, and I have to emphasize, I thought I did put on auto pay. Okay, but what stops you, let me stop. What stops you from right now, the moment you get off this phone, I realized it wasn't on auto pay. Therefore, I'm going to put it on auto pay this second. Then I'm going to show it to my wife and say, hey, I realized I messed up the last one, but I put it on auto pay. I just want to show you that I did that. It's going to come out every month on the 15th. I would ask her, what do you need from me? Ask your wife that. What do you need to see from me to help start making some steps towards rebuilding this trust? Because fight for this marriage, Terry. You've been with her all this time. I don't want you to lose this. To me, this can be solved. For the sake of that baby and everyone, do not let this tear your marriage apart. Fight for it and do what you have to do to rebuild that trust. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.