Growing Up in an Interrupter Family | Ivan Decker Stand-Up Comedy

I am married. I have a wife. I think it's great. Alright, I want to tell you that. It's wonderful. So far, no notes. Love being married. A lot of people come down on it. A lot of comedians especially. I don't think so. I think if you're thinking about doing it, do it. I haven't been married that long. So far, it is a lot of being asked to retrieve something by someone who is closer to that thing than you. So if there's not enough of that in your life, tie them up. No, I am very lucky to be in the relationship with my wife. She's a fantastic cook, which I am thrilled about because I never learned how to cook. I should have. It is one of my many regrets. It's not my parents' fault. My mom tried to teach me growing up. I was arrogant. I was like, I don't need to learn this now. I know where the grocery store is. I'll figure it out. And then I tried to do that and realized that that is not possible because if you do not know how to cook, you also don't know how to shop because foods are not together in the grocery store. The grocery store is a place where someone has disassembled foods and hid the pieces all over a building. I gotta wander around the warehouse trying to reverse engineer tacos from memory. So like, I could cook, but it would just be worse. And that's no good for anybody because groceries cost the same, regardless of your skill level. I can't go over to the meat counter and be like, listen, I'm gonna ruin these steaks. I guarantee it. Any way you could knock a couple bucks off? They're pretty expensive uncooked. I'm only gonna diminish the value. But no, there's no such thing as training steaks. So my wife cooks and in exchange, I do the dishes. Yeah, I'm told this is a very common arrangement in successful couples. Cook people love to bring it up. Talk about it a lot. If you're not gonna cook, you gotta do the dishes. That's fair. That's even. That's the trade. And we'll just do that forever. And while I'm willing to do the dishes, I do not, however, agree that this is an even trade. And now I know there are dish people in this room right now that do not want to get on board with me because you are sitting with the cook person in your life. And that is fine. Stare straight ahead quietly. I'll say what needs to be said. Listen up, cooks, we hate it! We hate it the whole time. It's not satisfying or fulfilling. There's no fun new dish recipes that we get to try. It's the same pot I washed yesterday. That's how bad it is. It's not even a different pot. I haven't grown as a person. I'm the same guy I was 23 hours ago. Now just this part of my shirt is wet. And it's even worse doing the dishes for someone who is cooking and knows that they will not be doing the dishes. Because for some reason this causes them to attempt to use every possible dish. Like, oh, I'll just take this mustard and put it into a little bowl and then I'll put it in the pan. Just take it out of the jar and put it in the pan. And for goodness sake, run the spoon under some water for three seconds. Instead of just gluing it to the countertop. There you go. That lives there now. Get that off in the morning with a butter knife. Dishes is awful. And I know, I know cook people, they get upset. They're like, you don't understand. I have to shop. I have to meal plan. It's a lot harder than you think. Yeah, and then you get to have it be a part of your identity. You love cooking. You talk to other cooks about it. You go to a party and the food is good. You're like, did you make this? I did make this. Do you want to talk about it? Yes, I do. Come to the kitchen. I'll show you my spices. We can get into an argument about meat temperatures. Dish people aren't doing that. You've never gone to a party and been like, hey, this plate's pretty clean. What are you, a palm olive guy? Don? Oh, Don. That's pretty good. What side of the sponge do you do first? Yellow or green? Green side? Yellow side? I like to do yellow side. Loosen it up. Green side, then back yellow again. Talking shop. So fun. Cooks love it. They watch other people cook when they can't cook. There's a whole TV channel called the Food Network where they're like, I can't cook right now, but I'll watch other people cook. That's so fun. Even on the shows, every single competitor, they put a camera in their face. What are you going to do if you win the cooking cook contest? They all go, I'm going to buy my own restaurant so I can cook every hour of every day. I love cooking. There is not one show devoted to dishes. We don't get a show. Where do our best and brightest go to shine? There's no show called Scrubbed Top Dish. They're like, alright, under this cloth is a bunch of dirty pots and pans. You can use any side of the sponge you want. Everybody ready? It's all cast iron. No! Please pack your sponges and go. We get along well. My wife and I are very similar families. We are both from interrupter families. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations on finishing a story once in a while around your families. I'll explain how it works in case you are unaware. How it works in an interrupter family is that is when you are spending time with that family and you are talking and then someone else decides that they would like to be talking. What they do is they start talking. It does not have to be related to what you are talking about at all. They just think to themselves, I've been quiet long enough and they come in hot. And it works and there's a rhythm to it and there's always somebody talking and you never have to know how to finish a story because you are never going to get there. Who cares? But I did not know that not every family is like this. I had no idea. I had to find out that non-interrupters existed the hard way. The first time I dated a woman from a non-interrupter family I was invited over to her family's house to meet them for the first time. I started talking when I arrived and did not stop for three hours. The whole time I was like, somebody please interrupt me! I'm so thirsty! When do I eat or go to the bathroom? I don't understand the rhythms of polite society. Do you know how strange it is as an interrupter? It's very jarring to be telling a story and having everybody around the table just going... Go on. And then what happened? That is not what we are used to at all. If you're telling a story in an interrupter family, everybody around the table looks like they're waiting to get in on a skipping rope double-dutch. It's a very different vibe. And I know, I know interrupters can be intimidating for the non-interrupters. When you come over to our house, it's also very challenging, but I will let you in on a little secret that will help you and that is that when you get interrupted you don't have to stop. That's what we know and you need to be aware of this. If you're happy talking and someone interrupts you, just keep talking. It's called an interrupter power struggle and what happens is they come in and you maintain and then you both just get louder and louder and then it's up to the room to decide who wins by an eye contact vote. You bring a little democracy into the situation. And I know it can be stressful to be in the voting half of that equation as well, right? Because you don't know where to look. Everything's happening so quickly. Sometimes you're in the good one. Sometimes you want to see what's going on over here and then, oh no, they make eye contact. Now you're stuck. You're stuck on the bad half. You were having a great time over there. Now you're listening to some out-of-town uncle by marriage talk about what highway he took to get here. They're all laughing every five seconds. He's like, it took four minutes longer but we were moving the whole time. You're like, I hope someone kills you.