“You Should Have Never Done This”

[Music] brought to you by the every dooll app start budgeting for free today so my question is how do my husband and I navigate the very strain relationship we now have with his family after multiple instances of disloyalty and dishonesty so my father-in-law needs to repay a loan of $100,000 to us and hasn't done it yet it's been 2 years now and 4 months ago the in-laws and my husband wanted to start a new business they actually own a family business and that was around the time when we moved into our new home they so the house and a couple of days later asked my husband to put our house up as their loan guarantee for their new business as it was worth around 2 million dollar and oh my husband wouldn't be the business owner but just an employee so since then the relationship I assume your husband said no my husband went he was so angry he said not only no but now pay us back our $100,000 straight away and now he's just keep distancing himself from them which I totally understand but how do we navigate this situation how do we get the $100,000 back I I have no idea wow when the uh is there any documentation or legal contracts on the $100,000 or was this a handshake the bank oh no when we did the bank transfer we um it literally shows up as loan to XYZ on that doesn't matter I mean they didn't sign a note they didn't sign a contract with you to repay um no it was just aable so it's a handshake and you wired them the money okay yeah all right um and was there any uh discussion at the time as to what the repayment terms would be um yes at the time they said that as soon as they sell their house because they had a secondary house that they didn't use as soon as they sell their house they're going to pay us back but they and they did and then they did sell their house then they did sell their house no no they didn't but they've had multiple offers they just keep turning them down okay offers that match their asking price okay all right yeah um wow W you got yourself in a pickle didn't you yeah I know I know and now my husband is feeling a bit guilty and he's he keeps asking me if is he a good person cuz he told his dad now to repay everything back and yes she's yes he's a good person his dad is not yeah well the mom's getting involved in telling everybody that we are money minded and we are keeping our kids I don't care what they told you what they tell people what they tell people doesn't matter they don't really get a vote because they're the people that don't pay bills and and propose absurd business things they don't get a vote anymore they lost their vote what they tell people or what they think is irrelevant agreed yes other than it hurts your husband's feelings but I mean that his dad's being a twerp to him but yeah John are are y'all of mean Stacy you live in a $2 million house I'm assuming youall have money yes yes this is easy for me to say on this side of the of the ocean but you're probably not going to get that money back and just your husband making laps around the living room every night existentially wondering if he's a good person is he cosing his relationship with his dad is yada I don't know yes exactly what's happening I can imagine there here's the deal he your father-in-law needs to pay back the money he's probably not going to um he probably can't and yall Now Dave and I have been talking about this forever Dave for three decades before I even showed up when you loan a family member money you change the nature of your relationship together now you are invested in them accepting an offer on their house right that that's an that's an that's a transaction that should be between them and their any potential seller and what they want to do whether they want to keep two houses or not but now you're invested in it and you are now judging from afar their interactions but it's because y'all loaned them money yeah right so now there's there the whole thing's a mess I can see a world where your husband sits down with his dad and says Dad I got mad I blew my top what's reasonable for repayment and there's also a thing where he says dude this is a gift I'm writing it off I'm moving on with my life what's your all's net worth um I think about 11 million okay um so one possibility is take a deep breath call Dad and say Dad I shouldn't have loaned you this money without any documentation I made a huge mistake it's costing us our relationship I'm not going to do any business with you because I can't really trust you on transaction but um we still do want to have dinner with you we still want to interact with you um and um we're going to forgive this loan forget it don't worry about it your life won't change one instant if you do that except you'll be free right now you guys spend are burning $10 million worth of calories over 100 Grand true yeah you could let it go for your sake you could that's one possibility the second possibility is almost do that but just let it go but don't say anything and just forget it walk away and then if it if they do pay you let that be just like a pleasant surprise but don't even have a conversation with them about it just forget it and just walk away but you guys are it's destroying y'all it's you know they're sitting over there smiling you're sitting over here freaked out but again and if I'm in your shoes I'm also going to own my part of this and the only part of this I really would call you to out on is um you should never have done this transaction and if you were going to do the transaction you should have had a lot more business-minded about it handshake on a 100 Grand is ridiculous yeah and so you ask for it so when I do something stupid and it costs me money I call it stupid tax so I think you paid a hundred grand in stupid tax it's just a matter of when when you want to pay it whether you want to tell them today or whether you want to just forget it and say I I'm going to pretend like this never happened I'm not even going to bring it up in my mind again we're not going to bring it up in our marriage again we're not going to ever do business with these people in any scenario but we can be kind to them they're they're blood family I I I like option one I like the O there there's something about owning it and calling dad and mom and saying I shouldn't have done this I did it and y'all are free from it and we'll be over for dinner on Sunday move on with my life and for you regular people it would be like if you loan them a 100 bucks or a, bucks right right or a th000 bucks you you people that don't have $1 million so just just kind of it's all it's all about ratios here okay so for some people don't loan family members money give it to them or say no thank you y period create your free every dooll budget today the simplest way to budget for your life