I Lost $600,000 In An Online Dating Scam

In today's digital world you need ID theft protection that actually works. Protect yourself at zander.com. I was scammed about 10 years ago. I lost all my money, my house, my car, my jewelry. Holy smokes. Oh my gosh Marie. Yeah it was it was considerable and that's why I'm still working at 71. But uh when I came clean to my daughter we decided on a plan and uh we opened a joint checking account and she has taken all my money, my pay, my social security every month and gives me an allowance for food, gas, medication, etc. When rent is due she transfers that money, any kind of car repairs, insurance, she does an extra transfer. Uh we have managed to save almost $200,000 during that time which is remarkable. Oh my gosh. How much of that's yours and how much is hers? It's all mine but it's all in her name. I don't have access to it. She doesn't send it. She sends me screenshots. It's all still there. Good for you Marie. Well done. But I want this arrangement to stop. I've asked for several times and she's just not inclined to do so. She still doesn't trust me. Understandable. But uh you know I would like to have my money available to me when I want it. Okay. And I don't know. One time I contacted an agency for elder abuse in my area and they told me to take her name off the account. Well I didn't do that. I opened another account and had my money go there. She found out. She came. She was not very happy. Yeah. They closed the account and transferred back to the joint account. What is her, when that happens, what is she telling you? Because there was a reason that this arrangement was made. What is it that she's afraid that you're going to do? There are basics every family needs. Food, shelter, transportation, and term life insurance. Term life is simple. If you pass away, it pays money to your family so they can keep paying the bills. Protecting the people you love is part of winning with money and when you're ready to do that, go with who I trust. Zander Insurance. Zander shops top companies to find the right coverage at the best price and they've earned my recommendation for nearly 30 years. Go to zander.com today. What is it that she's afraid that you're going to do? She's afraid that I'm pulled back into that scenario and she doesn't want me to be penniless again and I can understand it. The scenario where you were scammed? Yes. Are there things, Marie, that you want to do with your money right now that she's saying no to? Well, my lease had ended last March and I wanted to buy a condo or townhouse and she wasn't on board with that. She said the only way that would happen if the property was going to be put in her name, which I didn't have a problem with that, but it ended up I had to move to another place and I have a lease now with an apartment. So, am I out of line to ask to be able to use my money or should I just suck it up and continue with our arrangement? You're not out of line to ask to use your money. There's another side to this that I want to know more about. Is she keeping you from and here I'm just going based on what you said. It sounds like something was so drastic that she was brought in to help you and she's probably looking at this and I'm not saying that she's right. I'm just trying to get both sides. She might be looking at this going, you know, the best predictor of the future is the past unless something has changed, right? So, she might be looking at this going, I don't see why I would expect anything different if I let her have access over to this money again. So, you might have to explain to her, here's why this is different. Here's why this is not like it was before because you said she's afraid I'll fall back into my own old ways that got me scammed again. So, if you know that, my thought would be I need to help her understand why this is not like that anymore. And if you feel like, if you genuinely feel like maybe you've changed or it's different, then have that conversation. And then if not, then I'd be talking with, I might have to bring a lawyer into it and say, hey, this person is not. It's hard. There's such a fine line, Maria, of loving, you know, someone in your family by helping them financially like this and then controlling them. And so, I don't know from her sake if she was on the other line that we talked to her after, you know what I mean, the story she would give us. Because my hope would be that it's out of love and care for you, Maria, that she says, were you good with money besides the scam that happened 10 years ago when you were raising her? How was money? I was born and raised in Germany. My husband was from Missouri. Yeah, he's passed. And we've always worked for relief. Okay. So really, was it just this one scam that caused all of this? It was massive. It was like $600,000. How did it happen? Well, I met this guy on Facebook. He pretended to be someone he was not. And it took almost three years. It happens more than. Yeah, it's very rampant. It's very bad. Yeah, I'm so sorry. She did that to help me, to protect me. And that was 10 years ago, Maria? 2016-ish? Yes, it started in 2015. So what I would do to probably keep the relationship good with your daughter, and again, I'm going to assume good in this call that she is doing this out of love and protection for you, is I would sit down with her and I would have a roadmap to say, hey, this is what I desire. At the end of this road, I want full access to my money. I want to be able to purchase a condo because rent keeps going up and up and up. And I want to be able to have a place to live that's modest, that I own, and whatever that looks like for you, Maria, what the end of it looks like. And then I would bring her in and just say, hey, what steps need to be taken for you to rebuild trust? Because it sounds like you guys have just been functioning in this, and she may have decided already, I'm just going to do this till forever, for the rest of my mom's life. So we want to break that for you, and some milestones, have a couple of milestones. And in the next 12 months, what are things that you can be doing that would give her the confidence? Because that feels reasonable to me. And again, I'm assuming, Maria, this isn't, I'm saying all this, putting you in a good light, that you're being responsible, that you're not off to the side. You know what I mean? I don't even have access to online banking. She sends me screenshots, and I keep a little book here. Yeah, so there's a point after 10 years, if there hasn't been other mistakes or other patterns, you should be moving forward. Yes. And for her sake, too, that she doesn't have to babysit you, or roles reverse, that she's your mom, right? For a season, I think that's really good. But over time, you probably do want this deal to dissolve. But I would, again, try to do it with her, and like, what's the roadmap to get there? And then I hate to say it, but if she's unwilling to do any of that, I would be curious, then, her motivation at the end. That's my question. And I'd want to make sure that everything's above board. Yes, on both sides. So then how do we rebuild the trust? That's what I would ask her. How do we build the trust? And how do you do it in a way that can still preserve the relationship? Because if it really is, like I said, there's probably more to the story on her end, more to the story on your end, Marie. But there probably is reason for both of you to feel the way that you feel. Yes. And so I like your idea of making that roadmap, because I think in the end, that's going to be... If the eight months or 12 months happens, then you got to start pushing more. And maybe there's a transition even for the adult daughter to say, hey, the next step would be that she does have access to her money, but your name's still on the account for six months. So you can see it, see what's going on. Yeah, that she can actually log into her own account, right? I'm like, that's fair. That's very fair. So like, what are small steps that we can take to create more independence on Marie's side versus just having this hard black and white wall of like... Either you do it or I do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It could be a both for a season too, you know? Yeah. But yeah, that's hard. And I feel like Marie too, to your daughter's credit, we get the calls. We get your daughter calling in and saying, my mom has been scammed out of 600,000. Yes. What do I do? How do I step in? Because she feels gullible. She feels really vulnerable. I feel like she could fall into one of these again. And we probably would get it for that advice. Sit down with your mom and say, mom, I want to be able to help you. You know what I mean? So I hear both. And probably what the daughter is thinking is, oh my gosh, if something like this happens again, I'll have to take care of you and I don't have the money to do that. So all of this is really being done out of just of an abundance of caution for the future is what it sounds like. Yes. That's what I would hope. I'm going to assume the best here. Assume everything's on the up and up. Sorry that's happening, but thanks so much for the call. The best ID theft protection comes from Zander. Real monitoring, full restoration, no fluff. Learn more at zander.com.