Is It Biblical to Spank Your Child? | Tony & Bre Wood

It's becoming so hard to find biblical counseling on if and how to spank our kids. So we pray this video is a help to you. Agreed. And up front, we'll give a few disclaimers. Number one, child abuse is not only illegal, it's a heinous sin in the eyes of God. And if you grew up in an abusive home, we're sorry for what you endured and hope today that you'll see God has a better plan. Number two, if you're a parent who disciplines out of anger instead of love, repent of your sin, go share with your pastor, start biblical counseling immediately, and until you can lovingly chastise, refrain from corporal punishment. And number three, no matter your history, understand that the gospel transforms. And so even if you come from a broken home where you were unloved or ill-treated, if you repent and you trust Christ, he'll give you a new heart and transform your future and you can do things different for your kids. And lastly, everything we share today is based on biblical principles from Ephesians 6.4. So grab a Bible and follow along. And if you have more questions than we can answer here, listen to our Date Night podcast on the subject, and we highly recommend Ted Tripp's book, Shepherding a Child's Heart. Okay, let's start with the bad news. The simple reality is that a child who grows up without the firm and fair hand of a father is 70% more likely to incur spiritual, emotional, relational, or even criminal trouble. And on average, parents only have about six years to train their child before the cement of their will and world picture really hardens. Which is why the Lord gives parents four clear commands in scripture. And we're going to fly over them quickly. They are number one, tempting, number two, tending, number three, turning, and number four, training. Yes. Parental instruction number one is godly parents must not tempt their children. And Paul writes in Ephesians 6.4, fathers do not provoke your children to anger. Yeah, and it's interesting that Paul starts off with what not to do. Literally, don't exasperate your kids. Don't cause them to lose heart and grow bitter. And I think that's an important reminder that loving parenting doesn't begin with negativity, but with affirmation. Establishing a home where a little guy or gal learns the basics of justice, mercy, love, and even care. And there are many things that could cause a little one to grow frustrated, such as showing favoritism, or pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds, or using love as a tool, helicopter parenting, inconsistency, and definitely sarcasm or abuse. All to say, as parents, we must begin structuring the home as a place where clear plans are laid, clear routines are followed, clear expectations are set, and clear promises are kept. And parental instruction number two is godly parents must tend to their children. As Paul continues, fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up. And in the Greek there, that whole phrase, bring them up, is just one little word meaning gentle. And admittedly, we all get angry sometimes. Not me. I'm perfect. And there's a litany of excuses to make. But in the end, we must acknowledge it's sin. And the Lord says it must not be part of our parenting. Which is interesting, because Paul's writing in a time where dads were mini gods at home. They could keep a wife, divorce a wife, keep a child, or even kill a child, simply because of the mood they were in. And the Lord says, no more. May I speak to the ladies? Sisters, it's not okay for us to have a quick tongue. Proverbs even says people would be better off living outside on the roof than inside with a contentious tongue. It's one thing to be stern and clear, but it's another to slander, hurt, and belittle. For one word can easily tear down a year's worth of parenting. Yeah, and I'd say for the guys too. Especially if you grew up in a tough guy home or didn't have a good role model. It's not weakness to be tender at home. It's okay to use a softer voice. It's okay to invent nicknames. It's okay to tuck the kids in. It's okay to say goodnight prayers and even play make-believe with your little girl. And parental instruction number three is godly parents must turn their children. As Paul continues, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline. And here's where spanking comes in. Assuming that we have a fair home and are raising the kids gently, Paul says we must discipline. And the Greek word is what we refer to as corporal punishment or spanking by a few swats on the fleshy bottom of a child. Let me guess. Here comes your thoughts on Freud. How'd you know? One thing people don't realize is the impact that Freud and Spock, Benjamin Spock, had on our Western understanding of spanking and biblical anthropology in general to the point that we now live in a non-spank culture where parents, we have been told spanking is wrong and harmful. When in reality, loving chastisement has been a cardinal backbone of healthy society since the very beginning of time. Yes, most people don't realize how so many of our modern issues like Marxism, queer theory, Black Lives Matter, LGBTQIA, and the entire sexual revolution are outworkings of Freudian thought. Yeah, but God's word is crystal clear. Proverbs 13 24, he who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently. Proverbs 19 18, discipline your son for there is hope. Do not set your heart on putting him to death. And Proverbs 29 15, the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. We must let that sink in. God's word says, if you hate your child, prefer to let him run toward death and bring shame to his mama. Don't spank him. And there's your recipe. And all the studies have been done. It's true. And after nearly 100 years of non-spanking, we can simply look around society, look at Hollywood and the White House, and we see what the outcomes are. And if you're new to what biblical spanking is, the word Solomon uses isn't some heavy wooden paddle meant to harm, but rod, simply meaning a small, flexible twig that was safe for a parent to paddle their son or daughter's soft bottom side in love after they've disobeyed. And there's the picture. In a fair home, after gentle instruction, the little guy puts his finger in the light socket again so mom and dad don't yell at him. Instead, they lovingly explain the boundaries of protection, saying, son, we've set up a circle of blessing. You've broken free and you're in danger. Therefore, I must chastise you in love because God tells me to, to ensure that you stay under my authority for safety. And then you gently bend the little guy over your knee, administer the precise number of swats, and then hold him while he cries. Afterward, cuddling and praying for forgiveness and restoring him to relationship in the home. And that loving correction is always done in a private place so as to not shame the little guy. And the child is told the exact number of swats equating to his sin. And we never, never chastise in anger. In fact, there have been many times I had to go and pray for an hour before returning to calmly administer discipline. Well said, my love. Last but not least, parental instruction number four. Godly parents must train their children. Paul concludes, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Yeah, and that's simply defense now moving to offense. Not just stopping the bad habits, but helping our kids build good ones. And that little word instruction was used in classical Greek by Aristotle, literally exerting influence on the mind or in our modern vernacular, downloading of wisdom. And we parents are the primary shaping influences for our kids. As mothers, we get to shape the kids in gospel basics, help them memorize scripture, learn the books of the Bible, learn their table manners, how to love others with their speech and dress, and help educate them around the kitchen table. Yeah, and we dads get to show them hard work, how to love our wife, to stay up for their late teen questions, make sure everyone's doing family devotions, and select education that keeps them from all the indoctrination. And most important, picking a church that teaches and models the word. To quote Votie Bauckham, if I've taught my son to throw a ball, but not know his Bible, I've failed. Amen. All to say, friends, parenting is humbling, and God's grace our only hope. But if we parent God's way, we can trust God with the outcomes. So know we love you, we're praying for you, and may God be glorified in our homes.