Imposter Syndrome Isn t a Mindset Problem

So you feel like you've got imposter syndrome. Now, most imposter syndrome advice tells you to just believe in yourself more, that you're actually more competent than you think you are, and it's just about kind of connecting that reality with your thought process and your self-talk. Now, that didn't work for me. When I walked into my new job, I didn't just feel less competent, feel less capable than my colleagues. The problem wasn't that I believed I was less capable than I actually was. So the usual advice of you're more competent than you think doesn't work here. So here was something that I did that actually worked that other people have not talked about. So some quick background. I'm a tech developer that moved into a new role, into a room with people who were genuinely much more experienced in this field than I was. My imposter syndrome hit differently because it wasn't like some irrational fear. It was actually backed up by the fact that I didn't know as much as they did. So I wanted to figure this out without injecting false positive talk. So just a brief overview of imposter syndrome. It's typically when you don't believe that you can do a certain thing or be a certain level of capability, but in reality, you actually can. So classic symptoms of this is attributing wins to just dumb luck, and that you just got lucky to get this such a positive outcome rather than it maybe actually being your capability and your knowledge and your experience. You move into a new workplace and maybe you're not entirely up to date with the kind of culture and the kind of interactions that people have there or their ways of working and the quality of the projects they deliver. That was the kind of imposter syndrome that I encountered. Now, the reason the typical imposter syndrome advice doesn't really work in a case like this is because it assumes that your belief of your own capabilities is false, that you're actually more capable than you say. But if there's actually a skill gap, you're early in a career, you have a new role, new country, new industry, that belief isn't actually false. And the goal is not to just simply tell yourself that you are integrated with the culture, that you are all of a sudden very capable of doing all these things and try and trick yourself into that mindset. That's very transitory. That's not gonna work over the long term. You need to actually adopt behaviors to upskill yourself to the point where that voice, that feeling of being a black sheep actually starts to change. And so here are three things that I've done that actually weakened my imposter syndrome when I was in my new role. Number one is to accept compliments graciously when you receive it, all of it. When someone gives you a compliment like how smart you are or how well you did in this project or how good a product that you delivered is, the first instinct sometimes is to downplay your own achievement. You would be like, oh, it wasn't a big deal. It was really easy actually. Now, the key reason why we actually did this is because we don't wanna risk disappointing the other person in some way in the future. And so we wanna moderate their expectations and we feel like this is lifting the standard too high for us. The problem is that you actually reject external validation. Now, this external validation is actually data that you need. And also, the person who gave you that compliment is gonna feel like they were wrong in some fashion, like you're telling them that they're wrong, that what you did was not actually that impressive. And it's kind of criticizing their ability to analyze the quality of your own work. So here's what I do instead. Oh, thanks, Jim, I really appreciate that, man. You absorb it. You bank up that external validation data. Now, you actually earn that skill. And why have you earned it? Well, someone gave it to you. Someone gave it to you as a gift. And many of you actually have achieved really good things. Like you've actually delivered a product that clients use, or you've done someone a certain favor, or you have a virtue that they appreciate. Every compliment that you accept is actually data that in the future you can use. Because if you reject it, when in the future you need to look back and really assess how competent you are, you're actually not going to have much data points to use. You're not gonna have much evidence because you've rejected all of them, dismissed all of them as some sort of fluke. And this is where that imposter syndrome gets really, really bad in the long term. In fact, right now it might already be really crap for you. So accept the compliment. You've earned it. That's only part of how I was resolving the issue. The second part is practicing disappointing people. I know, that sounds really weird. But a huge factor of imposter syndrome is the fear of disappointing people. So you put up this facade. You try to make your image that of this perfectly competent and good person in the workplace because you fear that your true self is someone that's not gonna be accepted. It's gonna be disappointing to everybody. So in order to keep up this image, a lot of people over-promise what they can deliver. They can say yes to everything and pretend they know things when they actually don't. And then they over-commit and do a lot of work in order to make sure that the quality of the project they deliver is still high in order to maintain that image. Or in another case, someone may come to you for a small favor and it seems like an easy technical thing to do, for example, but you don't know how to do it. I've been on the receiving end of that heaps of times. And so what I did to try and make sure that I maintained my image of the very smart, savvy tech guy, I would spend quite a bit of time, like 20 minutes, sometimes above, just trying to solve this small little technical thing that someone asked me for, instead of actually doing the work I'm supposed to be doing. And I did that because I didn't want to look to the other person, like someone who couldn't solve any technical issue. I wanted to maintain that super tech savvy reputation to everybody, even to people who I don't need to maintain that reputation of. And to be honest, what was the point of that anyway? So here's what I would do instead in a situation where someone asks for a little bit of technical assistance. I need to take a look before I can give you a solid answer. So what I did was, when there was something I didn't know, I actually asked about it, because I actually don't know. The reason why I didn't do that before is because I thought that made me look dumb. I thought that made me look less competent. And that was, the cat was out of the bag. The black sheep was revealed. The truth is you're not actually disappointing anyone. You're coming across as honest and grounded. And the bonus thing is that if you're in a good working environment, they would encourage that kind of behavior. But if you're in a bad one, they'll punish that subtly. They might say snide remarks or something like that. But either way, you know what kind of environment you're in when you show that kind of behavior, that question asking, that curiosity, that being vulnerable to not necessarily knowing everything. So that is practicing disappointing people. Start small, build up those reps so their expectations are well moderated to your actual skill level, whatever skill level that may be, which ties perfectly with my third point, which is approach things with a student lens instead of like a expert lens. Now, a lot of people, because they feel imposter syndrome, feel the need to perform like a competent person. I myself wanted to appear like an expert to clients, to my colleagues. It's absolutely exhausting. It was like a fight to keep the mask on in the workplace. So instead, I flip it. I approach things as a learner rather than an already experienced expert that knows everything. So this is a bit different to the point before because it's more proactive. I would encourage to go asking questions on things you don't know. When people would be explaining a technical solution and they mention aspects of it that I have not learned about before, I would ask about it. And they are sometimes surprised that I don't know it, but this is fine because people love sharing about their own expertise. Not only do they use their expertise for the actual work, they can use it to educate you. It actually makes them feel fulfilled. Most people don't actually tend to do it just to show off or just to lord over you in how much knowledge they know. They actually feel privileged to teach you something. Now here's the counterintuitive part of it. Everyone actually knows that you are not perfect because nobody is. So the fundamental fear of imposter syndrome is fear of other people knowing that you are not perfect. They already know that though because nobody is perfect. So when you actually ask questions about things you don't know and actually, quote unquote, look dumb when you don't, you're just being more curious, you actually reassure them that you're human and that you actually have the courage to look human. You don't carry the air that you're trying to protect some sort of reputation and that you're insecure about it. So that's three. Taking a more so student kind of approach, being more proactive and curious about learning the things that you want to learn. So those are the three things. Accept compliments. Practice disappointing people. Approach things from a student lens. With all these, you'll stop performing and actually start belonging. When I did all these things, I actually got a lot more validation than I did before and I got a lot more praise for those kinds of characteristics, actually much to my surprise. This was not something that I just did overnight all of a sudden when I started adopting all these behaviors and it wasn't because I suddenly got better at all these behaviors or got more competent overnight. I stopped trying to protect a perfect image that I couldn't maintain and I started working with what I really was. I was a person at this level who wanted to be at this level instead of pretending to be at this level from the start. If you're in a new environment, a new role, in a new team, these are the things that I did to really batter down my imposter syndrome and become a member of the actual team and integrated myself into a very healthy dynamic with my new work environment. If this is a video that you feel like it will help somebody, make sure to share it with them. And if you like this kind of content, make sure to give it a like and subscribe. This whole channel is me documenting things that I learned and have applied in my actual professional life and I'm sharing the lessons I've learned as I go. But what about you guys? What are the imposter syndrome moments that you have and how did you navigate through that? I'd love to hear about it in the comments below. Cheers for watching and I'll see you all next time.