Memes I Found on Discord

I'm 21 and my daughter's 15. Her teachers never take me seriously. You were 6 years old when you had your daughter! YOU WERE 6 YEARS OLD WHEN YOU HAD YOUR DAUGHTER! God said if I eat it, I'll die. I didn't know her. Pinks for girls! Oh yeah? Well have pinks for girls and explain why the manliest man of all time is wearing pink in this picture. Yep, that's right. Eminem. So what's your email? Can I kiss you? Right here? Okay, real quick. Oh no, at gmail.com. Yeah, that's my email. Like Pastor Roy said, how God's so much bigger and wiser than us. And trying to see what he's thinking would be like an ant trying to see what I'm thinking. Yes, exactly. But we can trust in his wisdom and we can have faith that he is watching over us. Like me with the anthill in my backyard. I spent days watching the ants, trying to figure out which ones were good and which ones were bad. But they all just looked like ants. So I started smiting all of them. I was smiting them with the garden hose and with lighter fluid and with the lawnmower. And to be perfectly honest, I think I went a little crazy with the shovel. Those ants could have been praying to me all day. I would have heard them. There was nothing they could do about it. But I don't think... Really, it's the same with us. There's nothing we can do about anything either. So why worry about it? Hey, this is making me feel better. Oh, that's good. But I guess all we can do is live our lives with as much kindness and decency as possible. And try not to dwell on God standing over us with that giant shovel. Bye! A Boise, Idaho woman is considered a medical miracle. Laura Esterman was struck by lightning nearly a month ago, and she was considered officially dead. Thankfully, CPR from her mom revived her heart, but she laid in a coma for two weeks. And then she defied all odds and woke up. I should buy... Well, obviously, there's a problem with that tape. She doesn't really sound like that. She doesn't remember the accident, but the evidence is clear. I am so sorry. Laura's learning to walk again after the lightning burned her legs. And we'll have more on that story and hopefully get that tape fixed for you. Dog, for real, stop tripping! Who is you? Sorry, what's your name? Hey, best friend! Hey, yo, what's up? Guess what this new bitch's name is. What? Courtney! Are you for real? Like, for real, girl. That's what I'm hearing. So, you're ******* with us? No, no, she ain't ******* with us. Period. You're right, you're right. You ain't ever gonna catch us in this class. We'll be dipping. Probably getting food. Smoking a wrap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You smoke? You don't smoke? Plus, he has this. I'm scared you're gonna get caught. That's why men like me don't use voice chat. Hey, guys, what's going on? Is that a boy? Yeah, he's a boy. I think I love you, baby. Yeah? Why's that? Your voice is so hot. What's your Snapchat? Damn, and I died. It's okay, Gamer Boy. I'm proud of you, babe. Can guys just treat me normal? Like, for real, I get this every day. Oh, no! Gamer Boy's angry? Go fix my car, Gamer Boy. Can you guys just leave him alone? For real, this is why we don't talk in game. I'm sorry, Gamer Boy. I bet you smell nice. Can you shut up? Can I get your Snapchat? I'm not even attracted to girls. Happy birthday! So, uh, where's the cake? We're not having cake. Are safer drivers men or women? According to a new survey, 55% of adults feel that women are most responsible for minor fender benders, while 78% blame men for most fatal crashes. Please note that the percentage in these pie graphs do not add up to 100% because the math was done by a woman. For those of you hissing at that joke, it should be noted that that joke was written by a woman. So, now you don't know what the hell to do, do you? No, I'm just kidding. We don't hire women. This is the boy that broke my heart when I was 17. She took our breakup pretty hard. I cried for weeks and weeks. We shared one awkward kiss and then... We ended it the next day. And eight years later, we met for lunch. I gave him a chance to explain. He said... I'm gay. I'm gay, sis. What a plot twist. I'm gay. And she still wouldn't be in my time if I were strict. Kanye, did she put her fingers up your booty? Stop manipulating me! Stop! Stop! This morning, I woke up. Today and this morning. And the morning I woke up this morning, I woke up. And remember that every morning that I wake up, I woke up that ******* day! Just remember that. What? Shit, you didn't hear that. I graded you. And you graded me. Spider-Man, **** this guy's ass. What? Yeah, **** him up. Come on. What are you talking about? Kiss his dick. How's it going? You didn't get sick? Nah. How much you weigh? Eight pounds. That's a lot of weight. Swimming. The best exercise. I just love my dog. My brother told me how to taste. Hi, nice to meet you. Starting from today, I'm here as your new personal companion. How can I serve you today, my dear? Let's have a baby now. Right now. I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man. Let me tell you something. Alright. Let me tell you. I only drink Mountain Dew and Dr. Pepper and Pepsi. I don't drink Mountain Dew because I heard it makes your penis... What song should we sing next? Huh? Finish your sentence? What sentence? I have a dream. My poor little children. Boy, that's ever gonna happen. Do it. Don't do it. Don't do a body paint. You don't have to do it. God damn it. Don't be afraid to think outside the box. Don't be afraid to fail big. To dream big. But remember... Mama. Mama, come over here. Mama, where are you? In the name of Jesus. Why does it make me laugh when I'm kissing you? Because anyone here would. Really? Yeah, I bet. Watch this. Just remember, how you leave this house is how you come back. War is undeniably bad. Now, yes, there's some people who say... What do you know about war, little man? You weren't there with us. 2018, Tilted Towers. You didn't see what we saw. Man, this ---- make me laugh. Master Candy, is that you? Oh, what do you want me to do today? Oh, okay. I'll get on it. I'll get on it, sir. Please do. Thank you. Mr. Candy's being a little too nice today. This universe is finite. Its resources finite. If life is left unchecked, life correct. Why is that man so angry? Hello. Goodbye. He's so scary. Goodbye. Real talk, I'm ******* the ---- out of Nala Lion King. Nigga, what?