She Feels Like She Lives In A Hostage Situation

Brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> I guess I have a weird situation. I make $20,000 a year and I work at a bar and restaurant. My boyfriend and I, well, he owns it, but uh my rent is connected to that salary that I make. My vehicle is connected to that salary that I make. I feel like I'm kind of a hostage in this situation. >> Sweetheart, I'm glad you said it so I didn't have to. This sounds like scary manipulation. $20,000 first of all is below the poverty line. Let's start there. >> That's Yeah, that's kind of what I thought. >> And then after your rent is coming out of that and after your car payment is coming out of that. Is that right? He's paying for those two things. He bought my car and uh I drive it. He maintains it within reason. I suppose I still have to do like the major stuff on it. >> What kind of car did he buy you? >> It's a 2014 Honda CRV. >> So, not not you know, not a real luxury item here. >> How much did he spend on it? >> Expect that. >> No, I know. I'm just trying to do the math here. How much did he spend for that? >> He bought it He bought it for $8,000. >> Exactly. So, he bought you an $8,000 car. That comes out of the 20,000. So, he goes, "Now all I have to do is pay her 12." >> No. Um I I still make my my salary is 20,000. He bought me the car and um my rent is kind of included without having to pay for that salary of $20,000 a year. >> Okay. The way you worded it, I thought it was coming out of the 20. So, you're making 20 period. >> But why? >> That's it. Why are you Why would you stay at How old are you? >> I'm 28. >> Why would you stay at December? >> What's causing you to stay at a job that's paying you 20,000? That's not a living wage. >> Uh I feel like I'm barely making it by. I >> Yes. But what's causing you to stay there? >> Of course you're barely making it by, but what's causing you to stay there and not go for another job? Because you could, my point is, you could go to Target and make more >> or Walmart and make more. >> I don't have a Target around me. Uh, >> uh, >> oh, now Isabelle, don't start making excuses. Answer the question. What is keeping you Well, let me ask a back another backstory question. Are you living with him? >> Sure. >> Yes. >> Okay. >> Uh, >> okay. >> Yeah, we we've been dating for three years. >> Okay. When did the bar When did the >> Okay, hold on. When did the bar job happen? When did you start working for him? >> About four and a half years ago. >> What were you doing before that for work? >> I've I've always been a kitchen person and I now I'm kitchen manager and I >> for his bar. And is his bar is it struggling? Is he just scraping by as well or is it doing okay? Is it doing well? What do you know? Uh he makes $7,000 in a weekend. >> Okay. >> We we don't talk about finances to be honest. >> Okay. And does he pay for all of your He pays for everything except for a little bit of spending money that you have from the 20. Is he covering all your bills or are you covering other things? >> No, I'm covering other things. I'm in debt $3,500 because I was trying to help my mom because she was a single mother. >> Okay. >> And uh so complicated, but >> Okay. Well, your whole situation is complicated. How old is he? >> Uh he just turned 40. >> I had a sense of that. >> I'm not I'm not a relationship expert, nor am I going to try one, but I think this is a manipulative relationship at best. And I think that you think you can't do any better. You've been making $20,000 a year for 4 and a2 years, I'm guessing. >> Three. >> For three years. >> What would happen if I tell me honestly what would happen if today you said to him, "Hey, I'm not going to work at the bar anymore. I'm not making enough money. I found another job and I'm going to take that job instead." What would happen? >> Well, we've had that talk before and he would kick me out. I would no longer work there and I would have to find another job. >> Okay. So, there it is. >> Yeah. We got a weird >> This is that right there. Isabelle, I knew that that was the answer and I just wanted you to say it. Do you think that you can stay with somebody like that that doesn't want you to get ahead >> and and be able to stand on your own two feet? Do you think it's healthy or safe for you to be with someone like that? >> I mean, not entirely. Um, I guess what I really am trying to do is work my way out of my debt. And >> but how can you? He won't let you earn any money. He's controlling you. Yeah. >> Okay. Now, here's the answer, Isabelle. Here's the answer. The only way you work your out way you're out of debt and stay in this abusive relationship because that's what this is >> 100%. >> Um, is you're working a part-time job based on what you've told us. >> No, I I don't work a part-time job. On salary, I'm I'm 90 hours a week. >> It doesn't matter. You're working 90 hours a week to make $20,000. >> That's what I'm saying, Isabelle. I'm trying to help you understand. There is no way to work out of this. And and Jade and I and anybody on the Ramsey Show is going to tell you there's always a way to work yourself out of it, but there's no way to work yourself out of it in this situation where you're working 90 hours a week. You are an indentured servant. Look it up. That's what this guy's got you turned into. You're basically working for your livelihood. Meaning, uh, he's just going to give me rent. He got me the $8,000 car. He's got you underneath his thumb. And there's no way for you to get out of this other than you break up with this guy. >> You have to. and you go work, you go get a good job and you start over. >> Well, I I want to I want to flip the script on you in in a couple of ways. What did you think we were going to tell you if if if because you said, "You know what? I really need something. I'm going to call these folks on the radio." What were you hoping we might tell you? >> I guess I really didn't know. >> Yeah. >> We're on your side. I've been thinking it for a while and uh I I guess I maybe just needed some reassur reassurance or >> something. And then >> listen, I'm I'm going to tell you right now. Um we we love you. We do. Uh we want the best for you. You can't stay with this guy. >> No, >> you cannot. He's not going to let you get ahead. He's controlling you. And it's tough because he's 40 and you're 28 and you've been with him for 3 years and it seems like he holds all the power and all the cards because right now he does, but that doesn't mean that you can't go out and get yourself a job and get get ahead. I think that this it's like you're under a glass. >> I got to I got to say this, Isabelle, you you've been with him four and a half years. Did I hear that right? >> Well, I've been working with him four and a half, but we've been dating for three. I'm sorry. But that puts you at about 25 years of age and you've had to help your mom. You went into debt three grand to help your mom because she's a single mom. And my guess there's this abuse that runs in your past >> and I think you're terrified of becoming your mom. So this guy at 40 years of age, as manipulative as he is, >> um he represents safety for you. That's what I think's going on. And I'm going to recommend that you >> maybe Yeah. >> No, it is. It's exactly what's going on. And I I want you to go to some friends and family that that love you and ask them if you can stay with them. You get yourself a new job. Let's get on our feet financially. Go see a therapist. That's your homework assignment. But I think you got to you got to break up with this guy or I need to take a break. And you need to see yourself. You don't have to do a full breakup, but take a break. Let's let's leave. Go spend some time somewhere else and and maybe find a job. Not maybe, find a job where you can make some money. Let's see what life feels like on the other side of this cuz I think you've gotten pulled down. And if you've got any money that you can get a therapist with, go see a therapist and get a real professional opinion on this. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your