STOP Raising Kids START Raising Adults How to Raise Godly Children

How many of you do have children? You're here as parents. You can raise your hand at home if you want. How many of you are grandparents? How many of you are teachers, social workers, counselors, Sunday school, club workers, yada, yada, yada, yada. Great. I don't have any children, and I'm here to tell you what to do with yours. And when I started my ministry, so I used to live in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I'm a former professor up there. And God kept telling me that parents counted. And the scripture makes it really clear that parents will always be a child's first and foremost most important teacher. And so that was appealing to me, but I don't have any kids. I argued with God, how could I possibly tell a parent anything? And he's like, well, my son is not married or a dad, and he has a lot of wisdom. So perhaps I could impart some wisdom to you. That's a true story. And that is what allowed me to quit my tenured university position and give up a job for life and move and do this. And I used to hide that I don't have kids for fear that nobody would listen to me. But it would be really awkward if at the end somebody would say, how do you handle it when your son or daughter does X, Y, Z? And then I looked like I was a liar, and that's really bad. So I'm just going to tell you the truth. Don't have them. Don't want them. Love them. We have a six-week-old in the audience. You're brave people. You're just brave. I love children. I just return them. So I approach kids with really a best practice mentality of what do I believe God would say to us, and what do I believe good, solid research has said about children. And so I would invite you to listen with a heart to engage and to learn. I am not here to impress you. I don't care at all about being popular or thought of after the fact. I want to make a difference in your life. That's on you. I teach, you learn. So get ready. Ready? I'm going to share with you three beliefs that I believe children must have, you must have, three beliefs you must have so that children can develop the potential that God has given them. Do you believe they were created with potential? Yes? We believe at Celebrate Kids that children have present value and not just future potential. That's a bonus. That's not even in my notes. So if you're going to try to take notes, that's number one. And then my number one will be number two. And don't even worry about it. There's no test. But here's the thing. If we believe that children only have a future potential, they won't have the future that their creator created them with because we will lose sight and they will lose sight of today. Do any of you remember senioritis? You have no memory of your senior year in high school? Because all you were doing was thinking of what would happen after that, right? You have got to make sure that you understand childhood causes adulthood. And today contributes to tomorrow. And that's essential if we want to raise up. You are not raising children. You are raising adults. At our PRCs, I'm going to be privileged to be with Gary and his staff across the road tomorrow, we are not saving babies. We are saving human beings. And we are creating families as we rescue the moms and the dads who are in a place of pain. So with all that kind of introductory comment, three other beliefs, I probably shared several that were worth it. Were they worth it? I don't know. Appreciate the smiles. I love getting my picture taken by you. I will never get tired. How many of you have heard me on Focus on the Family? I will never get tired of meeting you all over the world. I first heard you on Focus. I mean, your ministry matters so much. And I'm so privileged. And maybe you've heard me at Wilberforce or at other things that I've done with the Colson Center. I'm just so privileged to be here. Number one, children are human beings, not human doings. I stayed up late to figure that out. Children are human beings, not human doings. Who they are is more important than what they do. Everything they do, they do because of everything they are. They're human beings created in the image of God. They have life. They have an essence. We might glorify God through our actions and our performances. But we don't have to act. We don't have to perform. We don't have to earn anything, because he's done it all for us. Amen? And my prayer would be that our children don't have to earn anything from us either. So if you respect them as human beings, then you relate to them differently. Celebrate who they are and not just what they do. So who are they? What's their heartbeat after? What's their personality all about? Pay attention to their heart and pay attention to their character. Practically, this looks like, at the end of the day, ask them, who were they that day, not just what did you do that day? So I dare you, at the end of a homeschool day, at the end of a Sunday school, at the end of a piano lesson, at the end of a school day, don't say, what did you do today? You know, nothing. That's a bad question, you guys. Really, we can do better. What did you do? Nothing. How did you do? OK. What did you learn? Not a thing. Bad questions. But ask them, who were you today? And just have them look at you like you are from Mars. I was Kathy today. Which Kathy were you? The generous, kind, other-centered Kathy or the selfish, arrogant, have-to-have-it-your-own-way Kathy? Raise your hand if that's relevant to anybody in the room. Yeah, so who were you today is a more important question, in my opinion, than what did you do today, because everything they do, they ultimately do because of everything they are. Start there. I've been to 30 countries helping North American missionaries stay on the field. And I remember a conversation with a little boy. His name was Luca. I'll always remember this. And I was having pizza dinner with this family in some country, Albania, if I remember right. And I said to Luca, Luca, who do you want to be when you grow up? See, we always ask them, what do you want to do when you grow up? That's relevant. But I dare you to ask your children, grandchildren, and students, who do you want to be when you grow up? And Luca looked at me, did that kind of eye roll thing, and he goes, I think I'll be Luca. I just love that he's going to be Luca. He was created to be Luca. Let him be Luca. So that's my first point. Does it make sense to you? Human beings, not human doings. Pay attention to who they are, not just to what they do. Ask about their character. Ask about the heart. Ask about who they are becoming. My second belief that I believe we all must have in order to have children who turn out well is we must believe that they deserve to be taught. Maybe I would even word it that we understand that they must be taught. You all know that you don't have to teach them about sin. Want to do an amen to that? How many of you have kids, like, how many of you have kids that through a temper tantrum, no one taught them how? They had maybe never even seen one thrown. How many of you know that's true, but then they're like doing it. You're like, where did you learn to do that? Oh, the devil's really good at, oh. That's another speech. But here's the thing. We don't have to teach them, if you will, to sin or to be bad. So we have to teach them to be good. And when we teach children, we have to remember they're not stupid. We're teaching them because they're inexperienced and they're young. We're not teaching with this attitude of, why don't you already know this? Well, they don't know it because they're four. Or they don't know it because they're 16 and they've never driven a car before. And although they've watched you a lot, now they realize they're scared. And they can't admit they're scared because they've been talking about how they can't wait until they can drive. And now you've allowed them to sit there and they're overwhelmed. We teach not because they're stupid, but because they don't know what they need to know. And we are given to them by a creator who allows us to invest. Now, some of you are thinking, Kathy, I wish they would have come with all of it done. That would have been easier, amen? But no, you have a privilege. I lack the privilege. I'd be a better person if I was a mom because they'd be looking at me. And I'd be smarter because I'd have to be teaching them stuff. So fun to think about, kind of. But I'll move on. Isaiah chapter 1, verses 16 and 17, God is speaking to the people of Judah. And he says, cease to do evil, learn to do good. And I love that. Cease to do evil, learn to do good. That's ESV. NIV says, stop doing wrong, learn to do right. The Bible, throughout the history of the scripture, Old and New Testament, God and Jesus, it's not only stop it, it's also start this. And so to teach our children and our students and our grandchildren and those we love how to become. There's several things that I think are critically important to teach. Certainly the things of God and the attributes and the character of Christ and the salvation message, all of that, of course. I think teaching character is really, really important. The new book that I've just started writing is a book about how to actually teach character. But I want to say to you tonight, before I move on to point three, that I think one of the most important things to teach our children is how to change. One of these children tell me all the time, they'll say, Dr. Kathy, lady, they tell me what to do, and they expect me to do it. And then they yell at me, when I don't do it, I wish they would teach me how. And I honor that. You guys are busy. You've chosen to have one or more kids. And there's a lot going on. And see, there's no right and wrong standard anymore, like we were raised with, some of us. I was raised in a day when there was a biblical morality. Even people who did not go to church knew this is right and this is wrong. So teaching wasn't nearly as complex, because there was easy agreement. It's not easy anymore. There are people in your own family, perhaps, who don't agree with you about this is the right value to hold, or whatever. And so we have got to help kids change. They think it's easy because you can reboot. So they think they should be able to reboot their life. They don't work like the phone, praise Jesus. So quickly, check this out. If you look up change in a dictionary, it means exchange. I love that. We actually don't even need the word change in our English language. Change means exchange. You can only change when you know what to exchange from and to. I'm going to change out of this and into that. It's right out of the scripture. Surprise, surprise, the Bible is relevant. We have got to show our children that the holy, accurate, transforming word of God is, for them, relevant today and forever and practical. And it says in Ephesians 4, verse 22, take off your old self, which is corrupted by its deceitful desires. In verse 24 of chapter 4, it says, put on the new self, create it to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. So you take off the old and you put on the new. That happens when you go from unsaved to saved, from dark to light, from unforgiven to forgiven, amen and amen. And the middle verse says, renew your mind. Verse 23 of Ephesians 4, renew your mind. And that's done in the holy, accurate, transforming, I was alive word of God. Change is about taking off and putting on. And a lot of kids that I talk to, they know what you do not like about them, but they don't know what to do instead. Dr. Cathy, I'm rude. They tell me that I'm rude. I hear it a lot. I don't exactly know what it is, but I do know they don't like it. Could you maybe help me change? Dr. Cathy, I disrespect my dad. I know that I disrespect my dad. He tells me that I disrespect him. I actually had to ask him one day what it is that I do that causes him to think that, and he was able to explain to me that I roll my eyes. So I stopped rolling my eyes, but I think I still disrespect him. But I don't know what to do instead. I'm going to come back. I'm going to hold you in suspense, because I have the third point is relevant to this. But am I making sense to anybody? Thank you. Could I ask you to do something for me? To honor the children you love, apply this first to your life. There's not a single person, listen to me, who can't change something. Amen? An attitude, an action, a belief, a habit. And if you honor the Lord with asking him to reveal to you, OK, I want to take off stingy. I want to take off carelessness. I want to take off hate. I want to take off rush. I want to take off disrespect. Father God, Holy Spirit, show me what to be instead, not what to do, but what to be instead. And when we apply that to our life, and we see that change is probable and possible when we work at it, then it'll change us when we talk to our kids. Do you believe that? Because we'll have more hope. And we'll have less of a disgusting attitude. I cannot believe you're doing that again. Point two, they deserve to be taught. Not told and yelled at when they don't do it, but taught. That means you describe, define, demonstrate, reveal, teach skills, develop wisdom, and hang in there with them, because life isn't easy all the time. Would you raise your hand if that was relevant to you? I just love asking that question. Look at that. Thanks for being humble. Because how many of us get stuck? Point three, beliefs cause behavior. Now, hang with me here. Beliefs cause behavior. So I was just talking about how we need to teach. We don't need to tell and yell. And one of the most important things to teach our children is how to change, how to exchange from hate to love, from fear to hope, from despair to see if you don't know the opposite, you can't be it. So that's what we're talking about, change. Well, let me explain to you that all behavior is rooted in belief. So how many of you have kids who roll their eyes? I can get any kid you give me to stop rolling his eyes at you, but that doesn't mean he not respects you. It just means he doesn't want you to know he disrespects you. So I've said to kids, why do you disrespect your dad? I don't care about the eye roll. What I care about is your heart has gone dark. And I can get you to stop slamming doors. I can get you to stop the temper tantrum. I can get you to stop lying for a season. But if we don't deal with the underlying cause of it all, then when we're gone, what happens? It reappears. Because we're no longer there with the red pen, if you will. Is this making sense to you? So if I'm right that beliefs cause behavior, then we need to look beyond the behavior to the underlying reasons. And that requires that we interview kids, that we observe kids, look for patterns. Ask me questions about that if you want. Dr. Cathy, how would I figure out what my kids believe? Ask that question if you want. We need to stop talking about behaviors and ask them about the cause. Oh, there's so much on my heart. Remember when I was talking about how we need to change out of something and into something? Could I recommend that you talk more about what you want than what you currently see? Does that make sense to you? Talk more about what you want. Kindness, generosity, other-centeredness, careful work, treating your sister with respect, having kindness to your grandmother who's walking slow. Talk more about what you want than what you currently see. Because words matter that much that they might draw from the child what it is that you want them to give you. And related to that, talk about the belief. Yeah. I've asked kids, do you want the eye-roll example real quick? True story. 16-year-old twin boys. Dr. Cathy, we disrespect you in front of their dad. We heard you speak, Dr. Cathy, and we loved your talk, and we disrespect our dad, and we don't want to, and we don't like that we do. And could you help us figure it out? And just through some interviews and questions and watching the dialogue, come to find out, true story, that the dad had no siblings. So the boys, who were 16-year-old identical twins, who felt that their whole life they were sharing everything, including their name, their bedroom, their dresser drawers, if you will, felt that their dad had no understanding of what their life was like, because he never had to, what, share anything. So having a conversation and him now understanding that this is the root of the disrespect, they had a conversation. The mom stepped in and said, hey, I've got siblings. I know more about what it's like. I'll help your dad have more compassion for you. And the dad, it was so honoring. He looked at his boys, and he said, help me, help me. Share your heart with me, and tell me how it feels when you're at school and you're confused for your brother, and one makes the team and the other one doesn't help me understand. It's not necessarily that difficult, but we have to ask the question. What's causing the choice for you to behave that way? Does that make sense to you tonight? This is why I write books, because I have 40,000 words. Kids have told me that they complain because they have a right to what they want when they want it. They complain because they have a right to choice. They complain because they never get their way. The word never is a lie. The word always is a lie. I would like to say that always is always a lie, but that would make it a lie. Thanks for laughing. My parents aren't fair. Why do they argue? I have power when I argue with my parents, and I need power. I'm too old for them to boss me around, and that's all they ever do. I can make up my own mind about stuff. My parents don't understand me. By the way, whenever I do my research, I always hear that. They feel misunderstood. And I don't mean that in any kind of heavy handed way. It's hard. Some of them don't let you understand them. And others of us, well, wait, I'm getting there. All right. You doing all right? You glad that you're here? Have I given you anything practical to use? I really hope so. It's a joy to be here. Appreciate the eye contact. Everywhere that I look, here you're looking, here you're looking. In fact, when I was looking over here and I said thanks for the eye contact, how many of you over here were really mad that I wasn't looking so I could affirm you? I'm going to make a point about that in just a minute. See, it helps you teach if you demonstrate what you're talking about. Ooh, write that down. You're so fun. Do you think they're laughing at home? What do you think, John? Are they laughing at home? Yeah, hopefully. If you're alone laughing, it's OK. You're not nuts. I don't know you, but I would declare that. All right, quickly, let me move from these three beliefs that I think are essential for children to believe that we believe, which would allow them to develop their potential. Let me give you three communication principles that come right out of what I've already taught you tonight. Number one, let your love compel you. Now, there's a lot I want to say about that. God's love compels him to act. All that he does, he does because of love. You don't teach children so that you look like a better parent. No, you teach children because your love compels you to teach them so that they will be blessed by their better behavior. Amen and amen? So the first communication principle is to let your love compel you, your unconditional love. And by the way, children tell me everywhere I go, Dr. Kathy, lady, they have to love me. They don't have a choice. I wish they would like me. If you really want to secure your children's hearts and help them develop into the beauty that God has created them to be, like them. Now, I recognize there's no Bible verse that says you have to like them. Praise Jesus. I taught children. I was so glad that verse wasn't there. But to unconditionally love them and to like them, I'm going to give you two quick examples. If you promised your son that morning that you would play his favorite game with him that night, and he disappointed you that afternoon, you still play his favorite game with him that night. That's unconditional love. If you said to your daughter that you were looking forward to the bike ride after dinner, and something happened, and she sinned against you, or there was discord and dysfunction, and there was anger, and there's got to be sin and forgiveness, you go on the bike ride. That's unconditional love. No strings attached. Here's a challenge. Read 1 Corinthians 13 as a parent-child instead of a husband-wife, and it may rock your world. And I love the word of God. I'm going to say one more thing. Unconditional love and unconditional like. Initiate. Offer to play the game. Offer to go on the bike ride. Offer to make the sundae. Offer to make the favorite dessert. Offer to practice the spelling words. Don't always make them come to you. You walk toward them. Tell me about your favorite game. Why do you like it so? Tell me about the music you're listening to. Could I tell you about the music I listened to when I was your age? Initiate. And how many of you know that's true? When people initiate, it honors you. It makes you feel seen and known and wanted and embraced in the moment. I teach people all the time to say things like, I love you too much to argue with you. Hurts your heart in our relationship, and I refuse to do it. I love you so much that I won't argue with you. I love you so much that I'm going to put down my phone and teach you how to play Kings on the Corner, which my grandma taught me, and I still remember sitting and playing it with her. Amen and amen, dude. All right? All right. Another suggestion for how we communicate so that our kids can develop their potential is to offer helpful feedback. I'm going to explain this. This is something I've written about a lot to offer and to communicate with helpful feedback. Now, if you purchase the book, start with the heart. And you can get all my books at celebratekids.com or the typical retailer. And I know across the road, praise God for this place. What a vision people have had. It's just such an honor to be here. But start with the heart. There's actually an appendix of character qualities. And then there's appendix. There's an appendix of complimenting words. Because it doesn't help children for you to tell them that they were good. You're really good. Keep it up. Oh, shoot. We did something she liked, and she wants us to keep doing it. I wonder what it was. If I tell you that you're good, I've judged you and I'm happy. But what did I tell you that I appreciate about you? What did I tell you that I appreciate? Eye contact, right? When I said things through the eye contact, how many of you popped your head up and looked right at me? Specific praise is repeatable and memorable. Offer specific praise. There's a whole list. You were discreet, dynamic, eager, efficient, empathetic, encouraging, energetic, enthusiastic, ethical. Those are just the E words. We have got to stop telling kids that was good. They don't care. They want to be more than that. They're human beings. So tell them who they are. It affects the future when our compliments are specific. In fact, what's really powerful, I wasn't making that up. Thanks to the eye contact, it helps me know if you're committed, confused, or curious. I don't ever have to say it again, but every time our eyes meet, do you feel good? Yes or no? Yeah. Because specific praise is something you can repeat. And the purpose of praise is to get more of what you want. Your children want to please you. And they don't know how to do that if we don't help them change from the old to the new, and then we don't help them identify those qualities. Hey, by the way, I love the word being. You are being careful. All behavior starts with choice. Wrap your mind around that. All of your character starts with choice. If I say you are careful, that sounds like a permanent condition that you are always careful. How many of you know that's rarely true? Although we would desire to be consistent to the glory of God. But when I say to a child or a teenager, thank you for being careful, they know that they made a choice. They could have been careless, but they chose to be careful. Everybody say the word being. It's a powerful word. You are being careful. You are being discreet. You are being loving. You are being honoring. You are being patient with your grandmother. Specific praise honors children and helps them become more about Jesus. If you're a Christ follower and you want to become like Him, then that's what you want for your kids. Amen? Any men? Making sense? Now, also correct and don't criticize. So we're talking here about one of the ways that you affirm children. You make them feel valuable, seen, known, and loved, and capable of becoming more, is that you compliment them specifically. And now I'm going to suggest that you also correct them specifically. You are being careless. Not you are careless. I can never please my dad. No, you are being careless. You are being sloppy is very different from you are a slob. Amen? Don't use nouns. Whoa, that'll preach. Oh, I'm sorry if that sounded really harsh. Identity controls behavior. So if I say you are a slob, well, how does that person behave? Like a slob. If I say you are disrespectful, that's very different from you are being disrespectful. Does that make sense to you? If I say you are disrespectful, they don't feel hope they can change. But when you say you are being disrespectful, now, keep listening. You all doing all right? I like words. Do any of you like words? When I was seven, my favorite book was a thesaurus. That's true. Children think, man, get a life. I had a great life. I still own that thesaurus. And I write books using thesauruses, if that's the right way to say that. Because spelling isn't easy for me, so dictionaries don't work. But I can look up a word in a thesaurus and find all the other words I wanted to use. I'm not making that up. That's a true story. Yeah, you can laugh. It's funny. But that's a whole other speech. But what was I going to say? Does anybody know what I was going to say? It's probably going to make a really good point. Thesaurus, words. I really enjoy words. I own the second edition of the Webster dictionary from 1824, I think. It's huge, like massive. And it's so fun to look up words the way they used to define them. You talk about cancel culture. Oh, good heavens. But you know what correct means? Correct means to put something right, to criticize means to point it out. To criticize is to point out the wrong. To correct is to put the wrong right. There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Criticism is defined as pointing out the wrong. I don't want any more of that attitude. You call that finished? You're going to leave that there? Is that what we do with our dirty clothes? What's with your attitude? The answer is not five. As much as we want to help our children learn, those are all criticisms. All I've done is point out the wrong. Have any of you ever had a supervisor that's all they did? How many of you did not want them to walk by your desk? Do any of you remember hearing the footsteps and your body going stiff? To correct is to put it right. To correct is to not just point out the wrong, but to put the wrong right. So we have a therefore statement. You are being careless, therefore, you will change. No. You are being careless, therefore, I will help you. That's better. You are careless, therefore, let's try this next time. That's called teaching. Making sense to you? In the book, Start with the Heart, if you choose to buy it, there's a whole chapter on complimenting and correcting. That's how important it is. I'm going to move on. But before I do, I'm going to say this. Thank you for listening to me. You guys are honoring, and I really appreciate it. I'm recommending that we teach our children. We don't just tell and yell. And I'm recommending that we teach them how to change. And I'm recommending that you communicate with specific compliments and specific corrections to help them do that. And I'm going to further recommend that you emphasize character and spiritual growth. A lot of us emphasize intellectual development and spelling and math and chemistry, and that's great. Some of you emphasize physical wellness, and that's fine. You might emphasize social and emotional. Again, these are all in my books. But character, who we are, causes all that we do. Look for their heart. Who were you today? Daddy, Mommy said I was compassionate today. She said that when Lisa fell and I helped her and I didn't worry about, like I wasn't finished with my milk, but I stopped and I went and I saw that Lisa needed me, Mommy said that I was compassionate and that I put somebody else first. And Daddy, Mommy said that was really good. Anybody have tears in their eyes? I have tears in my eyes. They're desperate to know who they are. Now, Grandma FaceTimes? How are you doing, Elizabeth? Grandma, I'm compassionate. Let her brag about it, because she's the little girl that's going to look for the hurting and go find them and someday run a ministry, be a phenomenal wife and mom or teacher or co-laborer or whatever, OK? You with me? And then spiritual. Do they worship with integrity and truth? Have you ever told them that? Do they hunger for the word? What's the evidence? Have you told them that? When's the last time you thanked a child and said I'm proud of you for being ready for church on time with that great attitude? When's the last time that a child asked you, Daddy, does God have an opinion about that? Raise up your kids to know that first and foremost, they're created in the image of God strategically and intentionally, created for his glory and his image. And he wants them to find him and then for others to find him, amen? What you say matters. Why are you like your mom and dad? Some of you. Partly because of what they said to you. And a lot of them said to you what they wanted to hear themselves. If you say that you value your relationship with Christ, put it on display. You're valuing your child and your grandchild and talking about it. Not in an evil, heavy-handed, have you read the Bible today? In fact, in my newest book, I write about raising up children who do what they do because of who they are, which is a lover of God. So because I love God, I pray. Because I love God, I read the word. Because I love God, I meditate. Because I love God, I serve. Because I love God, in my church in Fort Worth, we're taught to not end the first prayer of the day with amen. It's just to pray as an honor. In my church, we define prayer as a long conversation with your best friend on a long journey. So we pray, and then we don't say amen at the end of the first prayer. Why? Because prayer is a relationship. It's not something you do and check off. It's legalistic mindset. Is this relevant for anybody in the room? It's all relevant to acknowledging who our children are and correcting and complimenting. And I'm going to end with this, and I very much appreciate your attention. I'm going to end with this idea. It comes right out of what I was just saying. The third suggestion for how we communicate is to provide evidence that you're right. So when you compliment and when you correct, use the statement, I know because. So how many of you have corrected a child, and they look at you like, I didn't do it. It wasn't me. It was somebody else. No one else is in the room, but someone else did it, right? And how many of us are guilty of receiving a compliment and rejecting it? Anybody in the room? Yeah. Somebody comes to my house. Kathy, you have a beautiful home. I own, as John knows, I own 147 nativities from around the world. And they're all out on display year round. So I have a beautiful office and a beautiful living room. And somebody comes into my living room. Man, your house is beautiful. Now, would you like to see the junk room? Like, no. Living room, maybe. House, not so much. No, we reject it. Why? Because we don't use the phrase, I know because. Samantha, you're learning respect. I know because you said, yes, sir, and put your toys away without debate. I know because. Evidence doesn't lie. So when you're concerned and you share a negative or you're excited and you share a positive, use the powerful phrase, I know because. You are being compassionate. I know because when Lisa fell, you went to see if she was OK. Is this making sense to you? Please ask us questions if you need more examples. Again, I've written books. In fact, in the book, again, Start with the Heart, there are a lot of examples of this whole complementing and correcting ideas. Evidence doesn't lie. This is a good one to practice for yourselves as well. If you're self-critical and you're despairing and you feel like you've made no progress, use the phrase, I know because. Oh, I'm going to end with this. This is a Holy Spirit drop down. One of the reasons I like the phrase, I know because, is because we can develop a habit of thinking about a child and we don't let them change. Does that make sense? Oh, I just heard an audible over on my left. Anybody over here? So we think of them as always disrespectful. Is that true for anybody in the room? Or always whiny? Or always need in their own way? Because change hasn't happened and we're discouraged? So if you correct them, you're disobedient. By the way, obedience is way too big of a word to use. Way too big of a word to use. You're disrespectful, I know because, and you have no current evidence, then you need to stop it. Because you're allowing the devil to destroy your opinion of a child based on the past and you haven't been able in humility to see the growth. You're less disrespectful than you used to be, I know because. It only takes five times to get you to bed and you used to take 10. Oh my goodness, I need to invite John up on stage. I could talk all night. You have been so gracious to listen to me. Children are created with great potential. Come on up, John. Well, I hope you have found this discussion not only inspiring, but also informative. Christians have to be able to think, especially in this constantly changing culture from a Christian worldview. To learn more and to find more discussions, please visit lighthousevoices.org. That's lighthousevoices.org.