"Your Husband Is A Wimp"

[Music] Brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> I am trying to find the way with as much grace and kindness and love as possible to get my mother-in-law on her feet and out of the camper in our backyard. >> Wow. >> Oh, cousin Eddie's in the backyard. >> And it's your mother-in-law. Wow. How long has she been there? >> Yes. Three years >> in a van down by the river. Oh my gosh. >> Wow. So, how did this how did this come about? >> Um, well, we moved here from North Dakota uh in 21. >> We did the same thing. Spent three months in a camper on my mom's property, but we're on top of employment and housing right away. And we're in a home in three months. We purchased our first home. when we've got five kids that we did it with, too, by the way. Um, >> so wait a minute. You spent time on her property? >> No, my mom. My >> Oh, your mom. >> Okay. >> My mom. Yeah. >> And a camper. >> And Yes. Yep. >> With five kids. >> And Yes. But we're at my mom's place. She had them in the house half the time. They've got 20 acres. Plenty of room to run around, play in the pond. >> And And so you were there for how long? >> 3 months. >> Okay. And then you bought a place of your own. And how did your mother-in-law end up on your place? >> So, she waited to follow us down because it's uh was a single mom only child situation with my husband and her. >> Mhm. >> And she was about a year and a half after we did it. She was like, "Oh, I think I'll do that. Sounds like a good idea. It worked really well for you." She came down was in the camper. Here she is. And I don't know how to broach the conversation at this point. >> Well, it's not with her. That's with your husband. >> Yeah, I've I've had that with him as well. Um and he he struggles there. >> He's the problem, not her. She's the symptom. >> Yeah. Yeah. He has a hard time telling his mom, "Hey, >> I love you, but it's time to Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Shocking. There's been some >> So, basically, this lady didn't really even ask permission to move on the property. She just kind of told y'all she was doing it." >> No, no, no. Well, it was a conversation, but we expected her to be quicker about it and do similar to what we did. >> Did you have an agreement that she would be quicker about it? >> No. I mean, to be completely fair on our end of things, no. Y'all just said, "Okay, that you want to come down, put the camper back there, that's okay." And that was the whole discussion. >> Yep. >> And no one's ever correct her. So, she actually she actually doesn't think she's doing anything wrong. >> Uh I mean, I I have I lost my mind on her once. I said some not so nice things. So, I'm trying to go about it more politely this time. >> Yeah. How long ago was that? >> Uh, year and a half. Oh, no, no, no, wait. No, that wasn't a year and a half. I did that. No, it was a year and a half ago. >> And your husband couldn't have been thrilled with that either. Yeah. >> No, cuz he was there when I started it. He walked away and put his hands off. >> So, now you're a year and a half removed from You lost your mind on her. Number one, she didn't move. Number two, your husband didn't force the issue. And number three, you're more pissy now than you were then. >> Actually, I'm less pissy. >> Um. >> Wow. >> Wow. I would That's pretty heavy on the pissy category, but yeah. All right. So, the uh on the on the pissy spectrum, but the uh uh >> how old is she? >> 63. >> Oh. And she has no money. >> Yeah. >> Nope. >> Okay. So, what makes you think she can move and into Why do you think she can move into a sustainable situation when she has no money? >> She's working kind of. I think I mean I know she works part-time cleaning houses and that's that's part of my issue is so I work in a middle school. I'm a paraprofessional. Um, and over the summer I'm home all summer and I was kind of tracking like how often are you leaving? What are you doing? And she's got cleaning jobs that she does, but it's not very much. I think max 20 hours a week. >> Yeah. >> And I don't know how to brooach with like I don't know how to say it lovingly cuz I don't want it to be gone. >> You're you're on the you're way up on the pesy pissy spectrum. >> So you can't say anything loving. I am not. The problem is yes, you are. There's nothing loving going to come out of your mouth. >> So um you and besides that, it's not your job. It's your wimpy husband's job. you enjoy. See, you enjoyed that too much. >> You can't do it >> because it won't work if you do it. No, there is nothing you can say or do that's going to work. The only thing that's gonna work if you want her to move is for him to have a conversation that says, "Mom, I'm gonna help you get a place and you're gonna have to get your hours up and um by by the time Christmas gets here, you're going to be hanging uh your stockings in another place or whatever it is. I don't care what the date is, but he needs to sit down with his mom. He needs to have a conversation. We were not planning to do this forever. Um, and we need to look at a timeline where you I'll help you get things going and uh let's figure out an apartment and let's get the camper sold or let's find you a little piece of ground and let's get your hours up so you have a sustainable life. She's not asking you all for money, is she? >> No. Um, and I've which one of my suggestions to him was I think that we should ask her for rent. >> No. And you don't want her to stay. >> No. Don't ask people for rent that will pay it. >> Okay. Okay, fair enough. My my thing was after x amount of time of asking for rent saying, "Okay, here's a lump sum. Not for >> you just wanted something that felt righteous in this whole deal." And so you don't want >> any I'm not going to help you with that at all. I'm just going to be practical and look that your husband has to handle this and he has to sit down and have a personal quiet conversation with his mom. And if he doesn't have a backbone, he can run down to all Walmart and pick one up on aisle three and sit down and go, "Mom, uh, we got to get you a thing that's a better life for you than a trailer in my backyard. Now, let's figure out where we can get you a place and let's figure out how many hours a month you got to work to get that done and I'll help you with your budget and even if he, you know, and I'll help you get the trailer sold so you got some money to move and so on, but you do not want >> the budget." >> I'm sorry. >> She won't accept help with the budget. She knows what she's doing with everything. >> She will if your husband sits down and says, "Mom, if you don't do this, you have to leave anyway." >> She has asked us for help and recommendations on things like what do I do with my car? And then when we give her legitimate recommendations, like slaps them all down. I have come up with lists of low-inccome and senior housing, different apartments, and said, "Hey, here's some good options. Hey, here's some good options for this. Here's some good options." >> You haven't heard a thing I said. >> I have. you, he said, "My husband, >> you came up with all these options. You are the wicked witch of the west in her eyes. She does not want anything to do with any suggestion that comes out of your mouth. You need to quit. Stop. You need to stop doing this. You're no help. You're a problem. You're not a help. Your husband, however, needs to take the list that you came up with and go sit with his mother without you around. You don't even need to be in the county when he does this." like four counties over at happy hour while he handles his mom. You cannot fix his She ain't listening to you. She had listened to you in a decade. I can promise you. She's had it with you like you've had it with her. This is not You have no grounds for persuasion with this woman. She does not think you have her best interest at heart. You know why? Cuz you don't. >> No. No. Not at all. >> So, we don't think you're a bad person. We just hear a person who's exhausted. >> You're over it. have none of those left to give. You know what I'm saying? Fix this. >> All right. Yeah. >> The only way you're going to fix this is install a backbone in your husband so baby boy deals with his mommy. >> Yeah. >> That's what's going to have to happen. >> It's the only thing you can do. And then stand back and watch and hopefully he'll wander over there and get it done. Probably not at the speed you would have. >> Yeah. >> But that's your only shot, Brandy. You can't come up with any more solutions. This a marriage problem. You and your hubs got to get together because you're a couple cocktails away from a Jerry Springer episode and and I you know none of us are above it but I think you were on your last nerve and I get it. >> It's funny though. >> It's hilarious. >> Yeah. Goodness gracious. Yeah. Hey, by the way, that's a good recipe for everybody regardless of how pissy you are, okay? or how far up the pissy spectrum you are is how about you let you the the do not fix the in-laws. Let the blood relative of the in-laws do the fixing and you stand back with suggestions way in the distance. Yeah. >> And don't let them even think the suggestion came from you. That's always a good idea. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your