Kristen Wiig's Greatest Impressions

Zoey, hey. Thanks for that singing telegram you sent me. It was such a fun surprise to open my door and see Joseph Gordon-Levitt. This is so fun. I'm having a moment of such exhilarated freedom. The apocalypse may destroy the earth, but the one thing that it can't destroy is... Alright, well, that was fun. The four horsemen of the apocalypse. I just hope they have four huge horse... You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment and a nice big stock portfolio. For me, it's a fireman with a nice big hose. What about you, kid from Modern Family? Lights, camera, activia. First, the bad news. 87% of women suffer from digestive issues like occasional irregularity. Now, the good news. I just discovered... 25 years ago, Robert Zemeckis took us on a journey back in time. And now, you can take that journey again with the 25th anniversary DVD of Back to the Future, including never-before-seen screen tests. Jennifer Tilly, take one. Why do you keep calling me Calvin? Well, that's your name, isn't it? Calvin. It's written all over your underwear. Okay, maybe play a little more natural? Sure. Calvin Klein. It's written all over your underwear. That is great. Charmed, charmed, charmed, charmed. She's a great little actress, you know. So, what have you been in this, uh... Olive, olive, olive. Call me Olive, honey. And now, Anne Margaret tries to throw away a wad of paper into a trash can. Let's make this happen. It's over here, actually. Yeah, you did a great job, Anne. Oh, there's someone at the door. And now, an intimate moment with John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. Iconoclasts. New York and Charles Barkley. In my dreams, my fingers are made of butter. There is, um, question and answer, the different voices inside your music. It's almost like, um, like Pinocchio. Look, Charles Barkley, I have a magic book. Girl, that's a menu. You never been to the Cheesecake Factory? Look, it's snowing. Damn, you're like Dennis Rodman if he was a tiny white lady. It's the Real Housewives of Disney. The Magic Kingdom is my playground, and I like to play. I'm the fairest of them all, until you cross me. I don't need to run a land to get what I want. I'm a huge p*** mess. Ladies, um, I'm starting a charity to help raise money for dwarves. Uh, because they need our help, because they're not real people. I cannot believe she did that. Dwarves are my thing. And they're not people? She said that right in front of Doc. Jasmine and Aladdin are broke. They used up all their wishes. I heard he spent the last one on a lap dance. And not all their princes are charming. Hi, ladies. Hi, Sim. Here's some good advice. Never marry a guy who's really into shoes. Do things your own way. Someday I'll get this princess thing right. Now, ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce the African queen herself, Catherine Hepburn! I'm here, and my sacred Santa gift is a tree. I'm telling you because I don't care for secrets. It's an all-way spruce that I cut down myself in Connecticut. You dragged a tree from Connecticut to Burbank? Oh, I don't care for planes, Vincent, and I despise trains. I like brisk walks and good exercise. You mean you want to go on? Naturally. I never dreamed that any mere physical experience could be so stimulating. Madonna was denied in her attempt to adopt another baby, this time from the African nation of Malawi. If you're a celebrity, adopting a child is not a very private thing, unfortunately, because it's something that involves the government. I love babies, but I especially love getting babies from crazy places. And Malawi is pretty much the most exotic place in the world to get a baby. A fancy, spicy, brown baby. It's okay. I mean, I'm an artist, and I get to do what I want. I'm an adult, and bitch, I'm Madonna. That one-hit bitch tried to steal my thunder, but she couldn't. She's an amateur. If you want to shock people, you need more than the middle finger. I should know. I'm Madonna. I always feel better with something hard between my legs. Bitch, I'm Madonna. Can you believe I'm old enough to have a daughter who's getting divorced? No, you can't, because my surgeries worked. I know a lot of people think that Kim got married just to earn over $17 million from the wedding, but that's not true. She also got married for attention. What do I have to do for attention? Kill somebody? It's been really hard. All week, we've just been crying and getting our anuses bleached. If you get two, the third anus is free. I get the free one. Right? Four sisters. I would dream to be able to get up and do this every single day. My Norway spruce has a stowaway. You brought a wild animal onto the set? Oh, this raccoon's got some fight in him. I killed it, I did.