Family Therapist Ranks DISNEY Parents

Look at me! I am, Tarzan. Being a present parent requires you to slow down. I've wanted to bring you here from the moment you opened your eyes. How can you not watch that and just cry your eyes out? I know I did even as a kid. No, Belle! I won't let you do this! Supporting isn't just comforting with kind words, it's hearing to understand. Today was very hard for you. And her whole intention is to say, you belong, you are safe, you are wanted. Every little thing she does is magic. Now forget what you see. What do you feel? So happy to see you! Me too, father! You can't learn to be one of us. Because you never give him a chance. You've always been too hard on me, David. My son. Most parents are capable of this, but what it takes is slowing down enough to be present. Hello and welcome to Cinema Therapy. I'm Alan Seawright, a professional filmmaker who needs therapy. I'm joined by this guy. Jonathan Decker, licensed therapist who loves movies. What are we talking about today? I'm gonna have you rank some things from least most to most most. Okay. That's not good. No, but generally least healthy to most healthy. Let me help you with your part. Thank you. Here they are. We're gonna look at Pinocchio. Okay. Dumbo. Uh-huh. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan, Moana, and Kanto. And I'm gonna have you rank the parents. Okay, sure, why not? Real good energy today, folks. Okay, least most or least healthy. Kerchak from Tarzan. Boy, just right off the bat. He sucks. He sucks until he doesn't. He's a real mean guy. Let's watch some mean guy action. Oh, no. Who's that? My mom. Tarzan. Hi. Hi, Aunt Kala. Oh, you scared me. What happened? Kala's great, by the way. Um, it's sort of a long... It's involved, because what happened, it was a weird... What happened? It was my fault, Kerchak. Tarzan. We were playing, and... Yeah, so are you gonna split those two up, then? Is that the plan? Yeah, I'll put her different spots. Oh, okay, because that makes sense. I was wondering how you would do that. Only a child. That's no excuse, Kala. You can't keep defending him. But he'll learn. He will never learn. You can't learn to be one of us. Because you never give him a chance. Give him a chance. Kala, look at him. He will never be one of us. Kerchak. Tarzan. Kerchak's racist. Specious is what he is. He's specious. Valid. Tarzan, even as a child, leading with accountability, especially really brave accountability, because of the size differential. Yeah. I don't know that, as a grown-ass man, I'd be like, hey, thousand-pound mountain gorilla. That was my bad. Points to Tarzan. Yes. I mean, I am gonna put Kala somewhere else on the list, because if their parenting styles were similar, I could lump them together. Sure. But they're so polar opposite. And, of course, this is all about having a character arc and growth. Yeah. And by the end of the film, he's in a much healthier place. And by much healthier place, I mean he dies? What am I saying? Well... He dies, but with love in his heart. And bullets. Therapy! So the issue with Kerchak is he is specious. Sure. Tarzan is adopted. Yeah. Kerchak, we don't see much of how he is with the gorilla children. I'm sure not as harsh as he is on Tarzan, but there's still, he leads with sternness, and he leads with criticism, and he leads with, I'm the alpha. And, of course, it's part nature, part Disney. So that's kind of how mountain gorilla alpha males are. They're not the nurturers. There's a lot of chest-thumping and punching of smaller males. Yeah, so, in fairness to Kerchak, he wants to protect his family. Sure, yeah. And everything he does is to protect his family. But he's kind of seeing it as like an either-or. It's very black-and-white thinking. He's not making room at the table to say, well, we've made Tarzan part of our family, so let's make this work. Let's keep everybody safe and make sure he belongs. Right. Limited. Stinkin' thinkin'. Getting into debt is as easy as intimidating a small child, if you're a silverback gorilla. But getting out of debt is as difficult as identifying your wooden son from a crate of fish. Well, the system's set up so we don't get out of debt easily. True, but PDS Debt might be able to help you with that. They do have customized options for anyone struggling with credit cards, personal loans, collections, or medical bills. And they're offering a free debt analysis. Which only takes 30 seconds. Head over to pdsdebt.com slash cinema to get your free debt assessment today. I ended up with horrifying credit card debt coming out of college because I didn't know things about finances. But PDS Debt would have helped me get out from under that and I probably wouldn't have spent a decade really feeling bad about it. I dealt with it in therapy. Also could have helped me with paying off my student loan debt faster after graduate school. That'd also make me feel sad in the field places. That's words. PDS Debt provides a service to match you with debt solutions tailored to your financial situation. You can save more and pay off your debt in a fraction of the time. Anyone with $10,000 or more in eligible debt qualifies. And there is no minimum credit score required. Stop waiting and start saving. Get a free debt analysis right now at pdsdebt.com slash cinema. It only takes 30 seconds. That's pdsdebt.com slash cinema. One more time. That's pdsdebt.com slash cinema. And just like that we've summoned PDS Debt like Betelgeuse to our show. Speaking of stinking thinking, Chief Tui from Moana. Better than Kerchek in that he has a lot of love for his child. Yeah. But still a lot of control there. This is happening all over the island. Please, please settle down. What are you going to do? We will dig new fields. We will find a way to... We can stop the darkness. Huge canoes. We can take them, find Maui, make him restore the heart. We were voyagers. We can voyage again. Such excited teen energy from her. This is how we help our people. Dad, what are you doing? I should have burned those boats a long time ago. No, don't. We have to find Maui. We have to restore the heart. There is no heart. This is just a rock. No. Now this is the culmination of many scenes. He's not normally like this. I mean, the position he's taking is consistently his position. Yeah. But the harshness with which he's taking it. Yeah. Tui, unlike Kerchak, spends a lot of time being loving and affectionate towards Moana. And the affection he feels towards her is real. The issue is that because of his own trauma and he's trying to keep her safe, he is locked into his biases and his prejudices. And like Kerchak, he's not trying to find a way to make it work. Right. He's just like, this is the only way it'll work. His mind is completely closed. And even though his love for Moana may be unconditional, it certainly manifests as conditional. Oh, totally conditional. You do things the way I want you to do them. You lead the way I want you to lead. And everything will work out great. Yeah. You're doing it the way I would do it. You're doing a great job. Yeah, and we get along fine. Yeah. The moment you have your own energy, your own dreams, your own style, your own vision, and also, she's not being especially practical right now because she doesn't know how to sail. And so to just hop on the boats and go out there, for him, that's a recipe for disaster. He's not wrong. But he's not all right either. Right. They both have valid points. And that's where negotiation and family therapy is helpful. Yeah. To help with some perspective taking and finding the common ground to make it work. Well, and where he is wrong is he's just dismissing outright. Right. Instead of saying, let's figure out a plan. I'm not saying we can't do this. I'm saying we're not hopping on the boats right now and just going out there and hoping for the best. Yeah. We've also done an entire Therapist Reacts to Moana that you can watch right here if you click on that. Which brings us to Geppetto. Okay. I might have maybe put him lower, but we'll see why. I have some hot takes on Geppetto. All right. The most loving dum-dum. And I'm awfully glad to see you. Let me take your hat. Oh. Pinocchio. What's the matter? Those ears. Huh? Ears? Oh, these. Yeah. That's nothing. No, it's not. It's childhood trauma for everyone who watched this. Not that he has them, but how he got them. What happened to you? Well, I... Oh. Oh, my. Yeah, I was going to say. Nothing else matters. Aw. Okay. So he is clearly a lovely guy who super-duper loves his son and really wants to be the best father he can. And he's just dog----- at it. Who's there? It's me. Oh, it's me. Huh? You magically have a miracle wooden puppet son, and you send him to school on his first day, and you don't walk him to school? You deserve to have him turn into a donkey. You never walked him to school once. You gave him an apple, and you were like, bye. Listen, listen. If it's generally a safe village, et cetera, et cetera, like maybe once he's gone a few times with you. This kid has never, he doesn't know what school is. Or he's got friends to walk with, yeah. He was literally born yesterday. He loses Pinocchio within a few hours of the boy coming to life. Uh-huh. On the flip side, he is like a more wholesome, stupider, less violent version of Liam Neeson in Taken in that he will stop... He will stop at nothing. Yeah, to get his boy back. He has a very unique set of skills, like sailing into whales. Obviously poking fun. Geppetto's a great dad. Asterisk. What you crying for? Because you're dead, Pinocchio. No. No, I'm not. Yes. Yes, you are. It's a big asterisk. I do love when he sees the ears. It takes him a second to be like, whoa, what's going on? And then he says, you know what? It doesn't matter. You're back. I think that's beautiful. Yeah. Next, we've got Julieta and Agustin in Encanto. Oh. If it was all in my head, how did I cut my hand? I would never ruin Antonio's night. Is that really what you think? What I think is that today was very hard for you. That's not... I was looking out for the family. And I might not be super strong like Luisa, or effortlessly perfect like Señorita Perfecta Isabella, who's never even had a bad hair day, but... I want that house. Yeah. I wish you could see yourself the way I do. You are perfect. Just like this. You're just as special as anyone else in this family. Mm-hmm. You just healed my hand with an arepa con queso. I healed your hand with... My love for my daughter. With a wonderful brain. Big heart. Cool glasses. Mamá. Te amo, cosa linda. I know what you saw. Mira, my brother Bruno lost his way in this family. I don't want the same for you. Get some sleep. You'll feel better tomorrow. Now we're getting into just some generally solid parenting. Okay. I'm gonna start with what needs work. What needs work is Julieta isn't really keen on believing her daughter. Okay. She's keen on comforting her, and she listens to correct rather than to understand. Mm, yep. And she does this, why? Because she's afraid of abuela. She wants to be there for her daughter and also appease abuela. So Julieta is a peacemaker, which is a double-edged sword. Because on the one hand, a lot of love, a lot of compassion, and one of her great strengths is I see the good in my daughter that she doesn't see. When she praises her daughter, it's very real, it's very specific, and it's very genuine. Now, Julieta and Agustín do stand up to abuela? Yes. A bit. More than anybody else. More than anyone else, which is... Not much. You know. But they're still trying to appease abuela, and Agustín does that similarly. When he discovers what Mirabel's been up to, and his response is, just bury it. Just bury it, say nothing, just pretend it's not going on. But on the flip side, not only do they genuinely love her, but they show it, and they're very good at showing it. True. Which is why Mirabel is annoyed that her mother doesn't believe her, but also comforted that her mother believes in her, if you see the difference. Oh, yeah, okay. Right? This right here is what most good parents are like. We get to some of the people higher on this list. Good, but imperfect. Yeah. But with Julieta and Agustín, they just need a little nudge in the direction of, hey, supporting your daughter isn't just comforting her with kind words, it's hearing her to understand. Yeah. Next is the first movie badass mama, in my opinion, Mrs. Jumbo. Listen, like most early Disney, there's some problematic stuff. But at the same time, it's a classic for a reason. There's so much awesome, beautiful... Not this, this isn't beautiful, this is mean. I do love that the kid is totally oblivious that he's... He's basically Jumbo. Yeah. He's human Jumbo, but worse. What circus this long ago lets children this close? I think all of them. I think if the circus came to town and nobody died, it was like a success. So I love that she just goes full Mama Bear. I mean, she's Mama Elephant, but... She is very sweet and very loving and very nurturing when we get to Baby of Mine, that whole... How can you not watch that and just cry your eyes out? I know I did even as a kid, it was so tender and so sweet. And yet at the same time, nobody messes with my kid. And I probably like Mama Jumbo because she reminds me of my mom. Not that my mom was a giant elephant, but she had... But she was very sweet and nurturing and kind. Yeah. And then people were surprised at how fierce she could be when it came to her kids. Don't mess with my kids. I would guess that she's not ranked right up at the top because we don't actually condone physical violence. Especially towards children. What about my legs? But yes, please don't physically assault your children's bullies. Like, find other ways. But her heart's in the right place. So that's why she's there. Next is Maurice. Crazy old Maurice. From Beauty and the Beast. Evolution of incompetent dad. Well, he's a lot like Geppetto in that he's loving to a fault. He's not especially bright, but he will do anything for his child. And he has a very unique set of skills. I've come for my father. Please, let him out. Can't you see he's sick? Then he shouldn't have trespassed here. But he could die. Please, I'll do anything. There's nothing you can do. He's my prisoner. Oh, there must be some way I can... Beauty and the Beast? Wait! Take me instead. You! Take his place? Belle, no! You don't know what you're doing! If I did, would you let him go? Belle, listen to your dad. You must promise to stay here forever. I know it ruins the movie, but you should listen to your dad. You should. Come into the light. We say this as fathers. Or as people with common sense. No, Belle! I won't let you do this! So he's doing everything. Every single thing he says. This line right here. From where he says the whole reason for this clip. No, Belle, listen to me. I'm old. I've lived my life. Wait! Belle! Wait! He has zero qualms. I will stay in this dungeon, and I will live out my days. And I will die, and I will starve. Whatever else has to happen. Because you should have a life. I'm old. I've lived my life. Didn't get a lot done. He nearly invented a wood chopping thing. A choppy wood chopper. What I like about Maurice is, from this moment on, he never stops trying to get back to her. He endures the scorn of the townspeople. He is threatened with getting thrown into the insane asylum. He braves the elements, the cold, the snow. He does not stop until he gets his daughter back. The only reason I'm ranking him higher than Geppetto, when they're so similar, is because Maurice never makes out with a mackerel. To be fair, it was a bluefin tuna. Shut up! In case you haven't noticed, this is entirely subjective and not scientific at all. Oh, okay. We would love to know from you in the comments, where you agree, where you disagree, and how you would rank these parents. Geppetto, Maurice. Okay, so one criticism that I've actually seen online is that Belle has to take care of Maurice. It's almost like an inverted parent relationship. I'm not sure I totally buy into that, because she's a young adult at this point. Yeah, I don't think it's parentification, because she's smart and independent and able to go into town and get groceries and do this, that, or the other, but she's not a child. Right, yeah. And so how did she get like this? Because he freaking raised her. Yeah, no, she's clearly, you know, she's got her head in the clouds a little bit and wants to live a storybook adventure or whatever, but she can take care of herself and her wacky dad, and clearly she got that way because wacky dad taught her how to do that. Yeah, so no, I don't agree with that comment at all. Stay off the internet. It is a silly place. It is a silly place. Right. Last but not least is Kala from Tarzan. So we bookend the Tarzan parents, because every little thing she does is magic. She's so sly. Yes, queen. Listen, we are relics from a bygone era, folks. Practically the Walking Dead at this point. So she reminds me a lot of Mama Jumbo, because like Dumbo, Tarzan feels like he doesn't belong. Mocked. He's scorned. And Kala has this strong protective energy, just like Mama Jumbo, but she stands up and protects her son with words and backbone, not with violence. Because you're covered with mud, that's why. No, Kerchak said I didn't belong in the... Close your mouth. Kerchak said I don't belong in the family. Never mind what Kerchak said. Hold still. Look at me. I am Tarzan. And do you know what I see? Listens to understand. I see two eyes. And a response. And nose somewhere. Ah, here. Two ears. And let's see, what else? Two hands? That's right. We really gotta do this movie. Yeah. Close your eyes. Now forget what you see. What do you feel? My heart. Let me hear. Your heart. See, we're exactly the same. Kerchak just can't see that. We talked earlier about how everything Kala does is perfect, and it seems like this idealized parent. But the fact is, most parents are capable of this. But what it takes is slowing down enough to be present. Because, for example, Julieta was a lot like this. She was close, yeah. She was close, loving, nurturing. But she was also already locked into, here's the point I want to make with my child. And we see here, Kala starts in one direction, and then Tarzan says, look at me. And you see there's a beat. And she says, I am Tarzan. Like, whatever she was going to do, she stops and she redirects. Being a present parent requires you to slow down and find the right thing to say. And sometimes you don't always have the right thing to say, but you have the right thing to show. And she says, come listen to my heart. Well, and even that was a pivot. Because she had a sort of attack that was working, right? She was like, you've got eyes, you've got a nose, you've got ears. And then he notices his hands are different. And she has to pivot from that to... Yeah, instead of what you're seeing, tell me what you're feeling. Right. We have one heartbeat. That's just brilliant. It's brilliant from like a strategic level because a lot of parenting is strategy. But what makes it not manipulation is your intention. And her whole intention is to say you belong, you are safe, you are wanted. And that's why she's my number one. Yeah, so should we have Jonathan rank another round of Disney parents? If so, which ones? In the comments. So until next time. Crazy old Maurice. Hmm? Crazy old Maurice. Hmm. Oh, Pinocchio. And... Thank you to our patrons over on our Patreon who get our sketch comedy bits, our therapy and filmmaking deep dives, commercial-free director's cuts of these episodes. And an upcoming short film. Folks like... Jesslyn. Brittany Hill. Neru-sama. AJ Sanchez. And Garrett McPherson. Yeah. McPherson, McPherson? McPherson sounds like the Soylent Green, like McDonald's. Mmm, it's McPherson. Yeah. Delicious. Shiny. I'm so shiny. Didn't help me though, did it?