Our Addictions Are Not the Same - Comedian Brandon Cormell - Chocolate Sundaes Stand Up Comedy

What's going on, Chocolate Center? Y'all alright? You good? Everybody straight? Y'all look nice out here, man. Yesterday was my 5th year anniversary of being sober from alcohol, right? Thank you, man. I'm not even happy. It's hard. You know what I'm saying? It's hard. You don't know how bad I want to show your drink what this mouth do. It be hard out here. Alcohol, it's so hard. I was drinking so much, I had a problem. I had to stay away from alcohol. You know how hard that is? Alcohol's everywhere. It's the only drug. You can see this drug in every grocery store. Come in different flavors. What? Imagine, like, you got a drug, right? You have to stay away from this drug. And this drug comes in mango. Nigga, like, you don't under... What? This drug comes in smoothie pour? And I have to stay away from this? You can get banana with tequila mixed together. You can have your drug and potassium at the same time. That's so hard to stay away from. My friends found out I was sober. And it was like... You know, I hate when you tell somebody you're sober and they think you like a whole speech about how proud they are of you. And I don't mind the speech, really, but they do this speech while they're intoxicated. Makes no sense. I was at a club with my boy, right? He's at the bar, right? Shit. I'm so proud of you, man. Like, the strength you've shown... Let me get two shots of tequila. Thank you very much. The strength you've shown... And then he'll pause it, gather his shots, go have a toast with his friends. Man, the strength you've... Hold on, let me take a thing. Hey! Are we toasting? Let's do it! Ah, ----. But yeah, the strength you've shown... Stop! I don't need that from you. At all. We all flawed, man. I'm flawed myself, though. Even though I'm sober from alcohol, I still be judging other people being sober from other drugs. Like, to me, there's levels to this. It's not the same sober. I don't care what y'all say. There's all that bull stuff, and then there's alcohol. I'm right here. I was talking to this girl, right? And we was talking for like three days, vibing out. She found out I was sober. She's like, oh my God, it's amazing. I'm sober, too. And I'm like, what? Alcohol messed you up? She's like, no, I was on meth. What?! We was holding hands, like, what?! ------- animal! Ugh! Meth, crazy! She's like, oh my God, no, this is perfect, because this way, we can make sure we both never relapse. I'm like, yeah, but my relapse and your relapse are two different relapses. If I get drugged and relapsed, I might tell my grandma she ain't ----. I might just do that, but if you relapse, you might sell your grandmother for some more of that. It's crazy how we all judge other drugs. First of all, who's done meth in here? Anybody done meth? Cocaine? You would never do it, right? But I think you would if it was presented the right way. Because in America, we'll eat some poison. We'll drink poison if you present it the right way. I'm telling you, man, it's truer than true. Oh my God, listen. Somebody could just come to you right now with a bag of cocaine. Hey, you want this cocaine? No, I have never had cocaine. Get it out of my face. This ain't no regular cocaine. This one comes in mango. Really? Let me see. Mango in there. Let me see. Girls, did you like mango? I need seven for me and my kids. That's how easy it is. We all do it, too. Go to your favorite restaurant. They got the same stuff. A little bitty note that tells you there's some poisonous ---- in this building. Chemicals that can cause cancer. If you're pregnant, your baby might come out fucked up. And y'all be like, damn, that's crazy. Make my ---- well done. That's all y'all do. If it's presented the right kind of way, y'all can get away with it. I wish I knew the effects of alcohol, too. I wish I knew that. I wish it scared me more. The commercials are even fun. The commercials would be like, niggas, titties, liquor. You'd be like, I gotta have this drink. I wish it was more scary. You know like them cigarette commercials with the lady with the hole in her neck? I ain't never had a cigarette since I saw that commercial. You could be smoking one and you'd be like, ----, hell no. Because every commercial would be the same commercial every time. It's like a view of her house, right? Her house. And you can't even see her yet. You can just hear her struggling to breathe with the oxygen tank, right? You just hear and then the camera pans over to her on her leather couch. She's sitting up stiff. I've been smoking cigarettes for the last 45 years. Quitting cigarettes is so hard. I've tried to quit, but I can't. Because I recently found out that they come in mango. That was sick. God damn.