"There's a Fight Every Time We Budget"

[Music] brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. We've gotten started on the budget and everything. We started using the Every Dollar app right away. Um it seems like though that once we get it, we've gotten things kind of ironed out in the budget. But now it always feels like there's a fight every time we go to discuss the budget. Um, mostly because she feels like I just make the budget and then go over it with her, but she always feels like I just make it and don't give her any input. Mhm. Okay. So, you're the you're like me. You're the nerd in the house and she's the free spirit. Yeah, I guess so. Cuz for like the last six years, we didn't even do a budget. I would just work and she would take care of the bills. And so, I've kind of taken that role. Sure. But if we were to ask you who the detail organized person is in your house that actually kind of has a love affair with spreadsheets, it would not be her. No, it would not. It would be you. Okay, that's my point. Okay, so um you know, we used to do this long riff in Financial Peace University about nerds and free spirits. And one of the things we would teach the nerds is once you lay the budget out, slide it across the table to her. And rule number one is shut up. You're not allowed to talk. You're allow only allowed to force her to talk. Rule number two is the free spirit must change some things in your perfect little budget. Otherwise, it's not our budget, it's your budget, and that's what she's griping about. Am I hearing you right? Yes, to some degree. Um, what am I missing? But I guess my thing is because once we do it and we discuss it, I'll ask her, you know, is there anything that she needs that she sees we need to change? And she'll be like, well, it's what it is. And she'll just kind of go along with whatever we did. Well, that's just immature pouting, you know, because then later she get immature pouting. She's having a little girl fit. Why is she doing that? Well, I can't I can't say anything. Even though you told me to say something, I can't say anything. Did you smack her down every time she made a suggestion? I didn't smack her down, but sometime But basically my point I I'll say, "Well, we have to take money from something else to be able to apply that to that other account, right? Where which where do you want to where do you want to do that?" Cuz this has to balance when we're done. So which account, honey, if you want to raise the grocery budget by $75, which account do you want to take $75 out of? Yeah. And and that's what I tell her. How old is she? How old? She's 48. Why is she acting like she's 14? This is I mean cuz you're act Unless you're really being abrasive or something in this and I don't hear that in your voice. This pouting doesn't make sense. Does she just feel like it's restrictive and it's just not a fun thing to do to some degree? Yes. If we got her on the phone right now and we said, "Okay, share your side." What would she tell us that you're not telling us? Um, probably she feel she feels like I'm to some degree because I'm I've asked her if she can because she's on stage four cancer. Um, well, there's a detail. Let's not bury the lead there. She's going through something, but she is stable. And so, she could go out and she's on disability, so she could, you know, so basically we've asked if she could go out and work a couple of days a week doing Uber Eats. and she's agreed that yeah, she could do that. But then it's like every week there's no there's no she goes out and she'll work all day with her sister her or her daughter and then next thing you know she can't do anything for two days because she's all completely exhausted. That would be too. I'm like, I just need a little bit of help, you know, to increase our budget just a little bit because right now we're set to be by 12 to 18 months to be a consumer debtree. Dave is a gas. I I absolutely apologize to your wife for calling her a whiner in stage four cancer. And I have discovered that now you are the whiner. and she won't work for me and she won't do what I want her to do. And she goes is with her sister. Oh my god, son. Did you hear yourself? Seriously. And I I don't have an issue with her going and doing stuff for Yeah, you do. She She would have been working for me in the budget. Instead, she went and helped her sister and now she's too exhausted with her stage four cancer. Bless her heart. Oh my god, man. No wonder she doesn't want to talk to you. I'm serious. So now I really you guys need to sit down with someone and start working on your relational skills, the two of you, as you navigate through getting out of debt and more importantly continuing to beat stage 4 cancer. Man, bless her heart. She's really I can't think of anything more devastating to try to work your way through than that. And um that's that's state that that's thing one. Beat cancer. get out of debt is way down the list after be cancel. If it's delayed by six months because she can't go Uber Eatats a few hours a week, that's okay. Yeah, we'll move at a slower pace. It it is fair for you to do a better job of drawing her in and getting agreement on the budget. It is no wonder she doesn't want to do that when you throw Uber Eats at a stage four cancer woman as the way to fix the budget. No wonder she doesn't want to vote in this thing because because the situation's unreasonable. So you just say, "All right, honey. I I want to make sure more than anything we take care of you. And given that this is how much money we have because you're not able to do a lot of stuff right now, and I understand that. So this is how much money we have. How do you want to spend the money?" That's us agreeing on the budget, not you cracking the whip on her and making sure she goes out earns some money to in the middle of this medical situation. So, oh man. Yeah. Wow. If you want to create Well, I miss him occasionally, George. I missed that one. That one Well, I mean, that one drove past me. I never saw coming. You would never assume that. Did you have Admittedly, the lead was buried? Yes, we had no idea, but Oh my gosh. Well, okay. So, here's the deal. Let's kind of recoup for just a second away from Adam's situation. In general, my wife is the free spirit and it is not her nature to do conflict. She does not want to enter into discussion about where the money goes or whatever. It's easy for her to say whatever you want to do, honey, which is a copout. And so I we've learned over the 30 years of doing this that we say no, that's not an okay answer. You have to give input. You have to take ownership and you have to change some things in the budget so that you are in agreement with this wholeheartedly, not with your lips stuck out. And I've got to as a the nerd, I've got to back off and give her lots of emotional and conversational room to make be comfortable and safe in making those changes. But if every time she suggests a change, I sigh loudly and roll my eyes, that probably is not going to invite change. Yeah. And honest input. You're never going to get to unity through apathy. So you you've got to have people who care about this. That's a line. Tweet that line. I'll tweet that. Just keep Is Twitter still exist? Are we still doing that? X or whatever the flip they call it, but pre Elon, I don't know. Yeah. So anyway, that Yeah, never going to get to unity through apathy. You got to have two people who care. It's a directed at the free spirit right there in general. Plus or minus stage four cancer. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your