I'm Gaslighting My Boyfriend _ Standup Comedy _ KC Shornima

I'm excited to be back in America. I spent the summer in Europe. I was in Scotland for the summer, which Scotland's really nice. It's so fun. There was a spider that lived in my bathroom in Scotland. So I would go to the kitchen to get a knife, you know, to like stab him because it's so hard to find a gun there. And that's why I'm here. I'm here to get a gun. It's not a good time for gun jokes. I don't know. I was in Texas the other day and I saw a Wendy's flag at half mast. I was like, I don't know. Wendy was a white national. What is happening? I don't know what I thought was going to happen. You know, like I thought when he got elected, I thought he would go up there, you know, in January, he'd be up there giving his little acceptance speech. And I was hoping that a guy with a knife runs up on stage and cuts him. And then we find out he was caked this whole time. Wouldn't that be the perfect end? We'd have like 500 pounds of cake. I do like it here. My therapist lives here. Is anyone in therapy? Yeah, yeah. Men in therapy? One? It's great. I like that men go to therapy. I started therapy because of some of my guy friends. I was hanging out with a bunch of male comics outside the comedy club and one of them looked at me and he was like, Casey, you're just like us. You got that dog in you. And I was like, I have to go to therapy. I can't have that dog in me, what? Because like men are great, but you don't want a group of guys to think you're a cool girl, right? Because that means you're dangerously close to being a bad person. Does that make sense? Like men are great, but in a group, they're a problem. A group of men is a subreddit. Like individually, a guy can just be a history buff, but in a group, they did World War II. No, I love men. I love men. Some of my favorite US presidents are men. They're so good. No notes. I am in therapy. I told my parents that I go to therapy and my parents were like, why are you in therapy? And I was like, oh, do you two remember when I was a kid and you guys raised me? You were there. I mean, not emotionally. No, my parents are great. I hang out with my dad a lot, not because we're close. We just have a mutual friend in common, my mom. So we hang, you know? Because, okay, like isn't your dad just like your mom's boyfriend? Do you know what I mean? It's like you're friends with your mom and she's dating this guy and she's always like, let's invite dad to brunch. And it's like, yeah, if you want to ruin the vibes at brunch. And then you guys are at brunch and she goes to the bathroom and you're like, what the **** am I supposed to talk to him about? It's way too late to ask what his whole deal is now, you know? I'm not close with my dad. I'm not close with my dad, but I don't think it's his fault, okay? I think it's because I met him when I was like 30 and I was a baby, you know? And I don't know if you've met a 30 year old man, but they've stopped making friends. Men make friends when they're like 19. They're like, this is Dylan. He's my boy for life. And they don't know what Dylan does for work because it's gay to ask. That's what don't ask, don't tell us about, okay? My dad tries, but he always talks to me like we're two strangers who met at a party and there's a lull in the conversation. You know, he's always like, so how old are you? I'm like, don't worry about it. It's my birthday party. I like my therapist. My therapist really wants me to unpack my trauma. It's like, we don't have time to get into it, but I grew up in a civil war and like, he really wants me to like unpack my trauma. And it's like, that's what everyone wants now. It's like, why would I unpack it? I just packed it. I just got the suitcase to close, okay? That's not what trauma is for. Trauma is to be used strategically to win an argument. That's what trauma is for, okay? The only time I bring up my trauma is when my boyfriend wants to watch the movie Dumb and Dumber. I ******* hate that movie. And he'll be like, it just reminds me of being like a carefree child. And that's when you say, you know, some of us didn't have a good childhood. And before you know it, you're watching Whiplash, baby. That's how you use trauma. I do have a boyfriend. I just moved in with my boyfriend. Has anyone else made like a huge mistake recently? It's awful. We fight all the time. And he told me that the reason we fight so much is because I always have to win, which is, you know, I think what a loser would say. It's like, yeah, I also don't want to be right all the time. I wish you knew stuff. But he doesn't, he's stupid. We get into like really dumb arguments, okay? Like the other day we got into an argument because he was like, I love you. I love every part of you. Even the parts others find ugly. I was like, who the **** have you been talking to? Name names, you bitch. It's like men don't know where to end a sentence. Do you know what I mean? Like the other day he looked at me and he was like, you are so beautiful. Has anyone ever told you that? I was like, I'm 29 years old. Why would no one ever have told me that? What do you think? You're some quirky guy who likes an ugly bitch, dude. You think I've never been added on Facebook by an older Indian man? You guys done that? Okay. My boyfriend's sweet. He's very sweet. He has six sisters. My boyfriend has six sisters. That's right. I'm dating a hamster. Six sisters, which makes him like a huge feminist. You know, he's like a bigger feminist than I am. Like we'll be watching TV and he'll be like, I don't want to watch that. That guy's a rapist. And I'm like, okay, like everyone's a rapist. We're watching the news. I can't fix that, you know? But I think having sisters, it makes a guy really empathetic and respectful and incapable of choking me to climax. Are you guys doing this? Don't ******* leave me hanging, okay? You don't grow up in a civil war and not want to get choked a little bit. Grow up. I asked him to choke me in bed the other day. He goes, that makes me uncomfortable. And it's so hard to look at someone you care about and tell them that them being uncomfortable is what gets you off. And it's like, forget the choking. You can give a public speech if you want to. I did get him to choke me. You guys are like, please move on. No. It's like, I'm choking you, you know? No, I got him to choke me. But he doesn't do it right. Like the technique is fine, but when I look into his eyes, there's still respect for me. And it's like, gross, you're ruining it, you know? It's okay. He's in therapy too. He's in therapy. I think it's great that men go to therapy now. One guy. But in my personal life, I wish he would stop. Because like, we're both in therapy. So every argument we have is like, we'll argue and then we'll go tell our therapist and then he'll come back and he'll be like, Cheryl said you're not listening to me. And I'm like, Alan said you're not being sensitive. And he's like, Cheryl said you don't pay attention. And I'm like, Alan said Cheryl's a ******* cunt. And that's like Alan's professional opinion. Cheryl is a huge bitch. I hate her. She's always like, putting ideas in his head. You know, like teaching him stuff. Okay, like the other day, I was in an argument with my boyfriend and I was like, you're gaslighting me. Because he was doing this thing where he was starting to win. So I was like, you're gaslighting me. Because whoever says that first wins. You guys should try it, okay? And he goes, that's not what gaslighting means. And I was like, who the **** told you what gaslighting means? Cheryl, that bitch. Men shouldn't be using the word gaslighting. Okay, men shouldn't be winning arguments. Yeah, yeah. Because the minute a man wins an argument, that's an abusive relationship. Stop being mean to me. I know this sounds toxic, but I'm just trying to get him mad enough to choke me, right? I think we can get there. Okay, you guys are fun. I'm Casey. Thank you.