I Was Making Motherhood Harder Than It Needed to Be

Kids don't need more toys to play with. What they really need is less. We live in a culture that's constantly screaming at us, more, sooner, faster, and yet what we actually need is less. Less stuff, less news, less noise. When we're overstimulated, triggered, exhausted, it's hard to enjoy life as a parent. Clickbait, control, and clever advertisers get into our heads and it eats away at my spirit. If life with your children feels rushed, like you're being asked to keep up with a world that's gone crazy, filled with endless activities, constant screens, almost feels like there's an undeclared war on childhood itself and on the simple pleasure of parenting. But here's the good news, it doesn't have to be this way. Parenting can be simpler, softer, and so much more life-giving. If you're craving less chaos and more connection, then you're in the right place. Today we're going to talk about the simplest, most powerful way to reclaim a slow, soulful family life in a culture that insists on the opposite. I used to feel like I was just constantly drowning in a sea of household chores, clutter, and most of all, toys. As a woman who really values the slow, simple things of life, and just living at a more easy, soft pace, the transition to motherhood was really hard for me to get used to at first. And I, right from early pregnancy, started reconstructing our home to just fill with kid stuff. It wasn't until my daughter was born that I realized that less was definitely more. And when my nervous system's regulated, it actually makes me a better parent, which in the end is way more important for my kid's childhood than how many toys they have. As my kids have gotten older, I've noticed that the more toys they get, the less they play with them. And I notice that I'm not the only one that feels overstimulated by like the things that make noise and all the constant overstimulation. And I think ultimately just the stress of this consumer culture, like the more, more, more for my life, rather than just sinking into the here and now and enjoying what we have. For me as a parent, fewer toys means more imaginative play, more peace, and more calm. I've noticed that my kids get into those, we call it like going deep, where they get lost in play way more often when I have decluttered and simplified our play scheme. I totally agree. I read this book early on in parenting called Simplicity Parenting, and it changed my life. I really do believe that editing down our kids' toys is not deprivation, it's not punishment, it's a gift to our children. And I've seen that now in the lives of all three of my children who are busy, by the way, outside in the front yard in play. And as someone who really believes in the richness of slow living, I think that everything we own shapes the way we live. Our home is this ecosystem. And that's why I love the word playscape, because editing down my kids' toys, I'm not an organizer. This for me is less about bins and storage, and more about creating an atmosphere for my children to live, for me to live my best life, building a life that I love. So today in this video, I want to bring you along as we kind of do a big whole house edit on our kids' toys. And if this is new for you, if you are looking for a place to start with like a more simple, minimal, slow life at home with your kids, then this video is gonna be perfect for you because I want to bring you along for the whole process. We're gonna look at everything we have edited down. We've got a toy shelf that's been very intentionally chosen, and I'm gonna show you the closet and everything else. So come on in. I'm glad you guys are here. Let's get started on this project. And ultimately, I'm excited for it because I know that doing this just always leads to so much more peace and joy in our home, not just for us, but also for them. So let's do it. So here, and then you're like done with them, you can actually put them in this. Is that your new toy shelf? The biggest splash. The biggest splash was just these balls. Okay. Oh wow, that was bigger than I was thinking. It sounds like rain when you move your hand through it. So relaxing. Okay, so here's my process. We have to get everything out at one time. We need to see it all in the light, is how I think about it. So I remember when I first like encountered like simplicity parenting and more slow and simple living as a parent, I was so daunted by this task of literally getting every single toy and baby item I'd ever purchased out. And it took me all day. It was the only thing I got done that whole day. But I look back on that day and think, oh my gosh, the investment I made that day into my life for the future, simple, peaceful, joy filled life. Nobody talks about this. Nobody talks about like, all you hear is the over-conception and the more and more and more is going to make you happy. But I look back on that day where I finally got out all the toys and decided, okay, what do we want to keep? What do we want to display? Like what is beautiful? What invites play for me and my daughter? What inspires us in the playscape and like that atmosphere of our home? I feel like nobody thinks about toys like that, but it was this mindset shift for me. I started thinking about toys like that and just the atmosphere of my home like that for me too, as a creative, as a mother. And it just changed everything. So now I feel like that investment back then allows me to sit here on my porch in the breeze in the afternoon, like cool of the day and just take like 15 minutes to like, okay, here's all of our toys. What have we accumulated that just needs to go? It's either broken or beyond repair or it's getting in the way of the things that really do spark the imagination of my kids, you know, that like really do invite them into that deep restorative play. And I know it because I've seen it. As we get ready now to go through the toys, decide, okay, what do we want to keep? Maybe for you, it might be helpful to think about what do we want to keep right in reach? And what do we want to store, you know, to kind of rotate out? And then what do we really want to display? Like what really does spark joy and imagination in our kids' home, like in our family? And for me, I just don't store toys really. We have one bin in the garage that's just like sentimental keepsakes. And when that bin gets filled so far, that has just been what works for us. So I've not really been the type of person that like keeps a ton of toys on rotation. My mind just can't handle that and try to live in the present and like actually have fun with my kids every day and play myself and create things. And I can't be thinking about like rotating toys. But if you want to create that as a system for you, I think the question to think about here is just, okay, I have everything in front of me. What do my kids really love? What do I love? And what just needs to go? What's in the way? That question can really be your core. The other thing for me is that I think about this as a true gift to my children. I read that in Simplicity Parenting when I was, you know, just a really young mom. And I felt so bad for wanting to like get rid of some of my kids' toys. But what I've seen over the years is that when we give our children this gift of creating space for them in their home, for calm, for peace, for simplicity, for the gifts of like a happy mother. Yeah, I would just never go back to all the over-consumerism and just striving to like create a perfect childhood. I just know that like my relationship with them, my nervous system, it is very greatly connected with theirs. And so I think of this as like the great, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a more peaceful home for the whole family unit. I think the over-consumption and all the toys can be such a drain on our energy. I know it can for me. So as my kids play with two cardboard boxes outside, we're going to take a quick look at the toys and then decide what needs to go and what we really want to display that really sparks everybody's imagination in the playscape. Let's talk through what to keep and what you can let go of. So let's start with decluttering. I love what Kim Payne says about getting rid of toys in simplicity parenting. He gives this just general guideline to half the toys and then half them again. Now, as we talk about decluttering and the practicals and what to get rid of, I just want to say that I think a certain amount of toys is really wonderful for our children. And I'm going to talk about the toys that have stood the test of time in our house, but too much, too much does the opposite to my children and they feel stuck. They seem stuck. They're overwhelmed. They lost the spark in their eyes and they're out of the flow. So with that inspiration, I think first we grab a trash bag. And I think this is intimidating for a lot of moms because ideally we would donate everything and it would all go to a wonderful home. We get sentimental about toys, but often things are just broken or they're missing parts or they're not working and they're really cheap and low quality or they're dried out and they just belong in the trash. And for me, this is always a reminder that this consumerism, this idea that having more is going to make for a wonderful, beautiful childhood for my children as I'm filling up a trash bag with toys that are just going to end up in the landfill. It always helps recenter me with focusing more on my values. And again, as we're going to talk about in a minute on the toys that have stood the test of time. So into the trash bag, it goes anything that's missing pieces, things like dried up Play-Doh sets, electric toys that don't have batteries anymore. Next I release the one and done toys. These are things that for whatever reason get played with once and then never played with again. There usually is like a right and wrong way to play with this, or there's so much of a character on it that it's kind of like you can't really put much imagination into it because someone else already did. And I also find that yesterday I was decluttering and I got rid of several toys like this that my kids begged for. They played once with and then never touched again. And usually it's something they saw at a play date and, you know, felt like, Oh, but everyone else has this thing. And then I caved and I had to laugh yesterday, like holding a few of these toys in my hand and just remembered that the lesson is more for me than them, that I, what I'm craving is a simple life, not a life like everyone else. I don't want to keep up with all the trends. And just because someone else has, it doesn't mean it's for me. Lastly, I move out toys that overstimulate or over direct my children. These are gonna be things like screens, anything with batteries, anything that makes noise or has only one right way to play with it. I think also in this category would be things that like don't fit my values. I try to communicate lovingly with relatives for birthdays and holidays that we don't like plastic toys, clutter, noisy gadgets, or weapon style toys. And I think the result is a playscape that has space to breathe fewer toys and more silence. It's such a gift in our noisy world. That's constantly screaming with us to create a home that has more space and more quiet, more calm and more peace, less clutter and more connection. So now let's talk about toys that have stood the test of time and that I love having in our home. I will never be the person that's going to give you an essential list of must-have toys. Instead, I want to talk to you about things that both my son and daughter and all three of my kids, even though they have such, there's such big age gaps between them, seem to get lost in beautiful worlds playing with. So the first is choosing and keeping toys that can be played with in different ways. Many ways. Instead of that one and done toy that gets tossed aside after a week after the excitement of finally getting it, I look for and notice my kids playing for years with things that can be played with lots of different ways. Things that are open-ended like sand, play silks, paper, crayons, blocks, a mud kitchen with like lots of kitchen tools, a tea set, a basket of like nature treasures that they've collected or pine cones or seashells. These are the kinds of things that I think shift into whatever your child can dream up and they grow with them instead of boxing them in. The second thing that I think anchors me with what to keep with toys and what to look for and kind of direct loved ones with when you're acquiring new toys at holidays is toys that are simple. I feel like the cycle of wanting and consuming is what we're trying to step away from. So I say this tenderly, but I will say that toys that are not tied to characters, things that are not overly fragile, that don't require constant adult supervision, those are the things that tend to last. Examples of this that you can see here in my kids toys are dolls, wooden animals, puzzles, trains, stacking toys, things they can make forts with, lots of things that leave space for imagination. And what I try to avoid are toys that light up or make noise or need batteries. Gosh, don't even get me started on batteries. Or that are designed to just like create a following for the latest show or movie. I think that that lost beauty of silence is real and it gives our kids space again to hear their own thoughts. Instead of organizing, I like to think of myself, you've heard me say this word now a few times, as creating a playscape. Maybe that's kind of cheesy. I don't know where I heard that, but it's just something I think about a lot instead of just like, you know, storing and being an inventory manager. As the woman of this home, like I'm creating literally a rich, nutrient-rich landscape for my children to thrive. Maybe you've heard me say before on, you know, in my videos, like when a flower doesn't bloom, we don't fault the flower or the seed. We fault the gardener, the conditions that the seed was put under. And then we go, at least for me, as someone that can so resonate with gardening. And I love just all the life lessons I've learned from that. If you go and correct the conditions, you think like, okay, maybe I didn't water that plant enough or maybe I didn't get enough sun. And you correct that, it's like the miracle just occurs without you trying. The flower does what it does. It just blooms. And I think about that a lot with my children and with me too, in our home. I think being home truly is the best thing in this culture of like, do more, keep up with, I don't even know what anymore. I stay anchored in this place of, as everyone goes absolutely crazy out here in the world, running around with their kids and not enjoying it. I really do believe that home is the best place in the world for me and my kids. And I love creating a play scape, a landscape for us to all thrive. So that's just something that I think helped me finally take action on this too. Because the word organizer or like professional organizer is so daunting to me as someone who is not a naturally like detail, organized, strict, routine person. But truly this is, it's all just words because ultimately feeling invited into it by changing the way I thought about the thing, it's actually a structure that has helped me so much. Keeping our home simplified is one of the things that I've been most, I think that has helped me enjoy a slower, simpler life as a mother the most. Okay, I have a baby climbing out the window so I'm gonna go. For me, decluttering is not just for, you know, creating a home that's minimal for minimalism's sake. For me, it's about creating a home where my kids can be kids and where I can feel like I'm enjoying it. As in like these days that everyone says go by too fast. As a parent, I want to feel like my best self too. You know, not just like make a place that feels like a Disneyland everyday for the kids. And I think that simplifying the toys was my very first step. It was maybe a small step, but to me it was a huge step towards a slower, simpler, more satisfying life. So no matter where you are on your journey towards like a slower, simpler life, I encourage you. I promise it's so going to be worth it and you're going to look back on it as something that you and your children can both celebrate. We've been conditioned to think of toys in purely positive terms. Educational, keeps them entertained for hours. Endless fun. It's no wonder our homes can so easily become overrun, but I don't want to leave you sitting there surrounded by donation boxes and piles of toys. So let me paint a picture of what life can look like unburdened by the stress of too much, too soon, too fast. Imagine a restful home with only a small collection of beloved books and toys in view. You watch your child come back to life, sleeping more peacefully, playing more deeply, creating beautiful worlds with what they already have instead of always needing something new. And you feel it too. Grounded, connected, like this is the way you always dreamed of living when you pictured yourself raising a family. Where the things that mattered, mattered. And all the noise, all the demands for more, they just couldn't get to you because you were just too busy living your beautiful, ordinary life. If this glimpse of simpler parenting has resonated with you, I can't wait to see how much more slowness and simplicity can transform the rest of your life. Subscribe and hopefully we can keep building that rhythm together. And if you want to go deeper, this is exactly what we explore in Wholehearted, my six-week immersion for emotional healing and nervous system restoration and life that's truly life as an adult woman. It's the reset that helps you feel like yourself again and I would love to walk through it with you. I'll leave all the details for you in the description.