Gerry Dee _ I Never Actually Marked Your Tests

I was a teacher, was, I get asked a lot what was the worst part of teaching and it's easy, it was marking. It was marking all the time, you just mark, you just give a test, you got to mark it. Kids are all over you, when are we getting our tests back? Shut up, I got to mark it, you got to mark it on your own time, you got to find time, well they give you a spare but that's for napping, that's when we nap, you got to go home, you got to, your friends are like, I want to go out, I got to mark, can't. First year, that's my first year of teaching, stress. I taught history, I took phys ed, I had no idea what I was doing. Final exam, 125 papers I had to mark, they had to be in in 48 hours, I don't think I slept for two days and I realized something, kids marks were the same mark they got on the first quiz I gave them in September, like why the hell did I mark all this stuff? And that's what happens, let me just tell you, your teachers don't mark stuff after their first year, we don't mark stuff, we look at your name, your name is your mark, that's it, whatever you get, whatever you got in that first test, you better do well because that's your mark, plus or minus, to make it look like we did work, we add a percent, take a percent off if we don't like you that week, we don't mark it, we put red stuff on it, comments, nice, good point, dot, dot, dot, a lot of dot, dot, dot because it's like, what does that mean? I don't know, dot, dot, dot, that's why teachers told you in that first test, remember that speech? Now kids, this test sets the tone for the rest of the year, that's because that's gonna be your mark, you can't recover from that, you don't get a 30 on the first quiz in September and then go, I'm gonna turn it on, no you're not, because you already got the 30, you might get a 32, that might be your final mark, feel bad for some of those kids, if I liked a kid, sometimes I just surprise them, like to give back, I like to give back, I just throw a 97 on their test halfway through the year, kid Jordan had like a 30 average, you know he'd get his test, 33, they don't challenge you, they're just like, yeah, pretty much what I thought, get a 97, you should see their face light up because of you, because of you, what you did, it was a magical feeling that I could do, they'd get so excited, they'd check right, they wanted to make sure it was theirs because their name spelled wrong, so they gotta make sure, 97, he's holding it up to his friends, I'm like put it down, you didn't even answer the first page, don't make me look like an idiot, you're gonna get 27 next test, they're the easiest kids to mark too, the kids that aren't doing well, you're actually happy when you get that Jordan, you're like, oh good Jordan, because it's just a lot of blank pages, right, big line, we could leave it, but we go, no, no, I'm gonna go the big red line right through your test, you didn't try hard enough, biggest stress for kids is around university time, college, when their marks are getting entered, oh, it's stress time, right, they're trying to find you, they want to know their mark going into the final, you're on your spare, lunch, doesn't matter, like they knock on your door, sir, just want to know what I have going into the final, pull out your fake mark sheet, you really want to say, what'd you get on the first quiz, what'd you get, 71, probably gonna have a 72 going in, something like that, round there, Joanne would come in, 84, I had a kid with a 12, 12 average, doesn't even sound like a sentence, sir, what do I have going into the final, you have a 12, it doesn't even sound like a sentence, why is he coming, why is he here, what do I need going into the final, sir, what, I didn't even look at the mark sheet, because we know who that kid is, we joke about him in the staff room, that's Tony with the 12, that's what we call him, that's Tony with the 12, why is he here, knocking on the door, sir, what do I have going into the final, I said, you have a 12, Tony, you have a 12, 12 what, he said, 12, he said, 12 what, 12%, you have 12%, what's it out of, sir, what, this is a problem, Tony, I said, Tony, you can't pass the exam, you're exempt, you're reverse exempt, you don't even need to write it, don't even come, stay home, start learning how to pump gas, but I liked him, I liked this kid, sometimes, as I said, I give back for the kids, I said, Tony, here's what I'm going to do for you, if you pass the exam, give him a little hope, false hope, I will pass you in the course, you know what he said, he went, done, maybe not, remember the 12, I made it even easier for this kid, this year, I had a grade 12 history class, the final exam was five essay questions, 30 marks each, and I didn't do this for any other kids, I just did it for him, I said, Tony, I like you, learn these 10 essay questions, I did a special thing for him, because that's what I was like, I said, learn these 10, I'm going to pick five, I'm not doing this for anybody else, thank you, sir, but he was an idiot, right, he was an idiot, so he picked five, he said, 10 is too many, I'm going to guess, because I'm a good guesser, all of a sudden, I'm going to guess the five that I think he's going to pick, and just learn those, he didn't guess them, right, but it was so funny what he did, I passed him, it was the funniest thing a kid ever did, he wrote on the final exam, the first question was everything about the American Revolution, who was involved, key dates, key figures, everything, 30 marks, like, he writes on the exam, that is a great question, but I would rather tell you about the French Revolution, and he wrote everything there was about the French Revolution. Thank you, Montreal.