Stop Giving Your Kids Weird Names. Kjell Bjorgen

Here we go, my name is Kjell. It's Kjell, it's Norwegian. Spelled K-J-E-L-L, pronounced Kjell. Yeah, I know, that's not even a joke. That's my life and people are like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm used to that, I get it. It's a weird name, it doesn't make any sense. Norwegian, but no one ever gets it right. I understand it's difficult, but the names that people come up with blow my mind. I used to wait tables at the Bubba Gump shrimp company at the Mall of America because I'm a winner. And this guy looked up, I'll never forget this. He goes, I had a name tag and my name was spelled out clearly in puffy paint. He goes, K-J-E-L-L. Is it couch? That's what he said out loud, couch. I'm like, yeah, that's my first name is couch. My parents named me couch. Damn. How did you know that the J-E-L-L part of the name is totally silent? Yeah, you nailed it. And it's pronounced ouch, too. You just whipped that in there out of nowhere. If you're in the first day of school, it was always the same annoying ordeal. You guys remember that? When teachers go through roll call and they go through all the normal names? Like, what's your name, fella? Sam, right on. Sam, S-A-M. Good for you. Well adjusted, healthy individual, huh? That's great. Parents loved you. What's your name, fella? Jordan, Jordan. That's pretty. J-O-R-D-A-N. Yeah, good for you, Jordan Cash. These are normal names, right? So teacher goes through roll call and they go through all the normal names, like Sam and Jordan. Every time they got to my name, I always knew they got to my name because it was the same stupid reaction. It was just like... Wow. Oh, this is a stumper. Is it Kill? Is there a Kill out there? That's what a teacher said, Kill. I'm like, yeah, right here, Kill. Last name is You. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. What is a love affair? Every time a meet goes, everyone does the same thing. I go, hi, my name is Chell. You guys always go, oh, Shell, like a seashell. And I go, no, it's Chell. It's like a C-H. They go, oh, Shell. I'm like, no, that's S-H. Shut up. Learn my name. My whole life is explaining my name. It's just like, it's it. I have an identical twin brother. Oh, yeah, there's more guys. Let's buckle up. I heard that. Oh, oh, over here. You're like, oh, yeah. I have a twin brother. Any twins in the audience? Let's applaud if you're a twin here. Get out of town, Sam. You're a twin? This is nuts. That's bonkers. Are you serious? You're a twin? Right on. You're identical? Fraternal? What do you got? Fraternal? So, what's his? Is it a? Max. Okay, Max. I've asked this question before. People ask these stupid questions and I was about to ask, what is his name? But it's fraternal, so it could have been a girl and that would have been a weird question to ask, right? But it's Max. Right on. So, I have a twin brother. His name is Trigvy. T-R-Y-G-V-E. Trigvy. My name is Chell. My parents' names? John and Jean. It's true. That's true. Unbelievable. Sam, what are your parents' names? Andy and Suzette. Right on. I like them. Good people, huh? Ah, what do you do? Sam, are you a student? Yeah. Right on. What does your brother do? He's a student? Yep. Good for you. Wait, do you guys go to the same school? Yep. Okay, you're making this difficult. Who's the older twin? He is. How many minutes? Two minutes. Just a nibble. The reason I ask that is my brother is older by five minutes and apparently those five minutes gave him the ability to succeed in life. Because that is, that's the case for most twins. Usually the older twin excels at everything by just a smidge. And this is true. Sam's like, this is true. You struggle with this. Your brother gets better grades and stuff. You go to the same school, so that's good, right? Yeah, you hang on. Hang in there, all right, buddy? Believe in you. Keep believing in you. My brother's better at everything. Better grades in school, better at sports. This goes back to birth. Ah, this is true. All this is true. My parents didn't know that I was coming. Yeah. They weren't expecting me. They thought they were just having my brother. That's awesome. I crashed my own birth. I crashed my own birth, right? So that's no good. So my brother comes out and I go, look at our little baby. We love him. He's got success in his eyes. This is our fella. And I put him in a nice, warm, cozy blanket. And this is what the doctor said, word for word, because this story is so true. I mean, it's so funny. Everything is true. It's so funny. It was told at every Thanksgiving dinner. The doctor said, he said, wait, there's something more. There's something more. Like I'm some beast or creature of unknown species or origin. That's a licensed physician saying there's something more. Like what? Why don't you say, hold on here. We've got some afterbirth and it's taking human form. Like I said, my brother's wrapped up in a nice, warm, cozy blanket. They put me in a bedpan. That was my, my welcome mat to the world was a bedpan. I'm like, I'm freezing. I'm freezing. Can I get some gauze or something? Anything.