Why David Spade hates flying

I took a private jet recently and I'm only bragging because I rarely do. So I got one juicy plane. These guys flew me to a gig in Jackson Hole. I was so stoked. I took my friend. We're on the flight and I'm like finally a juicy jet and I get to live the hybrid hooker life. So I'm on there and I'm sitting there and it's going well and then the pilot comes out. Is this joker smoking? And he goes here's what's going on uh we're about 30 away and it's gonna get real bad. It's gonna get real bad. What do you mean well well well how? Well there's 130 mile an hour winds and there's a full snowstorm. So it's gonna get real bad. But you know what? I say we go for it. You say we're gonna go for it? What does that mean? Is this scary? Should we not do it? And then it's like wham wham. I go doosh doosh. I'm locked in like a bronco. My diet coke hits the ceiling. Terrified. Terrified. And then it stops for one second. So I go I'm already sick. I go up. I go hey earlier and he goes what? I'm the customer. You don't yell at me. He said something earlier about going for it. We don't have to go for anything. Like who cares. Hey listen if there's even a hundred feet of visibility above the tarmac we can legally land. Legally? That sounds bad. I don't want to legally. We got a 10 second window. Sit down. I go god damn why do I keep doing what you said? So I sit down and then it's wham wham wham wham. Can't believe how scary it is. And then we look out the window. It's snow snow snow and then blank and then we hit. I go did we crack? No we landed? Oh my god. Oh my god I lived. And I get on the tarmac. It is a solid mile of nothing. There is no other plane within a mile. And I go what's happening? And then these two crew guys just go like this. I go what happened? Dude you just popped out of the clouds. I go what do you mean? It just popped out from about 20 feet up. You just appeared. Where is everybody? He goes oh man 37 planes had to divert. You're the only one that landed. Shut up. I go why'd they divert? I hear behind me because they're pussies. You guys thank you for having me.