Tasting Cheap Champagne w/ Emily Fleming!

Ready? Bye everyone! Hey! Happy New Year! Actually, I specifically chose one that isn't going to do anything. Oh! Yay! We are just boning up on our John Ham fun facts. If you have any, drop them in the comments. Ha ha ha! Some of them, not so savory. Our ham, our ham bones. Ham bones. Oh, that's fun. I wonder if anybody called his, his bone, his ham bone. I hope so! That is what my mother, her dad always called her, so that actually now ruins my life. That is kind of a country thing to call somebody, ham bone. For being like a ham? No, just, no, he didn't, no. Just cuz. There was a lot of sayings he said that involved ham. He would also say like, he would say, ham gravy ain't wavy, and nobody knows what that means. Ham gravy ain't wavy! In response to what? Nope. Listen, there are, so my dad has a bunch of isms too. There's like a comedy radio thing that happened, and this guy would go, huh, you'll think if you keep on. And he has sent me the clip of what it is referencing, but I went home for Thanksgiving, and all the little friends of my sister that grew up on our street, they saw my dad and they go, huh, you'll think, keep on. They like said it to my dad. I'm like, so everyone knows this thing? Huh. That's so funny. I know, it's like some, I don't know. I think it was like a prank caller thing. I don't know. If you know about that huh thing, let me know in the comments. I quote Crank Anchors to this day, like old Crank Anchors with Sarah Silverman, and oh my God. Man, they had a reboot of it. Yeah, they tried. I know. We should have written for it, and then it would have lasted a long time. Hadassah was my favorite character, and she calls a family about being their nanny, and she's just like, do you have a hot tub? Because sometimes I just need to soak. I think about that all the time, and I wish we were in a hot tub right now, because I feel like drinking champagne in a hot tub is what I was meant to personally do with my life. Is this champagne or Prosecco? What is it? So here's the deal. We are ranking, quote, cheap champagne. Champagne in big quotes. As we all know, champagne only comes from Champagne in France, the region. However, a lot of people just call sparkling wine Champagne. So what I've kind of called together here are for the most part Champagne style wines. Sparkling Champagne. Like we're leaving, I think I tried to leave the Cava and the Prosecco and the Ostis, like the Moscatos out of here. Love a Cava. And we're just going for like champagne, actual champagne. I don't think, actually, do I have any actual champagne? There's a Prosecco here, just to prove that you're a liar. I tried, I said, I specifically said I tried. There are so many, you guys. We've got a lot anyway. I have to do this game show podcast after this. It's gonna be good. Oh, it's about horror movies, and I love them. Let's go with the Champagne and everybody say what their favorite horror movie is. Okay. So, well, okay, we're starting with what I think is- Yeah, just like the world. The world today. 2025. America is my favorite horror movie. This is like cheap, cheap Champagne. This is the cheapest one. Andre. You can get it pretty much anywhere. Where's Andre? Ah! That's what I always pick up. Project runway. Andre. Where's my little lamb, Andre? When I was in- I'm concerned. That's me. When I was in college, when we went to a formal, we would each get a bottle of this and drink it on the bus. Yay! And you had to get there early to get one of them like this, otherwise you would be left with like the weird peach one. And there were people that really liked the Cold Duck. I used to bartend- Cold Duck? Yeah, it was like a great flavored one. Is it Lambrusco? Is that that sparkling? Sparkling red. Yum, yum, yum. So what is that? Is that considered a wine or a beer or a mead? It's wine. But what is the one? Okay, I don't know. There's like, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Oh, I know what you said. It's true. Of course, when we say cheap, I believe these are all like 20, 21 and under is what I was thinking. I feel like Andre costs like $3.99 or he used to. I used to bartend at a bar- It used to be really cheap. It's actually more expensive. That sold, you could buy a whole bottle of Andre that you could just like dance on the dance floor with. Yes. I think we sold them for like $5. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, a little buck 50 like charge up. This is meant to be chugged from the bottle. The idea of pouring Andre into a glass is wild. Daddy's glass. Here's the thing, it doesn't taste terrible. I love the way Andre tastes. It's real like fruity. I love the way Andre tastes. To me, it almost tastes like a pre-made mimosa. Like it has a lot of like an orangey kind of juice flavor and some sparkle to it. You're right. It's very, it tastes very grapey to me. It's very grapey, yeah. Yeah, like Welch's grape juice. It's like that fruit cocktail stuff with the syrup. Welch's fruit cocktail. Yeah, I like that. You get the little dull- The little peeled grapes in it. You know what I'm talking about? Why do they peel them? Yeah, I love those. I want to roll them around in my mouth. Hey, speaking of horror movies, since I'm just acting like I'm in a horror movie now, House of Thousand Corpses is probably my favorite. Oh, that's a great one. That's my second favorite horror movie. My number one favorite horror movie is Silence of the Lambs. It is, you know, that's, a lot of people find that to be debatable. They think of it as a psychological thriller, but I agree, I think it's a horror movie. I think the final scene is one of the scariest scenes in cinema history with the night vision goggles on. Yeah, I know, it's in the, yeah, it's very tense. It's so scary. A lot of suspense. My God. Yeah. I think Scream is my favorite. Yeah, it's fun. It's kind of like, it's whatever. I'd say Scream, and then like maybe Barbarian, and then Look. I do like, this is barely a horror movie, but I do really like Kevin and Melissa. It's, no, I think it's of a time. I've never watched it all the way through. It's an ultimate horror movie, because it's, if you thought that Scream was meta, Right. This is the meta of meta. It's one I watch regularly, and I will, but I will watch Scream like over and over every year. It's great. I love, I love all of the scrims. I celebrate all of them. They are fun. Yeah, they're way better than, I Know What You Did Last Summer, sorry. I've never seen them. Because why? It's just not as fun. It's not as fun. I love, I really love. I do like, I don't like the sequels to I Know What You Did Last Summer, and they are less fun. The Scream sequels are so fun. What are you waiting for? Also, literally, like, hot, like, so hot, huge boobs, like, made her look like, even when she's not supposed to look like ---- in that movie, the styling is so unbelievably bad for everyone. Yeah, a lot of bangs. I mean, but like, thin, like, really thin, like. Or the, like, barrel. Yes, exactly. But like a barrel. Barely a bang. Whereas Scream, impeccable styling. All I, the descent into the mix, by the way. Courtney Cox. Courtney Cox's hair in every single Scream movie is an actual hair. It is the bad part of the 90s. It was so crazy, like, crazy highlights. This is Stanford. I believe this is a Walmart brand. I need to confirm. Ooh, it smells fancy. Ariana, would you mind making sure I'm right about this? This is California, but it's, they call it California champagne, which would anger a whole lot of people. Yeah, I like this. I like it a lot. It's got some. It's a little sweet. But it's also. But not, like, Moscato sweet. I don't know, bitter to it. It's got a, it has a really nice, bright bubble, too. It's good, I still like Andre more. Really? Yeah. No, no. Okay, I got vetoed. It tastes like, it tastes almost like a Chardonnay to me, but bubbly. And it's probably made with. I drink a lot of Chardonnay. But it's made a la champagne. My family's favorite Chardonnay is Chateau Michelle. Yeah, Chateau Michelle. Over in Washington. But we said that, because I have an Aunt Michelle, and we, she doesn't watch this, but if she does, cover your ears. We're like, that's Aunt Michelle's stripper name. And then we went on the internet, and there was stripper name generators, you know? Oh, sure. Like, you know, you're the first pet in the strip club. The word of the whatever. But there was, I have a list of my mother's, because my name didn't really generate much. What's your mom's name? Lois. Lois, I knew that. So the first one, Lola Spank. I'm thinking of something else. I think Sanford is like a Walmart brand. This is not a Walmart brand. Oh. Lola Dazzle Tush. You got me this cravay. And then her name's Lois Anne. It's like a double name. Lois Anne, the lap dance legend. Oh. Whoa. But the best one is Lois Anne Lickety Split. Wow. She'll get you in and out. I love that. She's fast. Go to the Piggly Wiggly. Yeah, there's like, you know, there's some generators that are fun. What's this? So this is Snoop Dogg's wine. Oh. It's 19 Crimes, Cali Gold. It is California sparkling wine. Pretty bottle. Sure. Remember when you went to, well, I just like, not here. I'm gonna put these down. I mean, cover face. Yeah, they're gonna block your beautiful face. You know, 19 Crimes, you used to be able to hold your phone over it, and there was like, I don't know. There's still, there is, there is, well, there's a QR code, but this one says scam for more, so I assume it just brings you to a website. Yeah, I don't know if it still does it, but I thought that was a fun feature. It's a little bit barnyard-y. It does have a bit of a funk to it, and it's really sweet. This, to me, I think even, whatever this costs, I think it's overpriced. I don't like it. I don't either. Sorry, Snoop. I mean, to be fair, I would drink all of this if I needed to do what I gotta do. Sure, yeah. Like, if I'm at a friend's kid's play, I'm drinking all of this. You ever been to a friend's kid's play? Actually, no, I don't think that I have. I don't know how my parents did it. I don't know, because I did Godspell three times. Whoa, never seen a Godspell. Don't do it. It's boring as hell. I literally only know it from what Hot American Summer is. Oh, yeah, that is what I think. I mean, the songs are pretty cool, but it is just the story of Jesus, but it's like, Jesus Christ Superstar is so ******* good. Yeah, that's great. Who needs Godspell? Well, because it's a lot more PG, and high schools can do it. My church choir did it, as well. We did the Technicolor Dreamcoat. That was our religious play. That's a good one, too. We also did something called the Cotton Patch Gospel. That doesn't sound insane. Well, it's a bluegrass country version of the story of Jesus, of the New Testament. That sounds kind of good. This is Clairville Brute. It's made method champagnoise, and it says, where the echoes of history Smells a little eggy. I was gonna say, with the promise of tomorrow. And it's not. It tastes like bad breath in my mouth. Can you taste it and tell me if that's right? It's also too tart or something. It's watery. It's very tart. Wow. It's not corked, but it does have a little bit of that. It's extremely dry. It really has barely any fruit to it besides lemon. It ain't got enough going on, and then it has too much going on at the same time. And I think the bubbles actually are too effervescent. You sip it, and it kind of just shoots down your throat. Yeah, I don't like it. Sorry, Clairville. You're not even on the board. Sorry, Clairville. I got peach on my second sip, but I don't know. Yeah, but it's the peaches in the syrup. Yeah. Let's try Trader Joe's. This is a French sparkling. It's not produced in Champagne, but it is produit à la France, as they say. It's the closest we can get. It's a blanc de blanc, which means it is made with white grapes. I like imagining French people having to send things to Trader Joe's, and going, oh my God, I can't believe it. I have to send this to Trader Joe's. Yeah. What do they call, does it have like a French name on it? It's not like Trader Jean's. Trader Jean's. I feel like they do. They do Trader Giotto's still. Yeah. They stopped with the Trader Jose's. And Trader, what was it? They have like a Chinese one? Yes. Like Trader, I'm not gonna say anything. Oh my God, really? Why would I do that to myself? Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. Yeah, I think it was. Okay. I didn't do it. We tried this in the last one. I will say we did not, I didn't include it last time. So I clearly didn't like it as much, but I wanted to give it another chance. There are different vintages, you know? It really falls flat for me. Like it doesn't come to life in your mouth at all. No fruit. Just kind of this like dirt. It's got a perfume counter kind of vibe. Sorry, Trader Joe's. It just has no dimension whatsoever. Like that's the kind of wine that you could, Is Andre gonna? No, it's not gonna sweep it because we didn't put Andre in first place. First place in your heart. That's all that matters. Your dear heart. Okay. Piper Sonoma. That's a pretty bottle. This is a known wine. You'll see this in a lot of grocery stores. Okay. This is one you can definitely pass off, I think, as people would be like, oh, it's more expensive. You're very good at opening these. I saw on Amy Poehler's podcast, she had, what's her face? She's got a food show. Me. Excuse me, I'm already burping. Gwyneth. No. God, I can't remember, but. Julia Child. No, she's, Brunette lives in a nice like house with her husband. Ina Gordon. Oh, yeah. So she brought Prosecco for them to open and Amy Poehler's like, I work to the food industry and I'm like, bitch, win. Yeah, which is like 21. Yeah, like for one year. So. I know, she's been famous for a long time. It says Method Traditionnelle, which is not necessarily, I don't know, I've never seen that. It's not necessarily Method Champenoise, so. Where is your family's vineyard or winery? Sebastopol. This is made in Healdsburg. That is about 45 minutes away. Sebastopol? Yes. Sorry, that's a Southern, Sebastopol? Well, we're in the tar nation, it's Sebastopol. Sebastopol slash Forestville. I wanna go. You should come. What if I showed up and you were like, oh God. I'll be there over Christmas. This insane. I wanna, I think we should do a trip. No, I wanna go to Sebastopol because that's also where Les Claypool's vineyard is. Just down the road. Oh, cool, I didn't know. Just down the road, and we keep, I was talking to my mom actually and she was like, we have to go try their hot dogs. I know. We do, Mom. Is there a hot dog stand at the vineyard? Yes. Oh my God. I know. It seems so cool. Do we need a travel show just for these? That would be so nice. Somebody pay us. Yeah. Somebody. Yeah. This is, I'm sorry, I don't like this either. It's really tart. Okay, I'm just like. No, I also don't like it. So here's. I wanted to like it. Let's outline for a second what you're looking for in a champagne or a sparkling. Yeah. You want fruit. Like. Yes. A kind of mix of fruits, hopefully, not just lemon. Yes. And if you really want it to taste like champagne, you want this kind of level of toasty flavor. Okay. That you're looking for, that's what you get with the Methode Champenoise, and that's where they put, oh boy, a little bit of yeast in after, that's where it ferments like in the bottle, you add a little like sugar. I want a little liquor, that kickity kick. I was saying, I think when I said that one tastes kind of like Chardonnay to me, that's kind of what I was getting at. So. What if I chug this at the end? Yeah, that was just kind of too tart. Okay. Chug, chug, chug. This is called Depreville. Depreville. Oh, I really love this bottle. Also made Methode Traditionnelle. Maybe if people were doing every of them. I love navy blue and gold. I was gonna say this is very 90s, I mean very 80s. Connecticut's finest, and I do think of Connecticut as being a real 80s state. Exactly, you just need like a sweater to put over your shoulders. And like tie this. Something from Esprit. The quarter zip is back. Did you guys hear about that? Oh yeah. You've got the quarter button. I have a quarter zip. It makes me feel like a nice looking man. Like I've never felt more masculine. I worked for a golf, a men's golf brand called Peter Millar. That's a South Carolina. It's bound to happen. Uh oh, she was doing so good. So you know, Logan, you know the Peter Millar? Oh yes. Really? Yeah, I know Peter Millar. North Carolina is right next door. Okay, so I worked at the one on Madison Avenue in New York City, and it was the flagship. We had like two floors, and we did made-to-measure suiting, and I screwed it up every time. I am not supposed to do made-to-measure. I can, I have bespoke tailoring. Well I can. It does seem hard. But I know how to like do the hemming, penning, and like I know how to take in things. I can pen and like mark things with chalk. But if you want me to measure you and make a suit from scratch, you out of your mind. But he made us do it, and people were mad every time they got the suit. Peter made you do it. Yeah, because I wasn't good. But we sold a lot of quarter zips. Do you think, I don't think they've gone away in the South. No, and golf, like they wear that a lot. But I didn't like it at the time, but now I'm like, okay, this was cute. It's still very dry, but it has that yeastiness. It's got that toasty quality. Like it is lacking in a little bit of the fruit that I'm looking for, but it has a real toastiness. I think this would be good with food. I like this. I like it, I really think it's good. I like that a lot. Yeah, I like it better than Andre. It tastes expensive, yeah. It does taste expensive. It tastes like it's from Connecticut. It makes me want ham. It does, I know. Ham. This would be great with prosciutto. Oh, I want some prosciutto. I haven't eaten anything today. I love ham so much. I felt like you were going to start crying. I love ham so much. I think this is really good. I tweeted it. I tweeted, I love ham, and it got more than that. Were you trying to get free ham? No, I just wanted to say it because I was drunk on Thanksgiving, and I was like, I love ham. I don't know. I think because it tastes expensive, it might be. I love it, I love it. Do you want it in first? Yes. I don't know, I'm going to have to re-taste. I know, I think so. I'm just going to put it there for now. I don't like that one that y'all put in first. Yeah. Wow, let's switch them up then. Not getting it out of there, but. It's just really sweet. It's quite sweet. It has horses on it too, and that's where it could have gone. Love a horsey. I know, the whole thing screams good taste. Doesn't it? It screams new money. No, I think that means old money. This is true Beverly Hills. She's got this in her double. Here's my Depraville. I know, it is. Chica's parents would drink this, right? God, I love that. Chica Barnsfell. You want to do the Debussy? Okay. Okay, there's one called Debussy. Everyone. Which is the name of a, of a, a. Debussy? I was going to say, it has to be Debussy, right? What's the word? Debussy. You're not a conductor. You're a person who writes music like Beethoven. What is the word? Oh my God. A composer? Thank you. Jesus. That's, you're called a Debussy if you're a composer? There is a composer whose name is Debussy. Is that named after him? I don't know. It's not named after the internet. Maybe that's the word. So you want to tilt it at a 40 degree angle and twist the bottle, not the cup. This is the episode where we lose our eyes. So there's just the three of us. What I did worked also. Yum. What's it say on there? I love that horse wine. This one says clear to loon. Oh yeah. Which is, so it is the composer. Okay. Oh. This is Brut Method Traditionnelle Saumur. What does that mean? Summer. Summer, it's from France. That's a region in France. Oh. Did France invent Debussy? Red wine, I like. France did. I was crocheting with my friends the other day and I was crocheting in the round and I called it my crochet seas. Like the hole. Oh. The hole in the middle. I've decided for my 40th birthday I want to have a crafting party. And there's this really cute candle making shop in my neighborhood that's in Little Armenia called Catnip or something. Candles? Yeah, it's cat something. But there's a. Is it Arts and Harmonica? Yes. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, and they have a whole room you can rent out to do Dungeons and Dragons in. Sure. But I want to rent it out to do a crafting. That'd be really fun. And then take a candle making class. I would love to make a candle. The idea of dipping a string into wax for an extended period of time is a real joy. No, I think you're mixing the wax in a jar. I want to dip a string into wax. You're making a pillar of candles. I do, I really am. You're making a summer camp, Girl Scout camp candles. Yeah. Or like when you go, did you ever go to like an old timey village? Yeah. Like I went to. What is the Williamsburg? To Colonial Williamsburg. Yeah, but there's one in New York too. What's the New York one? This is crazy. Rough. It's not really good. Is it around, right? No. It's like colonial historical villages that you have to go to for. But it's one of those. Or a Ren Fair. For like, but I mean everybody had to go to those historical colonial era things for field trips for school. Yeah, it was a field trip. And then you play with the butter churn. Because we didn't exist back then. Oh, yeah. Well, we existed in different ways. We had to make a mission out of sugar cubes. Whoa. And then we went to a lot of, we went to reservations and went into a sweat lodge. Or a sweat thing. You didn't do any gold like stuff? Oh, we did some gold. Yeah. In Tennessee, you go to plantations. I'll tell you that. But it's Tennessee that's like so. And they think that that's a good thing for us to. I mean, you can learn about the horrors of it. I was gonna say, I think. They certainly didn't talk about it. They were like, look at these weaving, flames, flames on the side of my face. And then butter churns. It's just like, learn how to churn butter. And I'm like, I don't know. I feel like some historical context is really missing here. What do we think of this wine? I think it's. It's crazy. I think it's really interesting. It has, it's very herbal. I like it. So this is from the Loire. It's floral to me. A lot of Loire wines are very like flinty and minerally and like slatey. And I really love that in a white wine. And I love that in like a Cap Franc. This is maybe the first time I've had a sparkling from there. This is giving me a little bit of chlorinated. But like, I still think it's so interesting that I'm willing to deal with it. You guys. That's what I'll say. This is that gif of when that, when that like, when the liquor hit. Ready? What? Because I just looked at the camera and went, oh. I could feel my pupils go, wah, wah. Realized we were getting filmed. Here's what I think this is good for. I think this is a really nice sparkling wine. If you're interested in like, if you like a lot of natural wines, this is maybe something interesting and budget friendly that you would like. I like it too. But I do think it's a very specific flavor. I'm unfortunately going to put it below Andre, but that's no diss on it. It's kind of giving me some memory jog, but I can't put a finger on what the memory is. It reminds me of bubble bath. Right? You mean those little, those little pods that your grandma had? No, I think I'm thinking a bubble bath that specifically comes in a champagne bottle. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes, I do. Like, that would be like something, yeah, it would be in a basket. It would be in a gift basket. But do you remember those little beads that everybody had? And you, and then, yeah, the bathies. Yeah, no, and they did have the ones with the twisties. Yes, I knew we could get the ones that were shaped like a champagne bottle. I ate those as a kid because I thought they were fancy candy. Oh, yum. I would love to eat those. Would you eat one more than once? I would eat one right now. Because you think maybe you learn the first time that's not fancy candy. I was so hungry as a kid. Always hungry. Oh, no. My son tells me that. Well, because it's like you're a kid. I'm always hungry. And I was like, I know. Because you can't make your own food. Yeah, I don't remember ever being hungry as a kid. I don't remember ever having sensations of pain, really. No, except annoyance. I was a real princess in the P. Oh, really? About like small annoyances, like the seam of my sock. Oh. Or my shoes being tied like different tightnesses. Or a French braid in your hair, like being too tight. Oh. That's awful. I have that now with my ponytails, where I get like pissed off. Oh my God, me too. Get out of there. Every single time I put my hair in a ponytail, I'm like, how do people wear their hair this way? It feels like my hair is being pulled out of my skull. I always do a loose pony. Or I do this thing where I'll like twist the front parts of my hair. That's very cute. And then bend them back. And then do a loose pony. That's smart. Because then it's not tugging. Yeah, ain't tugging. This is Jacqueline Lyonne. It's beautiful. Brut Method Champenoise, but it is made in America. It's made in Albuquerque, New Mexico, which is actually kind of good. There is, I think our number one is actually from Albuquerque, New Mexico. There is a decent winemaking tradition and region there right now. I think I got this at Trader Joe's. Ooh. Sorry, I have to burp. Nope, it's stuck. I looked up, sorry. It's called Old Sturbridge Village. It's in Massachusetts. It's like three hours from Yonkers. I love this. We definitely did that. I think this is very nice. Imagine taking kids on a three hour away little field trip though. That's kind of psycho, isn't it? Yes. I think this is really clean. It's like bright and crisp and clean. This to me is like a perfect toasting wine or something. I love this. It's essentially, it is inoffensive. That's exactly how I was going to describe it, is inoffensive. It's not doing a lot, but it's totally serviceable. You would keep drinking this. You wouldn't think about it when you're drinking it. I think this is a good standard to bring to a party. Is it cheap? You want to look up? I also think the bottle is pretty where people are going to go, oh, thank you for bringing this. I completely agree. I always bring a sparkling white wine to a party. That's what I usually bring. That and then I've usually got a six packet Tecate for me that I just, just in case, because I'm like, these people are going to drink all that wine. Just carry it around. Well, I got to make sure I got something to drink. It's about 17 for a wine. Yeah, 17. That's pretty great. That's a really nice mojo. That's for a party for someone you don't like that much, but you want to keep hanging out. I have so many biological things going on right now where I had to burp and sneeze at the same time. Oh no, you'll explode. But this sneeze is like on deck. I did a cameo, by the way, I'm on cameo. If you guys want to get on there. Y'all should do it too. But I had one where I like sneezed, coughed, burped. And I was like, Is that something somebody asked you to do? No, I just went, I don't know what's happening. Like, I just like, wait, you know, I wanted that more of that. Sorry. Could someone get me a tissue? I'm so sorry. I feel like Arianna's been doing errands for me all morning. Thank you. This is the St. Quynh. St. Quynh? Quynh? St. Quynh. St. Quynh? St. Queef. Blanc de Blanc. It's actually from France. That's an expunction. Yes! I don't know how much people want to listen to us talk about queefing, but I have a story if anyone. We'll wait until. Oh, I've got a queefing story too. I think I've heard your queefing story. Well, I think I talked about it on Good Mythical Weekend and they put it behind a paywall, but I went to a religious camp and there were these two girls that were really funny and they could queef on command and they did it on the hardwood pews during mass. It was so funny. That's basically my story is there was a girl in high school who would just, like we were in, it was fashion class too, so it was all girls anyway, but she would just stand with her little body hunched over and do it. That's what these girls did! And the teacher was like, oh my God, what are you doing? Like was so. Because it's like. That's what these girls were doing, but they could do it sitting flat on this wooden bench on the pews at the church. I feel like being inside of a church, you'd get such good. The acoustics were wild but the priests all thought that they were farting. So they were like, do you need to use the ladies room? And they went, now. And they just kept sitting there doing it. I loved those girls. They tried to teach me how to do it and I couldn't do it. Just to have, I have so much shame in my body. The idea of like doing that on purpose and being like. I know. I hope those girls are well. I hope so too. Yeah, I went search 2004. I hope they're on Cameo. In Tennessee, if you were with me and you were those two girls, please find me because you were the best. What do you think? It was so funny. I like that they were buddies too. Yeah. I think it's a bit of a shrug. Me too. It's like kind of lemony, but it's like, this is one where you're like, it's fine. But I wouldn't be coming back for another glass. I don't. No, it really dries your palate. I think nothing of it. Sorry. Okay, this is Gruet. This has been my favorite budget, like sparkling wine for a long time. Back in my wine store days, this was the one we always like recommended to people and be like, it's from New Mexico. Give it a chance. When did you work in a wine store? 2007 to like 2009 or 10 or something. In New York. We just missed each other. Best. It wasn't called Best Buy. I want to go back to New York, but I'm afraid I've lost my mojo. We can't live there anymore. No, I couldn't live there anymore, but I'm so glad I did for a while. That was really fun. But I feel like I haven't been there in so long that I'll go back and be like, ah, I don't know this place. It's corporatized so much. It's just like Disneyland. Yeah, it's kind of a bummer. You'll get around, it's very, yeah. Well, I love to visit, but I feel like I don't need to live there. Well, I know that one of my favorite restaurants in Brooklyn is still there. Which one? Heavy Woods is the name of it. It was like a bar restaurant, but they had this crawfish mac and cheese. Ooh. Ooh, it had some stinky stank on it, but it was so good. What neighborhood? It's in Brooklyn. It's Bushwick. Oh, okay. And it's right off the L train. I can't remember the stop. But I went there all the time and got like cheap Prosecco, and I'd eat that. And then I got them, because they had a projector in the back room. Sometimes there'd be comedy back there. I would call and be like, can we watch the Academy Awards back there? They were like, that's a great idea. And then they just put it on back there, and then all these people would come back in there, and I was like, I'm a genius. I love that. That's so smart. Thank you. I might be biased. I think this is really, I don't know. What do you guys think? Ooh, I like it. A lot. I think it has that toasty quality. I think it has that lemoniness. I think it's really balanced. Yeah. It's just easy drinking. It's easy drinking. Reading a little tart to me at the moment. Very tart. But this one definitely is. I think this is number three. Wow. What? And you want to taste our favorite one again? Yeah. All right. Taste Connecticut. A taste of Connecticut. Isn't the word Connecticut delicious? Connecticut. I love the kuh sound. It always, oh, hold on. I think I need a palate cleanser. What would you recommend? Toast? Toast. Hard to talk to her. Ham? Ham's a good palate cleanser. God, we had honey-baked ham at my Thanksgiving dinner. Man, I love a honey-baked ham. And my mom, when I got on the, went to the airport to fly back, she made me two ham sandwiches and put them in a little bag for me. That's very sweet. I love my family. It's nice. Sorry, now I'm really drunk. Oh boy. I'm not, I'm just playing with you guys. Be crazy if that's your voice when you are drunk. All right, all right. Cannabite Emily out. No, I'm very loud. Oh, I am very loud. Oh no. Okay. Everyone's favorite revelation at my Thanksgiving was that they made the green bean casserole with cream of chicken soup instead of cream of mushroom soup and everyone really enjoyed it. The cyber in nature of it. These are two very different things. I think that, I think Connecticut is better if you want that like toast forward quality. And I think the Gruet is better if you're looking for a little bit more of that. But if I could pick one that I would want to drink all night long, I think that's it. I can't agree. It is so easy to drink. I think it's too tart for me. Okay. I think this one has, let's put them tied. It has exactly the right amount. I do love that. I think. Yeah, that one I could drink the whole thing. Exactly. It is so easy drinking and tasty. Oh no, the other one, Gruet. I could drink both of them. Let's be clear. Okay. I have a Rosé down here. A Rosé. So let's do the non-Rosés first. Jesus Christ. There's so many left. Okay. How about this? Okay. This is Trader Joe's North Coast Brut. 45 degree angle. Twist the bottle, not the cork. Point it away. How about I do it? Point it away. How about? Twist the bottle, not the cork. That's what Ina Gartner said. Sorry, I didn't mean to be so loud. I learned to pop champagne from the estate jewelry store I worked at from when I was 15. I still work there occasionally. And I. Here you go. My dream was to have my engagement ring from there if I was ever engaged. Do you have it picked out? No. She like, there were some that were star sapphires like from the 40s. Star sapphires have the starburst like it, when you move it, it has the starburst like, and it's very like early, like 1940s, 30s kind of thing. Yeah, like Deco. Deco. It was, but, and there was a pink star sapphire one that was there for a decade or more. And then somebody bought it and she goes, your ring has been purchased. And I was like, no. If you own that ring, give it back. Yeah, that's okay. So this is Trader Joe's Reserve. It's the North Coast Brute, which is the North Coast of California. That's what Method Shoppe was. This tastes minerally to me. And like a little bit hard on the palate. This is, this one I get the aftertaste. I get more of like that pool. Yeah, like orange. Yes. Hotel pool. Sorry, Trader Joe's. I actually don't hate it, but. I think it'd be fine in a, as a mixture, but like. I don't think Trader Joe's cares what we think. Okay. We're taking my mom to a winery tasting. Fun. For Christmas. We did it one other year, and we got her so toe up from the flow up, that we took her to Target on a shopping spree, and she didn't remember it. And she was like, how much stuff did I buy? And we were like, I don't know. Like, we just put tons of stuff in the cart. And my mom was like, let's get candy. And then we went and got a lot of the. So fun. Cookies and cream Hershey. Oh, the best. Candy bar, yum. We ate so many of those. I just finished all of our Halloween ones of those, and now I'm really sad. That really is so satisfying. There's the small size. It's so good. It's like the perfect candy bar. Oh, no. It really is so good. This is La Bourgogne, spelled differently than Burgundy. Cremant de Bourgogne, and it's in France. It's from France, it's from Burgundy. I love an orange. Burgundy. Liquor label as, you know. Because it's trying to look like. Old Grandad is my favorite. Didn't Old Grandad win the whiskey thing? The Veuve Clicquot. Oh, that's what I was gonna say. Is this cute? Yeah, it is. There was like a, somebody who had long hair and they did like part of their hair in a braid and made it a tie. Oh, cute. For their outfit. And I was like, my hair will never be that long. You can do it. Pointing at Ariana. But you gotta do the back, the back into it so that it's like, oh, she cut off her hair and made a tie. I've seen people do that and then like flip it over and be like, it's the perfect. I don't, like, I, my hair will not grow past this length. No, I. I just, I don't know what it is. My pubes will. I gotta tell you, this one time. Your pubes are as long as my hair. I didn't even know there was, no. What do you think of that? I'm not gonna tell you, I'm not gonna tell you. What do you think of that? You ever have an ingrown hair that you didn't know was there and then it's like five feet long and you're like, wow, I didn't know my body could do this. Look at Gwyneth. I saved it for a while. Look at Gwyneth. It's perfect. Thanks. It's perfect. You're like a lady. Like a bearded lady. Yeah. Instead of she was a fairy, she was a lady. One time I- I need a little rubber man. Thank you. No problem. One time I left my wallet on a counter at a donut shop and usually, and somebody, you know, sometimes they go, excuse me, miss. I went, he was, hey lady. I recently moved from miss to hey lady. Well, it's better than ma'am. That's the age that, well, I like ma'am. No, I hate ma'am. Because at least they respect me. Hey lady. She was a lady. I love the way I look right now. My eyes look crazy. If you were, that could also be, have been like the design for like, what does a, what does a lady hobbit look like? Oh, I thought they'd go like a little beard. Look at her. Cute. See, you can do that. Now you have to do it real loose and then put it under your collar when you're wearing like a- Oh, I love that. Yeah. Isn't that a cute idea? The idea of walking out of the house- And then get a ribbon of like, do the hair tie, but then do a ribbon. No, tie a tie to your hair. Yours is a cravat or whatever. Yeah. An ascot. An ascot, thank you. What's a cravat? It's another word for tie. Oh, yeah. I wanna, I like wearing ties. I never wear ties. I actually also like wearing ties and I like tying ties. What do we think of this one? Can't relate. I like it. I had to work, I had to work at David Buster's when I was in college. I like that one. It's a dream. It kind of reminds me of your favorite. They made us wear ties and I specifically was like, I'm getting a clip on because I'm not even gonna like, I don't wanna take this seriously. I, this is so stupid that they make us wear ties here. I used to, I worked in menswear for so long. I worked for multiple menswear stores because they actually pay you commission. Whereas if when you work in women's wear stores, they only give you commission if the whole store makes a goal. Goal. This was my experience in working in retail was working because they don't, you know. But yeah, so I learned how to tie a tie back then but I don't think I could remember to do, how to do it now. I need to remember. This is. What was the last time we drank? That one. The orange one? The orange one. Did we like it? Yes. I think it's very, it's almost, I think it has more of like a stone fruity kind of quality to it. So it's like very easy. Like apricot and stuff? Yeah. Is this the last episode of the year? Oh, I don't know when this is airing. No, it's not actually. It's not even close. It's like coming out next week. I'm getting vibes. No, not coming out. I don't know. Two weeks. Well, I think this is my last episode of the year and I think this is one hell of a Fleming finale. Yay. It sure is. This is Moet Chandon's Brut Rose. So this is our number one Brut Rose. Words I just said. Oh man, I can't wait to take a nap later. Yeah, this is definitely the one that if you pulled it out, people would be like, oh my God, you spent so much money. Cause they think it's like regular Moet. There was a time when Moet Chandon was trying to do like, have it on ice. And they tried to sell like low proof sparkling wine and then they poured it on ice and they sold it at like the tennis, the tennis. On the tennis? Is it called? Tennis court? US Open. Hey guys, do you like the tennis? They sold it at the tennis. Come watch the tennis. You know, the tennis. Whacking back and forth at the tennis. I think this is quite good. It has a lot of that kind of tart berry fruit to it. Nice, fizzy, easy drinking. It's fine. A little bit more tannic. Why is everybody's voice crazy? Yeah. I think, I feel like it, I like, I think it's just not, it's not doing a whole lot for me personally. I would totally recommend it. I think it's beautiful though. Yes. Was there one where you felt like you got the most tipsy? This. This one? Because I think it's because of the carbonation. Yeah, it's hitting your head a little bit. When I, it goes right to my head. Oh. Isn't that what people say about champagne? Yeah, the bubbles go right to my head. It's like a Marilyn Monroe line. I know. Exactly. You have to do stuff to your hair. Oh no. I've done enough to my hair today. Okay, so I think, I think our top three are actually pretty notable. So we've got the horse wine from Connecticut tied with Gruet from New Mexico in number one. I think horse wine, if you want it more toasty, if you want it drier. I think Gruet, if you like it more like acidic and like citrusy. And then the, what is that called? No. We have one more. Jacqueline Leon. The Jacqueline Leon, I think if you want just something like straight down the line, really easy drinking, good like blank canvas. The Burgundy is nice, a little bit more of that kind of like fruity rather than like stone fruity, rather than citrusy. The Moet Chandon, if you want something pink. The Sanford, if you want it a little bit on the sweet side, but not like Moscato level. The Andre, if you want something just dirt cheap. And then the Debussy, if you want something really interesting, a little bit more herbal, a little bit more minerally. Is it awesome? Yeah, no, don't touch it. What'd you do? Don't touch it, don't touch it. How do I feel like I've seen this before? Have you done this to yourself before? I turned it to the back. Just suits you so well. Wow. Tiny rat tail. Especially with this camo hat. I've never felt better. This is my favorite day. Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You gotta send it. It's okay. Send it to your husband. Say hey, I love you. Well, Emily, any parting thoughts? Wait, we haven't had that. That's Prosecco. I don't care. Let her drink it. Get it. What do I think? This is specifically, so this is, so this is Member's Mark Prosecco, which is Sam's Club. That's why we were interested, because. I love this one. This seems like really like information that I wish I was capable of retaining, but I know that. You're gonna be like the horse wine. Yeah, I know. Tempraville. People are gonna be like, I don't know. I know I'll never, ever. Depraville. I bet if you search sparkling wine from Connecticut, it'll come out. Depravation tank. With a horse. With a horses. Go in the deprivation tank. I can't believe I'm saying deprivation correctly. Good job. Thank you. My shoes are farting, not me. My shoes are queefing. How is it? Is it that good? It kind of tastes like, like you lit some sage on fire. Ew. Just weird. I like it. Let's all set something on fire today for the Christmas. Please don't. For the Christmas time, set something on fire. Don't set your Christmas tree on fire. That is something that, you know, at Thanksgiving, it's the deep fryer for the turkey that sets things on fire. At Christmas, it's that tree. So those are your two warnings. Water your tree. Water your tree, go forth. I don't have any, we don't have any good Christmas ornaments anymore. It's all porcelain angels that my dad's mom gave us. And a lot of them, it's just too much. I like them, but we need other stuff. Yeah. My favorite Christmas ornament that we have is a little trailer. And it's got Santa and Mrs. Claus in it. It's like so miniature and tiny. And I always make sure that there's a little Christmas tree light sticking in it so it illuminates. I love the Hallmark ones that are designed to have your Christmas tree light go in it so it lights it up, like the little houses and stuff like that. Oh, that's a great idea. I loved those when I was a kid. I came from a strictly Hallmark ornament family. I loved it. Like, only Hallmark on the tree. I mean, but I also love that Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus are dealing with van life because that is a sign of a recession. I know. No mad man. Santa and Mrs. Claus just working in the Amazon warehouse. These are reasons why we drink. And these are like, this is why you need this cheap champagne. Drink responsibly. Yep. Also, like, comment, subscribe. Let us know what we should taste next. Make sure you're subscribed to our sub stack as well. And be sure to head to Spork for all of your cheap alcohol needs. Gwyneth's gonna go take a nap with her little hair beard. Ooh! But also, put in the comments what you would get each of us for Christmas. Oh yeah, that's nice. That is nice. Yeah, yeah. Let us know. Okay, we love you. We do love you. Happy holidays! Bye!