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I guess I have a little bit of concerns. Me and my husband have been married going on three years
and we're expecting our second child this year. Our finances are completely separate
and we decided this once this baby's here that would be staying home. So I'm just kind of
concerned since our finances have always been so separate. Obviously we have things that we need
to figure out. Boy you are beating around the bush in a Nebraska kind of way. What the flip is there?
What's really going on? So I am eight years younger than my husband so he has quite a bit of
working years over me and when we met I was fairly young. I was only 18 when we first met.
You were 18? Yes. And you're how old now? 26. Yes. So our financial situations have always been a
lot different obviously with our age gap. I mean I've been working a full-time job since I was 14
years old so being in the working field is nothing new to me. Although because of I guess my age and
I don't want to use my age as an excuse because there's a lot of people who make a lot of money
that are my age or younger. So I guess just with my experience and what I do have to offer on the
table as far as job wise I don't always get like high salary paying jobs. I start usually low.
All of that has to do with it sounds like you think you have to earn your right to be a wife.
Like you're not equal if you don't make equal money. Yeah. When you got married the vow said
richer for poorer sickness and in health. Yeah. Your vote doesn't scale with income.
Yeah. You should have had a vote day one regardless of your income level if he decided to do life with
you. So what was the real reason you guys never combined? He thinks that I'm financially
irresponsible with my money. There it is. I don't. We just got to the real reason. Disagree with him.
Yeah. It's like I was always someone and also this is something I'm trying to work on.
Okay. One that like. Okay. So the marriages that are successful relationally and that are
successful financially do not operate like yours. Yeah. That's why you're calling. Okay. Yeah. And
so you're not his daughter even though he thinks because he makes more and he's older
that he's going to treat you like that. And so you're in time out because you didn't behave.
That is not a that's not a healthy marriage relationship. That's bull crap. Okay. That's
from a guy that's been married 43 years. That's bull crap. All right. So you don't earn your vote
in the house as George said based on the income that you produce or based on your age. Neither
one. You both get a vote the day you say I do. And both votes are equal the day you say I do.
Period. Yeah. Period. And this is the way marriages function that we have studied thousands and
thousands of them that become millionaires and that have high quality high satisfaction marriages.
It's not a it's not a father-daughter relationship. No one is punitive. We might argue
but we argue from a level playing field about what our goals are going to be not what I want
to do versus what you want to do. But we argue about where we want to go. And you guys are a long
long way from that. And it brings me great fear because now that you're having another child at
his request now you're not going to be working at all which means you don't even not only not have
a vote now you have to apply for welfare with him. Yeah. This is the way this character acts
and he has had bad training somewhere. Someone has told him this is the way to do it and he's wrong.
I'm not being unclear am I? No you're being perfectly clear. Good. Okay. And I do agree
with you. We've taken this call so let me show you the future. He's going to give you an allowance
because he's going to treat you like his daughter. And then bitch about how you spend it. And then
yeah then he'll shrink it based on your behavior and how he feels about it. Yeah. While you're
trying to take care of the family and the kids. So no. Today this ends. The worm turns. As Shakespeare
said the worm turned. So that's it. It's over. And we're going to sit down and honey we're going to
be on an equal playing field. We're both going to have all of our names on all the accounts.
It is now our house. Our income. Our bed. Our kids. Our future. Or our is going to see a marriage
counselor. Yeah. And we're going to get some marriage help. And we probably need to do that
anyway. Because at a minimum you guys need some new tools on how to do marriage. Your tool belt
is really empty. It is. Yeah. And so I'm not being mean. But the things that are going through your
mind. I don't want you ever coming at this discussion again from a subpar, substandard,
I'm not as good as position. Don't you ever use that language again in your house. Because you're
not subpar. You're not substandard. You're younger. You had a different career path. Whoopty doopty.
You're his wife. The old marriage vows in the old days out of the book of common prayer
where we get richer for poor sickness and health unto thee. The rest of it used to say unto thee
all my worldly goods I pledge. Boy, we ought to add that one back into the marriage vows, shouldn't
we? All of us. My job is now to love you so well that you are cared for and you have a vote.
Hello. That's service. Real leadership is service. That's real leadership. So
I we're, we're on your side. I'm not gonna, I'm not angry with him, but the way he's acting is
not going to prosper you. It's not going to prosper your children. It's not going to prosper
him. And it's going to create a life of resentment, bitterness, and anger. And you guys are not going
to enjoy the next 10 years. And your children are not going to grow up in a good house because
this is not the way people are supposed to interact, kiddo. We always say more is caught
than taught. And those kids are going to see the way dad treats mom and mom gets an allowance if
she's a good girl. And that's a sad way to live. And I think for too long, Laura has believed
the lies that he has told her. That would be Stephanie, but yeah. Oh yes. Our Stephanie.
I'm sorry. And so the part of this is Laura might too, but this may as well. But you know,
I think if she went to a counselor on her own, the counselor would say, I'm seeing a pattern of
gaslighting and narcissism and all these sort of trendy words. But I think there's a control
mechanism here. It's just an older guy that's used to being in control and he's just as still
in control. That's all it is. I don't know if it's narcissism. That might be overstating it.
And it's not gaslighting. He didn't tell her she's crazy. He just said she was insufficient,
that she was deficient. And so he needs, she needs to follow and do what he says.
It's a control mechanism for sure. No question about that. But I don't know if we go so far as
to throw trendy, overused, uh, poorly defined words at it. Uh, you know, tick-tock psychology,
but yeah. Yeah. That's geez. Yeah. That's that. That's the thing right there. Wow.
It's one of our most controversial takes is that we believe couples should combine their life,
including their finances. I don't know why, how it became so controversial that you should have
a joint checking account. It's kind of like we teach people to live on less than they make
controversial controversial. Who are you to tell me? Get out of debt.
Controversial. Save money and become a millionaire. Controversial.
Buy a house you can afford and don't buy one until you can. Oh, that's controversial. You're
out of touch. You're out of touch, Dave. You're a boomer. You bought your house with a box of
strawberries. It was bartered for create your free, every dollar budget today, the simplest
way to budget for your life.
