SHE MADE ME CRY!!

We gotta keep this train going. We gotta make more vlogs. Gotta get David good content. Keep that vlog going, keep Natalie going. Keep the vlog squad going! Let me throw out a good wish to all the vlog squad. To Scott and Todd, may you have lit shows. To Jeff, may you continue to be the most beautiful man alive. To Carly and Aaron, may you continue to be fabulous queens. To Heath and Mariah, let you continue to be the cutest couple of all. To David, may all the Chipotle come your way. And to Natalie, may your online shopping addiction continue with great progress. We're in Chicago. There are the buildings. And life is all around us. It really is. This is such a nice little area to, yeah. Hi. What's up? Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, man. Me and my brother watch the vlogs all the time. Oh, you do? I'm an opera singer. You're an opera singer? Yeah. All right, hit it. Oh, no. Yeah. Achilles. There you go, man. That was great, man. What do you know? You walk around, good things happen when you turn your camera on. Whoever out there is a vlogger, and they're like, I vlog too, you know? ABF, I always say. Always be filming. Of course, that's what makes people angry, your friends. Like, bro, turn the camera off. Hey, what are you gonna do? You know who's great at vlogging? It's Jonah, because he's just, he doesn't care. He'd bring a camera out at a funeral. He's something else. Starbucks it is, guys. I don't have to tell you. I can't tell you how much I love Starbucks. All right, I'm gonna get drinks. I met this mom last night. A lot of our moms come to the show. She's like, I'm 43, I work two jobs, I relate to you so much, I don't have a husband. I try to do everything for my kids. She's like, I see how tired you are. I just want you to know that I'm tired too, and you're, you know. She said the night, I was like, I almost cried. She's like, you know, every time I'm tired and I wanna quit, she's like, I turn on your videos. And I was like, really, I was really choked up about it. I was like, wow, that was really something. You know, I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I just wanted to share that moment, because it was, it was crazy. It was like, I understood exactly what she was talking about and she really touched my heart. And I know what she's talking about. Like, I'm right now, I'm in Chicago. I'm not going home till Thursday. And I miss my kids and it's, it sucks. It sucks to be, to be torn, have like good opportunities here. Like, you have to take the opportunities, you know? So I hope they understand, because five years ago I didn't have these opportunities. So it is a bit of a like change where you're like, oh, I remember being like completely broke and not having a job and thinking like, oh, I just wish I had a job. I wish I was gone, you know? But, and I was, I would beat myself up all the time. And then now I remember, now I realize, it's so funny the things you realize, like how dumb I am, or not that, but like now I realize like, oh, like, oh, those were, those were really good times. That was when I was just, I had around my kids all the time and they were little, you know, and I was around and like, you know, it makes you, it makes you realize like, like all those years that you were like kicking yourself, you know, being like, oh, I don't have a job or why, why don't I have more money? And my, you know, I don't want to be just sitting around all day. And, you know, and, and, and the truth was, it's like those years with my kids, I was there and they were, they were great years. And I wish I had, I wish I had like enjoyed them more. You know what I mean? I'd not been so stressed out about it. Joe Volpe said to me the other day, he was like, he was like, so were you like a house husband? And I was like, yeah, kind of. I was kind of like a house husband. Like my, my ex definitely like would work until like eight o'clock. And I would like be with the kids, you know? And he was like, he's like, oh man, he's like, that sounds fantastic. And I was like, it was not fantastic. And he was like, he's like, are you kidding? Sitting around all day, hanging out while your wife works. He's like, that sounds like a dream. Oh, I would just hang out and dress sad Bobby and cowboy costumes and corduroy jackets. That's what I do all day. But anyway, so I don't even know what I'm saying. But the point is, is that if you're like a guy and you're like home with the kids, enjoy it. Enjoy that time with the kids. Cause I'm not there now. And I'm really bumming out about it. Literally said to my ex-wife, I was like, I guess I could turn some things down and be around more. She was really nice about it. She was like, she's like, are you kidding me? She's like, go. No, do not turn anything down. You never made money for so long. Sorry, I got a little teary eyed there guys. Okay. I think this is the right way to end this vlog or to end this section of the vlog. Sorry, it's been on the phone, but the phone is just the best because people think I'm FaceTiming. So, but this is the right way to end it right here. That's where I should be doing. It should be running right along there. I don't know what that is. I just wanted to show it to you. Hey. Look at, I've had this room. What? This room is nice. Yeah. No, it's the corner. Yeah. Right? Welcome to my mansion. Let me give you a little rundown. Yeah, let me see. Look at you. Is this something, are we living life or what? This is great. Are you Kit, right? Yeah. I mean, you should probably think about getting a haircut, but other than that. I know, so my whole goal is to look like a bum. Yeah. You know what I mean, I like it. That's your brand. I like it. I've always heard, oh, do you take care of your hygiene? I smell great. You smell great. I never said that you smelled. But the hair makes me look like I smell. The hair is funny because it does. It's right. I look like I stink. No, no, you look like you live with your parents and they don't let you make any decisions for yourself. That's true. That also. That's what you look like. This is where I do my makeup. Where you do your makeup? Yeah. I can like look at myself here. There it is. I just kind of, you know what I mean? Jonah. Yeah. You ready to go out? Sorry, I forgot your hair. This is where I bathe. You haven't bathed yet. I have. You already took a bath? I already took a bath. You took a bath? Yeah. What the hell? What time did you guys get here? I was down here like four or five hours ago or something like that. I missed all the fun. I used the toilet as well. There's a toilet in there. Good, I'm glad you used the toilet. I showered as well. You did? You showered and bathed? Yeah. That must've been on the toilet for a while then. Yeah, yeah. I'm telling you, hygiene is very important to me. Well, good, I'm glad. Yeah, you always smell good. People always say, oh, he probably smells terrible. He probably smells, smell my hair. Ah, you smell good. Did you use shampoo or did you bring your own? I haven't, I didn't wash my hair. Oh, you didn't? No. It's all psychological, right? I just wanted to show you that, hey, listen, even when I don't shower, I... Who's paying for this room? Are you or David? No, I didn't pay for it, David did. Great, I'm gonna get a water then. My card's on there, but go ahead. Oh, your card is on there? You can have as many waters as you want. I'll tell you what, when you come to my room, you can get one of mine. You know what? Here, you want booze? No, I don't want booze. Take it all, take a shot. No, no, no, no, I just want like a sparkling water. That would be so tasty right now. What's sparkling and what's regular? And how's the bed? The bed's great, right? Bed's great, slept on it. Why don't you, right now, clean up your bed, pack it away, and then when you come home tonight, you can have a nice place to sleep. Yeah, absolutely. What do you think of that? I should. Jonah got a Gucci wallet. It's not me, I know. When did you buy this? Did you go to the store and buy it, like with the purpose, or did you just like an impulse buy? No, it wasn't even an impulse buy. I don't even do stuff like this, like Gucci. I know, I know you don't. I don't do stuff like this, but the only reason I bought it is because it hangs onto my keys. It really does. Either my keys or my belt button, I never lose it. You know what he just told me before I turned the camera on? He goes, it's the only wallet that hangs from your jeans, which is not true. There's literally... I guess this was the only one I saw. You can go to Carhartt and get the same thing. Well, good, I'm glad you like it. You know what, Jonah, sometimes... I feel weird, I don't feel Gucci about it. It's like... Oh, who cares? You know what, sometimes it's nice to buy something. When you buy yourself something nice, then you kind of feel good, and that leads to more good things. Yeah. That's what I would say. Sure. Wasn't that right, Stellar? If you had bought Gucci sneakers for like $1,500, I'd be like, all right, cool. I can't do that because I don't want people to see it. You know? This, like, no one knows. I used to be like that, and then you get to a certain point where you're just like, just give me the sneakers. No, I can put this in my pocket and no one knows. You know what I mean? Right, you know. Yeah. You don't want to be flashy. Okay, these... Those are sick, though. I'll tell you, I like those a lot. Brock Hampton's here. Ilyas here. Where's Nat? I don't know. She never showed up. What's up, mother sucker? Hey, I see Dima every single day of my life for every minute. Don't you hate it? No, I love it. It's really fun, actually. Dude, I think I haven't seen you in 45 years. It's been a minute. Yeah, I'm 58 now. What? Yeah. Dude, happy birthday. I have four kids, man. That's great. Yeah. What do you guys think of Jonah's haircut? That's on purpose. It's not a haircut. It's calculated. He told me before, it's actually a calculated haircut. That's his brand. So, my whole thing is, I wanna look like a bum. Yeah. But I don't wanna, that's not, I'm not like a, I just like it. You know, like my shoes and my hair look like I smoke terrible. But, you know? No. So. I don't know. All right. Well. Can we go get a- I'm happy to be here. Yeah, what's going on with you? You're in the zone. I'm in the zone. I think he's just tired. I came all the way to Chicago, from Atlanta, to hang with you bums. Look at this. Shut up. I'm browsing. Ridiculous. This is nuts. I agree. Come on, guys. What do you say? Let's give it the old college try. What does that mean? I'm not actually sure. It's a really old saying, even older than me. What's up, guys? I'm at the Mall of America. I only have like an hour here. So, I'm gonna go in. I'm gonna try to get you 100 jokes in under an hour in Mall of America. It is my challenge to get 100 jokes. First of all, these guys are literally standing in camouflage. I thought it was the SWAT team. But no, it's just that we're in Minnesota. It's just that we're in Minnesota, huh? Joke number one. Okay, let's go. All right, here we go. Place is called Street Corner. It's actually inside a mall. I don't know who they're fooling. They have an aquarium inside the mall. And then right over here, a sushi restaurant. Guys, I think 100's gonna be tough. Okay, there's literally NASA in the middle of the mall. What the hell? Oh my God. Jesus Christ. Screw the Grove. There is a rollercoaster in the middle of the mall. Oh my God. It's literally like, if your kids are bad, you just throw them on the rollercoaster. Well, you can be grounded or we can throw you on the mutant masher. Your choice. Ah! Look at this. What the hell? You literally don't have to leave here, ever. I'm on a mission here to make 100 jokes in one hour. I think I'm at like four. This is impossible. Oh, I wish somebody was with me. All right, I'm going to the belly of the beast now. Literally, we're at Six Flags now. What the hell? I wouldn't be surprised. Whoa! Holy crap. Look at this. It's a lot. Look at this. Oh my God. This is a banana republic. SpongeBob is here. Hi, SpongeBob. Nice to see you. This is much bigger in real life. All this to get your prescription at Walgreens, huh? Sick. They're going to take them all the way up. And do not steal at the mall, America, because this is what they do to shoplifters. There's the Cinnabon. And this is why Cinnabon is a great business. The entire mall smells like Cinnabon. Entire mall. Oh my God, it smells so good. Look at that. You're going up. You're going down. You're going to the right. You're going to the left. You're going everywhere with Journeys. Basically, you can go just about anywhere if you come to Journeys. You get something for your volleyball team. Maybe something when you go camping with your dad. It's Journeys. And we're all on our own journey. That's for sure. Yeah, they found a place to come where you can get out of the cold and shop at Old Navy. Minnesota, ah. Is that like Minnesota, ah? From the looks of it, I think it's Minnesota. All right, I'm going to have to go because I've got to get to my show, but the Mall of America is dope. This is some real road stuff right here. This is the green room. It's an Airstream trailer. Got some Perrier there. That's my rider. I don't know. My rider says granola bars, Perrier, and water. Well, soda water, and then chicken tenders. I smell the chicken tenders, but I don't know where they are. Oh, I also get carrots. It's also on my rider. That's it. Pretty simple if you want to book me. Okay, flush that down. Don't want to go number two in an Airstream. You know, it's bad manners. Okay, I'm in the green room for the Minneapolis show. The theater is incredible. The crowd is hyped. They're outside. I remember now when I used to do standup in New York, the shows would be great when it was freezing because people were so happy to be warm. And then, you know, you get a beer in there and people get a beer in their system. People would just love it. And so, yeah, I remember now, because the crowd looks hyped. I'm getting a lot of DMs like, let us inside. So I'm in the Airstream, which I thought was really cool when I got here at five, but now it's quarter to seven and it's not so cool. It is freezing and I didn't bring a jacket. And even if I had a jacket, I don't think I'd be okay. So, you know, this is it. This is what it's like to do standup. You're in an Airstream and I'm literally, I'm wondering if we can just start a little earlier. I don't want to go in there because I don't want people to see me. It's like this weird thing I have. I don't want people to see me before the show. Like when I have like some mystique or something, not that it matters. There's so many shows, like in Detroit, I just walked, it was kind of a dangerous neighborhood. So they're like, yeah, you don't want to go around back. And I was like, oh, okay. So I just walked through the front door and everyone was like, hey, Jason. Hey, Jason. And I was like, hey guys, I have my suitcase with me. That was my mom's that I borrowed, that my mom gave me because I'm too cheap to buy a new suitcase. Like I don't, I'm like, why would I buy a new suitcase? Like I have this one. It's like really, really embarrassing. Like a powder blue suitcase. But anyways, yeah.