Jordan Jensen Crowd Work Makes This Crowd Regret Talking #192

What's up with you, man? You're very stern. You're just talking to me like we're at a ******* AA meeting and you're my sponsor. I don't know what's going on. Are you on a new date or in a first date? Second date. Crazy. Whoa. Imagine going on a second date and just talking to the comedian for and just having that vibrato. I like that. How do you feel about this? Are you getting the ick a little bit? 100 percent. 100 percent. Is it turning you on more? Does it make you more into him or less into him? OK, tell me later. Great. Are you are you are you an American person? What was that accent? You're from Brazil, so you don't know ----. That's why you can get away with this. Oh, you mother ******. That pisses. Can we listen? That sucks. That's just an American. Are you an American guy? You're just a dumb American who heckles at comedy shows. No offense. Big fan of your work. And then you can pull this hot Brazilian chick because she doesn't know ----. She has no idea what you're doing is wrong. Culturally, she's like, this was me. Right. It's they do, babe. They don't. They don't do like that. They clap and they go, oh, maybe, but they don't just talk. That's crazy. And do you speak fluent English? Would you say are you fluent? You're not. And I'm just going to say, I'm just going to say one more thing. And then we'll move on. When I have a guy friend who is dating a woman who doesn't speak English, there's a little part of me that goes, you are a pedophile because a little bit like it's a girl being like, I don't know nothing. And you're like, I will talk slowly. Little weird. She speaks in English, but there's no way for you to get to know her. It's going to take so many months for her to unveil her person. She I literally have ears and I'm a perceptive human being. And she just said, it's not so good. People don't say no so good if it's good. You want to know what just happened to me? I'm going to tell you. OK, I've been having sex with a man for like three days straight and he has been at my apartment and I haven't been able to ----. Dude, I'm having sex with this man eking out the most heinous farts for three days. The penis trying to push the poop out of my ass. You know what I mean? And then I got here. I lied and said that my spot was earlier so I could get here. And I destroyed, I destroyed the bathroom. And I wish you guys were all in there with me. It was better than any of the sex I've been having. It was on. It was the biggest ---- I've ever seen. You know, your vagina goes like this after you cum. That was what my asshole was doing. You know what I mean? You ever have that? Wow. I feel incredible right now. Man, that ---- felt so good. It was truly unbelievable. I wish I could show you a picture of it for you guys. It was a prayer ----, you know, and you're worried you're going to flush or you're worried you're going to clog it so you pray. Do you ever do that? That's the only time I talk to my dead father is when I'm like, make this poop go down, Papa. Make this poop go down. If you love me, Dad, make it go down. You guys do that? Anyway, so I'm *******, are you guys all *******? You're neuroscientists? What does that mean? You study neuroplasticity? I look into insect brains. What are you finding out about insects brains? Not much. That's crazy. Move on to chimps. What are we doing? Grow up. Honestly, what do you want to know about insects? Do you care about that deeply at night? Really? You lie awake and you're like, I wonder how bees love each other. Is that true? You really feel that way? Okay, that's pretty cool. Have you found anything out that we should know? The ant loved the lava baby. The ant? He said, the ant loved the lava baby. Yeah, the bugs love their own babies. Way to go, ******* genius. How does that? I'm so glad that you paid $200,000 for that education, you piece of ----. They love, they have offspring and they love the baby. That isn't that crazy. What would you think with that? You thought they would eat the baby, but they like the baby? They support the baby. Sometimes they eat the baby. Okay, great. We're making strides. We're making scientific strides. I'm really glad that you're studying this. Okay, great. But they love the lava baby. Sometimes they take a little bite, but mostly they are loving. They are loving the baby. Great, awesome. Oh my God, look at these hot girls over here. What are you guys doing? Are you little Gen Z? Little Gen Z-ers? How old are you guys? Five. Are you guys on the internet a lot? You are? You live on the internet? Your generation hasn't rejected it yet? Is it getting there? Cool. Are you guys posting? Are you guys doing like, I imagine you guys doing like, you know how people post on Instagram like, hot girls will do this. They're Gen Z and it'll be like disgusting pictures, but they still look hot. Like you guys taking a ---- while eating a burrito and you're like, ah, is it like that? You know what I mean? Or like a picture of just, just like a disgusting paper clip stuck in a rug and you're like whatever. You know what I mean? Millennials are whack. We're like, here's a burger I had earlier today. Here's a, here's a picture of my dad. He's dead. I miss him. I love you, dad. That's what we do. And you guys go, oh, here's a dead cat in the road. That's what you guys do. I just found out you girls, your generation isn't putting balls in your mouth. Oh, you're doing it? Balls are going in your mouth? You put balls in your mouth? Really? Okay, great. Okay. That makes me feel a lot better. And then what? What did you say? What? Who's that guy? She goes, yeah, we put balls in your mouth. Random man. Awesome. Really cool. Now we are talking. Really getting somewhere. Oh my God. That's hilarious. No, I feel like I was talking to my, my girlfriend of mine. Who's like, she's, I think she's 23. And I was like, I was talking about balls in my mouth. I was like, when you put balls in your mouth and she was like, and I was like, whoa, but you're doing balls in the mouth. Cool. I'm proud of you. Doesn't the ice stuff remind you, just the women in here, the men you guys don't know, but doesn't the, don't, don't these ice, these like retard ice agents, don't these things remind you of when a guy like prematurely ejaculates, does it make you think of that? I hate your city. I love you, but I need you guys to just take a trip. Just go somewhere. Just go to the beach. Just go to Pittsburgh. Just go to a place. No, I don't care where it is. Just somewhere else. And just walk around and just pretend to be people. Just walk around. Put some shoes on that maybe you don't wear that often. Put them on. Tie the laces. I don't know. Go crazy. It's swine. It's like full swine. Real dude. The most put together. People in this town are the homeless people. It's crazy. This is what happens. Are you that fat? For real. Are you that fat that I'm asking a simple question and you're just yelling stuff that you like out? Pizza. Hot dogs. Fish. Butter. Cream. Milk. I already said cream. It's different than milk. Bread. What is going on? Unbelievable. I guarantee you there's an answer to this question. Stop. If you can't agree, shut the **** up. It's crazy. I don't know. Polish boy. It is a cowboy. You all are ******* gonna die of heart attacks. No also I like cheese. That's so crazy. I've never seen anything like that. Every other city they're like buffalo wings. You guys are like, I like Martha Latanya. What's your job? You're a professional dominatrix? I bet you would. What's the craziest thing anybody's asked you to say to them? To say to them? Yeah. Or do. He wanted me to yell at him while I fucked up my ----. What? You bit him in your feces? Oh my goodness. He ate your human ----? With his mouth? What? I want to just say right now, for those of you who can't see her, anybody in the world with the poop that you want to eat, it is this beautiful lady right here. It is hers. He said, he disrespected your feces? Wait. Man who demands poop in his mouth, then had the audacity to critique its texture? Unbelievable. He said this poop, that's how much ---- he's eaten? Is that he knows the ******* pH level of your poop? He said, that's it in my face. You know what's most helpful about being a woman? I bet there was a little part of you that was like, I'm sorry. You eat too much of that. It's true. I do need to work out for that. November 2019 is the last time you had sexual intercourse? What's going on in your head when you're dragging her off? What do you think of it? You should ask co-workers. Just immediately specific. Big titty bitches, no form, VDL ----. You're like, no, I'm thinking of Barbara. I miss her every day. Ask co-workers. Okay, multiple or is there one in particular that you're fond of? I didn't ask at all for names. I never said, can I please have the name and where she works? I just asked if it was one specifically. I didn't want her ******* social security number. What was the last sexual partner you had? It was a girlfriend. Great. That's it? We're going to give out Candace's name, her husband's name, but your girlfriend will remain anonymous. No, I respect it. Okay, great. Is it legal to have sex with somebody with your level of Asperger's? It is, right? It's fine. It's totally fine. I like ******* with autistic guys. The problem with autistic guys is you guys aren't really good at mashy sex. You kind of have like mechanical sex. It reminds me of like playing the quarter in elementary school. We're like... You know what I mean? It's like that. It's good. The fingers are on the holes. The sounds are coming out. But you're like, all right, I think I know what's coming. Oh, I crossed again. Here we go. Yeah, same. And then they're like, time for Mary had a little lamb. That's the same notes. But okay, let's do it. Different song though. I get it. Next week I'm going to get waxed. I'm going to get my butthole waxed. Although, last time I got my butthole, I like not wax my butthole because I like that. Whatever. When you have to soap up your butt, it's nice to have a little friction. You know what I mean? It's too squeaky. It's too slippery. Whatever. Last time I got my butthole waxed, I only did it one time. And she was like, it's time for your asshole. And I was like, no thank you. Right? She was like, I can't let you leave. Only that. The shovel detective back there. So then she goes, get in position. So then I got on my hands and knees. And she was like, what are you doing? And I was like, haha, what are you doing? She was like, knees to your chest. And I was like, alright. What? So I got, I got into child's pose. And she was like, what is going on? And I was like, what do you kind of asshole in this position do? I have no idea. And she was like, on your knees to your chest. And I like got on my back and pulled my knees up. And I was like, I have to go. I can't do this. I can't. There's no way I can be in position. Little baby getting their diapy changed. I'm not doing that. Moms give butthole waxes. And she says some women orgasm when she does it. Isn't that awkward? She has to deal with that. She's like, ah. She's like, no. I'm just going to let you guys know. I'm pregnant. You're pregnant? Are you still together? He's blocked at everything and you're having his baby. Okay, great. He might. Yeah, does he know? Great question. Thanks. Oh, he does know. And do you think maybe you'll get back together? Never. Okay, this is going to be quite a bad childhood. Okay, you might as well sign your kid up for OnlyFans now. And just get the Patreon going, honestly. And just say, come 17, I'll have her live. So what are you going to do? Are you going to keep cutting him out entirely? Or are you going to let him in a little? You know that people can fight in courts and take children. Did you guys ever have the dad? I had the dad where it was like, he hated us so much. And then my mom was like, I'm taking the kids full time because you feed them mealworms. Right? And my dad lawyered up and was like, these are my girls. And we were like, you put a cigarette out on us last night. What is this coming from? You know what I mean?