Class, Pass or Arse: Champagne to Prosecco

What an absolutely ridiculous way to spend Monday morning. I have got ten of the biggest brand sparkling wines in the world. Welcome to the party people. It's nearly Christmas, it's nearly party time. We're going to smash in all of these from Prosecco's to Carver's to Champagne's to the big gun Dom Perignon. I want to do them blind but I can't do them blind because Fred says quite rightly I will know exactly what these bottles look like. We're going to number the glasses, we're going to number the bottles and I'm going to have ten glasses in front of me to taste these blind and rate the best, biggest brand sparkling wine there is for my party. Fred sort all this mess out, one to ten please, nice sparkling wine, see you in fifteen. Look at this. Right here are my ten fizzy babies. Can we go? Let's go. I've got my spittoon because I know that some of these might not want to go down my neck so they're going to go in there. Right, let's go. Wine number one. Very, very small bubbles rising from all over the glass. It smells sort of appley and a little bit bready, so a little bit bakery like which means that it could be a Champagne, it could have spent time in the bottle on yeast. It's a very good wine. It's really rich, biscuity, green appley. I think that's a Champagne. It's going there. Now I don't really give a ---- whether I get these right or wrong because quite frankly what washes out here is what I want to buy. This Fred is going to be our class section, this is going to be our pass section and this is going to be our arse section. That number one, most definitely a pass, could be Laurent Perrier. Number two, smells a bit sweeter, so it smells a bit like my Tutti Frutti, like a pick and mix stand at the cinema, which means it's probably not a Champagne. It probably means it's a Prosecco and it's much sweeter. It's sort of a bit soapy on the palate and I think that's going to go in my arse section. I'm going to be very harsh here. If I don't want to drink two glasses of it, it's going in arse. If I want to drink two glasses of it and I might have a third, it's going in pass. If I want to neck the whole bottle and then smash someone in the head and ask for another one, it's going in class. Right, so two, Prosecco, I reckon, and it's arse. Three, smells a bit sort of like bruised apple, like it's a little bit over the top, it's a bit dark in colour, I'm thinking this could be a Carver. It's less bright, it's just a duller version of Champagne. I like wines that have a lift and sort of get me going, ready for the next round. That is going in arse, because I'm not going to have two glasses of it, I just think I'm going to want to leave the party. Right, four, smells very clean, fresh, I want to have a go, and it's a perfectly good glass of wine, that. I think I'd happily have two glasses and another one. Hang on, let me just check one again. Yes, but that's the one I'm going to mug you for and go give me the whole of the rest of the bottle. So, that does go class, that goes pass, and that goes arse. Right, number five, smells fresh, fruity, nothing too exotic or exciting, tastes a little bit flat, a little bit sweet, I'm going to put that in the arse section. This is very, very harsh, this, I'm being extremely harsh, but when I've got ten to choose from, I'm going to be choosy. Right, number six, here we go, very small bubbles, rising from the bottom of the glass, looks pretty special, and smells like a girls bakery. It's very, very bready, yeasty, apple-y, mango-y, all sorts of ---- going on there, I like it. Total, utter class. It's really deep, rich, fresh, complex, I can still taste it now, absolutely beautiful. Sack me if that's not a champagne and a jolly good one. That could be Dom Perignon, I'm not sure. Right, number seven, up we go, smells quite sweet, quite fruity, quite soapy, not three aromas that I particularly like. Oh my god, I'm going to create a new section for that, and it's just going to go on the left here, and it's going to be called utter class. That is sweet, sickly, really horrid. That's Asti. So Asti, northern Italy, it's like a breakfast wine, don't drink it as a breakfast wine because you will not enjoy the rest of your day, but it's very, very light in alcohol, and you can have it at any time of day if you're certified insane. Right, number eight, that smells more sort of biscuity, we're on to champagne land again I think. Very fresh, very clean, I'm going to put that in the pass section. Pass is very good, okay, so I'm three glasses, I'm having a really lovely time, but I'm not mugging you for the rest of the bottle. Number nine, I think that might be a Moet or something like that, which is perfectly good champagne. Bruised apple-y, a little bit tropical on the nose. I think that is a very well-made Carver, because it's got that kind of sort of doughy, slightly sort of flat bit to it, but somehow there's something there that lifts it up and says it's okay. And as I talk, I think I'm going to put it in pass, but whoops, I've gone left and shoved it in arse. Right, number ten, smells clean, smells fresh, very good champagne. Really nice. Well, that's quite fun, that. It's a very good, clean champagne that is a Laurent Perret or a Nicolas Fioret or something like that. I'm going to be so interested, when Fred turns all this up and goes, this is what's happened, A, I'll be sacked, and B, we won't get any more sponsorship from anyone ever again. I know that somehow some champagnes have ended up in here, which is not particularly great. I'm pretty sure that these three are champagnes and Dom Perignon is in there. I'm pretty sure that they are champagnes, and I'm pretty sure, in fact, I know we have the Asti. I'm pretty sure we've got the Prosecco. I'm pretty sure we've got the two Carvers, but we've also got one champagne. Okay, now we're going to find out whether I've still got a job. Come over to my, um, Freddy's preparation stand. Jeez Louise. Right. So, there we have it. We've got four in the Arscam. Got one Prosecco, it's Mionetto. We've got two Carvers, Freshenet and Cordonneau, and yep, a champagne is in there too. The massive brand, Nicolas Fioret. We see it everywhere. Now, never before, we have an extra section, Utter Arse, dominated completely by Martini Asti. Thanks for coming. And then we've got two in the Pars section, Verve Clicquot and Moët et Chandon. Big, big champagne bully boys. And then three Utter, Utter Class. So Laurent Perrier, one of my favourite champagnes. Dom Perignon, we'd expect it to be there, and surprise, never thought, it's Mum. That is absolutely really wonderful. For me, very interesting. So there we've got our three champagnes. By the way, just a caveat, I like tarty champagne. I like it crisp, loads of Chardonnay in it, loads of like fresh citrus fruit to it. It's a drink me all day, put a nice hat on my head and take me to the races kind of taste. And that Laurent Perrier bangs it out. And these masters of wine are going to be going, never ever subscribe to this person's channel because he knows nothing. If you want to be flash, and have loads of people tell you you've got massive balls, buy Dom Perignon. It's very, very good. If you want people to come and just enjoy a really delicious glass of fizz, quite frankly, I'd be equally as happy with Mum or Laurent Perrier. They're absolutely brilliant champagnes. Anyway, that's a delivery, I've got to go.