5 Things I Wish I Knew Before Trying Dating Apps

A recent study done shows that men swipe right 60% of the time on women of the same status as them or below, but women only swipe right 4% of the time to men of the same status as them or above. Now, are we being too picky or are we just using dating apps in completely the wrong way? Online dating is a fantastic complement to your overall dating strategy and today I'm going to show you 5 things I wish I knew before I started dating online that will show you how to date so it's not time consuming, energy zapping and just overall awful. And stick around to the end of the lesson because I'm going to share with you my personal online dating strategy that works for me and my clients. And if you're new to this channel, welcome. My name is Amy and I help conscious women who get anxious in love and attract unhealthy relationship patterns to really feel secure, confident and safe in their body so they can date to create a healthy relationship with the person that they deserve. And if you want more content on this topic, please subscribe to my channel. Click the bell button so you get the notification because I'm posting new lessons like this every week. Now, before we begin, I want to let you know that a few places have opened up on my calendar with me and my team for the Love by Design program. If you want to know more about how to apply for that, please stick around to the end of the lesson. So, the first tip is to know your purpose before you even get started because online dating really exists to widen your pool and network of people that you can potentially match with. And if you hardly swipe right, if you're just doing the 4%, you're really shooting yourself in the foot because that is the actual purpose of online dating, to widen your pool. So, if you're committing to the online dating process, I really recommend for you to swipe right more often and really give your potential matches the benefit of the doubt that they're just not good at taking photos of themselves or choosing photos of themselves or really effectively representing themselves well on the platform. And leave the sorting process to the texting stage. Swipe right more and just let yourself sort later on down the line. And also check in with your internal purpose. Should you even be online? Are you in a position to be dating online? Is it your season to be investing time into this process? Because it is a process and it does take time. Or are you just on there for a distraction? Are you a little bit lonely or bored? If that's the case, do yourself a favor and take your dating sabbatical and just spend some time with yourself. Because that is going to filter through and you are not going to find the person that you want to be with if that's your mindset going into it. And also know the purpose of the dating app in your overall dating strategy. What other things are you also doing in order to meet people and put yourself out there? What new events are you going to or hobbies you're trying or new places and experiences you're going to? And when you're there, how are you practicing making eye contact and approaching people that you don't know? What are the lines that are your go-to to start having conversation with people? These are all aspects of organic dating that you need to also have and be practicing. So don't just simply rely on online dating for your only dating experience. The second tip is to stick to the process. Really decide on a strategy and stick with it. Decide on what your goal is. Is your goal to go on one to two dates a week? Or is your goal to really date outside your type and get to know different types of people? Set a goal and just stick with it. And it's all a learning experience for you, right? How you are with others to really get yourself out of your comfort zone and to break old patterns from the past. And you'll never waste your time doing this because you'll always be gaining clarity and growing as a person based on all of these experiences. And if you are really committed to healthy dating, you're really only looking at friendship and how you connect with different people on a friendship level. So that should be your only interest in the bond at this point. So be focused on the process of effectively just gaining a whole lot of new friends and potentially finding some people to date further with rather than focusing on this outcome of just trying to find the one. The third tip is to be secure in your worth. We really have this tendency to externalize our worth based on our experience on the app and the quality of our matches. And we also have a tendency to personalize rejection. But rejection is actually a part of the process of you sorting and getting a little bit closer to someone who is really suitable for you. So please use the app, don't let it use you. And the way you do that is really to stick with tips number one and two. And to not get into this rabbit hole of really going down the high highs of having these great matches and the low lows of having these low matches and letting that affect your sense of worth and your happiness in your life. And a part of this also is to not lower your standards based on the pool out there. It just might not be the right time for you to meet someone online if the general standard or quality just isn't where you're at. It's not a sign for you to change or alter what your standards are. It's a sign for you to just be patient, stick with the process or have a break completely. Tip number four is to understand the numbers. And I've already mentioned this in the introduction. The point of the app is to increase the pool of people you're connecting with. So if you're only swiping right on a really small number of people, you are already misusing the app. So swipe right on more people than you usually would, assume that they're not good at taking photos and representing themselves well on their profile, and just leave the sorting part up to the texting process, meeting up with them for a coffee or a Zoom to really do the vibe check because that's when you get to really sort. The more people you vibe check with, the sooner you're going to match eventually with someone that you want to date further. So don't be the bottleneck in your own dating app experience. Swipe right more often. Get rid of that subconscious filter that's running, that's projecting onto these profiles that all these people just aren't right for you. And swipe right more often and just allow yourself to go through the process. And tip number five, the most important one is to be honest with yourself and with them. Communicate frequently about what you want. And yet, even though if you put it on your profile, people are still going to match with you and they won't have read your profile. So keep communicating again in the texting stage and when you're chatting with them, what you want, what you're looking for, and check with where they're at. And be honest with yourself. If they're not a fit for you, don't compromise based on their looks. And if you're really just physically attracted to them and just wanting that kind of physical connection but you don't see them as a relationship potential, be honest about that. Don't try and fit a square peg into a round hole, particularly if they've told you that they're not looking for something. Don't attach yourself to their potential of what they might change their minds to have later on down the line, because you are only going to get yourself really hurt. So self-honesty is really important. Communication is super, super important, as well as point number one in this video, which is to know your purpose. And again, don't always expect honesty from them, right? Their actions aren't always going to match their words. And let's keep our expectations low here, because trust is really built up over time and you can only take time to really see how someone matches and aligns their actions with their words. So a great strategy that I've developed that really works well for me and my clients is this kind of cyclical nature of apps. If you download an app and you jump online, you create your profile and you just spend a couple of days or a week matching with people and you might find yourself to have a bunch of people that you're interested in talking further with, what you're going to do is once you've collected those matches, just send out a template of a greeting and make it reasonably interesting. Use paragraphs if that's important to you, it is important to me, and make it as personable as you can. Sometimes I send out between 40 and 50 of these or maybe just a dozen, and I generally get back about 20% of people communicating with me. And that's when I keep chatting with them, texting back and forth to kind of really see what the vibe is via text. And then if I like the vibe there, then I'll ask them for a Zoom or a coffee date. Don't wait for them to ask you, you're in charge of your process here and stick to the process. And so you might then find yourself going out on a handful of dates, maybe meeting up with them in person, and out of those couple of dates, if none of those people you're interested in dating further, then you just go back to the beginning and you might want to take a little bit of a break. And if there is one or two people that you really like that you want to date further, go ahead and pace your dating experience with them, and I want you to watch this video to learn how to pace better. But if you're not following through with at least some kind of strategy, it is time to take a break because we can get really burnt by dating apps, they can be exhausting. And if you don't have that fresh mindset, and if you don't have that energy to put into it, that is actually going to bleed on through to interactions with other people. And for those people out there that are potentially fantastic matches for you, it's going to affect their perception of you as well, and we don't want that. So in this video, I've given you five tips to dating online using apps. But if you're interested in knowing how to actually clear the subconscious blocks that are getting in the way of you really finding someone either online or organic, I want you to join me in my free training, The Proven Three Steps to Creating a Secure Relationship. The link to join in that is in the description below. I also have a free Facebook group, I'd love for you to join me and come and get involved in the lives that we do there regularly. And if you like this video, please click the like button, it will really help this channel out in the algorithm. And if you wanted to apply for the free one-to-one strategy with me and my team for the Love by Design program, which is the only way that I work with clients, please click the calendar link in the description below, you can find a time and chat with me there. In the meantime, here are some next step videos for you to watch so that you can move one step closer to having an incredibly secure relationship with yourself and with the partner you desire. And for now, I will see you in the next video.