Gerry Dee _ I don't miss teaching... Just the days off!

Where are the teachers? Clap, yes. So many. You're exciting. You teach kindergarten, you're all like, what do you teach? Grade six. That's like the last year they're kind of cute, I found. No, I'm not kidding. Grade six, they're still kind of, and then grade seven, gone. Like it just, it ended. That's when I noticed it ended. What school do you teach at? Holy Redeemer. Boom, boom, boom, boom. Right? Are there any high school kids here? What high school? What high school you at, buddy? St. what? St. Pius? Any St. Pius teachers here? See if we find some of your drunk teachers here. It's fun. That's a fun game, right? They shut up quick. Oh, God. That's the worst, right? When you see your teacher out. Yeah. They're saying the same thing. There's that little prick in my grade nine class. What do you want to be? A lawyer. Okay? Are you, do you have a good average? What's your average? 85. Not good enough. Nobody wants a lawyer that's 85% proficient. Think of something else. Okay? Who needs a guidance counselor when you have me? You don't need it. I taught for 10 years. People say, do you miss it? Do you miss it? And I'm not trying to be funny. I miss the wrong parts. And I mean this. I miss spare. I miss, I miss field trips, coaching, hallway. I miss stuff. I miss the school atmosphere and some of the kids. But I don't miss teaching. I hated that part. That was the part I hated when the bell rang and you stood there and they're seated and they're looking at you. And you're like, ah. You gotta deal with the smart kids. They're annoying. I don't miss the smart kids. I can't stand the smart kids. I could never stand them when I taught. I'm talking, not you. I'm talking, no, I'm talking 98 average. You're pretty smart. 85 is pretty good. I'm talking the 98s. The 98 average. Their whole life is their schooling. They have dinner. They sit down at six o'clock. The whole family, they talk about it. Hello, mama. Hello, papa. They're not even French. That's how they talk. I couldn't stand those kids because they're like little bosses. They're like your boss. Ah, sir, you missed, yeah. Sir, I didn't post the homework. It's like annoying. Enough. Remember you put homework? This is what kids don't understand. This is what smart kids don't understand. When I put the homework, answer questions one, three, five, seven, 12. I didn't miss questions. I don't know the answers to those. I don't give them to you. Sir, I noticed there's a mistake at the back of the book. What? Sir, I just checked. There's the answer at the back of the book. It's wrong. Okay. Do I think, should you write the editor? No, I'm going drinking tonight. I'm not writing anybody. Anyone teach little kids like grade? What do you teach, dear? One and two. Grades one and two. People wonder why some grade ones, dumb grade twos with the smart. Is that right? That's how they do it. Let's be honest. Because there's a normal, there's a whole grade two class over there full of grade twos. And there's six in yours. Come on. They don't figure it out, do they? They're still doing grade one stuff. Yet to be nice, you're like, no, no, you're in grade two. Okay. Do you have a helper? You don't. Do you know what they are? Yeah. The loser kid that just thinks their whole job is to help you. They show up at 7 a.m. There's a kid. They show up. They're just waiting on the steps because their parents can't stand them either. So they say, go, get out of here. 7 a.m. The school's not even open. They just walk around the school all day. They got a big knapsack on. Just looking at pictures in the hall. They got, no, they're not. Not on any teams. Not in the drama club. They're just looking for help. Trying to help. Bored out of their tree. Hey, sir. You want some help with those? You want me to get the door? You want me to take the attendance? No, I don't. They're just bored. You married, sir? They have questions. Hey, sir, you married? Yeah. I'm going to get married one day, sir. No, you're not. No one's going to marry that, buddy. What are we doing today? It's like 7.30. Sir, what are we doing today in phys ed? I don't know. I haven't thought of it yet. Some type of scrimmage. They notice everything to help her. Sometimes you're hung over. You ever hung over and you run into this kid? They're just waiting on the step. Hey, sir. And you're like, oh, seriously? What's wrong? You got a headache? Want some acetaminophen? What? Want some acetaminophen in my napkin? Used to have to do presentations. Sometimes I'd plan them when I was hung over. That's the hardest part of teaching, was the hungover day, the class. And presentations are garbage. Let's be honest. Half of you do them for your kids. We're not stupid. We know. You plan the little speech and you teach them little cute little things to do. They're garbage. They're terrible. I don't even listen. I gave everybody seven out of 10 the night before. I don't care. I'm bored out of my tree. It's the most boring part of teaching. And you as kids, the little kids think it's exciting. And oh my God, I have no presentation. Girls just panic. Oh my God. And you'll see them signal to their friend in case there's partners. If he says partners, do you want to be? Not you, not you, not you. No, Gloria, not you. Do you want to be partners? If we allow partners, do you want to be partners? Okay, I hope so. All right, kids. So I'd like you to find a partner. I'm so excited. Makes their day. The two of them get to plan. Girls love presentations. The giraffe. We'll do the giraffe. You want to do the giraffe? Yeah, I have a picture though. Bring it. Maybe we'll get more than seven this time. And then they'd argue. It was hilarious. And they're terrible. And sometimes they would do a presentation on people and they would say the birthday. Oh dear. You ready? Okay. They did a little high five crap. Like it matters, right? Okay, hope we do well. Me too. They got their little cards for four lines they can't memorize. Our presentation is on the giraffe. Then they argue. I was supposed to say that. Sir, can we start over? No, sit down. You got seven. Good. Freaking tallest animal. Awful. The worst part of teaching was marking. The marking is what killed me. When you teach history, geography, like I did first couple of years. English. Marking. What? 125 papers I had my first year. 125. I remember sitting there going, okay. This is going to take forever. Like you don't, they don't pay us to do that stuff. They don't. They pay you to teach all, all day. And then they go and do this on your own time. Do that. Get out of here. Go mark a thousand papers. What I started doing was I just looked at the name. I did. Sheila always got 90s. Why do I have to spend? First of all, her test is my answer key. I can't really give her less than. How am I going to give her less than 100? And you still remember you get the kids with like a 30 average. You loved marking those. Cause there was nothing like. Yeah. Just lying. Just blank pages. Oh, that was easy. That was a fast one. I used to love those kids for that reason. What I would do once in a while too, is I take a kid with a 30 average. Who the whole year probably got berated by his parents. Discouraged. Once a year, I just pop a 95 on his exam. Just to give back. There'd be blank sheets and I'd have comments. I think you knew this. And I'd give him a 95. Finally, I'd put. Finally, David. This kid was like. Made his day. What a nice thing for me to do. He'd go home. His parents took him to Swiss chalet. It was awesome.