"You Have a Horrible Husband"

Xander shops all the top term insurance companies to save you money. Get started at xander.com. >> My husband has a bit of a spending problem and he's gone through our personal savings which was our um emergency fund and I'm afraid he's going to start in on our money that we have saved for a down payment on a home. And I wondered how I could >> Why does he have an outofcrol spending problem? What's he addicted to? just whatever he sees on the internet that he decides he has to have and he doesn't stop until he gets it. So, >> Oh, so he's he's a child. >> That's a good way to put it. Yeah. >> How long has he been this way? >> Um, as far as I can tell, his whole adult life. >> How long have you been married? >> Two years. >> Okay. And how old is she? >> 34. >> Okay. All right. Yeah. >> So, um, it sounds like you guys are going to enter marriage counseling or your marriage is going to end. >> I have tried to make an appointment with a marriage counselor and I'm not sure. I just wanted to protect it in the meantime so that it's not gone. I worked very hard for that down payment and um >> and he didn't >> make me sick. No, I brought it into the marriage. >> Oh, okay. Yeah. >> Well, the only thing you could do on a temporary basis is just take it out of that account and go open another account at another bank and put it in your name only. >> Yeah. I was thinking about putting a cashier's check. >> No, you just open an account in another bank. Doesn't have his name on it. He can't get to it. >> Okay. >> And of course, he won't know where it is either unless you tell him, >> right? >> And I will bring this money back into the marriage once I determine that we have a marriage. Right. >> And currently we don't because currently you are trying to destroy our lives. >> It is very disheartening with how >> it is. Yeah. It's heartbreaking. >> Yeah. >> It's it's awful. What's his response when you bring all this up? >> Um just to get angry at me and continue the argument and go down rabbit trails until we're both just like walking away like we didn't get anywhere. >> Yeah. This is not going to end well if you guys don't get some help. Okay? >> No. >> If you get some help, it can end well. It can it can be worked through. >> But you guys don't have the tools to navigate this. Nor does he have the desire right now. >> Okay. >> So, basically, he's misbehaving and when you bring it up, he starts gaslighting and you end up the you end up the problem rather than the solution. >> Yeah. I'm a disobedient wife because I >> Oh, there we go. I love that one. Let's go ahead and Christianize our stupidity. Yeah, >> that's just that's that's that's wonderful. >> Yeah. What he what he is is a horrible husband. >> That's what he is. >> So, if we're going to go disobedient wife, we're going to start calling names. We can go there. But I don't think name calling is going to help this. I think the only thing you've got is you need to move the money into your name and you need to see a marriage counselor and hopefully you can start getting some tools on how to deal with him to get him to the marriage counselor and the two of you can spend some time um u learning how to navigate this together and and stay together. And I sure hope that's what works. I sure hope that's what happens. If it's not, then you're going to have to see an attorney and use some of your down payment money on that and that's going to end the whole thing. Right >> now, can he claim that I stole the money? If I do that, >> it's your money. You brought it into the marriage and I didn't steal it. I moved it. I'm not hiding it from the judge. And I'm not hiding it from the attorney. I'm hiding it from the guy who's out of control. >> And you're not even spending it. And by the way, it's not his he it's your it's the couple's money, but the judge will determine if you having brought it into the marriage makes it subject to be split in a divorce. So, a little tough to steal something that's yours. >> Okay. Okay. That's what I was worried about. So, >> you guys have debt? >> Uh, no. Except for an orthodontist payment. >> Okay. I would freeze your credit because my fear is this guy starts taking out debt and your name's attached to it. Okay. How do you forget your credit? >> Jump on the credit bureau sites. Um, uh, and, uh, they each have, there's three of them. They each have a place to, uh, do a freeze. And I would do them directly on the sites. I would not do them through some kind of a service. >> It's like go on to Experian's website, TransUnion's website. >> TRW. That's the three. >> Okay. >> Yeah. Experian, TransUnion, TRW. Just jump on their site and do a freeze. It takes about 10 minutes and um that keeps anyone from borrowing money in your name if they check the credit bureau report. If they don't check it, then you've got a different kind of identity theft. But I'm not putting identity theft past this guy at this stage >> once he runs out of savings. >> The good news is you can you can undo every bit of this and have a combined transparent, healthy, clear, wonderful marriage once you get some healing in this situation. Okay. >> Okay. >> So, let's pretend that you called us up and you said, "Hey, my husband has spent $15,000 on cocaine in the past four months." All right. >> The advice we would give you is exactly the same advice we just gave you. >> Okay, that makes sense. >> That he has to have some help for his problem. Your marriage is in jeopardy. So, you have to have some help for your marriage. And in the meantime, you have to protect yourself from someone who's misbehaving financially. Okay. >> Okay. >> And yeah, that's what you've got to do here. And again, I'm not doing this to pre pick a fight with him. That's not the point. On the contrary, I'm trying to make all kinds of suggestions that present a situation where healing can occur. But if he persists on this and this is the only way he's willing to live his life and anytime you question his spending everything you make and then some he yells you're a disobedient wife. If that's if that's the only position this guy has, you're not going to be married in two years. You'll be done. Uh cuz sane people don't stay in situations like that. Um and you know it's just that that's just cray cray and you don't stay there. Xander is the best place to find term life insurance to protect your family.